Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[The Wandering Wizard]

1 minute ago, Kajsa said:

I really appreciate this, especially with the detasseling terms since it's so relatable. Thank you.

You're welcome, it just flowed into detasseling terms and I just followed the prompting. 

Parables help get ideas across better I think.

[The Aspiring Archivist]

29 minutes ago, Kajsa said:

This one-way glass box I’m trapped in

It’s soundproof, too

Nobody can hear and nobody cares

I’ve always been the runt, but this is worse

Because I’m stuck with no way out, and nobody can hear me cry

I bet they don’t even miss me, don’t even notice I’m gone

They never listened anyway, and they’re saying things they wouldn’t if they knew I was here

Everyone wants to be popular until they are, 

Made glass because of the things you have to say to satisfy them, transparent as a window

And you drift through life without a purpose

In and out, what’s the purpose of anything anymore

I don’t even have an appetite–nothing tastes good when you don’t want to eat

My sister’s crying about a hole in her favorite sock

I have a hole in my soul–will you buy me a new one too?

One that looks just like the old one so nobody would know it was ever damaged

Not that they would care

Not that they see the cracks in my glass figure

Maybe if I wear enough makeup, if I tell enough lies, 

I’ll look pretty enough or be dirty enough to cover up my cracks so I’ll forget them

So I can pretend they never existed and I’d be able to escape this box

Without shattering myself on the way

People say you don't know what you have until you’ve lost it

Does that mean if I left, they’d finally care?

But then what would be the point if I wasn’t there for them to hear me, for them to listen

That’s why fantasy is fiction and fiction is fake

Nothing's ever perfect, and that's the problem

Maybe if I pretend the glass isn’t there, try to see through it, it’ll disappear

But what’s the point if you can see through glass anyway?

And wouldn’t that make my glass self disappear?

Somebody inject me with steroids so I can become strong enough to break out of this box

Someone help me out now before I do something reckless,

Something stupid.

Somebody help since they won't.

*hugs*

I'm so sorry that you are struggling with this. I wish I knew what that sort of thing was like, but I don't. I can't imagine feeling like no one in your family cares. I will say that I care about you, and we all do. And there are certainly other people out there who will listen and care. And I know that that's not the same, and I'm sorry I can't do much better. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. My PMs are always open if you need to rant or just talk to someone.

If it means anything, I wrote another poem today. You've seemed to like those.

[Kajsa]

1 minute ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

*hugs*

I'm so sorry that you are struggling with this. I wish I knew what that sort of thing was like, but I don't. I can't imagine feeling like no one in your family cares. I will say that I care about you, and we all do. And there are certainly other people out there who will listen and care. And I know that that's not the same, and I'm sorry I can't do much better. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. My PMs are always open if you need to rant or just talk to someone.

If it means anything, I wrote another poem today. You've seemed to like those.

I'll have to check it out when I finish my homework. Thanks.

2 minutes ago, The Wandering Wizard said:

You're welcome, it just flowed into detasseling terms and I just followed the prompting. 

Parables help get ideas across better I think.

Yeah. Thank you.

I couldn't smash everything into that little poem-that-doesn't-rhyme-thing, but... yeah. 

[The Wandering Wizard]

2 minutes ago, Kajsa said:

I couldn't smash everything into that little poem-that-doesn't-rhyme-thing, but... yeah. 

It's impossible to cram everything you have ever experienced into a single poem, into a single book. We know that you are suffering and so we can help in what ever ways we can now, and that is enough for us to care, to ache, to sympathize, and to try to feel your pain to truly be able to know what you are going through.

[The Bookwyrm]

Okay, second time I've done this in a number of days.

Ranryu already posted here about what she's having trouble with. I know some of you have already responded, and those of us that know her in real life are trying to do our best to help.

But if you haven't responded to her, or even if you have, she could use some kind words and some friends.

Whether it's here, or by PM, or by status update, reach out to her. She could use it.

Edited February 8, 2023 by The Bookwyrm

[Morningtide]

@Ranryu I don't know you all that well but I know you well enough to know that you are a very cool and fantastic person! *hugs for whatever you're going through* I know you can pull through. I hope things get better soon!

[The Aspiring Archivist]

I know that this isn't as big a deal as some stuff that's going on, but I'll put it here anyway. I think I had a panic attack in the back seat of my car this morning. It was my first day back to school since getting sick, so I was stressed out. And then my mom and my brother started arguing, and I just shut down, and my breathing picked up and I felt helpless. It was pretty awful.

The sad thing is, nobody noticed.

[Wittles]

52 minutes ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

I know that this isn't as big a deal as some stuff that's going on, but I'll put it here anyway. I think I had a panic attack in the back seat of my car this morning. It was my first day back to school since getting sick, so I was stressed out. And then my mom and my brother started arguing, and I just shut down, and my breathing picked up and I felt helpless. It was pretty awful.

The sad thing is, nobody noticed.

That's hard. Even if it's not as big a deal as some of the other things here, what you're feeling is still valid. *hugs*

[The Wandering Wizard]

22 minutes ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

I know that this isn't as big a deal as some stuff that's going on, but I'll put it here anyway. I think I had a panic attack in the back seat of my car this morning. It was my first day back to school since getting sick, so I was stressed out. And then my mom and my brother started arguing, and I just shut down, and my breathing picked up and I felt helpless. It was pretty awful.

The sad thing is, nobody noticed.

It is just as important as any other person's problem. You are important and so are your troubles, no matter how insignificant you may think that they seem. *Hugs*

[The Aspiring Archivist]

2 hours ago, The Wandering Wizard said:

It is just as important as any other person's problem. You are important and so are your troubles, no matter how insignificant you may think that they seem. *Hugs*

I just don't feel like I have a proper reason for all of it. Sure, there was some pretty bad stuff going on a few months ago, but right now everything should be fine. And I don't want to bring it up because we just got out of a mental health crisis in the family and that's not something that needs to be reintroduced.

[Wittles]

2 minutes ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

I just don't feel like I have a proper reason for all of it. Sure, there was some pretty bad stuff going on a few months ago, but right now everything should be fine. And I don't want to bring it up because we just got out of a mental health crisis in the family and that's not something that needs to be reintroduced.

It's ok to not be able to pin down the exact reason for your panic attack. It's also totally fine if the stuff that was going on is still affecting you. 

[The Aspiring Archivist]

2 minutes ago, Witless of Shinovar said:

It's ok to not be able to pin down the exact reason for your panic attack. It's also totally fine if the stuff that was going on is still affecting you. 

Not necessarily the attack, but depression in general. And I'm trying to figure out why I can't bring myself to talk to anyone about it in real life.

[Wittles]

Just now, The Aspiring Archivist said:

Not necessarily the attack, but depression in general. And I'm trying to figure out why I can't bring myself to talk to anyone about it in real life.

Depression sucks. it just does. I can't really give any advice on talking to people about that because I kind of have the same problem. At least you have us internet weirdos to talk to

[Nathrangking]

On 2/7/2023 at 6:06 PM, Ranryu said:

A girl I really looked up to passed away recently. Other people who knew her better are suffering a lot more right now, but it still hurts. This is the third person our school has lost in as many months. What kind of world do we live in, where death is so willingly embraced? Why is this allowed to happen?

I'm sad and angry and confused.

*hugs* I wish that I could say that we live in a world where the dark stays in its own little corner and does not rear its ugly head. Yet it does and takes with it to many who have everything to live for. It is a poison senseless and insidious and it defies all logic. It is not so much allowed as it is wilier at times than those who would stop it. The sadness, anger, and confusion accompany those who ask why because the answer is so elusive these are what fall upon us who are left behind. The pain may dull with time, or it may not. However, you are not alone. Not now not ever. 

On 2/7/2023 at 7:52 PM, Demon Thieves said:

I live in a home where I am the mistake, the disappointment, the child they wished was different. 

Everyday I feel more and more degraded. And I am shattering like class inside. I don't know what to do. My demons seem to be getting stronger and harder to fight.

I am having major depression and my parents just explain it away with their religious beliefs that I don't share.

My friends have horrible families and living conditions and them seeing me go through this was hurting them so I left. But it hurts so bad to leave but I always put other people before me.

And I am failing all of the classes in school and I just want to cry all of the time.

I don't know what I am doing and I honestly think I am losing it.

I could really use a hug and some advice right now.

*Hugs* Firstly, remember this, you are not alone in this pain. If in, but in a small way we wish to shoulder it with you. If you ever need to talk my DM's are always open. It is hard to fathom what walls seem to be closing in. Your pain is real and there can be no denying it. Your parents may fail to see the beauty that exists within you, but we don't. You are important and loved. You are infinitely more powerful than the monsters that lurk within. You are legions resplendent and mighty and they are in truth no more than withered husks. The illusion of their power is no joke. However, you are stronger than they. My advice is to find someone to talk to and confide in. Whether that is a friend or someone else that you trust. Talking can do a world of good. It is admirable that you put others first, but it does no one any good if in the process you ignore yourself. Take that from someone who has lived that life. I hope I was able to help. I hope that the poem below can brighten your day if only for a moment.

Powerful
Blooms burst forth from frost.
Something subtle slinks skyward.
Spring's strength shines starkly.

20 hours ago, Kajsa said:

This one-way glass box I’m trapped in

It’s soundproof, too

Nobody can hear and nobody cares

I’ve always been the runt, but this is worse

Because I’m stuck with no way out, and nobody can hear me cry

I bet they don’t even miss me, don’t even notice I’m gone

They never listened anyway, and they’re saying things they wouldn’t if they knew I was here

Everyone wants to be popular until they are, 

Made glass because of the things you have to say to satisfy them, transparent as a window

And you drift through life without a purpose

In and out, what’s the purpose of anything anymore

I don’t even have an appetite–nothing tastes good when you don’t want to eat

My sister’s crying about a hole in her favorite sock

I have a hole in my soul–will you buy me a new one too?

One that looks just like the old one so nobody would know it was ever damaged

Not that they would care

Not that they see the cracks in my glass figure

Maybe if I wear enough makeup, if I tell enough lies, 

I’ll look pretty enough or be dirty enough to cover up my cracks so I’ll forget them

So I can pretend they never existed and I’d be able to escape this box

Without shattering myself on the way

People say you don't know what you have until you’ve lost it

Does that mean if I left, they’d finally care?

But then what would be the point if I wasn’t there for them to hear me, for them to listen

That’s why fantasy is fiction and fiction is fake

Nothing's ever perfect, and that's the problem

Maybe if I pretend the glass isn’t there, try to see through it, it’ll disappear

But what’s the point if you can see through glass anyway?

And wouldn’t that make my glass self disappear?

Somebody inject me with steroids so I can become strong enough to break out of this box

Someone help me out now before I do something reckless,

Something stupid.

Somebody help since they won't.

Once again *Hugs*. This is beautiful and heartbreaking the emotion at play is so raw that I scarcely know what to say. I know what it is like to have the world appear to be little more than a trap that I one so unworthy am trapped by. It often takes loved ones and friends to break down the door that I have made and reduce my shackles to broken shards. You are incredibly strong even if you don't see it. You are O' so meaningful and loved even if the whole world would tell you otherwise. We are here for you. If you ever need to talk please reach out my DM's are always open. Please take my poem given freely. I hope it can bring you peace if only for a moment.

Smooth Shout

Ruby and gold glow.
An aura of warmth soothes.
Summoning spring's dawn.

4 hours ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

I know that this isn't as big a deal as some stuff that's going on, but I'll put it here anyway. I think I had a panic attack in the back seat of my car this morning. It was my first day back to school since getting sick, so I was stressed out. And then my mom and my brother started arguing, and I just shut down, and my breathing picked up and I felt helpless. It was pretty awful.

The sad thing is, nobody noticed.

Archivist please don't diminish your pain. It is a huge deal. Things like this can be difficult. To air it out to someone else can be incredibly hard. To be so vulnerable is something that I have struggled with for so many years. Even now there are things that I have never admitted to the one that I love most. All that I can really say is that we are here for you if you ever want to talk as I have said my DM's are always open because in the end that first step can be like walking over the edge of an endless chasm where you know not whether there will be a net to catch you. Please accept a poem that I hope will bring even the slightest measure of light.

To Receive
Warmth spreads its vast wings.
Animation casts off sleep.
Dawn's gift delivered.

 

Edited February 8, 2023 by Nathrangking

[Kajsa]

28 minutes ago, Nathrangking said:

Once again *Hugs*. This is beautiful and heartbreaking the emotion at play is so raw that I scarcely know what to say. I know what it is like to have the world appear to be little more than a trap that I one so unworthy am trapped by. It often takes loved ones and friends to break down the door that I have made and reduce my shackles to broken shards. You are incredibly strong even if you don't see it. You are O' so meaningful and loved even if the whole world would tell you otherwise. We are here for you. If you ever need to talk please reach out my DM's are always open. Please take my poem given freely. I hope it can bring you peace if only for a moment.

Smooth Shout

Ruby and gold glow.
An aura of warmth soothes.
Summoning spring's dawn.

Thank you so much. I’m relieved to know that people care, even if they’re not the ones whose attention and recognition I seek most. 
 

Isn’t it so strange

How people you’ve never met

Strangers 

Can seem to care more

Listen to your cries

Coax the ache away

More than the ones you love the most?

 

5 hours ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

I know that this isn't as big a deal as some stuff that's going on, but I'll put it here anyway. I think I had a panic attack in the back seat of my car this morning. It was my first day back to school since getting sick, so I was stressed out. And then my mom and my brother started arguing, and I just shut down, and my breathing picked up and I felt helpless. It was pretty awful.

The sad thing is, nobody noticed.

Hey, Archie? First off, don’t do that—saying it’s not a big deal. Panic attacks are just as important as nervous meltdowns and Breathless Poems and depression. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It seems you’re in your own one-way, soundproof glass box right now—or maybe we’re in the same one, and we just have to figure out how to break out together. Just know that we’ll always be here for you. If you need someone to talk to, PM me and I’ll respond ASAP, because we care about you so much. <3

Edited February 8, 2023 by Kajsa :)

[Wittles]

18 minutes ago, Kajsa said:

Thank you so much. I’m relieved to know that people care, even if they’re not the ones whose attention and recognition I seek most. 
 

Isn’t it so strange

How people you’ve never met

Strangers 

Can seem to care more

Listen to your cries

Coax the ache away

More than the ones you love the most?

 

Hey, Archie? First off, don’t do that—saying it’s not a big deal. Panic attacks are just as important as nervous meltdowns and Breathless Poems and depression. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It seems you’re in your own one-way, soundproof glass box right now—or maybe we’re in the same one, and we just have to figure out how to break out together. Just know that we’ll always be here for you. If you need someone to talk to, PM me and I’ll respond ASAP, because we care about you so much. <3

Firstly, that is actually a really cool metaphor that I might steal some time, Secondly panic attacks are kind of scary, and kind of a big deal. (not even kind of, they are a big deal)

[The Aspiring Archivist]

29 minutes ago, Nathrangking said:

Archivist please don't diminish your pain. It is a huge deal. Things like this can be difficult. To air it out to someone else can be incredibly hard. To be so vulnerable is something that I have struggled with for so many years. Even now there are things that I have never admitted to the one that I love most. All that I can really say is that we are here for you if you ever want to talk as I have said my DM's are always open because in the end that first step can be like walking over the edge of an endless chasm where you know not whether there will be a net to catch you. Please accept a poem that I hope will bring even the slightest measure of light.

To Receive
Warmth spreads its vast wings.
Animation casts off sleep.
Dawn's gift delivered.

Thanks.

I've written some poetry about it myself in SUs, actually. It really can help sometimes.

3 minutes ago, Kajsa said:

Hey, Archie? First off, don’t do that—saying it’s not a big deal. Panic attacks are just as important as nervous meltdowns and Breathless Poems and depression. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It seems you’re in your own one-way, soundproof glass box right now—or maybe we’re in the same one, and we just have to figure out how to break out together. Just know that we’ll always be here for you. If you need someone to talk to, PM me and I’ll respond ASAP, because we care about you so much. <3

Thank you as well. For me, it's not really that I'm not being listened to. I don't blame them for not seeing what was happening when they were caught up in their own things. I know that I would be heard if I could find a way to speak, which is a luxury you haven't been afforded.

[Kajsa]

4 minutes ago, Witless of Shinovar said:

Firstly, that is actually a really cool metaphor that I might steal some time, Secondly panic attacks are kind of scary, and kind of a big deal. (not even kind of, they are a big deal)

Hmm--which metaphor? My Breathless Poem?

1 minute ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

Thanks.

I've written some poetry about it myself in SUs, actually. It really can help sometimes.

Thank you as well. For me, it's not really that I'm not being listened to. I don't blame them for not seeing what was happening when they were caught up in their own things. I know that I would be heard if I could find a way to speak, which is a luxury you haven't been afforded.

*nods*

So it's more a matter of finding your voice, then?

[The Aspiring Archivist]

1 minute ago, Kajsa said:

*nods*

So it's more a matter of finding your voice, then?

Well, as I mentioned earlier, I don't feel like it's worth bringing up.

[Kajsa]

1 minute ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

Well, as I mentioned earlier, I don't feel like it's worth bringing up.

Hmm. 

Well... I definitely think it's worth bringing up. Especially if it's affecting you this much (sorry, I know, overused--I'm at a bit of a loss for a better way to phrase it). If they'll listen, bring it up. Doesn't matter how insignificant it seems.

[The Aspiring Archivist]

5 minutes ago, Kajsa said:

Hmm. 

Well... I definitely think it's worth bringing up. Especially if it's affecting you this much (sorry, I know, overused--I'm at a bit of a loss for a better way to phrase it). If they'll listen, bring it up. Doesn't matter how insignificant it seems.

I feel like I could be wrong, or overreacting. And even if it is affecting me, it's not worth affecting the people around me.

It just makes me anxious. I don't know.

[Kajsa]

1 minute ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

I feel like I could be wrong, or overreacting. And even if it is affecting me, it's not worth affecting the people around me.

It just makes me anxious. I don't know.

I will say that I've felt this way before about bringing up my anxiety.

And Archie, you're worthy, whatever that means to you. Ie: it's worth affecting the people that love you, because it will help them help you.

[InfiniteInsanity]

I'm so sick of being sad. I get that's understandable and it's okay, but at the same time my friends are struggling and need my help. I don't feel worthy to help them when I can't go thirty minutes before I feel like crying. I haven't been able to get through seminary without crying. I can't make it through my show choir show without crying. The ballad is about remembering people and it's too much. And yet at the same time the directors are all "Facials! You're supposed to be comforting and reflective." I can't do that right now. Half of the people in that group can't. Not with that song. My mom had to get me waterproof mascara for the competitions. Last night at youth activities I was okay, I was fine, I was having fun, and then I just wasn't. And my siblings wouldn't leave me alone. I can't tell them that someone I knew died because they'll ask how and they won't understand that. I'm doing the most random stuff trying to keep myself from thinking about things. To keep myself from crying and it's not working. And I'm getting really tired of the question "Are you okay?" And I know that I'm not showing a whole lot of emotion or doing much of anything so that's really the only way to know. But the answer is no. The answer is so obviously no. This is the least I've smiled in forever. Can't people see or tell? Do they really have to keep asking me that? 

[Wittles]

1 hour ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

I'm so sick of being sad. I get that's understandable and it's okay, but at the same time my friends are struggling and need my help. I don't feel worthy to help them when I can't go thirty minutes before I feel like crying. I haven't been able to get through seminary without crying. I can't make it through my show choir show without crying. The ballad is about remembering people and it's too much. And yet at the same time the directors are all "Facials! You're supposed to be comforting and reflective." I can't do that right now. Half of the people in that group can't. Not with that song. My mom had to get me waterproof mascara for the competitions. Last night at youth activities I was okay, I was fine, I was having fun, and then I just wasn't. And my siblings wouldn't leave me alone. I can't tell them that someone I knew died because they'll ask how and they won't understand that. I'm doing the most random stuff trying to keep myself from thinking about things. To keep myself from crying and it's not working. And I'm getting really tired of the question "Are you okay?" And I know that I'm not showing a whole lot of emotion or doing much of anything so that's really the only way to know. But the answer is no. The answer is so obviously no. This is the least I've smiled in forever. Can't people see or tell? Do they really have to keep asking me that? 

*hugs* I don't know what else to do to help, but we're here for you either way. *hugs again*

[The Wandering Wizard]

36 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

I'm so sick of being sad. I get that's understandable and it's okay, but at the same time my friends are struggling and need my help. I don't feel worthy to help them when I can't go thirty minutes before I feel like crying. I haven't been able to get through seminary without crying. I can't make it through my show choir show without crying. The ballad is about remembering people and it's too much. And yet at the same time the directors are all "Facials! You're supposed to be comforting and reflective." I can't do that right now. Half of the people in that group can't. Not with that song. My mom had to get me waterproof mascara for the competitions. Last night at youth activities I was okay, I was fine, I was having fun, and then I just wasn't. And my siblings wouldn't leave me alone. I can't tell them that someone I knew died because they'll ask how and they won't understand that. I'm doing the most random stuff trying to keep myself from thinking about things. To keep myself from crying and it's not working. And I'm getting really tired of the question "Are you okay?" And I know that I'm not showing a whole lot of emotion or doing much of anything so that's really the only way to know. But the answer is no. The answer is so obviously no. This is the least I've smiled in forever. Can't people see or tell? Do they really have to keep asking me that? 

We are here for you and there will be light, it feels like there is no end to the dark but there is. *Hugs*