The Battle for the Sandwich

[That1Cellist he/him]

I give Nameless a name, causing a contradiction and erasing him out of existence. I then take the sandwich from where he once stood.

[NameIess]

I return and use the power of my awesome new name to completely eradicate you.

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

I return having the powers of a pumpkin king to frighten you and I steal the sandwich, running away.

[Rabbit Unmade she/her]

Except bunnies are much more scary and powerful and easily out run you and steal the Sandwich.

[NameIess]

My attack axolotls distract the bunnies with cuteness while I steal the sandwich.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

Magician-style, I pull on the floor under Nameless. He lands upright and claps, giving me the sandwich as a tip.
who voted french

Edited November 1, 2022 by AltonicKeys

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

I steal the sandwich using a fishing rod.

[Rabbit Unmade she/her]

However, I attack you with my diamond sword and steal the sandwich. I then hide in a bedrock room.

Edited November 1, 2022 by Rabbit Unmade

[Potato's Wit she/her]

I steal and sell some pugs on the black market. I take the pugs I did not sell and use them to break into the bedrock room. I steal the sandwich from Rabbit while she is surprised. (Pugs are the only known things to ever be able to break/mine bedrock. Why else would I be selling them on the black market?)

Who said French? And WHHYYYY??????

[Rabbit Unmade she/her]

I snarl and send my rabbit army in an epic battle, in which the rabbits are both cuter and victorious. I demand the Sandwich in exchange for your life, and you give it to me while trembling in fear.

[Potato's Wit she/her]

But I'm not alive. 

I summon the Ancient Dark One, Mother Of Rabbits. She asks Rabbit to give the sandwich to me. Rabbit, being stubborn, says No. The Ancient Dark One, Mother Of Rabbits then gets mad and destroys all of Jupiter. (Yes, we're all still there.) The smaller rabbits follow The Ancient Dark One, Mother Of Rabbits away to the Rabbitverse. I take the sandwich from the ruins of Jupiter. (Yes, Rabbit died. She was on the planet when it was destroyed. Cool way to die, though.)

[Rabbit Unmade she/her]

But I am revived by the Spirit Tree. I use Abbys Shriek and kill you. I claim the Sandwich.

[Potato's Wit she/her]

Yea? Well, I'm revived by my potato family using Black Magic. Don't make me make The Ancient Dark One, Mother Of Rabbits come back and kill you again. I make a strawful pun* to distract you, and steal the sandwich.

* For all you people who don't know what a pun is, it's when you say one thing but mean a mother.

Edit: All those puns are from Alcatraz. Strawsome, right?

Edited November 1, 2022 by Potato's Wit

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

I take the sandwich using an ancient potato trick.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I one-up you by using a Jedi potato trick to take the sandwich.

[Rabbit Unmade she/her]

I turn into the Absolute Radiance and crush you. I take back the sandwich.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

But Rabbit isn't used to the absence of ground, because Jupiter is a gaseous body. She sees my form fading in the toxic mist, and finds a remarkable emptiness in her hand. Paw? Hmm.

[Rabbit Unmade she/her]

Except I, being the Absolute Radiance, can shoot lazers EVeRywhErE! You are incinerated and a take back the Sandwich.

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

The shadows claim the sandwich once more, trapping Rabbit in a core dissonace disruption.

[Telrao she/her]

I yeet myself back to Jupiter and become one with the shadows, warping them to my will. Once done, I command them to bring the Sandwich to Earth. Once there, I yoink the Sandwich and run to the Hexagon headquarters (in America) to have the Sandwich investigated and analysed for any strange, other earthly properties.

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

The shadows, offended at being hijacked, use the link they have with the sandwich to pull it into the cognitive realm, convincing everyone that it does indeed have other earthly properties.

 

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I grab my trusty old mandra from the last time this happened, and steal the sandwich in much the same way, albeit with more glitter.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

I decide that this battle is unnecessary, so I threaten nuclear annihilation. Humanity is unnecessary as well.

Edited November 2, 2022 by Sequence

[Telrao she/her]

I laugh, and press the red button, snatching the sandwich as Sequence watches the beautiful mushroom cloud. I enter the cognitive realm, hop on Spanky and go to the moon.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

I scream in fear, as I was only bluffing. My panic somehow allows me to enter the cognitive realm, where I accidentally follow Telrao, accidentally blow up the moon, and accidentally steal the sandwich. I proceed to accidentally escape to an impenetrable bunker.