Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

[DramaQueen]

17 hours ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

All of you, mini roasts, now! 

Also, if anyone who has already voted could vote again please do, I had another technical difficulty.

I'm a tad late for this, but I will gladly submit a mini roast! (yes, I realize you're not serious )(Also, this is from my perspective, not Spook's, sorry about that, I just didn't know how to get this point across as Spook)

Spoiler

Tineyes and Survivors are awesome

The rest of you guys are just dumb

Spook is the cutest, his moment with Vin

Is why into my heart, I let him in.

You said it was pitiful, I disagree.

It was so sweet, at least to me.

He wanted to be useful, burning too much tin,

Just because no one really saw him.

You all should understand him, wanting to be seen,

And yet, your envy for him is blindingly green.

I've said too much for this mini roast, I just go on and on.

In conclusion, Spook's the best. And now.... I'm.... gone.

 

Edited July 27, 2020 by DramaQueen

[Ghanderflaffle]

I am going to post results early because of what they are looking like. @DramaQueen ran away with the votes, but everyone else tied. So, I do actually need mini roasts from @Lunamor, @Matrim's Dice, and @Fezzik. Let's say, by Wednesday. So, @DramaQueen as Spook moves on, everyone else needs a mini roast.

[Mat]

How long are the mini roasts?

[DramaQueen]

1 hour ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

I am going to post results early because of what they are looking like. @DramaQueen ran away with the votes, but everyone else tied. So, I do actually need mini roasts from @Lunamor, @Matrim's Dice, and @Fezzik. Let's say, by Wednesday. So, @DramaQueen as Spook moves on, everyone else needs a mini roast.

Wow, I did not expect that, you guys were amazing!!! Good luck on the mini roasts, can't wait to find out who'll be joining me in the next round!!!

[Channelknight Fadran]

I'm going to mini roast Odium as Lift real quick (just to practice before I'm actually allowed to enter).

Spoiler

Well lookee here, the so-called god of passion.

Who knew that pure evil had good sense of fashion?

I don't starvin' care what clothes you wear.

But you're so stormin' stupid that it's almost unfair.

 

You think that your thrill was impressive?

We got through that like food in my digestive... system.

So go back to the void from whence you came.

Voidbringers and idiots are always the same.

 

[Ghanderflaffle]

9 hours ago, Matrim's Dice said:

How long are the mini roasts?

Up to 8 lines, let's go no less than 3.

[Mat]

Hokay: For The Win-

*Dalinar Kholin returns for one last encore, one last fight. A chance at victory.*

To be read in one breath:

Spoiler

Dalinar here, this is a bit unexpected,

To roast here again completely unprotected.

Our dear friend Spook ran away with the votes,

Skipping a challenge and avoiding the growth that matters most.

 

I only have time to recap the stories, of two men who fell short of getting the glory:

Wayne no-name, who tagged with Wax but was lax and nearly got the axe, but stayed with the group and hardly could coup-

Taln has falln', the herald of stone who was left all alone by the 'friends' he didn't own to be tortured for years and broken down to tears-

While I stood high above the plains as it rained fire (and Vyre) and fought a whole lot and won the days against Rayse who was trying to raize-

And it's clear... *exhales* that the Radiant... should go on.

 Sorry Ghander, that was 9 lines... don't kill me  

[Ghanderflaffle]

7 hours ago, Matrim's Dice said:

Hokay: For The Win-

*Dalinar Kholin returns for one last encore, one last fight. A chance at victory.*

To be read in one breath:

  Reveal hidden contents

Dalinar here, this is a bit unexpected,

To roast here again completely unprotected.

Our dear friend Spook ran away with the votes,

Skipping a challenge and avoiding the growth that matters most.

 

I only have time to recap the stories, of two men who fell short of getting the glory:

Wayne no-name, who tagged with Wax but was lax and nearly got the axe, but stayed with the group and hardly could coup-

Taln has falln', the herald of stone who was left all alone by the 'friends' he didn't own to be tortured for years and broken down to tears-

While I stood high above the plains as it rained fire (and Vyre) and fought a whole lot and won the days against Rayse who was trying to raize-

And it's clear... *exhales* that the Radiant... should go on.

 Sorry Ghander, that was 9 lines... don't kill me  

*slowly slides my sword back into its sheath* I will let it go, just this once. 

[Mat]

@Ghanderflaffle, what happens if nobody else posts?  

[Ghanderflaffle]

47 minutes ago, Matrim's Dice said:

@Ghanderflaffle, what happens if nobody else posts?  

Then they are disqualified and you move on automatically. @Lunamor is working on theirs, I'm not sure about @Fezzik

[Lunamor]

Sorry mine’s so last minute!

Spoiler

Taln, you’re a clown

Spook, you’re just puke

Dalinar, you’re a burnt cigar

I’m worthy of a crown,

got the renown of a duke,

frankly,

I’m the greatest by far!

 

[Mat]

5 minutes ago, Lunamor said:

Sorry mine’s so last minute!

  Reveal hidden contents

Taln, you’re a clown

Spook, you’re just puke

Dalinar, you’re a burnt cigar

I’m worthy of a crown,

got the renown of a duke,

frankly,

I’m the greatest by far!

 

Is this the proper mini roast length?  Mine was too long xD

[Ghanderflaffle]

Well, since I never got a response from @Fezzik, here's the poll between @Lunamor and @Matrim's Dice. (I know Fezzik is still an option. If anyone votes for them I won’t count it). Oh and I’m trying a different website again because people were having problems. I think you’ll be able to see the results yourself with this one, but I’ll still post them tomorrow morning.

[+Sorana]

Great job, all of you! I really enjoyed reading your roasts!!

[Ghanderflaffle]

The results are in! @Matrim's Dice will be joining @DramaQueen in the next round. (Although I wanted a Wax vs. Wayne battle) Congrats to Taln, thanks for playing @Lunamor. 

This marks the end of the first tier of our bracket! The next 3 rounds will be 1v1. The first of these is @Sorana against @SirWolfe. Monday is your due date!

[Mat]

2 hours ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

The results are in! @Matrim's Dice will be joining @DramaQueen in the next round. (Although I wanted a Wax vs. Wayne battle) Congrats to Taln, thanks for playing @Lunamor. 

This marks the end of the first tier of our bracket! The next 3 rounds will be 1v1. The first of these is @Sorana against @SirWolfe. Monday is your due date!

Yay! @Lunamor, @Fezzik, thanks for playing, your roasts were great! (I wanted a Wax Wayne battle too )

[SirWolfe]

*To be spoken in a calm manner, almost like a poem. Think of how one might read a sonnet, with gentle lilts within the phrase, and then you’ve got it down.*

*Sigzil walks up to Gaotona, and bows, as is the custom of the Rose Empire.*

Spoiler

Good day, Gaotona, sir.
Delighted to make your acquaintance.
I’ve heard good things, and I do hope,
That this won’t spark a fight.

With the pleasantries out of the way,
Let this all begin,

Now, save me your gentle disappointment,
And your well-meaning, honest comments.

I’ve had enough of all that crem,
Those passive-aggressive,
No, passive-passive words of “guidance”.
I’d heard enough and given enough, to know when it’s time to stop.

Perhaps you and I can find,
Some commonality,
In our analytical natures,
A desire to guide others,
Through times of liminality.

But sir, I do confess,
I see a few of your methods,
As tending to delay progress.
You mean no harm, 
You mean the best,
But don’t you think that disapproval,
might also cause distress?

Take, for instance, Ashravan, 
That pitiful, poor man.
The reluctant emperor,
Who you’d like to call your son.

You betrayed his trust,
You pushed him to become a leader,
Convinced him that was what he wanted,
When in the end it was all at your behest.

Because of you, you lost his love,
Your “son” resented your existence,
He became the very thing he wanted to change,
A lazy, spineless noble.

You analyze, you try to see,
How other people work,
You believe that if you speak the truth,
Then others will follow suit.

But let’s be real, Gaotona, sir,
That’s not how reality works.
You believe that what you do is good,
When all it does is hurt.

We’re similar, you and I,
In that we tend to push.
We tend to project our own desires,
Onto the will of others.

Like a tree that provides,
Shade and shelter for others,
But is also that tendency,
To overshadow the desires of those around us.

However, unlike I, who had my friends,
Who’d help keep me in check,
You held a position of authority,
That no one could contest.

I was a tree that had supports,
And the constant force of storms,
To keep me from becoming much too rigid,
To keep me from insisting on what I believed was right.

You were a tree that grew tall, straight, and alone.
Unaffected by the world around you.
And ultimately you became,
A rigid rod of stone.

You constantly go around,
Giving people gentle frowns,
Telling them about how much,
Potential that they could have had.

But what about you,
Gaotona, sir,
What potential have you wasted?

Instead of using your kindness,
And your lack of overt selfishness,
To further the empire, to change the people,
You instead tried to twist those minds to fit in with what you wanted.

You could have set a good example,
“An arbiter who truly cares”
Now isn’t that a slogan!
But instead you chose to shake your head,
With nothing but a disapproving frown.

Because in the end, you’re no better than them,
Your tolerance is pointless and false,
Because you don’t truly accept other opinions,
Instead, you manipulate them to further your own.

You’re selfish, Arbiter Gaotona,
Your efforts to let others know that they need improving,
Your attempts at triggering self reflection,
Ought to have been directed towards yourself.

You’re the worst kind of advisor,
Only causing others great discomfort,
Without an idea of what, how, or why to improve.

And now, I’ll help and get you started,
I’ve a few key points,
Some decent advice,
That I hope you’ll take to heart in your response.

You’ve got to be specific,
You’ve got to speak your mind,
If you have to hit someone,
At least you should tell them why.

When telling others about wasted potential,
You shouldn’t remain so lofty,
Instead you’ve got to go to their level,
Speak with them, and not always softly.

Tell them why you think the way you do,
And what you believe they could improve.
And if they don’t agree with you,
Try to put yourself in their shoes.

Take, for instance, Forger Shai,
The one who rebuilt Ashravan,
You looked at her work and sighed,
“So much wasted potential” you said,
Without ever thinking why.

Why, why did that girl decide to Forge,
To create what wasn’t there before?
To manipulate and twist the past,
To make artistry that wouldn’t last?

If you had taken even a moment,
To consider her desires,
You might have found that her reasons,
Were quite sound at heart.

So blind are you to other people,
You assume that they all think like you.
Well here’s the catch, the strings attached,
They don’t, they’re individuals too. 

What might make perfect sense for you,
May not be the case for them,
Instead of assuming that you know the best.
Consider that there might be more to learn.

It took me some time to learn this,
Before I did I was… not good.
I’d insist upon the Azish ways,
Stuck in my beliefs, I stood.

It took a jester, a captain, a bridge,
To help me to overcome,
My biases, my stubbornness,
To let myself take flight.

And with that, I end my part,
Respectfully as I can.
And I do hope, to all the gods,
That you’ll take my words to heart.

*Sigzil walks away, letting a “Form for official surrender” drop from his hands to land at Gaotona’s feet. On it is a note: “In case you want to take some time off for self reflection.”*

Edited August 2, 2020 by SirWolfe

[+Sorana]

16 hours ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

This marks the end of the first tier of our bracket! The next 3 rounds will be 1v1. The first of these is @Sorana against @SirWolfe. Monday is your due date!

I am sorry, but I'm not home till monday - I'll try, but I might need a little more time.

[Ghanderflaffle]

8 hours ago, Sorana said:

I am sorry, but I'm not home till monday - I'll try, but I might need a little more time.

Then if you can’t get it in Monday, you can have Tuesday to finish.

[+Sorana]

On 1.8.2020 at 4:08 PM, Ghanderflaffle said:

Then if you can’t get it in Monday, you can have Tuesday to finish.

Thanks a lot! It's monday now and I don't have a single line - but I'll try to get something done till tomorrow.

===========

Edit:

and here you are @Ghanderflaffle

Spoiler

And a good day to you,
honored Sigzil,

*Gaotona bows deeply*

I agree that a friendly discussion
is always prefered
to one focussed on agression
Your words are wise, show that you see
and while they are painful, in some parts I agree.

I am no saint, no hero of old
but I lived my time
and I learned to be bold
you'll know what I mean
once you live to my age
it's easy to judge
but hard to be wise.

I have to admit, I was a bit surprised
as your roast goes, against your own advise.
You claim you dislike, my passive agression,
and yet do the same, maybe it's time for
              - some self-reflection?

But of course I will honor
your wish and be kind
I know the truth can easily bother
those of a lesser mind
You claim you don't need
some friendly advice,
that you don't need a seed
to grow and to rise
And while I respect your wishes my boy,
I doubt their effect, is what you'll enjoy

So maybe you'll listen
to some words about me,
fill in what is missing
and have some lessons to heed

What I had to learn,
and painfully so,
we don't get what we want,
and rightly so
without some bit, some will to go on
you're stuck in one place
without a new boon

I learned that it's worth
to take some time
and reflect upon earth
and opinions of thine
Cause while a good structure
can help to sort your life
it limits the future
for that you can strife.

You will follow the same,
the old worn-out path
and there's no one to blame
but you're stubborn heart.

*picks up the form and hands it back to Sigzil speaking quietly*

With a pinch of diligence,
and a heap of intelligence
You can pass each test, make sure that you grow

*walks back to his side of the stage murmuring*

And here I am, wondering whether you miss them both.

@SirWolfe Thumbs up for finishing your roast before I even saw the tag the first time! Despite you being my opponent, I have to compliment you! I liked it a lot, the rhythm, the words, they fit Sigzil well. Great job!!

Edited August 4, 2020 by Sorana
added the roast

[SirWolfe]

On 8/3/2020 at 2:14 AM, Sorana said:

@Ghanderflaffle

  Hide contents

And a good day to you,
honored Sigzil,

*Gaotona bows deeply*

I agree that a friendly discussion
is always prefered
to one focussed on agression
Your words are wise, show that you see
and while they are painful, in some parts I agree.

I am no saint, no hero of old
but I lived my time
and I learned to be bold
you'll know what I mean
once you live to my age
it's easy to judge
but hard to be wise.

I have to admit, I was a bit surprised
as your roast goes, against your own advise.
You claim you dislike, my passive agression,
and yet do the same, maybe it's time for
              - some self-reflection?

But of course I will honor
your wish and be kind
I know the truth can easily bother
those of a lesser mind
You claim you don't need
some friendly advice,
that you don't need a seed
to grow and to rise
And while I respect your wishes my boy,
I doubt their effect, is what you'll enjoy

So maybe you'll listen
to some words about me,
fill in what is missing
and have some lessons to heed

What I had to learn,
and painfully so,
we don't get what we want,
and rightly so
without some bit, some will to go on
you're stuck in one place
without a new boon

I learned that it's worth
to take some time
and reflect upon earth
and opinions of thine
Cause while a good structure
can help to sort your life
it limits the future
for that you can strife.

You will follow the same,
the old worn-out path
and there's no one to blame
but you're stubborn heart.

*picks up the form and hands it back to Sigzil speaking quietly*

With a pinch of diligence,
and a heap of intelligence
You can pass each test, make sure that you grow

*walks back to his side of the stage murmuring*

And here I am, wondering whether you miss them both.

 

Absolutely delightful!

[Ghanderflaffle]

Results are in! The winner, by 1 vote, is @Sorana as Gaotona! They progress to the semi-finals. Thanks for playing @SirWolfe!

The next round is @Gears against @DramaQueen. Your roasts will be due Saturday. Good luck!

[SirWolfe]

*Sigzil fills out a form for Officially Congratulating the Victor*

Congrats @Sorana, it was really fun!

[+Sorana]

7 hours ago, SirWolfe said:

*Sigzil fills out a form for Officially Congratulating the Victor*

Congrats @Sorana, it was really fun!

*Gaotona takes the form with a deep bow*

"It was an honor standing against you. Maybe we can continue our discussion while drinking a glass of tea?"

-------

Thank you so much! I agree it was a lot of fun! @SirWolfe

[DramaQueen]

10 hours ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

The next round is @Gears against @DramaQueen. Your roasts will be due Saturday. Good luck!

Sounds good! Thank you!