The Battle for the Sandwich

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

You run into my wall and while helping you recover I take the sandwich for myself.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

I, a wandering trickster, shake hands with Wizard, respecting our wandering status. Me being a trickster, I somehow steal the sandwich in the shake. Hee hee hoo hoo.

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

The shadows are put out about being repeatedly manipulated, and now everyone who has manipulated them owes them the sandwich. They also claim the sandwich from Keys once more.

[Telrao she/her]

*SNEEFS VIOLENTLY*

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I stand by my argument. The shadows are being exploited, and they should unionize. After arguing my case, the shadows agree to give it a try. After being recognized as a union, I help the shadows negotiate for fairer pay, reasonable working hours, and paid overtime, among other issues. I do this all for no fee. As thanks, the shadows give me the sandwich as a gift.

[Primeival Chaos he/him]

All of a sudden, a cloud passes over the sun. From that shadow, and enormous, well, shadow appears. The huge shadow magnate yells for the shadows to go back to work. The cowardly shadows realize that their union is pointless and they should just go back to their drudgery, living tiny paycheck to tiny paycheck. I grab the sandwich from Nerdy's hand as they are distracted and jump up into the cloud that formed the shadow. It is secretly my personal riding cloud. I cackle as I speed away off into the sunset.

Edited November 10, 2022 by Primeval Chaos

[The Isochronism he/him]

I drink a potion that gives me plot armor, and then grab a convenient flying machine that's conveniently right next to me. I pursue you into the sunset, and the potion protects me from the heat. I steal the sandwich as the sunset sets you on fire.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

I put sunscreen on and laugh at you as the armor soon cooks you through the process of convection and thermal insulation. I take the toasted sandwich.

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

But alas, the sandwich was yonder thy hand. And Forsooth, I, most devilishly stole the sandwich.

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

The shadows take the sandwich once more. they surround the sandwich and begin to swell with power and strength.

[Telrao she/her]

I sneef the most POWERFUL SNEEF in existence, absorbing the shadows again. Then, I take the sandwich and zoom away with SNEEF POWER

*sneefs violently*

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I shut off your WiFi to end the zoom meeting. This makes it easy for me to take the sandwich.

[Telrao she/her]

Unfortunately for Nerdy, turning off the WiFi did not affect me at all, as there was no capital letter in "zoom." Therefore, I was blissfully unaffected as I continued to zoom away at the speed of light.

[The Isochronism he/him]

I tell your parents you broke the rules of capitalization, and they ground you. I take the sandwich and stash it in a bag labeled "Stolen Money" so nobody thinks to check it for sandwiches. I see no problem with this plan.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I see no problem with this plan either. I'm stumped, until I remember my ProSandwich+ subscription. With ProSandwich+, you never have to waste time looking for sandwiches! Get a subscription TODAY for just $3.99 a month, plus a starting fee of $20 and a transaction fee of $37 plus use fees and tax. Get it today and steal any sandwich that you want! With my ProSandwich+ subscription, I can steal the sandwich easily. Get YOUR subscription today and claim the sandwich! Standard DA disclaimer applies. ProSandwich+ subscription not included.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

Bondsmith was lucky Nerdy took the sandwich, because now I'm robbing them for the big Stolen Money bag, which did in fact have stolen money.
Nerdy is impressed with the sheer amount of my stolen stolen money, and trades the sandwich for a tiny fraction of it. They are now a trillionaire.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I invest several billion dollars into ProSandwich+, and hike up the price. I then trick Altonic into investing all of his money, and sell all of my stocks at a low price. This causes a huge crash, and Altonic is forced to give me the sandwich to pay of his debts.

(Sorry if I misgendered you.)

[Primeival Chaos he/him]

WITH THE MIGHTY POWER OF DEUS EX MACHINA, I SUMMON A ROBOT OUT OF NOWHERE TO STEAL THE SANDWICH FROM YOUR HANDS

*coughs*

I should really stop yelling

Edited November 11, 2022 by Primeval Chaos

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

The shadows freeze the robot, and claim the sandwich once more, circling around it again.

[The Isochronism he/him]

Luckily this is one in 14,000,604 outcomes where you do not get the sandwich. You forget to do all the stupid and borderline impossible things you have to do to actually succeed, and I get the sandwich by default. I hide in a homeless shelter because all my money went in to a ProSandwich+ subscription which turned out to be a scam. I am now hungry and my only food is the sandwich, so taking it from me might cause me to die. I use the power of guilt-trips as my protection. 

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I hire Rock to give you a lifetime supply of stew. With your defensive guilt-trip gone, I take the sandwich.

[That1Cellist he/him]

I return from being eliminated on page 21. While you attempt to keep my goons from taking the lifetime supply of stew, I sneak behind you, knock you out, and take the sandwich.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

In the process, I jumped out of your wallet, knocking you out as well. I steal the sandwich and cause four more huge distractions, escaping masterfully.

[That1Cellist he/him]

Your masterful escape fails due to my aforementioned goons. They take the sandwich from you and give it to me. The smell of the sandwich brings me to my senses, and I dig a hole deep into the ground and hide there.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

I hose water onto the surrounding dirt, trapping you in a pit of mud. The sandwich floats to the top somehow, and I hose that off too.