The Battle for the Sandwich

[NerdSandwich she/her]

He never gets to, though, as I steal the Sandwich back.

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

I remember I need to feed the neighbour's cat while they're on holiday, which starts in three days, and I don't want it to be cancelled because cats are cool. I produce a fireproof umbrella, steal a hover board from one of the monkeys, and fly straight up through the clouds to ask whoever's up there if they can postpone the crisis for another week.

I also grab the Sandwich from YouCantHaveMySandwich as I go up.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I impale you with the end of your fireproof umbrella and snatch the Sandwich.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

8 minutes ago, Ink and Embers said:

I remember I need to feed the neighbour's cat while they're on holiday, which starts in three days, and I don't want it to be cancelled because cats are cool. I produce a fireproof umbrella, steal a hover board from one of the monkeys, and fly straight up through the clouds to ask whoever's up there if they can postpone the crisis for another week.

I also grab the Sandwich from YouCantHaveMySandwich as I go up.

Bartholomew shoots fireballs at your fireproof umbrella as you fly away. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

He misses me.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

4 minutes ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

He misses me.

This is good; Bartholomew would have been concerned if his fireballs meant for @Ink and Embers's umbrella hit you instead. That does not stop him, however, from cursing your fingers to forever be all floppy and wriggling around without you being able to control him, causing you to lose your grip on the sandwich. It plummets, only to be caught by Bartholomew as he creates a large statue of a fox in front of him. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I plummet to the ground right on top of the Sandwich. I resteal the Sandwich and compound steel to run far far away.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

1 hour ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I plummet to the ground right on top of the Sandwich. I resteal the Sandwich and compound steel to run far far away.

The ground suddenly disappears and you find that you have nothing to run on. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

So I Lash myself upward.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

22 hours ago, Ashkaloda said:

Only to find that their antitelportation technology redirected you to... the middle of an active volcano. 

They bathe in the heat of the lava, because obviously they are immune to lava (that's why their hideout was in a volcano). Then I leave Jerome and his army of monkeys to find the Sandwich.

2 hours ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

So I Lash myself upward.

Right into me and I take the Sandwich, lash you downwards, and then fly off with my jetpack.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

18 minutes ago, Uninteligenius said:

They bathe in the heat of the lava, because obviously they are immune to lava (that's why their hideout was in a volcano). Then I leave Jerome and his army of monkeys to find the Sandwich.

Right into me and I take the Sandwich, lash you downwards, and then fly off with my jetpack.

A large plate slides over the top of the volcano, sealing them inside. 

-

Bartholomew throws a knife at your jetpack, breaking it and causing you to spiral out of control. 

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

What is Bartholomew?!!!

I open a perpendicularity, grab the Sandwich, and jump into the chaos that is the Spiritual Realm.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I follow you and steal the Sandwich from you.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

53 minutes ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I follow you and steal the Sandwich from you.

I pull you out of the spiritual realm and into the cognitive realm by thinking about you and then I grab the Sandwich and shove you back into the spiritual realm.

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

I am annoyed. 

While in the Spiritual Realm, I decide to go and see if I can find out what's happening in three days.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

11 hours ago, Ink and Embers said:

What is Bartholomew?!!!

I open a perpendicularity, grab the Sandwich, and jump into the chaos that is the Spiritual Realm.

Bartholomew is a large immortal fish with legs with aluminum scales and magical abilities. 

1 hour ago, Uninteligenius said:

I pull you out of the spiritual realm and into the cognitive realm by thinking about you and then I grab the Sandwich and shove you back into the spiritual realm.

Bartholomew uses your own logic against you, banishing you to the Spritual Realm and then calling the sandwich back to the CR by thinking about it, allowing him to snatch it. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I snatch it back with a grappling hook.

[Shalash Fell From Da Sky He/Him/Chicken]

 I run up to the MY sandwich which is being held by YouCantHaveMySandWich and use some good old fashioned Truthwacking to get it. I then notice it is missing a key ingredient to the perfect sandwich it has siracha and peanut butter BUT NO PICKLES!!! so I add some. and my get away using the talent of getting lost and land in a sandwich factory were I pick up some fakes for later.

Edited October 19, 2025 by Shalash Fell From Da Sky

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

I open a perpendicularity and summon the true Sandwich by thinking about it. I then jump out of the Spiritual Realm and end up in a chasm.

[Shalash Fell From Da Sky He/Him/Chicken]

I appear out of the emberdark and Sacrifice the chasm fiend behind me teleporting My self  to Scadrial, after I grab the sandwich

cus I am a dokhor monk and can do that.

I claim the sandwich. I then swap it with one of my fakes form my Burlap sack.

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

Having grabbed onto your hair, I managed to follow you and Soulcast the fake into a rock. I then grab the Sandwich and jump into one of the now-defunct Ashmounts and wonder if the monkeys only operate in active volcanoes.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

3 hours ago, Shalash Fell From Da Sky said:

I appear out of the emberdark and Sacrifice the chasm fiend behind me teleporting My self  to Scadrial, after I grab the sandwich

cus I am a dokhor monk and can do that.

I claim the sandwich. I then swap it with one of my fakes form my Burlap sack.

Psst. Only bolded posts are considered canon. 

24 minutes ago, Ink and Embers said:

Having grabbed onto your hair, I managed to follow you and Soulcast the fake into a rock. I then grab the Sandwich and jump into one of the now-defunct Ashmounts and wonder if the monkeys only operate in active volcanoes.

The Ashmount then becomes active and erupts in a matter of seconds, flinging lava, ash, and badly charred monkeys through the air. The sandwich is ripped out of your hand by the force of the eruption, flying 20 miles through the air before landing on the ground, where Bartholomew conveniently happened to be standing. Bartholomew picks it up and then teleports away. 

[Shalash Fell From Da Sky He/Him/Chicken]

2 hours ago, Ashkaloda said:

Psst. Only bolded posts are considered canon. 

if only bold posts are canon I CAN DO THIS!!!

I appear out of the emberdark and Sacrifice the kolas behind me teleporting My self  to Taldain, after I grab the sandwich, then I do a barrel roll and land on the dark side in a pen of chickens using light weaving to conceal myself and start chomping on win-thins I then get eaten by a dragon.

 

Edited October 19, 2025 by Shalash Fell From Da Sky

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

1 hour ago, Shalash Fell From Da Sky said:

if only bold posts are cannon I CAN DO THIS!!!

I appear out of the emberdark and Sacrifice the kolas behind me teleporting My self  to Taldain, after I grab the sandwich, then I do a barrel roll and land on the dark side in a pen of chickens using light weaving to conceal myself and start chomping on win-thins I then get eaten by a dragon.

 

Your bolded post turns into a cannon and harmlessly launches confetti, nullifying any of its other content.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

4 hours ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

Your bolded post turns into a cannon and harmlessly launches confetti, nullifying any of its other content.

A beam comes down from the sky and incinerates the confetti purely out of spite.