Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[solarcat]

On 2/13/2023 at 9:53 PM, The Wandering Wizard said:

Not particularly because I don't have many at my school and most of mine are also mostly acquaintances

I've only found a real friend through luck and he was sitting alone, so I went and sat next to him. And we became quite fast friends. 

Your problem doesn't have to be insane to be worthy of attention and thought. I hope you can find some who can be truly great friends. *Hugs*

On 2/13/2023 at 9:46 PM, SymphonianBookworm said:

Hang around people who you genuinely like. If they’re any good, I’m sure they’ll see how great you are. Sometimes it takes time and a lot of awkwardness, but I have faith you’ll get there!

Ty :). Everyone on here is genuinely nice 

[The Aspiring Archivist]

9 hours ago, Witless of Shinovar said:

*hugs* I think I might, emphasis on might, understand what you're going through, it's hard. I can't really give much advice or anything, but I can say that I really hope you don't go back to that bottle, I just got to know you and it would be terrible if I wouldn't be able to continue knowing you. I guarantee there are others who would say the same thing. Also, it's okay to not know how you feel exactly. I would recommend (if you haven't already) Taking some time to really dig deep to figure out your thoughts. You're not a burden. You're...the word that means the opposite of burden, I can't think of it right now, but that's what you are. 

Anyway. That probably wasn't even that coherent, but I hope it helps at least a little bit. *hugs again*

It was coherent. Unfortunately, that mess of a post was the culmination of a lot of time digging into my own feelings. And I wouldn't say I feel like a burden, except when I start going on about my problems (woops). More that sometimes it just feels easier to go the other way. But even so, thank you very much for your support.

1 hour ago, Shining Silhouette said:

*Hugs*

We can all relate to feeling overwhelmed and exhausted; it's just a natural response totimes of difficulty or stress. Taking a break is a good way to give yourself a breather, which I think you need.

And about the almost-moments of self-harm you experienced, try to realize that these thoughts and impulses can be incredibly powerful and even overwhelming, but it is possible to learn how to cope with them. One thing that's been really good for me is meditation. You can just start with a single minute a day and then slowly increase it if you can. Another thing that can help in that moment is the 5-4-3-2-1 senses strategy that can really calm you down and ground you in reality.

But above all, remember that it is possible to get trhough this, and that you deserve to take care of yourself. We're here for you, Archie

I've seen that strategy before... never really used it. It might have been helpful during the more intense moments, but it's the times of "flatness" or whatever, I guess kind of apathy, that are probably more dangerous. at those points, I'm not upset or really calm either.

I think I do deserve to take care of myself, and these issues aren't really rooted in self-worth. But the sense of worth I do have feels like it's lost meaning in those moments and now I'm just doing things because I can almost remember what it was that was fueling me before. I am less certain that other people should have to deal with me.

Again, thank you both very much for putting up with this and caring enough to take the time to read and respond.

[Robin Sedai]

Damn... I really don't know what to say. I've no advice, but I really like you. You seem like a really nice, thoughtful person and I hope you can get to a point where you enjoy life again. Kindly stay away from that bottle, it would be a real shame if you were to do something stupid.

If it helps, you're not the only one here who's struggled with thoughts like this. I have a few times too, the worst was about a year ago. It really does get better.

Edited February 18, 2023 by Robin Sedai

[The Wandering Wizard]

10 hours ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

I can already tell that this is gonna be a long post, so sorry in advance.

I couldn't tell you all how I'm feeling anymore. It's not a good feeling, but it's not sad or stressed or anxious. Well, maybe a little stressed. But it's mostly something like tired and also apathetic? And there's a main thing that I want to get to but I'll talk around it a bit first. This was a rough week. A lot of stressful stuff coming up, and trying to deal with it and not really succeeding, as per usual. So, starting with Monday.

So during the weekend I procrastinated. I have this thing where I just really want to start to work on something but I put it off and I don't know why, and that kind of forms a cycle of stress and anxiety that hasn't gone away. And so on Monday morning I hadn't finished several things that needed to be done. The night before I had just sort of given up, and now in the morning I was feeling insanely nauseated due to stress. I almost threw up once and was unable to eat all of my breakfast, which forced a confrontation with my mom. So I admitted that I was feeling stressed but not nearly all of what's been going on for months now. But overall it was a good thing to kind of release that, and I might be getting therapy soon which is a long time coming. So it seemed positive enough, even if I still felt awful and nauseated through the day until I finally worked up the courage to message my teacher about it, and she seemed pretty understanding and set up a time for us to discuss.

And so at this point it looked like things were getting better because some of the stuff that had been building up for the past weeks was unraveling a little. I wasn't feeling on top of the world, but I was feeling better.

And so Tuesday comes around, and not much changes. Then Wednesday, and I get the first bit of this weird feeling when I'm out in the cold in the middle of the school day. There's a bunch of stuff going on, and I'm just sitting in the middle of the quad, on my computer, talking to Silh about it a little. Just this funny feeling that's hard to describe. And the evening comes after that and I again really struggle to get stuff done that night and end up waking up super early to get that done but I do, at least. But it's still a bad feeling and you get the point. But it's here on Thursday morning before I've finished the work that the main thing happens. There's this bottle of allergy-type pills on my bedside table, and I'd been thinking sort of idly for the past while about what would happen if I just took a bunch. And maybe it was just wondering if it would be easier or just a weird intrusive thought, but I dumped a bunch of tablets in my hand and held them up to my mouth for a second. Then, not thinking much more than turns out I'm not doing that yet, I put them back and went back to work.

So that's the big thing. And I'm not sure if it's as bad as I'm making it sound, but that's what happened. And I don't really feel anything about it. It's not hugely concerning to me, and I don't know if I might do it again at some point or go further or never do it again. And I don't really care. I still go through the motions and try to do what I should and I have happy moments but then when I think about that moment and what might have happened every connection I have to my life and the people in it and anything of value I might hold on to loses meaning. It's really hard to describe. It is a mental space where I don't understand how my mind used to work, or if it ever was different, or if something should be changed. But it is something, I think.

And so later that day I went to the meeting with that teacher and turn's out it didn't go so well. And maybe because it's on my mind my angry and upset thoughts take a dark turn into the realm of self-harm, although there's nothing I really try to do or intend to do. And that was the most acute feeling aside from momentary joy I've had all week. It's like most of the negative feelings have been flattened somehow. And then in study hall I realized that the assignment from that morning didn't submit and I was stressed. The teacher saw that I was stressed and I told her what happened and she told me to email the teacher. But this was the teacher that I had just had that confrontation with and I wasn't able to get myself to do it. And she saw that something was wrong and offered to talk about it, and I felt like I wanted to cry but I said no and I haven't talked about it to anyone in real life. And that was the second most acute negative emotion of the week.

And a lot of the time I almost feel almost normal like my thoughts and feeling are moving at the right pace but it's always a little wrong and I'm always thinking about what happened, or what almost did. If you couldn't tell, I'm sort of trying to figure out where I really am as I go. It's a weird state of operating almost normally but the feeling of engagement and real-ness driving it all isn't quite there.

Finally today just a bit ago I was at youth group and a bunch of people asked me how I was and I said alright even though I know I'm not. The way I'm thinking and talking about this now is completely distinct from my logical understanding of how it should be but it also brings up the emotions a bit more to write all of this.

So what's the takeaway? I'm really broken somewhere, I think. Something deep down there is wrong and I'm not quite sure what but it's affecting my whole consciousness in ways I can't fully process or describe. And I got closer than ever before to the worst-case scenario, though I can't quite decide how important that is.

This whole post is a mess. I'm a mess, but I don't feel it. I'm just a flat plane of emotion and thought and I know that doesn't make sense but that's what comes to mind. And sometimes there's little spikes of good or bad or little reminders of what's behind the veil, and nothing much outwardly has changed at all except for in those moments because otherwise I'm just on autopilot but not. Wow this is going to be hard for you all to read. Probably a bunch of spelling and grammar errors in there too.

Well, closing remarks. I'm writing this because I want to be open and honest and get this out there. And maybe one of you can help me find what the source or whatever is for this, or maybe not. And I've been talking about my problems to some people for weeks now and I don't feel like I should keep doing that because they have their own stuff to deal with. So this is out for everyone, now, and I'll maybe try to slow down. I've got a break week now, so that's good and probably means I'll be less likely to approach that bottle again, or maybe it'll be the same. It's worse when I'm alone.

Sorry again. And... take care of yourselves.

Yeah like what Robin said it will get better, but it might get worse and then it will get better. For me it just depends on the day, sometimes I feel like no one can see me at all and generally those are worse days. And then there are days when I am surrounded by those that I know care for me and those are usually better days, but there have been some days where those were the bad days and I just couldn't care. It will be a long struggle but we are here for you and here to struggle with you. 

[S. Stormy]

On 2/17/2023 at 10:45 PM, The Aspiring Archivist said:

I can already tell that this is gonna be a long post, so sorry in advance.

I couldn't tell you all how I'm feeling anymore. It's not a good feeling, but it's not sad or stressed or anxious. Well, maybe a little stressed. But it's mostly something like tired and also apathetic? And there's a main thing that I want to get to but I'll talk around it a bit first. This was a rough week. A lot of stressful stuff coming up, and trying to deal with it and not really succeeding, as per usual. So, starting with Monday.

So during the weekend I procrastinated. I have this thing where I just really want to start to work on something but I put it off and I don't know why, and that kind of forms a cycle of stress and anxiety that hasn't gone away. And so on Monday morning I hadn't finished several things that needed to be done. The night before I had just sort of given up, and now in the morning I was feeling insanely nauseated due to stress. I almost threw up once and was unable to eat all of my breakfast, which forced a confrontation with my mom. So I admitted that I was feeling stressed but not nearly all of what's been going on for months now. But overall it was a good thing to kind of release that, and I might be getting therapy soon which is a long time coming. So it seemed positive enough, even if I still felt awful and nauseated through the day until I finally worked up the courage to message my teacher about it, and she seemed pretty understanding and set up a time for us to discuss.

And so at this point it looked like things were getting better because some of the stuff that had been building up for the past weeks was unraveling a little. I wasn't feeling on top of the world, but I was feeling better.

And so Tuesday comes around, and not much changes. Then Wednesday, and I get the first bit of this weird feeling when I'm out in the cold in the middle of the school day. There's a bunch of stuff going on, and I'm just sitting in the middle of the quad, on my computer, talking to Silh about it a little. Just this funny feeling that's hard to describe. And the evening comes after that and I again really struggle to get stuff done that night and end up waking up super early to get that done but I do, at least. But it's still a bad feeling and you get the point. But it's here on Thursday morning before I've finished the work that the main thing happens. There's this bottle of allergy-type pills on my bedside table, and I'd been thinking sort of idly for the past while about what would happen if I just took a bunch. And maybe it was just wondering if it would be easier or just a weird intrusive thought, but I dumped a bunch of tablets in my hand and held them up to my mouth for a second. Then, not thinking much more than turns out I'm not doing that yet, I put them back and went back to work.

So that's the big thing. And I'm not sure if it's as bad as I'm making it sound, but that's what happened. And I don't really feel anything about it. It's not hugely concerning to me, and I don't know if I might do it again at some point or go further or never do it again. And I don't really care. I still go through the motions and try to do what I should and I have happy moments but then when I think about that moment and what might have happened every connection I have to my life and the people in it and anything of value I might hold on to loses meaning. It's really hard to describe. It is a mental space where I don't understand how my mind used to work, or if it ever was different, or if something should be changed. But it is something, I think.

And so later that day I went to the meeting with that teacher and turn's out it didn't go so well. And maybe because it's on my mind my angry and upset thoughts take a dark turn into the realm of self-harm, although there's nothing I really try to do or intend to do. And that was the most acute feeling aside from momentary joy I've had all week. It's like most of the negative feelings have been flattened somehow. And then in study hall I realized that the assignment from that morning didn't submit and I was stressed. The teacher saw that I was stressed and I told her what happened and she told me to email the teacher. But this was the teacher that I had just had that confrontation with and I wasn't able to get myself to do it. And she saw that something was wrong and offered to talk about it, and I felt like I wanted to cry but I said no and I haven't talked about it to anyone in real life. And that was the second most acute negative emotion of the week.

And a lot of the time I almost feel almost normal like my thoughts and feeling are moving at the right pace but it's always a little wrong and I'm always thinking about what happened, or what almost did. If you couldn't tell, I'm sort of trying to figure out where I really am as I go. It's a weird state of operating almost normally but the feeling of engagement and real-ness driving it all isn't quite there.

Finally today just a bit ago I was at youth group and a bunch of people asked me how I was and I said alright even though I know I'm not. The way I'm thinking and talking about this now is completely distinct from my logical understanding of how it should be but it also brings up the emotions a bit more to write all of this.

So what's the takeaway? I'm really broken somewhere, I think. Something deep down there is wrong and I'm not quite sure what but it's affecting my whole consciousness in ways I can't fully process or describe. And I got closer than ever before to the worst-case scenario, though I can't quite decide how important that is.

This whole post is a mess. I'm a mess, but I don't feel it. I'm just a flat plane of emotion and thought and I know that doesn't make sense but that's what comes to mind. And sometimes there's little spikes of good or bad or little reminders of what's behind the veil, and nothing much outwardly has changed at all except for in those moments because otherwise I'm just on autopilot but not. Wow this is going to be hard for you all to read. Probably a bunch of spelling and grammar errors in there too.

Well, closing remarks. I'm writing this because I want to be open and honest and get this out there. And maybe one of you can help me find what the source or whatever is for this, or maybe not. And I've been talking about my problems to some people for weeks now and I don't feel like I should keep doing that because they have their own stuff to deal with. So this is out for everyone, now, and I'll maybe try to slow down. I've got a break week now, so that's good and probably means I'll be less likely to approach that bottle again, or maybe it'll be the same. It's worse when I'm alone.

Sorry again. And... take care of yourselves.

I don't know what to say, other than just... you're such a good guy as far as I can tell, and you will be warm again. And you 10000% deserve help and community, even if your problems seem like they aren't as... problematic(words?) as other people's are. You deserve to have joy! 

Maybe, suggesting a random idea that I 10000% cannot guarantee would do anything, maybe read a book that you love while listening to music and maybe try to lose yourself in it, and relax and just be in that world for a little while? Maybe? Ideas?

*hugs*

I really hope that helped, and if it didn't, that's okay too.

[Elf]

Okay 

So today I expressed to my mother a desire to eat healthier and get a gym membership 

The thing is, I am already a sickly person. I was born prematured and wasnt taken care of very well while i was a child.

I'm very short and i'm physically weak. I get out of breath walking up a single flight of stairs. I get a fever nearly every week and am prone to bouts of weakness where i cant even walk 

(Kind of like Heathcliffe's son in Wuthering Heights)

And im sick of this. Im sick of feeling unhealthy, sick of looking dull and pale. Sick of being so physically weak. 

But immediately when I expressed this desire i was met with judgement. And my mother is like "why do you want to exercise? Only_ *insert offensive statement*_ people exercise"

And already she looks down upon stuff like healthy eating and exercising as frivolous because she doesnt do those things. I dont even eat much of what she cooks because its all calorie filled nightmares.

But i don't know....ive been plagued with self doubt 

She did give me the permission but she clearly doesnt think i should do it 

She is like this for everything. I need spectacles and cant read well without them but for the longest time she didnt take me to an eye doctor because she thought ive "overreacting" and she has this phobia against doctors. 

My mood has just been off kilter since then and ive not been able to concentrate and ive been doubting myself

And i dont know 

Should i go forward with my plans?

Edited February 23, 2023 by Elf

[Quivil]

2 hours ago, Elf said:

Okay 

So today I expressed to my mother a desire to eat healthier and get a gym membership 

The thing is, I am already a sickly person. I was born prematured and wasnt taken care of very well while i was a child.

I'm very short and i'm physically weak. I get out of breath walking up a single flight of stairs. I get a fever nearly every week and am prone to bouts of weakness where i cant even walk 

(Kind of like Heathcliffe's son in Wuthering Heights)

And im sick of this. Im sick of feeling unhealthy, sick of looking dull and pale. Sick of being so physically weak. 

But immediately when I expressed this desire i was met with judgement. And my mother is like "why do you want to exercise? Only_ *insert offensive statement*_ people exercise"

And already she looks down upon stuff like healthy eating and exercising as frivolous because she doesnt do those things. I dont even eat much of what she cooks because its all calorie filled nightmares.

But i don't know....ive been plagued with self doubt 

She did give me the permission but she clearly doesnt think i should do it 

She is like this for everything. I need spectacles and cant read well without them but for the longest time she didnt take me to an eye doctor because she thought ive "overreacting" and she has this phobia against doctors. 

My mood has just been off kilter since then and ive not been able to concentrate and ive been doubting myself

And i dont know 

Should i go forward with my plans?

*hugs* I think you should if you want to. If you're tired of your body not working the way you want it to, and your mother has given (grudging) permission for you to do what you want to to change it, I don't think you should stop just because she thinks you should. If she's giving you bad advice, you don't have to listen to it. It looks to me like you've put a lot of thought into this, and I don't think you should discount all of your planning just because your mother has a prejudice against it.

[Morningtide]

4 hours ago, Elf said:

Okay 

So today I expressed to my mother a desire to eat healthier and get a gym membership 

The thing is, I am already a sickly person. I was born prematured and wasnt taken care of very well while i was a child.

I'm very short and i'm physically weak. I get out of breath walking up a single flight of stairs. I get a fever nearly every week and am prone to bouts of weakness where i cant even walk 

(Kind of like Heathcliffe's son in Wuthering Heights)

And im sick of this. Im sick of feeling unhealthy, sick of looking dull and pale. Sick of being so physically weak. 

But immediately when I expressed this desire i was met with judgement. And my mother is like "why do you want to exercise? Only_ *insert offensive statement*_ people exercise"

And already she looks down upon stuff like healthy eating and exercising as frivolous because she doesnt do those things. I dont even eat much of what she cooks because its all calorie filled nightmares.

But i don't know....ive been plagued with self doubt 

She did give me the permission but she clearly doesnt think i should do it 

She is like this for everything. I need spectacles and cant read well without them but for the longest time she didnt take me to an eye doctor because she thought ive "overreacting" and she has this phobia against doctors. 

My mood has just been off kilter since then and ive not been able to concentrate and ive been doubting myself

And i dont know 

Should i go forward with my plans?

I agree with what Tani said. You know what you need better than anyone else does. If you want this then go ahead! You're trying to improve yourself and that's a worthy goal. 

[Immortal Platypus]

I agree with what Tani and Morningtide said. You are working to improve yourself and no one else can make that decision for you. I admire you for that, I've never been able to get myself to do it for a long time. You're doing a good thing.

[The Bookwyrm]

I've had kind of a rough day today.

I was placed in a stressful situation because of a stupid mistake on my part. Essentially I thought something had been taken care of and it turned out that it hadn't. I had a panic attack, which was, of course, not fun. Luckily I was able to take care of what needed doing, and no harm was done on that side.

But one of my friends had an important performance today, an accumulation of a year of hard and stressful work. I was looking forward to seeing that and supporting that friend. The friend had been going through some hard things that day anyway. But because of my stupid mistake, I missed that. And I feel like I've let a friend down, even though I've been assured that it's not that big a deal.

I could just use a little support.

[Edema Rue]

7 minutes ago, The Bookwyrm said:

I've had kind of a rough day today.

I was placed in a stressful situation because of a stupid mistake on my part. Essentially I thought something had been taken care of and it turned out that it hadn't. I had a panic attack, which was, of course, not fun. Luckily I was able to take care of what needed doing, and no harm was done on that side.

But one of my friends had an important performance today, an accumulation of a year of hard and stressful work. I was looking forward to seeing that and supporting that friend. The friend had been going through some hard things that day anyway. But because of my stupid mistake, I missed that. And I feel like I've let a friend down, even though I've been assured that it's not that big a deal.

I could just use a little support.

That sucks. It really sucks. There’s no way to make it better, but *hugs*. 

[S. Stormy]

2 minutes ago, The Bookwyrm said:

I've had kind of a rough day today.

I was placed in a stressful situation because of a stupid mistake on my part. Essentially I thought something had been taken care of and it turned out that it hadn't. I had a panic attack, which was, of course, not fun. Luckily I was able to take care of what needed doing, and no harm was done on that side.

But one of my friends had an important performance today, an accumulation of a year of hard and stressful work. I was looking forward to seeing that and supporting that friend. The friend had been going through some hard things that day anyway. But because of my stupid mistake, I missed that. And I feel like I've let a friend down, even though I've been assured that it's not that big a deal.

I could just use a little support.

Everyone makes mistakes. I'm really sorry that that happened, but I'm sure your friend won't be angry. And if they are... well, you didn't mean to miss it, and they shouldn't be angry. And remember you're always loved!

[Immortal Platypus]

*hugs*

I'm sure you haven't let them down Bookwyrm. I hope that you find a way to make yourself feel better about it. your friend seems to think it's okay, but I hope you can feel good. You are loved!

[Telrao]

1 hour ago, The Bookwyrm said:

I've had kind of a rough day today.

I was placed in a stressful situation because of a stupid mistake on my part. Essentially I thought something had been taken care of and it turned out that it hadn't. I had a panic attack, which was, of course, not fun. Luckily I was able to take care of what needed doing, and no harm was done on that side.

But one of my friends had an important performance today, an accumulation of a year of hard and stressful work. I was looking forward to seeing that and supporting that friend. The friend had been going through some hard things that day anyway. But because of my stupid mistake, I missed that. And I feel like I've let a friend down, even though I've been assured that it's not that big a deal.

I could just use a little support.

*hugs* I know exactly how that feels, Bookwrym, and it's not a good feeling. I think your friend will understand. *gives consolatory muffin* It's okay to make mistakes, for we can learn from them and use them to grow into better people. We support you, friend!

[The Wandering Wizard]

1 hour ago, The Bookwyrm said:

I've had kind of a rough day today.

I was placed in a stressful situation because of a stupid mistake on my part. Essentially I thought something had been taken care of and it turned out that it hadn't. I had a panic attack, which was, of course, not fun. Luckily I was able to take care of what needed doing, and no harm was done on that side.

But one of my friends had an important performance today, an accumulation of a year of hard and stressful work. I was looking forward to seeing that and supporting that friend. The friend had been going through some hard things that day anyway. But because of my stupid mistake, I missed that. And I feel like I've let a friend down, even though I've been assured that it's not that big a deal.

I could just use a little support.

It's alright, the friend knows that you care and that you wouldn't have missed it if you had a choice. It'll be alright. *hugs*

[Wittles]

2 hours ago, The Bookwyrm said:

I've had kind of a rough day today.

I was placed in a stressful situation because of a stupid mistake on my part. Essentially I thought something had been taken care of and it turned out that it hadn't. I had a panic attack, which was, of course, not fun. Luckily I was able to take care of what needed doing, and no harm was done on that side.

But one of my friends had an important performance today, an accumulation of a year of hard and stressful work. I was looking forward to seeing that and supporting that friend. The friend had been going through some hard things that day anyway. But because of my stupid mistake, I missed that. And I feel like I've let a friend down, even though I've been assured that it's not that big a deal.

I could just use a little support.

*hugs*

[Robin Sedai]

3 hours ago, The Bookwyrm said:

I've had kind of a rough day today.

I was placed in a stressful situation because of a stupid mistake on my part. Essentially I thought something had been taken care of and it turned out that it hadn't. I had a panic attack, which was, of course, not fun. Luckily I was able to take care of what needed doing, and no harm was done on that side.

But one of my friends had an important performance today, an accumulation of a year of hard and stressful work. I was looking forward to seeing that and supporting that friend. The friend had been going through some hard things that day anyway. But because of my stupid mistake, I missed that. And I feel like I've let a friend down, even though I've been assured that it's not that big a deal.

I could just use a little support.

*hugs*

That really sucks, I understand why you feel bad. More hugs. Remember it's not your fault x

[That1Cellist]

On 3/7/2023 at 7:27 PM, The Bookwyrm said:

I've had kind of a rough day today.

I was placed in a stressful situation because of a stupid mistake on my part. Essentially I thought something had been taken care of and it turned out that it hadn't. I had a panic attack, which was, of course, not fun. Luckily I was able to take care of what needed doing, and no harm was done on that side.

But one of my friends had an important performance today, an accumulation of a year of hard and stressful work. I was looking forward to seeing that and supporting that friend. The friend had been going through some hard things that day anyway. But because of my stupid mistake, I missed that. And I feel like I've let a friend down, even though I've been assured that it's not that big a deal.

I could just use a little support.

*hugs* I'm sorry Bookwyrm. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. Mistakes happen, but luckily for you other people also make mistakes. We understand.

[Elf]

Ive had my finals going on and ive got only 3 papers left but im suddenly feeling very overwhelmed and i think im burnt out too. Im also extremely worried i wont get into the junior college i want, because honestly ive always been a very average student, apart from English

Doesnt help that everything around me is feeling kind of suffocating. My sister yelled at me yesterday (even though she knows i cannot stand raised voices; they send me into a panic attack) and more so, it wasnt even due to anything I had done. It was simply because she was angry and i was within her range. and you know, i get it. it happens. but she hasnt't even apologised; doesnt think she's done anything wrong. my art tution teacher is acting very intrusive and keeps telling me about how im not living my life and that reading isnt everything and that i must have friends and go out with them, otherwise im just not living at all. Correct me if im wrong, but I don't think its any of her business. Besides, just because my life doesnt match her defination of what a life should be, doesnt make it any less of a life. 

and when i went to pick up something for my art exam, my school art teacher told me about how i apart from everybody else needs to practice, and he told me to make sure that i dont cheat on the exam day by bringing a piece from home 

i just dont think thats any way for a teacher to talk to a student

My younger brother was kind of disturbing me a lot today while i tried to study, so i asked my mom if maybe she could calm him down a bit and she got irritated too and said that i have headphones and i should use those, instead of complaining to her. 

it just...

i dont know 

but i do know ive been having more nightmares more bad days in terms of mental health recently

im just

confused and upset

Edited March 15, 2023 by Cruciatus_heart

[The Wandering Wizard]

2 hours ago, Cruciatus_heart said:

Ive had my finals going on and ive got only 3 papers left but im suddenly feeling very overwhelmed and i think im burnt out too. Im also extremely worried i wont get into the junior college i want, because honestly ive always been a very average student, apart from English

Doesnt help that everything around me is feeling kind of suffocating. My sister yelled at me yesterday (even though she knows i cannot stand raised voices; they send me into a panic attack) and more so, it wasnt even due to anything I had done. It was simply because she was angry and i was within her range. and you know, i get it. it happens. but she hasnt't even apologised; doesnt think she's done anything wrong. my art tution teacher is acting very intrusive and keeps telling me about how im not living my life and that reading isnt everything and that i must have friends and go out with them, otherwise im just not living at all. Correct me if im wrong, but I don't think its any of her business. Besides, just because my life doesnt match her defination of what a life should be, doesnt make it any less of a life. 

and when i went to pick up something for my art exam, my school art teacher told me about how i apart from everybody else needs to practice, and he told me to make sure that i dont cheat on the exam day by bringing a piece from home 

i just dont think thats any way for a teacher to talk to a student

My younger brother was kind of disturbing me a lot today while i tried to study, so i asked my mom if maybe she could calm him down a bit and she got irritated too and said that i have headphones and i should use those, instead of complaining to her. 

it just...

i dont know 

but i do know ive been having more nightmares more bad days in terms of mental health recently

im just

confused and upset

Your ideal life is your ideal life. No one else can tell you what it is. 

[Edema Rue]

4 hours ago, Cruciatus_heart said:

Ive had my finals going on and ive got only 3 papers left but im suddenly feeling very overwhelmed and i think im burnt out too. Im also extremely worried i wont get into the junior college i want, because honestly ive always been a very average student, apart from English

Doesnt help that everything around me is feeling kind of suffocating. My sister yelled at me yesterday (even though she knows i cannot stand raised voices; they send me into a panic attack) and more so, it wasnt even due to anything I had done. It was simply because she was angry and i was within her range. and you know, i get it. it happens. but she hasnt't even apologised; doesnt think she's done anything wrong. my art tution teacher is acting very intrusive and keeps telling me about how im not living my life and that reading isnt everything and that i must have friends and go out with them, otherwise im just not living at all. Correct me if im wrong, but I don't think its any of her business. Besides, just because my life doesnt match her defination of what a life should be, doesnt make it any less of a life. 

and when i went to pick up something for my art exam, my school art teacher told me about how i apart from everybody else needs to practice, and he told me to make sure that i dont cheat on the exam day by bringing a piece from home 

i just dont think thats any way for a teacher to talk to a student

My younger brother was kind of disturbing me a lot today while i tried to study, so i asked my mom if maybe she could calm him down a bit and she got irritated too and said that i have headphones and i should use those, instead of complaining to her. 

it just...

i dont know 

but i do know ive been having more nightmares more bad days in terms of mental health recently

im just

confused and upset

People are ridiculous sometimes. It stinks. They don't have a right to tell you what makes you happy.

[solarcat]

2 hours ago, The Wandering Wizard said:

Your ideal life is your ideal life. No one else can tell you what it is. 

^ 

[Morningtide]

5 hours ago, Cruciatus_heart said:

Ive had my finals going on and ive got only 3 papers left but im suddenly feeling very overwhelmed and i think im burnt out too. Im also extremely worried i wont get into the junior college i want, because honestly ive always been a very average student, apart from English

Doesnt help that everything around me is feeling kind of suffocating. My sister yelled at me yesterday (even though she knows i cannot stand raised voices; they send me into a panic attack) and more so, it wasnt even due to anything I had done. It was simply because she was angry and i was within her range. and you know, i get it. it happens. but she hasnt't even apologised; doesnt think she's done anything wrong. my art tution teacher is acting very intrusive and keeps telling me about how im not living my life and that reading isnt everything and that i must have friends and go out with them, otherwise im just not living at all. Correct me if im wrong, but I don't think its any of her business. Besides, just because my life doesnt match her defination of what a life should be, doesnt make it any less of a life. 

and when i went to pick up something for my art exam, my school art teacher told me about how i apart from everybody else needs to practice, and he told me to make sure that i dont cheat on the exam day by bringing a piece from home 

i just dont think thats any way for a teacher to talk to a student

My younger brother was kind of disturbing me a lot today while i tried to study, so i asked my mom if maybe she could calm him down a bit and she got irritated too and said that i have headphones and i should use those, instead of complaining to her. 

it just...

i dont know 

but i do know ive been having more nightmares more bad days in terms of mental health recently

im just

confused and upset

I'm so sorry! *hugs* that sounds super stressful. What everyone else is saying is completely true. You live your life in a way that makes you happy, and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it! Your art teacher sounds like a pretty terrible teacher, judging from this. Teachers should try to help you, not make you feel bad or stressed! 

I hope you get feeling better and the situation starts to improve. You can do this! You're going to do great on all of your tests! If you need to talk, you can always PM me. 

Good luck! *more hugs*

[Immortal Platypus]

6 hours ago, Cruciatus_heart said:

Ive had my finals going on and ive got only 3 papers left but im suddenly feeling very overwhelmed and i think im burnt out too. Im also extremely worried i wont get into the junior college i want, because honestly ive always been a very average student, apart from English

Doesnt help that everything around me is feeling kind of suffocating. My sister yelled at me yesterday (even though she knows i cannot stand raised voices; they send me into a panic attack) and more so, it wasnt even due to anything I had done. It was simply because she was angry and i was within her range. and you know, i get it. it happens. but she hasnt't even apologised; doesnt think she's done anything wrong. my art tution teacher is acting very intrusive and keeps telling me about how im not living my life and that reading isnt everything and that i must have friends and go out with them, otherwise im just not living at all. Correct me if im wrong, but I don't think its any of her business. Besides, just because my life doesnt match her defination of what a life should be, doesnt make it any less of a life. 

and when i went to pick up something for my art exam, my school art teacher told me about how i apart from everybody else needs to practice, and he told me to make sure that i dont cheat on the exam day by bringing a piece from home 

i just dont think thats any way for a teacher to talk to a student

My younger brother was kind of disturbing me a lot today while i tried to study, so i asked my mom if maybe she could calm him down a bit and she got irritated too and said that i have headphones and i should use those, instead of complaining to her. 

it just...

i dont know 

but i do know ive been having more nightmares more bad days in terms of mental health recently

im just

confused and upset

 

I'm so sorry! your life is just that. Yours. 

And your teacher is definitely in the wrong. he shouldn't tell you that you specifically need to practice, and definitely shouldn't single you out and warn you not to cheat.

*hugs*

I hope that you do well on your finals! Good luck!!!!!

[S. Stormy]

On 3/15/2023 at 2:07 AM, Cruciatus_heart said:

Ive had my finals going on and ive got only 3 papers left but im suddenly feeling very overwhelmed and i think im burnt out too. Im also extremely worried i wont get into the junior college i want, because honestly ive always been a very average student, apart from English

Doesnt help that everything around me is feeling kind of suffocating. My sister yelled at me yesterday (even though she knows i cannot stand raised voices; they send me into a panic attack) and more so, it wasnt even due to anything I had done. It was simply because she was angry and i was within her range. and you know, i get it. it happens. but she hasnt't even apologised; doesnt think she's done anything wrong. my art tution teacher is acting very intrusive and keeps telling me about how im not living my life and that reading isnt everything and that i must have friends and go out with them, otherwise im just not living at all. Correct me if im wrong, but I don't think its any of her business. Besides, just because my life doesnt match her defination of what a life should be, doesnt make it any less of a life. 

and when i went to pick up something for my art exam, my school art teacher told me about how i apart from everybody else needs to practice, and he told me to make sure that i dont cheat on the exam day by bringing a piece from home 

i just dont think thats any way for a teacher to talk to a student

My younger brother was kind of disturbing me a lot today while i tried to study, so i asked my mom if maybe she could calm him down a bit and she got irritated too and said that i have headphones and i should use those, instead of complaining to her. 

it just...

i dont know 

but i do know ive been having more nightmares more bad days in terms of mental health recently

im just

confused and upset

I'm really sorry. That sounds awful, and I hope you can feel better. I'll pray for you(I know you might not be religious. But I am, and it's my way of helping? Does that make sense?). And what your teacher said? That is 100% HER mess-up. SHE should feel bad about saying those things. NOT you.

Edited March 16, 2023 by Shallan Stormblessed