The Battle for the Sandwich

[Edema Rue she/her]

4 hours ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

"wow mister, thats really cool!" rlaehrwk said.

"may i go to the lunch, mister?" rlaehrwk asked.

“Suppose so.”

2 hours ago, Immortal Platypus said:

"It can't be cannibalism unless it eats the other sandwich."

“Do you intend to eat the smaller sandwich, Sir, or raise it as your own?” The caterpillar inquires of the sandwich just before it’s taken. 

[AltonicKeys he/him]

The Sandwich shrugs towards its questioners. "I doubt I'll eat my own creation any time soon." It holds the smaller sandwich up to "eye" level to admire. 

At this moment, a big dark cloud materialized above The Sandwich. Looking up, it yelped and accidentally tossed the smaller sandwich up. A bolt of lightning blasted The Sandwich, tossing up a cloud of smoke. 
When it settles, The Sandwich is left on the ground, devoid of small doughy arms and legs. Everyone witnesses it go into a coughing fit, presumably choking on something. The smaller sandwich is nowhere to be seen. And another moment later, The Sandwich (big one) is gone too, stolen without a word. 

Didn't quote everyone bc I'm on mobile and it's a pain

[Through the Living Hopper He/Him]

I take the cliff, which, because of a newly-realized grammar error, I have instead of the sandwich. 

I chase down the thief and hit them with the cliff. 

"The sandwich is mine!" I roar into the clouds.

[Immortal Platypus]

1 hour ago, ThatOneWorldhopper said:

I take the cliff, which, because of a newly-realized grammar error, I have instead of the sandwich. 

I chase down the thief and hit them with the cliff. 

"The sandwich is mine!" I roar into the clouds.

dang it, I was about to exploit that newly-realized grammatical error.

Fortunately, you didn't actually take the Sandwich. There is only one logical solution for me. I don't like dealing with frozen bees, so I teleport the Sandwich to me. Then I walk away because I'm not hungry.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

33 minutes ago, Immortal Platypus said:

dang it, I was about to exploit that newly-realized grammatical error.

Fortunately, you didn't actually take the Sandwich. There is only one logical solution for me. I don't like dealing with frozen bees, so I teleport the Sandwich to me. Then I walk away because I'm not hungry.

The Sandwich lies on the ground. "Thank you for saving m- oh! Okay bye."

It sits in contemplation for a moment, pondering its apparent status as a cannibal. It's now a Cannibal Sandwich, and it does not like this new label and its implications.

It's not like it has anything better to do-- Or really, anything else to do. It's had its limbs for one day and lost them the next. Soon it won't be able to speak again. Such is the cruel nature of the frozen bee god. "The ice giveth and the ice taketh away..."

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I Lash the Sandwich towards me. I now have the Sandwich. I let the Sandwich create another sandwich.

[Through the Living Hopper He/Him]

1 hour ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I Lash the Sandwich towards me. I now have the Sandwich. I let the Sandwich create another sandwich.

I don't think that's how Lashing works...

I steal both Sandwiches, but not before yelling "NO MATING!"

[NerdSandwich she/her]

Keeping them together might allow them to mate, so I steal the Sandwich back.

[Immortal Platypus]

1 hour ago, ThatOneWorldhopper said:

I don't think that's how Lashing works...

I steal both Sandwiches, but not before yelling "NO MATING!"

well, a really strong Reverse Lashing could do it.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

2 hours ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

Keeping them together might allow them to mate, so I steal the Sandwich back.

I take the Sandwich and bring it back to a certain special hill, and try to let it enjoy some moments of sentience at the place where it all began. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

It doesn't last long, as I steal it back and replace it with a decoy.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

The Sandwich enjoys a few seconds of nostalgia and peace on the hill before it's whisked away. It feels like it should have a say in this matter, especially right now. "Heeey you know I don't think I would taste very good right now, me being alive and all, and It would probably feel weird if you ate what is basically a big mouth. I mean I don't think I'd hurt that much since I'm just bread and meat and some other miscellaneous fillings, not like I have nerves, but it'd sure be a weird experience for the both of uuuuus?" Without its limbs, it just tried using its mouth to flop around, to little success.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I take the Sandwich back to the Hill.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

6 minutes ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I take the Sandwich back to the Hill.

Where I happen to still be. Jerome and I gaurd the Sandwich, ready to stop anyone who tries to steal it.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

However, you only THOUGHT you were ready. I was actually ready to fight you and steal the Sandwich with one of my powerful Lashings.

[-ACE- he/him]

1 hour ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

However, you only THOUGHT you were ready. I was actually ready to fight you and steal the Sandwich with one of my powerful Lashings.

I unlash your reverse lashings sending your bonded spren into the air where I promptly lash it to the bottom of me peg leg before stomping around McDonalds, After which I unlash the sandwich to me, where I grab it out of the air before lashing it to thatoneworldhopper's left pinky toe.

Did any of that make sense to anyone? It made no sense to me.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

The Sandwich squirms. It tries to convince everyone to stop fighting and enjoy the view.

[-ACE- he/him]

9 minutes ago, AltonicKeys said:

The Sandwich squirms. It tries to convince everyone to stop fighting and enjoy the view.

I stop to enjoy the view before realizing (even though I only joined a year ago)  that I've been looking at this view for the last 3 years of battle of the sandwich, so I stop and sniff the sandwich instead. 

Also, I literally just realized that you made this thread. Thank you AltonicKeys for this amazing thread. 

 

 

 

Seeing as no one is going to post in the next 10 seconds, I pull out my growth gun thing and shoot the sandwich, temporarily making it 50 feet tall so no one alone can have it.

Edited October 22, 2025 by -ACE-

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I use a shrink ray to shrink the Sandwich to its original size and then steal it.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

3 hours ago, -ACE- said:

I stop to enjoy the view before realizing (even though I only joined a year ago)  that I've been looking at this view for the last 3 years of battle of the sandwich, so I stop and sniff the sandwich instead. 

Also, I literally just realized that you made this thread. Thank you AltonicKeys for this amazing thread. 

 

 

 

Seeing as no one is going to post in the next 10 seconds, I pull out my growth gun thing and shoot the sandwich, temporarily making it 50 feet tall so no one alone can have it.

 

I zoop over, pick it up, and zoop off with it, completely ignoring the fact that it is 50 feet tall. 

28 minutes ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I use a shrink ray to shrink the Sandwich to its original size and then steal it.

But it was just a dream...

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I zoop over and magnetize myself to the Sandwich with mysterious magic. I then zoop away without you. This time my actions are not a dream.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

4 minutes ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I zoop over and magnetize myself to the Sandwich with mysterious magic. I then zoop away without you. This time my actions are not a dream.

Directly into a giant brick wall standing right next to this hill in the middle of nowhere that emits weird em waves and demagnetizes you. I pick up the sandwich and walk a bit away, and then the brick wall promptly collapses on top of you. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

Odium vaporizes the bricks-and you.

I pick up the left-behind Sandwich.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

I borrow @-ACE-'s growth gun and make the Sandwich the size of a planet. It begins to orbit the sun.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I become the size of 50 Sandwich-sized planets. I easily palm the Sandwich and pull it into my orbit.