The Battle for the Sandwich

[The Bookwyrm he/him]

I travel back in time, inverted, to the point in time before Nerdy ascended. Before they take up the incredible power, I steal the sandwich, then keep moving back in time so no one can get me.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I shrug and continue building my Shardworld.

[Immortal Platypus]

"You can't time travel! Mr. Ookla the Kobold broke time travel."

*realization strikes*

"Oh wait, yes you can, the thread restarted on page 30 or something. It happened when I joined... I guess that tells you a bit about me."

*Breaks time using the time stone, sending everyone in the past or future back to the present, and destroying the time stone in the process.*

*Takes sandwich from Ookla the Perpetual*

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I sell my Shardworld as an exotic resort. Ookla the Platypus goes there, and I take the sandwich as payment.

[Edema Rue she/her]

Remembering my former friendship with Nerdy, I apply for a position at their resort. 

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

As continuity is already quite broken, I have no reason not to accept AesSedai318. I give AesSedai a high position amongst my staff.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

Through a Mission Impossible-esque thing, I break into the vault containing the sandwich in the resort.

[Immortal Platypus]

*Pulls out vial with redish-orangeish liquid inside*

*Drinks it*

"I have consumed the pyrokinesis! I now control fire!!!"

I use my fire to incinerate the area around the sandwich, temporarily dispelling Nerdy and I walk over and pick up the nicely toasted sandwich.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

I being the supremely intelligent person I am, develop Hank Pym's shrinking tech, and jump in in a winged suit to steal and shrink the sandwich. We both escape into the Quantum realm, to which I have Tony Stark's time travel map.

[Immortal Platypus]

I am the controller of all things quantum. I trap you in there and make the sandwich emerge into my mouth for safekeeping.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

The sandwich manifests where your tongue is. Was. You are now without a tongue. You open your mouth in shock, and I catch the sandwich as it drops. 

[Edema Rue she/her]

"Ookla!" I shout, causing half the shard to look in my direction. Or, what they thought was my direction. While they're focused on the illusion, trying to figure out who I'm talking to, I sneak up behind Keys and gingerly extract the sandwich from their hand.

[Immortal Platypus]

I recall my tongue from the quantum realm where it was forced. Unfortunately @Sequence was holding it and comes back too. He, fortunately appears outside of my mouth and my tongue reattaches. I take the ginger from Ookla the Key's hand, eat it, and continue after the sandwich.

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

The shadows are a bit confused by the name changes, but they go and snatch the sandwich from @Ookla the Ta'veren, swinging in on a shadow vine from a shadow jungle like Tarzan.

[Immortal Platypus]

I charge at the shadows and pull out a wristwatch. I rip off the face and the clockwork disorients them. I take the shadow vine and use it to steal the sandwich. I then give them a fake and the shadow vine. Then I put the face back on and the shadows continue to escape, thinking they have the sandwich. I run into a light universe so when the shadows figure it out, they can't come and get it.

[Telrao she/her]

*OOKLA THE FLOOFY APPEARS* I take the sandwich using my overwhelming floofyness. No one can compare to the sheer floofyness of this floofy!

[Immortal Platypus]

I immediately begin petting the Floofy cat.

*subtly takes the sandwich while petting the kitty*

[Edema Rue she/her]

I climb onto the floofy cat, as it's much larger than a regular cat. Surrounded by floofy happiness, I promptly fall asleep, forgetting about the sandwich.

[Telrao she/her]

The floofy cat is confused, but subtly swaps the sandwich the Platypus took for a different sandwich.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

However, my powers as the Shard of Randomness turn the floof into fluff. As Ookla the Floofy (now fluffy) is gaping at this hideous transformation, I take the sandwich.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

I train Nerdy into playing football. Years later, Nerdy made it to the NFL, and is now a jock, thus destroying themselves. I take the sandwich with tears in my eyes. "You were good son(?), real good. Maybe even the best."

I walk off into the sunset as the credits roll.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

However, I wasn't playing American football. I was playing actual civilized football, i.e. soccer. I end up in a web of corruption from FIFA, but otherwise escape unscathed.

[Immortal Platypus]

I just decide, "You know what, I don't care if the credits rolled, the movie isn't over." I take the sandwich through a rift in space-time and also wake @Ookla the Ta'veren up.

Edited November 23, 2022 by Ookla the platypus

[Edema Rue she/her]

Upon waking, I realize that I am no longer surrounded by floof, but fluff! Outraged, I leave @Ookla the Floofy and rush towards the sandwich, beating up several football players (both civilized and otherwise) in the process.

I grab the sandwich then trip, falling into the rift in space-time.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

The rift in space-time, being the most random thing in this thread thus far, is under my power. It dumps the sandwich in front of me, everyone else in a large sandstone building, and AesSedai in their office just in time for payday.