The Battle for the Sandwich

[Vielence She/Her]

I then transform a rat (Minus the tail) into a sandwich. You then give me the real one, in awe of my skill

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

That is an acceptable trade. I allow Bartholomew to do this. However, when Vie transforms it into a sandwich, Bartholomew rages and bonks her in the forehead, then nabs the sandwich and runs away like a coward. 

Edited October 4, 2025 by Ashkaloda

[Unintelligenius he/him]

I grab some cows to chase down the coward and they quickly catch Bartholomew. They return the Sandwich to me in exchange for a bottle of milk.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I offer Bartholomew two bottles of milk to claim the Sandwich for myself.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

He refuses the offer and gives the Sandwich to me because he likes my Shard username.

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

Unfortunately, a zephyr spore bomb goes off at your feet, blasting the sandwich out your hands, and I grab the sandwich as I fly past on using a Steelpush.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I Lash after you and am faster, so I get the Sandwich back.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

2 hours ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

He refuses the offer and gives the Sandwich to me because he likes my Shard username.

I firmly chastise him for his disloyalty. 

[Unintelligenius he/him]

2 hours ago, Ashkaloda said:

I firmly chastise him for his disloyalty. 

I join in on the chastising. Then Jerome grabs the Sandwich while everyone is distracted by Bartholomew being chastised. 

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

8 minutes ago, Uninteligenius said:

I join in on the chastising. Then Jerome grabs the Sandwich while everyone is distracted by Bartholomew being chastised. 

Everyone stops being distracted and slide tackles Jerome. 

[Unintelligenius he/him]

25 minutes ago, Ashkaloda said:

Everyone stops being distracted and slide tackles Jerome. 

He throws me the Sandwich and I catch it then score a touchdown.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

2 hours ago, Uninteligenius said:

He throws me the Sandwich and I catch it then score a touchdown.

And then a helicopter crashes into you and the sandwich bounces away, where I pick it up. 

[Unintelligenius he/him]

1 hour ago, Ashkaloda said:

And then a helicopter crashes into you and the sandwich bounces away, where I pick it up. 

Then it keeps bouncing and lands in my hand, where it stops bouncing. Then I run and score another touchdown. 14-0.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I hire all of the football teams in Britain to lecture you about what football means there. They hand me the Sandwich because they don't see the value in it.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

26 minutes ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I hire all of the football teams in Britain to lecture you about what football means there. They hand me the Sandwich because they don't see the value in it.

I enlighten you and all the football teams in Britain by telling you that Britain actually started calling football 'soccer' first and then America copied them and then Britain stopped doing it, so it's actually their fault that American's call it soccer and not football. The football teams in Britain realize what they have done and give me the Sandwich as their apology.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

However, I steal it back and leave you to deal with the backlash.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

1 hour ago, Uninteligenius said:

I enlighten you and all the football teams in Britain by telling you that Britain actually started calling football 'soccer' first and then America copied them and then Britain stopped doing it, so it's actually their fault that American's call it soccer and not football. The football teams in Britain realize what they have done and give me the Sandwich as their apology.

I then lecture you about how you misspelled "Americans" as "American's", as "American's" would be the possessive form of "American" while "Americans" is the plural form of "American," "American" being the demonym for someone from America, and so your apostrophe should have been omitted, and furthermore, you incorrectly used the pronoun "they" to refer to the British, "British" being the demonym for people from Britain, but the subject of the phrase was Britain and not a British person, persons, or people, and so you should have instead used "it", the proper and accepted pronoun for nations, although in older English literature "she" is also accepted, and furthermore, your sentence contained a run-on, as "America copied them" is an independent clause and "I enlighten you and all the football teams in Britain by telling you that Britain actually started calling football 'soccer' first" is too an independent clause, while in this case "and then" serves as a coordinating conjunction part of speech, giving your text the "i, cc i" sentence structure and hence there should be a comma betwixt the "them" and the "and", and furthermore, you used "it" many times throughout the sentence, "it" being an imprecise word of little clarity, and to improve your diction you ought to replace "it" with a different noun-phrase, and thus the fully corrected sentence that you should have used would be "I enlighten you and all the football teams in Britain by telling you that Britain actually started calling football 'soccer' first, and then America copied the term, and then Britain stopped naming the sport thusly, so Britain is actually at fault for causing Americans to call the sport soccer and not football," and whilst I drone on and on about this you fall asleep and I take the sandwich from you as I continue to lecture you. 

Edited October 7, 2025 by Ashkaloda

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

I don’t read that and spell it amer’cansi

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I LOVE YOU @Ashkaloda! THANK YOU FELLOW WARRIOR OF THE DEFENDERS OF GRAMMAR!!!!

I, newly awakened at this very interesting conversation, steal the Sandwich.

Edited October 7, 2025 by YouCantHaveMySandwich

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

13 minutes ago, Ashkaloda said:

I then lecture you about how you misspelled "Americans" as "American's", as "American's" would be the possessive form of "American" while "Americans" is the plural form of "American," "American" being the demonym for someone from America, and so your apostrophe should have been omitted, and furthermore, you incorrectly used the pronoun "they" to refer to the British, "British" being the demonym for people from Britain, but the subject of the phrase was Britain and not a British person, persons, or people, and so you should have instead used "it", the proper and accepted pronoun for nations, although in older English literature "she" is also accepted, and furthermore, your sentence contained a run-on, as "America copied them" is an independent clause and "I enlighten you and all the football teams in Britain by telling you that Britain actually started calling football 'soccer' first" is too an independent clause, while in this case "and then" serves as a coordinating conjunction part of speech, giving your text the "i, cc i" sentence structure and hence there should be a comma betwixt the "them" and the "and", and furthermore, you used "it" many times throughout the sentence, "it" being an imprecise word of little clarity, and to improve your diction you ought to replace "it" with a different noun-phrase, and thus the fully corrected sentence that you should have used would be "I enlighten you and all the football teams in Britain by telling you that Britain actually started calling football 'soccer' first, and then America copied the term, and then Britain stopped doing naming the sport thus, so Britain is actually at fault for causing Americans to call the sport soccer and not football," and whilst I drone on and on about this you fall asleep and I take the sandwich from you as I continue to lecture you. 

1 minute ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I LOVE YOU @Ashkaloda! THANK YOU FELLOW WARRIOR OF THE DEFENDERS OF GRAMMAR!!!!

I, newly awakened at this very interesting conversation, steal the Sandwich.

YES! UP WITH GRAMMAR!

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I REP @Ashkaloda's thing and scold anyone who has seen it and not repped it.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

10 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

I don’t read that and spell it amer’cansi

I begin lecturing you on the impropriety of using "it" and "that" within the given context, arguing that a reader would not be able to discern the proper meaning of what the two words are referring to, and furthermore, when referring to a word as the word itself and not as the meaning behind the word, it is most proper to place quotations around the word, although in the case of spelling, the quotations could instead be replaced by the word "as" going in front of the original word, and hence your full sentence should be "I don't read your post and spell the word amer'cansi," noting that the reason I italicised "amer'cansi" was in order to prevent an apostrophe from falling within a set of single quotation marks, and so would be correct within the context of my sentence but would need to be altered for yours. 

10 minutes ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I LOVE YOU @Ashkaloda! THANK YOU FELLOW WARRIOR OF THE DEFENDERS OF GRAMMAR!!!!

I, newly awakened at this very interesting conversation, steal the Sandwich.

While I am lecturing Coder, I create a clone of myself to lecture you on how, when referring to a pronoun by its name immediately after the pronoun, it is correct to place a comma between the two words as an indication of the name naming the pronoun thusly, and hence your post should have instead said "I LOVE YOU, @Ashkaloda! THANK YOU, FELLOW WARRIOR OF THE DEFENDERS OF GRAMMAR!!!!"  

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

29 minutes ago, Ashkaloda said:

I then lecture you about how you misspelled "Americans" as "American's", as "American's" would be the possessive form of "American" while "Americans" is the plural form of "American," "American" being the demonym for someone from America, and so your apostrophe should have been omitted, and furthermore, you incorrectly used the pronoun "they" to refer to the British, "British" being the demonym for people from Britain, but the subject of the phrase was Britain and not a British person, persons, or people, and so you should have instead used "it", the proper and accepted pronoun for nations, although in older English literature "she" is also accepted, and furthermore, your sentence contained a run-on, as "America copied them" is an independent clause and "I enlighten you and all the football teams in Britain by telling you that Britain actually started calling football 'soccer' first" is too an independent clause, while in this case "and then" serves as a coordinating conjunction part of speech, giving your text the "i, cc i" sentence structure and hence there should be a comma betwixt the "them" and the "and", and furthermore, you used "it" many times throughout the sentence, "it" being an imprecise word of little clarity, and to improve your diction you ought to replace "it" with a different noun-phrase, and thus the fully corrected sentence that you should have used would be "I enlighten you and all the football teams in Britain by telling you that Britain actually started calling football 'soccer' first, and then America copied the term, and then Britain stopped doing naming the sport thus, so Britain is actually at fault for causing Americans to call the sport soccer and not football," and whilst I drone on and on about this you fall asleep and I take the sandwich from you as I continue to lecture you. 

I get angry. You defend grammar… and yet…

1 minute ago, Ashkaloda said:

I begin lecturing you on the impropriety of using "it" and "that" within the given context, arguing that a reader would not be able to discern the proper meaning of what the two words are referring to, and furthermore, when referring to a word as the word itself and not as the meaning behind the word, it is most proper to place quotations around the word, although in the case of spelling, the quotations could instead be replaced by the word "as" going in front of the original word, and hence your full sentence should be "I don't read your post and spell the word amer'cansi," noting that the reason I italicised "amer'cansi" was in order to prevent an apostrophe from falling within a set of single quotation marks, and so would be correct within the context of my sentence but would need to be altered for yours. 

While I am lecturing Coder, I create a clone of myself to lecture you on how, when referring to a pronoun by its name immediately after the pronoun, it is correct to place a comma between the two words as an indication of the name naming the pronoun thusly, and hence your post should have instead said "I LOVE YOU, @Ashkaloda! THANK YOU, FELLOW WARRIOR OF THE DEFENDERS OF GRAMMAR!!!!"  

Disgusting.

That’s a run-on sentence.

That entire thing is one run-on sentence.

I can’t even read it or understand the point because of how disgusting the run-on sentence is.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

8 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

I get angry. You defend grammar… and yet…

Disgusting.

That’s a run-on sentence.

That entire thing is one run-on sentence.

I can’t even read it or understand the point because of how disgusting the run-on sentence is.

I switch the topic of my lecture to that of scolding you on how you should actually know what you are talking about before correcting others, as my sentence was not a run-on, a run-on being a set of clauses that should be separated by a full stop or comma, and I was certain to ensure that I did not omit necessary punctuation in my sentence, and so the sentence is not considered to be a run-on; although, if you should find that I did in fact include an improper linkage of clauses, I would be glad to know. 

Edited October 7, 2025 by Ashkaloda

[NerdSandwich she/her]

@Ashkaloda, I will step up my grammar. However, you must step up yours. I have seen multiple grammatical errors on your part. Please refrain from hypocrisy in the future.

I steal the Sandwich.