The Battle for the Sandwich

[strmblsd he/him]

6 minutes ago, Ashkaloda said:

Bartholomew skips right into you and knocks you over, then takes the opportunity to grab the sandwich and teleport away. 

i grab bartholomews foot right as he teleports so i teleport with him. then i say " oops"

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

28 minutes ago, Ashkaloda said:

Dang guys my record is like 10. 

The Wild Banana Overlord of the Wild Banana Empire confronts you with their own army of Bananas and opens fire with their fleet of mega space lasers. 

I work by a lake, so I spend a lot of time just skipping rocks

[strmblsd he/him]

29 minutes ago, Ashkaloda said:

Dang guys my record is like 10. 

The Wild Banana Overlord of the Wild Banana Empire confronts you with their own army of Bananas and opens fire with their fleet of mega space lasers. 

i just got really lucky once

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

I'm so pleased to see Bartholomew I hug him and pickpocket the Sandwich while I'm at it. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I am not pleased to see you and I, the pickpocket, pickpocket you by picking your pocket open with scissors and steal the Sandwich.

Edited October 15, 2025 by YouCantHaveMySandwich

[Unintelligenius he/him]

6 hours ago, Ashkaloda said:

Dang guys my record is like 10. 

The Wild Banana Overlord of the Wild Banana Empire confronts you with their own army of Bananas and opens fire with their fleet of mega space lasers. 

We return fire with our fleet of mega space lasers, and they meet in the middle and cancel each other out. Jerome proposes to the Wild Banana Overlord that instead of continuing to fight, they find peace and just play a game of rock, paper, scissors for the Sandwich. 

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

31 minutes ago, Uninteligenius said:

We return fire with our fleet of mega space lasers, and they meet in the middle and cancel each other out. Jerome proposes to the Wild Banana Overlord that instead of continuing to fight, they find peace and just play a game of rock, paper, scissors for the Sandwich. 

The Wild Banana Overlord will only accept total victory, and bashes Jerome's forehead with rock, paper, and scissors. 

[Unintelligenius he/him]

17 hours ago, Ashkaloda said:

The Wild Banana Overlord will only accept total victory, and bashes Jerome's forehead with rock, paper, and scissors. 

Jerome obviously wouldn't visit the Wild Banana Overlord in person, because that would be pure stupidity, so he had sent a hologram of himself. The rock, paper, and scissors go through the hologram's head because it's a hologram. Jerome sighs and calls in the Death Star to blow up the Wild Banana Overlord and all the wild bananas. The Death Star fires. Also, Jerome sent Darth Vader to retrieve the Sandwich for me, and I now have the Sandwich and a Sith Lord at my disposal.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I use Sanderson magic to beat Star Wars magic because yes. I now have the Sandwich.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

3 hours ago, Uninteligenius said:

Jerome obviously wouldn't visit the Wild Banana Overlord in person, because that would be pure stupidity, so he had sent a hologram of himself. The rock, paper, and scissors go through the hologram's head because it's a hologram. Jerome sighs and calls in the Death Star to blow up the Wild Banana Overlord and all the wild bananas. The Death Star fires. Also, Jerome sent Darth Vader to retrieve the Sandwich for me, and I now have the Sandwich and a Sith Lord at my disposal.

The Wild Banana Overlord sends out a distress signal to the Supreme Holy Righteous Leader Supreme Lord Cavendish of the greater Banana Republic, of which the Banana Empire was a subsector. The Supreme Holy Righteous Leader Supreme Lord Cavendish commands their armada of mega omega death space lasers to fire upon the Death Star and on Darth Vader. 

[Unintelligenius he/him]

1 hour ago, Ashkaloda said:

The Wild Banana Overlord sends out a distress signal to the Supreme Holy Righteous Leader Supreme Lord Cavendish of the greater Banana Republic, of which the Banana Empire was a subsector. The Supreme Holy Righteous Leader Supreme Lord Cavendish commands their armada of mega omega death space lasers to fire upon the Death Star and on Darth Vader. 

They miss. I grab the Sandwich and then fire the Death Star, this time at the Supreme Holy Righteous Leader Supreme Lord Cavendish

[NerdSandwich she/her]

However, I do not miss when I steal the Sandwich. I also do not miss when I hit you with a mega omega death space laser.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

11 minutes ago, Uninteligenius said:

They miss. I grab the Sandwich and then fire the Death Star, this time at the Supreme Holy Righteous Leader Supreme Lord Cavendish

The Supreme Holy Righteous Leader Supreme Lord Cavendish activates the force shield around themself and their armies, dispersing the blast. 

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

I grab the sandwich and hide it under my sombrero, which I got from Wayne.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

Unfortunately, now that you have told me where it is, I easily steal the Sandwich.

Edited October 16, 2025 by YouCantHaveMySandwich

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

I laugh because you fell for my bluff, because the actual Sandwich was in my bag instead. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I steal the Sandwich via tracking it with Sandwich-seeing eyes.

[-ACE- he/him]

I summon the sandwich by making it go to its past position (where I am at) with the time stone

[AltonicKeys he/him]

Another cloudy night slowly grows into a violent roar. Rumblings of thunder light the sky. Never a visible bolt, only the looming threat. As the thunder claps, a rhythm can be made out, which slowly turns into discernible words. After a minute or so, everyone can clearly make out the last few words.

"...Three days."

The rumblings quickly cut off, and the clouds fall silent again. Not even an echo returns. It's unclear what the heavens above meant by this, and the rest of the message is lost. The implication is clear though. It's best if everyone prepares for the worst.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

1 hour ago, -ACE- said:

I summon the sandwich by making it go to its past position (where I am at) with the time stone

ur words have to be bolded if its gonna count

I prepare hastily for this apparent apocalypse.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

On 10/15/2025 at 2:04 PM, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

However, I do not miss when I steal the Sandwich. I also do not miss when I hit you with a mega omega death space laser.

I get hit with a tiny plastic dart bullet that says mega omega death space laser on it. I return fire with my nerf gun.

On 10/15/2025 at 2:09 PM, Ashkaloda said:

The Supreme Holy Righteous Leader Supreme Lord Cavendish activates the force shield around themself and their armies, dispersing the blast. 

Jerome, his monkey army, and I all teleport to the Supreme Holy Righteous Leader Supreme Lord Cavendish with our teleportation bracelets and began to stab TSHRLSLC.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

26 minutes ago, Uninteligenius said:

I get hit with a tiny plastic dart bullet that says mega omega death space laser on it. I return fire with my nerf gun.

Jerome, his monkey army, and I all teleport to the Supreme Holy Righteous Leader Supreme Lord Cavendish with our teleportation bracelets and began to stab TSHRLSLC.

Only to find that their antitelportation technology redirected you to... the middle of an active volcano. 

5 hours ago, AltonicKeys said:

Another cloudy night slowly grows into a violent roar. Rumblings of thunder light the sky. Never a visible bolt, only the looming threat. As the thunder claps, a rhythm can be made out, which slowly turns into discernible words. After a minute or so, everyone can clearly make out the last few words.

"...Three days."

The rumblings quickly cut off, and the clouds fall silent again. Not even an echo returns. It's unclear what the heavens above meant by this, and the rest of the message is lost. The implication is clear though. It's best if everyone prepares for the worst.

I frown, considering this. Ominous. But what could possibly happen in three days that would actually be consequential? I pace the room, thinking. Drawing conclusions. Plotting. Regretting that I will likely be busy the next three days. Suddenly, I look up. "I disagree," I mutter to myself. "Preparation is futile. There is nothing of any import that could be done ahead of time that could not be accomplished in like instantaneously." I approach a balcony and look out across my legions of fish with legs. Give the order. Then open up a telepathic line directly to Bartholomew. After relaying everything needed, I return to the heart of my fortress and lean back in a chair, smiling evilly. 

6 hours ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I steal the Sandwich via tracking it with Sandwich-seeing eyes.

 Bartholomew appears in front of you and plucks out your eyes. While you are floundering about, he grabs the sandwich and teleports away. 

[Soulbinder she/her]

Unfortunately for you, he accidentally teleported to a field in the middle of nowhere where I was in the process of assembling an army of NERF-gun wielding bunnies for unrelated world-domination purposes. I clock Bartholomew upside the head with the wooden bat I keep for geologist-whacking and take the Sandwich for myself.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I am one of the bunnies (albeit a Lightwoven one). I use my ears as a whip, steal the Sandwich, and shoot Nerf bullets that go straight past your corneas into your pupils-into your eyes, where your retina is destroyed. You are now blind in both eyes.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

3 hours ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I am one of the bunnies (albeit a Lightwoven one). I use my ears as a whip, steal the Sandwich, and shoot Nerf bullets that go straight past your corneas into your pupils-into your eyes, where your retina is destroyed. You are now blind in both eyes.

11 hours ago, Soulbinder said:

Unfortunately for you, he accidentally teleported to a field in the middle of nowhere where I was in the process of assembling an army of NERF-gun wielding bunnies for unrelated world-domination purposes. I clock Bartholomew upside the head with the wooden bat I keep for geologist-whacking and take the Sandwich for myself.

Bartholomew takes out a device and presses a button, instantly dissolving all IMFs within a 30 mile radius excluding those within himself. He grabs the Sandwich and then prepares to desubstantiate with it.