The Battle for the Sandwich

[The Bookwyrm he/him]

"The sandwich can't be destroyed, which includes splitting it."

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

"Ah true... but if it can't be eaten, then why are we even fighting over it?"

[Edema Rue she/her]

*stops following this thread*

*leaves*

*feels meaningless without the hunt for a sandwich* 

*comes back*

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

"Good choice, my friend. The sandwich war is eternal, whether it makes sense or not."

Edited November 17, 2022 by Sequence

[Edema Rue she/her]

Claims the soggy-toasted sandwich and places it on a pedestal for all to worship. 

[Immortal Platypus]

*Breaks laws of life and duplicates sandwich*

*Breaks laws of life again and eats original*

*Replaces original with duplicate*

"Wait, what type of sandwich is this? I just realized I never knew. And my idea was to sue the person with the sandwich for trespassing in your territory (the ocean). I know, it's genius."

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

The shadows vanish with the sandwich to elsewhere.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

I come out of the restroom, shocked and confused at the shadows pulling the sandwich out of ImportantQuestions' mouth. I pull out several wikipideas and archives, and answer all the Important Questions. I place a huge cube in the Shadows. If light won't dispell them, then maybe the lack of space can. This leaves only me and the sandwich, which I run off with.

The sandwich is whatever type is best to you. It is an ever-shifting mass that adopts to the holder's desires.

[Telrao she/her]

Telrao appears once again.

"Wow..." The world is basically in ruin. "You guys... really want that Sandwich." She pads up behind Keys and yoinks the Sandwich. "Too bad I got it - haha!" She then yeets away into the sky

[Cash67]

I go skydiving and intercept you, taking the sandwich on the way down 

[Edema Rue she/her]

Luckily for me, my idea is a perfect sandwich is a 9.5 foot long something or the other wrapped up all nice, and it doubles as a weapon when desired. So when I grab the sandwich from the thieving skydiver, it morphs into a weapon that I use to block attackers, and then I fly away with it. 

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I activate Homeward Path, counteracting the Thieving Skydiver's kicker effect and bringing the sandwich back to me!

[Immortal Platypus]

Conveniently, my sandwich is exactly 0.0001 cubic millimeters and impossibly slippery to anyone or anything except me to hold on to or take in any way, shape, or form. I pull it from Nerdy and hide it in my fur. I give a "You fools, you'll never get it now" speech as I float off instead of running so I can't be tripped.

[Bird Furious she/her/un/important]

After a very long absence, I arise for revenge. Screaming a battle cry, I arise with my songspear and hunt down Mr Misting.

Then I stop short and pull out a subway card.

”I crave revenge, or reparations. In fact, I demand them, or your blood will spill by the edge of this useless card.”

[AltonicKeys he/him]

I somewhat regret adding that rule but now it's even better
I shout at Questions, "Your shoes are untied!"
"That doesn't matter when I'm flying you poopyhead!"
Questions then slips on a flying banana peel. This applies to the sandwich as well, and they both fall towards opposite directions. The sandwich reverts to its original form, whatever that would be.

[Immortal Platypus]

i would never call you a poopyhead.

"No! My sandwich!"

I hire a witch made of sand to get the sandwich for me. Picking it up would be too easy.

maybe the original form is just two slices of bread. All in favor, respond with yes in unbolded font within the hour. Any opposed, respond with no and your reason in unbolded font within the hour

[Edema Rue she/her]

No; 2 pieces of bread are not a sandwich. I vote that it appears as a typical PB and J sandwich on a napkin. All in favor, like my post. 

I bribe the sand witch to give me the sandwich, which she does. I spin it in circles really fast and use it to fly away. 

[Immortal Platypus]

I agree, thats why I said that. that said, a typical PB and J is far to normal. two pieces of bread with a 2 inch thick layer of candy in between

I shoot the sand witch with a quantum gun for betraying me and the sandwich pops out the quantum portal created by shooting a living being with a quantum gun.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I use my ties to a shadowy secret society to claim the sandwich.

[Immortal Platypus]

I use my ropes of a shiny obvious society to reclaim the sandwich

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

The shadows were manipulating both societies, and now have the sandwich. They flee with several flies.

light can dispell them temporarially, but they are strong enough now that it would take a supernova to have more than a seconds impact on any one shadow.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

As Emulator didn't post the specification about the shadow's strength in bold, it's non-canon. I knock the shadows out with a small candle and claim the sandwich.

[Edema Rue she/her]

I light your hair on fire with said small candle. While you panic, I grab the sandwich. 

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

10 minutes ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

As Emulator didn't post the specification about the shadow's strength in bold, it's non-canon. I knock the shadows out with a small candle and claim the sandwich.

okay, that was an explanatory thing for @AltonicKeys, as it seemed it would be useful.

The shadows claim the sandwich from Aes, for they had only been pretending to be knocked out.

[Mr. Misting he/him]

14 hours ago, The Halcyon Girl said:

After a very long absence, I arise for revenge. Screaming a battle cry, I arise with my songspear and hunt down Mr Misting.

Then I stop short and pull out a subway card.

”I crave revenge, or reparations. In fact, I demand them, or your blood will spill by the edge of this useless card.”

Mr. Misting paused, this was quite odd. He was normally threatened with death on Tuesdays.

"Would you accept this empty Snickers wrapper as payment?"