The Battle for the Sandwich

[Immortal Platypus]

I walk through the pretzel cloud unfazed and lash you into the air while lashing the sandwich down. I grab the sandwich, use a Full lashing to stick it to me, and escape.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

I stab myself with a spike that appeared from... wait, where did it come from? whatever. Anyhow, I gain the abilities of a Windrunner and make the direction you ran down for myself. I fall towards you as the hulk, lashing you towards my swiftly falling, heavy hulk feet.

[Immortal Platypus]

you can't lash w/out contact. 

I meet your feet with my flippers and you are repelled.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

fine

I realize that I hadn't lashed them toward me because of context. I fly backwards and then shrink back down to normal size. I start sacrificing marshmallows to the Dark Marshmallow Lord. He grants me the sandwich for being a faithful cultist worshipper.

[Immortal Platypus]

I rescue some marshmallows from you and the Light Marshmallow Lord gives me the sandwich for rescuing his subjects.

[Bird Furious she/her/un/important]

I happen to be the Marshmallow Lord’s favored one, and lounge on a mountain of marshmallows, watching the scene below me.

If you don’t believe me about the marshmallow thing, ask anyone from the Insanity clinic, particularly the ICanon.

[Immortal Platypus]

nope, i'll take your word for it.

I still have the sandwich.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

Platypus gets trapped in my laser cage. "Ookla the Platypus! You fell into my trap!" I say as my head turns into a triangle and my hair falls out. "You will now witness my Self-Destructinator! It self destructs! But don't press the self destruct button because that would be bad."

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

I nab the sandwich and run.

[Immortal Platypus]

You realize that your hand dropped off inside the cage because it got cut off by the lasers.

"Okay Dr. Keys. I won't." I dig my way out, turn off the cage, kick him into the cage, and turn on the cage. I take the sandwich with me. Then i fill in the hole and secure the entire thing with atium reinforced with titanium.

Edited December 1, 2022 by Ookla the platypus

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

I teleport out and then start a heist to take the sandwich.

[Immortal Platypus]

You weren't in the cage so your teleportation backfired and put you in the cage with Dr. Keys. Your teleportation cooldown is 3 days and 4 minutes.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

Except I hadn't teleported out of the cage, but out of the building. It reinstates. I continue planning the heist.

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

The shadows sneakily claim the sandwich, then give it to a human mercenary that they had hired to get it far away.

[That1Cellist he/him]

That human mercenary was also hired by me for more money. The human brings me the sandwich, which I hide among many other identical sandwiches.

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

The sandwiches, having expected the betrayal, run away with the actual sandwich, instead of the decoy they had given to the mercenary.

[That1Cellist he/him]

The sandwiches form a sandwich government with The Sandwich as their leader. Now there are legions of sandwich armies protecting the sandwich from everyone, and nobody is in possession of The Sandwich currently.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

I take over the sandwich government after a period of politics and intrigue. I take The Sandwich away and the government runs rampant.

[Immortal Platypus]

I become a dictator over the sandwiches and command them to take The Sandwich. They succeed and I command them to give it to me but they refuse. They then rebel and overthrow me. I take the sandwich as I go without them noticing though.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

I return and win the rebels' favor. I lead them after you. We ambush you and take the sandwich in an epic battle.

[That1Cellist he/him]

I bring in my rouge gang of hamburgers and defeat the sandwiches in a great battle, taking The Sandwich from you.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

My bananas steal the sandwich as the hamburgers are taking it back to Cellist.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

But you accidentally capitalised "cellist" and brought it to a person specializing in cells, not a person playing cello! This cellist has no use for it, and gives it to me instead.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

I beat you up senseless and take the sandwich. I jump into my escape jet and get away.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

However, I was in the right to capitalize Cellist, as it's a name. As everyone realizes this, reality shifts and I have the sandwich again.