Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

[Truthless of Shinovar he/him]

8 minutes ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

That's fine. Can you have it by the end of today? @Truthless of Shinovar

Yes, definitely, expect it at around 1:00

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

The due date is now today for @Truthless of Shinovar and @Kings_way. 

I'm going to say this in this post cause it works. I might be a little slow getting back to people this week because I’m getting my (Warbreaker-themed) sheep ready for fair. It shouldn’t be a problem, but I will really only be able to get on in the morning and evening, maybe occasionally during my lunch break. Just letting everyone know. 

[AonEne he/him]

Good luck at the fair! I don’t entirely know what goes on there because we’ve never kept livestock, so I hope good luck is the appropriate sentiment! 

Everyone’s roasts so far have been awesome  

[theTruthshaper]

On 7/12/2020 at 1:30 PM, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

@Ashspren, @Danex, @Gears, @Shard of Reading, @Kings_way, @Hentient, @Quitecontrary, @Channelknight Fadran, @Enter a username, @The truthwatcher, 

We need 1 more person or 5 more people (preferably) before the best thing going on the shard can keep going. You'd all be great! It's a ton of fun, hope you'll all sign up!

I just saw this, were you trying to call me?

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

Great roasts @SirWolfe and @Toaster Retribution!

1 hour ago, The_Truthwatcher said:

I just saw this, were you trying to call me?

I was seeing if you wanted to sign up for the Cosmere Character Roast Tournament.

The current tournament is already underway, but you can sign up for the next one if you want, they're a ton of fun!

[Truthless of Shinovar he/him]

[Waxillium Ladrian drops into the building. Apparently, this is supposed to be a roast battle. Easy enough. The Roughs were tougher than this]

Spoiler

[Waxillium Dawnshot strides towards Janet first]

 

Ok ok who are you again?

That character nobody cares about?

Well I’ve tried civility and decorum, 

and now I’m ‘bout to let it out.

 

So you like your little horses?

Well let me tell you something new.

I’ve seen more interesting corpses,

And I was the one that killed them too.

 

Oh I’m sorry, I forgot, 

That you’ve never had to fight for yourself.

Your protected by your Alethi, you’re not

Someone brave, you’re just stuck on the shelf.

 

And so it’s painfully clear to me

(As it should be to you)

That you’ll never amount to anything

So just keep on brushing horses like you do.

 

[Wax spins away from Jenet and drops down a bullet casing. Burning steel, he flies over to Sigzil. He’s tapping weight, so when he lands, the floor shakes and cracks beneath him. A menacing look is on his face.]

 

Alright Mr. Sigzil, I’ve heard your claims.

So you say I’m irresponsible? You say I don’t care? 

Well let me tell you something that will raise up your hair. 

 

I’ve fought in more battles,

I’ve protected more men,

Than you can possibly imagine with your silly little spren.

 

You think it’s only the excitement?

You think it’s only the thrill?

I fight to protect the common people you and your government would kill.

 

My duties are bigger than you could imagine. 

While you’re only recording how long a rock is on the wall,

I’m the only one who keeps an entire city from its fall.

 

You notice a theme? 

I’ll tell you because you won’t admit it.

I’ve protected more people than a Windrunner like you has ever dreamt. 

 

So before you make this accusations of me running away from responsibility, 

Remember how you’ve failed, first Hoid, and then this roast battle.

“Waxillium Lardian is better than me!” Will be your only death rattle.

 

[Mists have now entered the room. Wax is hovering in the air, slowly Pushing towards Sixth of Dusk]

 

Alright so you’re that one trapper?

You think you’re a rapper?

Let me tell you something son,

You’re trappin’ and rappin’ is nothing next to my gun.

 

You think the Nightmaws are dangerous.

You think it’s outrageous

That even your own father wants to kill you.

Bitter that your services bring nothing you’re due.

 

Your speech lacks any passion,

You don’t have any metals, breaths or Lashin’s

Just those birds on your head

(One of them wishes you were dead).

 

Oh you want to say something back?

Yeah well good luck with that.

You’ll never find the words to say,

And besides, you can’t roast me, Waxillium: the shot of the day.

[Wax has now moved upwards, towering above all his contestants]

You people really think you can defeat me?

Please, I’ve died and come back actually.

I’ve done more than all of you combined.

It’s really pretty easy to find

That I just won this competition with ease,

Roasted everyone and brought them to their knees!

Wow, that was a lot harder than I thought. Hope you guys enjoy it!

Edited July 20, 2020 by Truthless of Shinovar

[DramaQueen she/he/neopronouns]

8 minutes ago, Truthless of Shinovar said:

[Waxillium Ladrian drops into the building. Apparently, this is supposed to be a roast battle. Easy enough. The Roughs were tougher than this]

  Hide contents

[Waxillium Dawnshot strides towards Janet first]

 

Ok ok who are you again?

That character nobody cares about?

Well I’ve tried civility and decorum, 

and now I’m ‘bout to let it out.

 

So you like your little horses?

Well let me tell you something new.

I’ve seen more interesting corpses,

And I was the one that killed them too.

 

Oh I’m sorry, I forgot, 

That you’ve never had to fight for yourself.

Your protected by your Alethi, you’re not

Someone brave, you’re just stuck on the shelf.

 

And so it’s painfully clear to me

(As it should be to you)

That you’ll never amount to anything

So just keep on brushing horses like you do.

 

[Wax spins away from Jenet and drops down a bullet casing. Burning steel, he flies over to Sigzil. He’s tapping weight, so when he lands, the floor shakes and cracks beneath him. A menacing look is on his face.]

 

Alright Mr. Sigzil, I’ve heard your claims.

So you say I’m irresponsible? You say I don’t care? 

Well let me tell you something that will raise up your hair. 

 

I’ve fought in more battles,

I’ve protected more men,

Than you can possibly imagine with your silly little spren.

 

You think it’s only the excitement?

You think it’s only the thrill?

I fight to protect the common people you and your government would kill.

 

My duties are bigger than you could imagine. 

While you’re only recording how long a rock is on the wall,

I’m the only one who keeps an entire city from its fall.

 

You notice a theme? 

I’ll tell you because you won’t admit it.

I’ve protected more people than a Windrunner like you has ever dreamt. 

 

So before you make this accusations of me running away from responsibility, 

Remember how you’ve failed, first Hoid, and then this roast battle.

“Waxillium Lardian is better than me!” Will be your only death rattle.

 

[Mists have now entered the room. Wax is hovering in the air, slowly Pushing towards Sixth of Dusk]

 

Alright so you’re that one trapper?

You think you’re a rapper?

Let me tell you something son,

You’re trappin’ and rappin’ is nothing next to my gun.

 

You think the Nightmaws are dangerous.

You think it’s outrageous

That even your own father wants to kill you.

Bitter that your services bring nothing you’re due.

 

Your speech lacks any passion,

You don’t have any metals, breaths or Lashin’s

Just those birds on your head

(One of them wishes you were dead).

 

Oh you want to say something back?

Yeah well good luck with that.

You’ll never find the words to say,

And besides, you can’t roast me, Waxillium: the shot of the day.

[Wax has now moved upwards, towering above all his contestants]

You people really think you can defeat me?

Please, I’ve died and come back actually.

I’ve done more than all of you combined.

It’s really pretty easy to find

That I just won this competition with ease,

Roasted everyone and brought them to their knees!

Wow, that was a lot harder than I thought. Hope you guys enjoy it!

That was really good!

[Truthless of Shinovar he/him]

19 minutes ago, DramaQueen said:

That was really good!

Thanks, I appreciate it!! 

Edited July 20, 2020 by Truthless of Shinovar

[Channelknight Fadran]

I have no eloquent rhyming skills but I'm not throwing away my shot. Can I get a prompt? I'll do my best.

 

[DramaQueen she/he/neopronouns]

1 minute ago, Channelknight Fadran said:

I have no eloquent rhyming skills but I'm not throwing away my shot. Can I get a prompt? I'll do my best.

 

You'll have to wait for the next round.

[Channelknight Fadran]

2 minutes ago, DramaQueen said:

You'll have to wait for the next round.

Thanks

[DramaQueen she/he/neopronouns]

13 minutes ago, Channelknight Fadran said:

Thanks

Oh, also, you should start thinking about what character you would want to be!

[Hen she/her]

3 hours ago, Channelknight Fadran said:

I have no eloquent rhyming skills but I'm not throwing away my shot. Can I get a prompt? I'll do my best.

 

Subtle Hamilton reference anyone? 

[DramaQueen she/he/neopronouns]

12 minutes ago, Hentient said:

Subtle Hamilton reference anyone? 

Ehh, it wasn't so subtle.

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

I hate to do this, but as @Kings_way hasn’t responded in several days I’m going to have to disqualify them to keep it fair for everyone. In that case, here is the poll. I will post results tomorrow morning! (I’m still taking the top two)

[SirWolfe]

34 minutes ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

I hate to do this, but as @Kings_way hasn’t responded in several days I’m going to have to disqualify them to keep it fair for everyone. In that case, here is the poll. I will post results tomorrow morning! (I’m still taking the top two)

The poll says that it was completed on 7/14. Maybe a mistake?

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

2 hours ago, SirWolfe said:

The poll says that it was completed on 7/14. Maybe a mistake?

I forgot to change the date. Try now.

[SirWolfe]

Works now.

[theTruthshaper]

Sorry, I really shouldn't have done this, but then I got an idea, and well...

Presenting.... Sixth of the Dusk

Spoiler

Sixth of the Dusk is my name

what you all do is just a game

I may not speak much, but I rise to the occasion

As I advance you better start your evasion

 

Oh, Waxillium Ladrian, you are?

Even your god can only take you so far

While you ask your god to protect

Like a person with no self respect

 

My God actively tries to kill me

But I refuse to let him claim me

You actually died, you incompetent fool

For all you do, you are just a tool

 

Worldsinger Sigzil, you call yourself windrunner

Since you left the Azish, all you have gotten is dumber.

Your master broke you out, but was unable to teach you

Keep your morals to yourself, that's what I beseech you

 

Jenet, the horse lady, that's what they call you

You run across someone, and you fill them with rue

No one remembers you, how can I blame them?

All you can be compared to is lame crem

 

You all might feel that you take risks

But that's like comparing worms to basilisks

For I live on Patji, the biggest and the oldest

Don't even try, just go home and rest

 

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

12 minutes ago, The_Truthwatcher said:

Sorry, I really shouldn't have done this, but then I got an idea, and well...

Presenting.... Sixth of the Dusk

  Reveal hidden contents

Sixth of the Dusk is my name

what you all do is just a game

I may not speak much, but I rise to the occasion

As I advance you better start your evasion

 

Oh, Waxillium Ladrian, you are?

Even your god can only take you so far

While you ask your god to protect

Like a person with no self respect

 

My God actively tries to kill me

But I refuse to let him claim me

You actually died, you incompetent fool

For all you do, you are just a tool

 

Worldsinger Sigzil, you call yourself windrunner

Since you left the Azish, all you have gotten is dumber.

Your master broke you out, but was unable to teach you

Keep your morals to yourself, that's what I beseech you

 

Jenet, the horse lady, that's what they call you

You run across someone, and you fill them with rue

No one remembers you, how can I blame them?

All you can be compared to is lame crem

 

You all might feel that you take risks

But that's like comparing worms to basilisks

For I live on Patji, the biggest and the oldest

Don't even try, just go home and rest

 

It looks great. If you want to take that spot in the tournament I'll add you to the poll.

[theTruthshaper]

Just now, Ghanderflaffle said:

It looks great. If you want to take that spot in the tournament I'll add you to the poll.

Well, alright then, add me if it's alright.

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

The old link works. If you want to change your vote to @The_Truthwatcher and you already voted, just dm me who you previously voted for.

[Truthless of Shinovar he/him]

@Ghanderflaffle, contestants aren’t allowed to vote, correct?

[Channelknight Fadran]

17 hours ago, DramaQueen said:

Oh, also, you should start thinking about what character you would want to be!

Hmm... can I be The Lopen?

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

7 hours ago, Truthless of Shinovar said:

@Ghanderflaffle, contestants aren’t allowed to vote, correct?

Contestants aren't allowed to vote for themselves. I don't care if you vote for each other.