Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

[Mat]

9 minutes ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

Results are in! The winner of this round is..... @Matrim's Dice as Dalinar! Congrats to you, you’ll also be in the next round once I have time to get that set up. Thanks for playing @Truthless of Shinovar. 

There will only be two more rounds to this tournament. The next one will be the three remaining players against each other. Only one will be eliminated. The remaining two will continue to the finals. I will get the next round set up in a couple hours when I have more time.

Awesome! As in that's what @Truthless of Shinovar's roast was. Nicely done, 'twas a great battle  

[Ghanderflaffle]

The next round will be @Sorana as Gaotona, @DramaQueen as Spook, and @Matrim's Dice as Dalinar. Only two will continue to the final. Your roasts will be due Thursday (which is my first full day of school, which I am just now realizing is going to murder me, so I won’t really be able to check until that evening. Yay junior year.) Good luck to the three of you. Go go go! 

[Truthless of Shinovar]

Congrats @Matrim's Dice! It was a great battle!

[DramaQueen]

22 hours ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

The next round will be @Sorana as Gaotona, @DramaQueen as Spook, and @Matrim's Dice as Dalinar. Only two will continue to the final. Your roasts will be due Thursday (which is my first full day of school, which I am just now realizing is going to murder me, so I won’t really be able to check until that evening. Yay junior year.) Good luck to the three of you. Go go go! 

I'm actually going backpacking for a while, could you push the due date to next week?

Edited August 18, 2020 by DramaQueen

[Ghanderflaffle]

4 hours ago, DramaQueen said:

I'm actually going backpacking for a while, could you push the due date to next week?

When will you be able to finish it?

[DramaQueen]

2 hours ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

When will you be able to finish it?

Umm probably by Tuesday?

[+Sorana]

Tuesday sounds perfect to be honest

I have to work overtime this week and to be able to push the roast back to the weekend would spare me a lot of stress.

Edited August 19, 2020 by Sorana

[Ghanderflaffle]

Alright then, let's make the due date Tuesday for @Sorana @DramaQueen and @Matrim's Dice. I can’t go much farther back, so is that enough time for everyone?

[Mat]

1 hour ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

Alright then, let's make the due date Tuesday for @Sorana @DramaQueen and @Matrim's Dice. I can’t go much farther back, so is that enough time for everyone?

Yes, that's fine, thank you.

[DramaQueen]

1 hour ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

Alright then, let's make the due date Tuesday for @Sorana @DramaQueen and @Matrim's Dice. I can’t go much farther back, so is that enough time for everyone?

Yep, thanks!!

[+Sorana]

7 hours ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

Alright then, let's make the due date Tuesday for @Sorana @DramaQueen and @Matrim's Dice. I can’t go much farther back, so is that enough time for everyone?

Thank you so much!!

[Ghanderflaffle]

Alright then, due Tuesday!

[+Sorana]

Here you are:

Spoiler

*Gaotona steps on the stage and bows*

Greetings to you,
young man, later ruler,
I know you look forward,
to a great future

Your titles are plenty,
so I won't list them all
your skills vary wildly,
as far as I can recall

Although maybe I should mention
that you were Kelsier's ward
he inspired your actions
his recognition your reward
You followed him,
through battle and war,
fighting by his side
made your heart and soul soar

You stumbled into madness,
full of allomancy and spikes
and while your friends fought the enemy
you had a girl in sight

Only after a while
did you return to their side
welcoming the foe
with your arms opened up wide
You trusted a voice
over your own sense of reason
and while that could be foolish
it could also be treason

*smiles apologetically*

Please, don't be offended young one,
because I honestly think,
you're a lesson of your own

History calls you a hero,
the last lord of old
and you started from zero,
worked your way up on the front

I admire your dedication
the way you never gave up
how you served as inspiration
for a goal true and just
you worked for a dream
for a new way of life
and made sure it turned out real
a legacy of it's own kind

It makes me wonder a little
how great you could've been
if you strived a bit more
towards goals unseen
It feels like a shame,
that you spend so much time
running after a shadow
who left you behind
that you never took a minute
to learn proper speech
and that without taking a second
you change with whom you sleep

*shakes his head in wonder*

And yet, it's set in stone,
or in steel if you prefer
it is you, young man,
the Lord Mistborn
 

*bows deeply and turns to Dalinar*

My reverent greetings to you,
highprince of Althkar,
a great man as few
and a hero of war

You've got a dark past
well hidden behind a veil
a barrier you wanted to last
as the memories bring pain
Our past is important,
as it shapes who we are
and it's role is significant
in showing us a new path

I could this dark time
against you right now
but I won't cross that line
that's not why I'm here

I greatly respect
the way you have changed
how you stepped past mistakes
moved away from that range
strong minded and fierce
you fight for your people
are not afraid of the price
to pay for their freedom

You step up to challenge
a true god of old
that's worthy of a king
of a legend told

Regardless your doubts
and the intimidating foe
you never give up
ignore a tale of woe
Instead you go on
and accept your failure
don't rest till you've won
relentless your journey

You're no politician
lack diplomacy and finesse
but you do take an action
when the world calls for it
you're not afraid of reactions
that might be thrown your way
instead you make your own decision
giving few a say

I think you already know
your marriage was daring
that by speaking these vows
you opened your back to plotting
Gently nudging with words
is no weapon you wield
so maybe keep in mind
politics are also a battlefield

I'm excited to see
what you will do next
how your journey might proceed
I doubt there's time to relax

Only time will tell us,
of the path you will take
and I know you'll keep many
of us reading till late.

 

 

[Mat]

Here is mine! I tried a new rhyming format, 1 1, 2 2, 3, [enter] 4 4, 5 5, 3 [etc...], well, it's probably easier just to read it. But you'll see what I mean; the last lines of each paragraph all rhyme with each other.

Anyways:

Spoiler

*Dalinar Kholin strides back into where he had won twice before, preparing his mind and voice for another battle. He grins at the boy and old man seated on the floor.* 

Well, well, well 

This sure is swell 

Me standing here 

S'what you should fear 

Cause your faults I will sing 

 

Gaotona, old man 

I’m not a fan 

Of your way of life 

It did cause much strife 

To the girl who saved your king. 

 

The Arbiters and you 

Shut Shai in a room 

Put a limit on the time 

To create a soul so divine 

An unrealistic thing. 

 

But that is not all 

A Bloodsealer you did call 

An evil dark magic 

With skeletals so tragic 

What were you thinking? 

 

Didn’t you in your youth 

Manipulate the truth 

Conning poor Ashravan 

Nudging forward your plan 

To seize the Empire’s bling? 

 

*Shakes head in disappointment* 

 

You claim outwardly to be 

A lover of the artistry 

Of sculptures and painters 

And yet you dislike the changers 

Of the souls of disliked nothing? 

 

Forgers change and reshape 

Making useless things great 

Creating masterful works 

And while they may have some quirks 

Your respect for their talent should be something 

 

But you’re quick to dismiss 

One of the greatest artist’s 

Presence in your palace of rose 

And sink to continual lows 

While scrambling to fix everything. 

 

I would like to think it 

That a man of your age and merit 

Would know where, how, and what 

And on which steps to strut 

In this thing called living 

 

But it’s clear, good Arbiter 

That the years haven’t made you brighter 

The irony lies  

In your decisions about Shai: 

You were saved by what you found disgusting. 

 

*Dalinar Kholin considers a bow, but evidently decides the Arbiter is unworthy. He turns to wink at Spook.* 

 

Now, now, now 

I’m wondering how 

You made it this far 

When your skills truly are 

Hard to find in the splinters of wood 

 

This does seem familiar 

Déjà vu makes this similar 

I’m thinking we’ve fought  

Once before, and I thought 

That I’d scared you away for good 

 

I suppose you’ve been smart 

But talking cute isn’t art 

Even if it buys the upvotes 

It’s a weak way to float 

In this battle of words  

 

But maybe I’ll try it 

It might get me some credit: 

Wassing the thinking the way that you talk 

Is notting the proper of wassingly balk? 

Having the have of ever wassing no should-! 

 

*Visibly shudders* 

 

Spook, I don’t even know what I said 

But I do know that’s no ‘High Imperial’, friend 

Those ‘ing’s butcher the very language we speak 

I can almost hear the fluid your brain must leak- 

-If I could rescue your mind, believe me, I would. 

 

With that out of the way 

I’ll focus more on today 

Where the Lord Mistborn you became 

Created an Empire built on shame 

You aren’t worthy of surviving where you stood 

 

You made yourself Emperor  

But forbade a successor 

For reasons that are unknown  

After your wind had blown 

It apparently was the only one that could 

 

I’ve already told of your past 

Where you trusted too fast 

And almost destroyed Scadrial’s chance 

At surviving death’s last dance 

Luckily Vin and Elend pulled a trick from their hood 

 

Their sacrifice is why 

Your survival makes me cry 

They did all the work 

And you prospered from a shirk 

While Sazed fixed the broken world 

 

Your life is built upon 

A lie that you stepped on 

The Survivor of the Flame 

Shoved away all the blame 

And took over the land saved by good 

*Dalinar sighs at the pitiful opponents thrown at him. He bows to neither, respects neither. For a diplomatic warrior can only respect those who are worth something* 

@Sorana, @DramaQueen, @Ghanderflaffle, hope you enjoy!

 

Oh, PS for @DramaQueen:

Quote

I suppose you’ve been smart 

But talking cute isn’t art 

Even if it buys the upvotes 

It’s a weak way to float 

In this battle of words  

I don't mean it! The Spook language High Imperial (cough, Fadran, cough) in your roasts are seriously my favorite part.  

Course, I don't mean any of the roasts in the entire thing, about anybody. But this one gets a special mention and clarification.  

Edited August 24, 2020 by Matrim's Dice

[Channelknight Fadran]

2 hours ago, Matrim's Dice said:

I don't mean it! The Spook language in your roasts are seriously my favorite part.  

Did you just say Spook Language?

[Mat]

31 minutes ago, Channelknight Fadran said:

Did you just say Spook Language?

Yes. Yes I did. High Imperial? Eastern Street Slang? Spook Language? Which do you prefer? Clearly not the latter?  

[Channelknight Fadran]

Just now, Matrim's Dice said:

Yes. Yes I did. High Imperial? Eastern Street Slang? Spook Language? Which do you prefer? Clearly not the latter?  

High Imperial, of course. I have a rusting academy!

[+Sorana]

10 hours ago, Matrim's Dice said:

Here is mine! I tried a new rhyming format, 1 1, 2 2, 3, [enter] 4 4, 5 5, 3 [etc...], well, it's probably easier just to read it. But you'll see what I mean; the last lines of each paragraph all rhyme with each other.

 

Consider me impressed! That's incredible!

Out of curiosity how do you, or anybody else at that, go about writing their roasts?

[Mat]

8 hours ago, Sorana said:

Consider me impressed! That's incredible!

Out of curiosity how do you, or anybody else at that, go about writing their roasts?

Hmm, I typically just go with whatever comes to mind. Open up a blank document, and... just go  Sometimes I'll have the coppermind article open for the character I'm doing if I don't remember a whole lot about them, but most of the time I just do whatever I think of in that moment. Later I come back to get a fresh look on it and change a few words for rhythm, but most of the time I just sorta go and write it mostly in one sitting.

[Ghanderflaffle]

Looks good so far! Don’t forget to post yours @DramaQueen.

[DramaQueen]

Just now, Ghanderflaffle said:

Looks good so far! Don’t forget to post yours @DramaQueen.

I'm so sorry! I haven't had much time to be working on it since I got back from my trip. We spent a lot of time unpacking, then we did a lot of other stuff as a family. If at all possible, it would be really nice if I could get the due date pushed back just one more day. If not, I'll do my best to get it done by the end of today. Once again, super sorry.

[Channelknight Fadran]

8 minutes ago, DramaQueen said:

I'm so sorry! I haven't had much time to be working on it since I got back from my trip. We spent a lot of time unpacking, then we did a lot of other stuff as a family. If at all possible, it would be really nice if I could get the due date pushed back just one more day. If not, I'll do my best to get it done by the end of today. Once again, super sorry.

Here. I'll stall for you.

As Leader of the Hegemony of the World, I order you to give DramaQueen more time!

[+Sorana]

16 hours ago, Matrim's Dice said:

Hmm, I typically just go with whatever comes to mind. Open up a blank document, and... just go  Sometimes I'll have the coppermind article open for the character I'm doing if I don't remember a whole lot about them, but most of the time I just do whatever I think of in that moment. Later I come back to get a fresh look on it and change a few words for rhythm, but most of the time I just sorta go and write it mostly in one sitting.

Oh wow! You really have a great feeling for rhythms and rhymes.

I have to do something like three revisions, one to get some ideas down, one to get it rhyme and then I usually need a thrid one to get at least some meassure of rhythm right. Although I'm getting better and faster ever since this started. It takes me less time to get my scribbled drafts into something useful than when I started.

[Mat]

@DramaQueen? Hello? Dalinar wishes to hear some more High Imperial rap!  

[DramaQueen]

1 minute ago, Matrim's Dice said:

@DramaQueen? Hello? Dalinar wishes to hear some more High Imperial rap!  

Sorry!! I'm struggling.

Spoiler

I've never been able to read The Emperor's Soul, so everything I say about Gaotona, I have to get from Coppermind. It's hard.