Elf

guys

i think i have depression

i… do not like this. i did my research. i know what can cause it, i know the symptoms.

i’m still just a kid… my parents probably wouldn’t be happy if i told them.

i’ll probably tell them anyway, and tell my therapist so she can help me.

hopefully i can recieve either a diagnosis of it or a diagnosis of not having it from my doctor soon.

i… don’t want to have depression. but after the things that have happened to me, it’s not surprising.

im scared. a double whammy of depression AND anxiety is… not fun.

help.

guys

i think i have depression

i… do not like this. i did my research. i know what can cause it, i know the symptoms.

i’m still just a kid… my parents probably wouldn’t be happy if i told them.

i’ll probably tell them anyway, and tell my therapist so she can help me.

hopefully i can recieve either a diagnosis of it or a diagnosis of not having it from my doctor soon.

i… don’t want to have depression. but after the things that have happened to me, it’s not surprising.

im scared. a double whammy of depression AND anxiety is… not fun.

help.

Okayyy i know this is the second su but look what i did 

I love it, ive wanted a nose ring since forever

Okayyy i know this is the second su but look what i did 

I love it, ive wanted a nose ring since forever

soooo the movie free guy is reaaaally funny

soooo the movie free guy is reaaaally funny

MONSOON HATH ARRIVED AGAIN 

And this time i have no school to speak of and college is months away 

That means like 2 months of only books and tea and music in rainy weather

I LOOOOOOOVE RAIN 

AND IM SORRY BUT RAINY SEASON DEMANDS LATE NIGHT READING 

can you imagine 

the world illuminated by silvery moonlight, comfortable pajamas, a hot cup of fruity tea, a fictional world dancing in your mind while music soothes your ears, the pages cast in a soft glow of your phone light and on top of that, rain pelting the windows broken up only occasionally by crackling thunder and lightening? 

Ahhh

2 years!?? 

How has it been 2 years already 

So here goes 

@Szeth's Facepalm heyyy friend! You are an amaaaaazing person and i am very glad to know you! Thank you having my back and introducing me to the masterpieces that are The Magnus Archives and Arcane <33 

@Morningtide KAZ KAZ KAZ KAZ KAZ. You too, friend, are an amazing person and the world is better for having you in it :)) hopefully we can continue to bond over our shared interest in morally heinous (and incredibly hot) characters

@Edema Ruh KVOTHE KVOTHE KVOTHE KVOTHE. (AND KAZ) 

You have an incredible taste in books and media, and talking to you always makes me smile. Thanks for being there for me :)) 

@CalanoCorvus hey friend who is my age but also slightly older, and no I am not jealous what are you talking about 

Heheh 

Anyhoo you are an amazing guitar player and writer, and always fun to talk to. Your love for Luna gives me hope that humanity may not be so crem filled after all. It is also incredibly cute! 

@Szeth_PancakesHiya! I will never forget the day you introduced me to Nevernight, which is still one of my top book series of all time! Thanks for that, and again you are incredible person and joyous to interact with! I am lucky to have you as a friend. 

@Thaidakar the Ghostblood you are one snark filled, funny, witty, person! You were one of the very first people i interacted with on the Shard :DD much thanks for accepting me as a friend.  

@Robin Sedai We don't interact all that too much anymore but you've always been a good, fun person and truly a bit of an inspiration to me. Thank you <33

Im sure there's many more but im working on 5 hours sleep alright heh 

I also thank everybody else on this wonderful website!

Lastly, i also want to give a shout out to all the mods and admins that make this place so worthwhile and provide an opportunity for like minded people to find each other. Thank you all very, very much. You all are much like the Knight Radiants of the Stormlight Archive.

May Harmony be with you. 

So...

I can't control myself very well. 

Well, enough to not get fifty more copies of LotR. Not enough though, apparently. I may have got the deluxe edition of Dune, even though I have the leather-bound barnes and nobles edition and the paperback. 

Barnes and nobles is dangerous.

I also got Darkstalker, the only Wings of Fire book I now own. My favorite of those books.

So...

I can't control myself very well. 

Well, enough to not get fifty more copies of LotR. Not enough though, apparently. I may have got the deluxe edition of Dune, even though I have the leather-bound barnes and nobles edition and the paperback. 

Barnes and nobles is dangerous.

I also got Darkstalker, the only Wings of Fire book I now own. My favorite of those books.

An ode to Sister 

Disappointment. 

it greets me everytime we talk. No, not truly everytime. But time enough. "Look at me," I scream. 

why do you never see me? Why do only see duty? Maybe you do love me, i cannot know your heart. But it takes more than love to make a relationship healthy. I know that now. I know yoh will never be good for me. 

why then, do i seek your approval? Why do i hurt myself like you hurt me? Why do i be a pillar for you, when you crumble like a sandcastle when i lean on you? why do i allow myself to ge swept away in the good days and never remember the bad? Why do i crack myself to heal you? 

this is not love. 

i say, no more. 

today, i choose to be kind to myself. 

and tomorrow to. 

and the tomorrow after that  

all the tomorrows to come. 

it will not be easy. I will drown some days, and the earth will press down on me at others. Dirt muffling my cries. 

but since you won't lift a hand to me, ill lift one to myself. 

i will not allow you to make me cold. I will not allow hate and anger to fester and trap. I am sick of dancing in shackles. 

if all the world's a stage, then its up to me to play as beautifully as i can. My light will dazzle and lift. 

and each day i will spend, living.  

For while sunshine on a twinkling ocean is what it means to be alive, so are the tears, the breakdowns, the washing of the world in black. 

and i will embrace both 

as fully as i can.

An ode to Sister 

Disappointment. 

it greets me everytime we talk. No, not truly everytime. But time enough. "Look at me," I scream. 

why do you never see me? Why do only see duty? Maybe you do love me, i cannot know your heart. But it takes more than love to make a relationship healthy. I know that now. I know yoh will never be good for me. 

why then, do i seek your approval? Why do i hurt myself like you hurt me? Why do i be a pillar for you, when you crumble like a sandcastle when i lean on you? why do i allow myself to ge swept away in the good days and never remember the bad? Why do i crack myself to heal you? 

this is not love. 

i say, no more. 

today, i choose to be kind to myself. 

and tomorrow to. 

and the tomorrow after that  

all the tomorrows to come. 

it will not be easy. I will drown some days, and the earth will press down on me at others. Dirt muffling my cries. 

but since you won't lift a hand to me, ill lift one to myself. 

i will not allow you to make me cold. I will not allow hate and anger to fester and trap. I am sick of dancing in shackles. 

if all the world's a stage, then its up to me to play as beautifully as i can. My light will dazzle and lift. 

and each day i will spend, living.  

For while sunshine on a twinkling ocean is what it means to be alive, so are the tears, the breakdowns, the washing of the world in black. 

and i will embrace both 

as fully as i can.

An ode to Sister 

Disappointment. 

it greets me everytime we talk. No, not truly everytime. But time enough. "Look at me," I scream. 

why do you never see me? Why do only see duty? Maybe you do love me, i cannot know your heart. But it takes more than love to make a relationship healthy. I know that now. I know yoh will never be good for me. 

why then, do i seek your approval? Why do i hurt myself like you hurt me? Why do i be a pillar for you, when you crumble like a sandcastle when i lean on you? why do i allow myself to ge swept away in the good days and never remember the bad? Why do i crack myself to heal you? 

this is not love. 

i say, no more. 

today, i choose to be kind to myself. 

and tomorrow to. 

and the tomorrow after that  

all the tomorrows to come. 

it will not be easy. I will drown some days, and the earth will press down on me at others. Dirt muffling my cries. 

but since you won't lift a hand to me, ill lift one to myself. 

i will not allow you to make me cold. I will not allow hate and anger to fester and trap. I am sick of dancing in shackles. 

if all the world's a stage, then its up to me to play as beautifully as i can. My light will dazzle and lift. 

and each day i will spend, living.  

For while sunshine on a twinkling ocean is what it means to be alive, so are the tears, the breakdowns, the washing of the world in black. 

and i will embrace both 

as fully as i can.

An ode to Sister 

Disappointment. 

it greets me everytime we talk. No, not truly everytime. But time enough. "Look at me," I scream. 

why do you never see me? Why do only see duty? Maybe you do love me, i cannot know your heart. But it takes more than love to make a relationship healthy. I know that now. I know yoh will never be good for me. 

why then, do i seek your approval? Why do i hurt myself like you hurt me? Why do i be a pillar for you, when you crumble like a sandcastle when i lean on you? why do i allow myself to ge swept away in the good days and never remember the bad? Why do i crack myself to heal you? 

this is not love. 

i say, no more. 

today, i choose to be kind to myself. 

and tomorrow to. 

and the tomorrow after that  

all the tomorrows to come. 

it will not be easy. I will drown some days, and the earth will press down on me at others. Dirt muffling my cries. 

but since you won't lift a hand to me, ill lift one to myself. 

i will not allow you to make me cold. I will not allow hate and anger to fester and trap. I am sick of dancing in shackles. 

if all the world's a stage, then its up to me to play as beautifully as i can. My light will dazzle and lift. 

and each day i will spend, living.  

For while sunshine on a twinkling ocean is what it means to be alive, so are the tears, the breakdowns, the washing of the world in black. 

and i will embrace both 

as fully as i can.

Well, today is my Shardiversary. It's hard to believe that it's been a year, but at the same time it's hard to believe it's only been a year. It's been an adventure, for sure!

Recently, I've found myself increasingly reflective as I prepare to graduate high school and depart from my home. It's a melancholy time, but it's also filled with hope. And the memories I've made on the Shard, and the friends, connections, stories, jokes, adventures...they've changed me. I'm a different person than I was before. This year has been really tough for me, but having people here to give me advice and guide me through it, and honestly just having an outlet for the pain has really made a difference in my life. This is a special community, one that I'll always remember.

I think the people here are what makes this place so unique.

@The Wandering Wizard, the wonderful Wiz! You were one of the first people to help me feel like I belonged, and you've been a true friend to me, an amazing source of laughter and fun. Thank you for everything. @Robin Sedai, your sharing of Calvin and Hobbes and other comics when I first joined is one of my favorite memories on the Shard. I admire your voice of reason whenever things get a little unhinged.

@CalanoCorvus, you always bring optimism to conversations and give great advice. You and @DoomslugLuna are adorable. @SymphonianBookworm our conversations here will always make me smile. I know you haven't been as active recently (I miss you!), but I know you're going to do great things! #Phantom #Jasnahoid 

@Telrao, come backkkkkkkk soon! I miss having someone to nerd out about jazz with. Your muffins and cats are iconic here on the shard. And your playlists are fantastic. Thank you for the wonderful art. @The Bookwyrm, your passion for space and astronomy really shines through. You're thoughtful and insightful, and our conversations keep me thinking for a long time after we're done. I'm looking forward to seeing where you'll end up!@Kajsa :), thank you for being a wonderful human being. You care about us, and you're just amazing. Your art is also out of this world! @That1Cellist, you are worth more than you could ever comprehend. You deserve the world. Thank you for sharing your love of cello with the world. @The Halcyon Girl, you are an amazing person. We miss you on the Shard. I'm so glad you commissioned that throne from me.

@InfiniteInsanity, you are kind and you have wonderful ideas to cheer people up. Your mission was such a sweet idea. When you're on sugar, now I know to runnnnn @The Aspiring Archivist, I'm glad I know you. Thank you for putting up with me and for being there for anyone who needs it. You have a nice voice, too. @Ranryu, your energy, and sense of humor make the world a better place. Best of luck to you with your piano and compositional career! @TheGreatSnail, aren't filters funny?? In all seriousness, those SU replys were fun. That was where it was at! @Wittles of Shinovar, WITTLESS Skittles, I admire the way you bring a positive attitude towards problems. It's not easy the way that life works out, but you're an amazing helping hand. @The Last Fæ, you often have something very interesting to share. I like the way that you think. @Potato's Wit, you're really funny. The things you share make me laugh a lot 

@Morningtide, you're always so nice. I still can't believe there's an Idaho Potato Museum! @S. Stormy, diggin' the new branding. I love how you're always up for shenanigans and helping everyone here have a good time. @Cinnamon, you're down-to-earth and friendly, EVEN THOUGH you live life upside-down. That makes it even more special. @Thaidakar the Ghostblood, you're funny! And you always have quality things to share. @Sequence, you're always full of good vibes. It's always so interesting when you share the coolest info on planes and the like.

@Cruciatus_heart, Elfffffff! Your interest in a certain type of brooding slightly insane sociopath is very funny to me. You have excellent taste in media. Congrats on everything you've accomplished this year! @TheAlpha929, you're very chill, and just fun to be around. @Eluvianii, you have chill pfps and you have cool answers on the forum games.

@Matrim's Dice, thank you for all your help in SE and for putting up with me that one conversion game. No thank you for betraying me, but I know that's how it goes.  and :P. for life. @The Known Novel, Thank you for the chaos. It is the way. *fist bump*. Kasimir, Archer, Aman, Stick, Illwei-- you guys are all really cool. I'm happy to have gotten to play with all of you this year.

@Channelknight Fadran, you've always been the cool, experienced, cultured guy here. Ever since I joined, I've looked up to you and your RPing and worldbuilding prowess. @dannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnex, I never know what to expect from your SUs! I always know it'll be a fun time when I open that notif up. Man, those nnnnnns really keep growing. @DramaQueen, you really are a queen of drama. I know we haven't talked much but can't we just agree that theatre kids are the coolest! @Trutharchivist, thank you for sharing your culture with the shard. It's been very eye-opening. @Nathrangking, you write beautiful poems, and you have a wonderful perspective on the world.

@Cash67 I never can remember if you're young but really wise for your age, or older but still really wise for your age. You are Perry the Platypus incarnate in the best way possible. SPEAKING OF PLATYPI, @Being of Cacophony, you are ALSO a pretty cool platypus. I like checking out TLT and seeing your chaos there. Cacophony is also a really fun word. @Edema Ruh, you'll remain an Aes Sedai in my mind for a very long time. Also, spontaneity is the best! And you're great at that. @Lotus Blossom, I'm so happy Symph got you to join the shard! You're a cool person

@The Storming Stormfather, your messages on peoples' profiles are really funny. Thanks for being the storming The Storming Stormfather. @Justice_Magician, your art is incredible! Thank you for sharing it with the shard! @HOID WANTS INSTANT NOODLES, bro we gotta make that board game happen. You had so many great ideas. @Lord Gregorio, you have cool pfps. Also, interesting thoughts to share!

@Nameless*, it's truly a shame that Nameless stole your name. Your contributions to TLT are immense, and not to be questioned. @Szeth's Facepalm, your cute froggie dudes make my day. Where they at??? @Shadowed you're always great fun and it's always so cool to find fellow musicians here. Flute rules! @solarcat can we just take a minute to appreciate how awesome your username is??

@2EmLee2, @Enter a username, @PyroPhile, you guys are all super cool. Thanks for being iconic.

It's been an amazing year. Here's to many more

Thank you everyone <3

everyone stop what you're doing and go watch arcane right now 

this show is 

Ah 

This show is everything. the plot, the visuals, the characters, the soundtrack???? 

It is a masterpiece 

I love it so so much. Im on episode 8 out of 9 and i cannot wait for season 2 

If i had to point to a tv show that was basically my entire personality, i would point to arcane 

And one of the characters, jinx? She's unhinged and insane and my absolute favourite. Honestly im more in love with her then Kaz and if you know me you know that means something. 

It is a pretty dark show though, so please be mindful of that. There are heros in it.

But i just love it so much 

*sighs contentedly 

everyone stop what you're doing and go watch arcane right now 

this show is 

Ah 

This show is everything. the plot, the visuals, the characters, the soundtrack???? 

It is a masterpiece 

I love it so so much. Im on episode 8 out of 9 and i cannot wait for season 2 

If i had to point to a tv show that was basically my entire personality, i would point to arcane 

And one of the characters, jinx? She's unhinged and insane and my absolute favourite. Honestly im more in love with her then Kaz and if you know me you know that means something. 

It is a pretty dark show though, so please be mindful of that. There are heros in it.

But i just love it so much 

*sighs contentedly 

everyone stop what you're doing and go watch arcane right now 

this show is 

Ah 

This show is everything. the plot, the visuals, the characters, the soundtrack???? 

It is a masterpiece 

I love it so so much. Im on episode 8 out of 9 and i cannot wait for season 2 

If i had to point to a tv show that was basically my entire personality, i would point to arcane 

And one of the characters, jinx? She's unhinged and insane and my absolute favourite. Honestly im more in love with her then Kaz and if you know me you know that means something. 

It is a pretty dark show though, so please be mindful of that. There are heros in it.

But i just love it so much 

*sighs contentedly 

everyone stop what you're doing and go watch arcane right now 

this show is 

Ah 

This show is everything. the plot, the visuals, the characters, the soundtrack???? 

It is a masterpiece 

I love it so so much. Im on episode 8 out of 9 and i cannot wait for season 2 

If i had to point to a tv show that was basically my entire personality, i would point to arcane 

And one of the characters, jinx? She's unhinged and insane and my absolute favourite. Honestly im more in love with her then Kaz and if you know me you know that means something. 

It is a pretty dark show though, so please be mindful of that. There are heros in it.

But i just love it so much 

*sighs contentedly 

today is may 28th

my family has a rule that you cannot discuss your birthday unless it is within the next month.

today is one month before my birthday.

it’s time to plan my birthday and tell my parents.

ITS THE ONE TIME A YEAR I GET TO BE SELFISH WOO

Boooook Haul 

Went to this festival type of thing thats being held where you can buy books by their weight 

So one book cost about 

Well in american terms it would be 30 cents, give or take 

And they were all beuaitful second hand books, though some were still brand new

And heres my haul

1.the collected works of oscar wilde

2. Les miserables (though its only the first volume)

3. The shadow of the wind

4. The girl with the dragon tattoo

5. The girl who played with fire

6. The girl who kicked the hornets nest

And last but not least, the find i am most proud of 

7. This absolutely beautiful edition of the book thief 

ALSO 

I forgot to tell you guys 

I did a thing 

 

Boooook Haul 

Went to this festival type of thing thats being held where you can buy books by their weight 

So one book cost about 

Well in american terms it would be 30 cents, give or take 

And they were all beuaitful second hand books, though some were still brand new

And heres my haul

1.the collected works of oscar wilde

2. Les miserables (though its only the first volume)

3. The shadow of the wind

4. The girl with the dragon tattoo

5. The girl who played with fire

6. The girl who kicked the hornets nest

And last but not least, the find i am most proud of 

7. This absolutely beautiful edition of the book thief 

ALSO 

I forgot to tell you guys 

I did a thing 

 

Boooook Haul 

Went to this festival type of thing thats being held where you can buy books by their weight 

So one book cost about 

Well in american terms it would be 30 cents, give or take 

And they were all beuaitful second hand books, though some were still brand new

And heres my haul

1.the collected works of oscar wilde

2. Les miserables (though its only the first volume)

3. The shadow of the wind

4. The girl with the dragon tattoo

5. The girl who played with fire

6. The girl who kicked the hornets nest

And last but not least, the find i am most proud of 

7. This absolutely beautiful edition of the book thief 

ALSO 

I forgot to tell you guys 

I did a thing 

 

Boooook Haul 

Went to this festival type of thing thats being held where you can buy books by their weight 

So one book cost about 

Well in american terms it would be 30 cents, give or take 

And they were all beuaitful second hand books, though some were still brand new

And heres my haul

1.the collected works of oscar wilde

2. Les miserables (though its only the first volume)

3. The shadow of the wind

4. The girl with the dragon tattoo

5. The girl who played with fire

6. The girl who kicked the hornets nest

And last but not least, the find i am most proud of 

7. This absolutely beautiful edition of the book thief 

ALSO 

I forgot to tell you guys 

I did a thing 

 

Boooook Haul 

Went to this festival type of thing thats being held where you can buy books by their weight 

So one book cost about 

Well in american terms it would be 30 cents, give or take 

And they were all beuaitful second hand books, though some were still brand new

And heres my haul

1.the collected works of oscar wilde

2. Les miserables (though its only the first volume)

3. The shadow of the wind

4. The girl with the dragon tattoo

5. The girl who played with fire

6. The girl who kicked the hornets nest

And last but not least, the find i am most proud of 

7. This absolutely beautiful edition of the book thief 

ALSO 

I forgot to tell you guys 

I did a thing