The Isochronism

One year...

So much can happen in a year.

When I joined this community, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was shy, scared, nervous, and had no idea what I was doing. But this, and you all have been with me the whole way through this crazy, terrifying year.

      Since November 1st, 2023, I have struggled with Depression especially, and anxiety. I sit here now, alive, after 2 suicide attempts, several hospital visits, countless poems, stories, tears, therapy sessions, and well over 167 self-harm scars (lost count), and moments when pain was so strong it threatened to crush me. I've cried more tears, hidden more thoughts and feelings, and worn more sweatshirts this past year than I care to admit. I've walked through Hell, and I'm not a monster. I'm not an angel either, but that's okay. I feel different. Not just because of 3 diagnoses and 4-5 different meds. Not just because I almost died. I'm different because I'm starting to live again.

My very first friends on here, were @The Wandering Wizard, @Edema Rue, @SmilingPanda19, and a few others. I want to thank each and every one of my shardbuddies for sticking with me. Here's a lil something about each of you:

@Silver Phantom- You're always so happy, and upbeat. I love your passion for detail in painting the minifigs, and all my interactions with you have made me smile.

@The Sibling- I don't know how often you're active anymore, but the thing that I remember the most about you was that meme you made me way back when. It made me feel so special, that someone would chat with me in literally the middle of the night my time, procrastinate homework with me, and laugh. I still have that meme saved on my phone. Thank you.

@SmilingPanda19- Ohhhh where to start... I love you. You were one of the first people to  stick up for me when I didn't know the rules or what I was doing. I have never regretted that PM I sent you. Not once. I love you so much and you're such a good friend. Words are just words, and there are none for how much I love you. (platonic ofc)

@Edema Rue- Though you're not very active anymore, I still remember the goofy talks and the energy, the writing... you commented on my poems a lot, and are such an older sister person to me. I wove oo.

@Aeoryi- This is your reminder that you're not forgotten, okay? I loved roleplaying with you, even if we almost never interact anymore, I still enjoyed it. 

@shortcake- My goofy lil muffin who's gorgeous and will always be the person I look at as the goofy ball of fun in the friend group. Even if you're older than me, I'll still see you as the kind of person who I'd give piggyback rides and braid your hair.  

@InfiniteInsanity- We don't talk much on the shard anymore, but you're awesome. You're beautiful and special and an amazing kind of chaotic. I've loved roleplaying with you.

@Thaidakar the Ghostblood- Where to start? Well... storm you for getting yourself banned. But thank you for taking care of my child when I'm not there. Thank you for laughing, listening, and providing sage words way beyond your years. Thank you for being an older brother.

@Ancient Elantrian- Elan... (I'm speaking to all of you) I've enjoyed being your friend. You're goofy and upbeat and chaotic and amazing. I can't think of you and your antics without smiling. Thank you for being so friendly and improving the atmosphere on the shard.

@Canada Lover- We haven't talked for a while, but I love your enthusiasm for life. And Merp 

@The Wandering Wizard- Wizzy... you're the one who taught me what an older brother is supposed to be like. Thank you for the hugs and the talks. Thank you for being so amazing. I love you so much. You and your poems have made such an impact on me. You will always be my older brother. Thank you.

@Lotus Blossom- You've always been fun to roleplay with, and have random conversations with. You're an awesome human, and a light.

@The Paradoxical Phenomenon/ @Cataclysm- I'm sorry that things are so hard for you. I hope you find peace if you haven't already.

@Part Of The Narrative and @Radiant_Sunflower_10- You guys are my best friends. I love you ever so much more than I have words, and thank you for letting me drag you into this crazy online forum.

@Ati16- We don't have a ton of interactions, but you're an awesome person. Don't forget that.

@Roosif- My lil sibling-child. You're so awesome and I'm so happy you came back. Here's a shark: 

@The Aspiring Archivist- You're so cool and mature... thank you for checking on me and talking and offering me advice. You're just a nice person.

@Weaver of Lies- Another of my older brothers... I know we don't talk as much as we used to, but I love you. You are one of my brothers. Thank you for answering the endless questions about everything from mountains to mental things, to writing... You're such a good writer.

@Kajsa- Yes, it took me well over 10 months to learn how to pronounce your username. (Kay-SHja) But you're an amazing person! You're gorgeous and great at writing and SO GOOD at art and makeup things and I love your SUs and you're funny and chaotic and I was be as cool as you someday. (P.S.. stop cheating on Haly!)

@The Halcyon Girl- I have almost no interaction with you actually oN the shard  but the texts and email chaos and the goofy memes! I love you and YOU. ARE. GORGEOUS. I wanna come eat your popcorn sometime.  (P.S. stop cheating on Kajsa!)

@Immortal Platypus- You're such a goofy guy and by far my favorite platypus who just lost the game.  

@Little j- Thank you for letting me make your awesome pfp and for being such a cool guy.

@Wit is the best- (Someone summon him pleaaaase I'm not a smart enough person ) Wit, you're awesome. I've had a bunch of great interactions and you're a cool person. Yes, Greek letters are now the bane of my existence, but it's an awesome strategy to keep you from losing the game. (until now *cackles*)

@Shardwatcher01- Sup? How're the questions going? You're a car nerd and goofy and I've had some goofy interactions. 

@Faerie Braids- You're a really cool person, and the reason I actually looked up what a semicolon means. Thank you for making the world a better place.

@Pineap-spider- I'll always remember how you were in the group that signed my card. Thank you for being a great, kind, awesome person. 

@The Bookwyrm- I have to options here... one is to cause you great pain with my skibidi rizzin' looksmaxing and mogging skilz, and 2, to compliment your love for outer space and talk about how cool a person you are and your love for good grammar and punctuation and neatness. I'm undecided, so you're an alpha with impeccable taste. 

@Mat- I don't really know you, but you were my 28th shardbuddie, and you're a nice person.

@strmblsd- You're a cool guy and I've loved all our interactions. Thank you for talking and listening. Never forget how important you are to so many.

@WhyEverNot_8- You're a really coo, goofy guy. I consider you a brother, and encourager, and someone who helps make this forum as goofy and fun as it is. You're a young'n yet, and I'm glad to be your friend. 

@Through The Living Glass- You are such a fun, brilliant, chaotic, kind person and my life wouldn't be the same without you. Thank you for joining the shard. Thank you for being you. Thank you for all the interaction and the mentions in this thread. I love you (platonically) and think you're just SO awesome.  You have that contagious energy the world needs more of.

@Block- You're a cool person and a great person to be in a cult* with.  
(* just look through here and you'll understand)

@Wierdo- An awesome adopted child, a goofy lil guy, a funny ginger. *lots of hugs*

@Vyzkel- You're super cool and I've enjoyed having you around. You lost the game.  

And finally, to my unofficial sharbuddie, my relationship with who goes deep, @The Isochronism- Tomorrow is going to be beautiful.

To end... I'm still alive. I'm still holding on. Trying my best to thrive and notice the little things. Every flower, cloud, smile... I try to smile at everyone, now. I don't shrink down and hide anymore. I look people in the eyes, shake their hand firmly, smile wide... I'm learning to be a light.

I am scared... And that is okay.

Courage is walking through fear;

not in it.

I just have to keep walking, eyes towards Heaven, living in His love, thriving, helping, serving.

My deeds are my monuments. People will remember me by what I do. 

Live like it's your last day. Live for the small moments, notice the details, love people. Maybe, they just need a smile today.

I am going to change the world.

~ Stick

@Wierdo, @Pineap-spider, @SmilingPanda19, @The Wandering Wizard, @Cash67, @Through The Living Glass, @WhyEverNot_8, @Immortal Platypus, @Ancient Elantrian, @J. Magi, @The Isochronism,  @Part Of The Narrative

...

WHAT THE ACTUAL FREAK?!

WHO WAS THE MASTERMIND??!!!

I DEMAND TO KNOW!!

Things are complicated.

I’m lost.

what else is new.

GAH I WAS ON A RETREAT

BELATED BIRTHDAY

I am approaching 500 post. I plan on picking up the pace and posting more. In the next few days you will be seeing three new models, some dumb jokes, and I am thinking of joining an RP. Also no promises, but I want to make some drawing of Kaladin to go to a song. Can’t wait to show all of you

In the rain, I don't walk alone

It matters not if I'm far from home

Because I can't see

and do not know

In the greyness of the storm.

In the mist

or in the fog

the whole world fades

and I just jog.

When rain clouds smother

what I can see

then I'm not alone, 

because next to me

Are a hundred spirits,

a hundred eyes

Guiding me

watching me

through the pines.

When the sun shines bright I cannot hide

I can be seen by passers by

I can be seen

but not quite seen...

but they can tell I walk alone.

But it's not just them, it's me who sees

The vacant path, through empty trees.

I know the path, and can't get lost

and I know I can't continue this walk.

Because when the fog fades,

and the illusion is gone

it's just me who walks

-so lonely- along.

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday

hap birth, cool person!

Happy birthday, O wise one!!!!!!

To the theatre, regarding them:

I am tied

So tightly

To the outside of your wall

That I can never make it in, and I can never search for another place to call home.

You are my comfort,

My solace,

My dreams,

And my destruction.

You are everything I'll never be; you are everything I've ever wanted to be.

You are their home, and they are the one thing I want more than you.

Without belonging, there is no purpose behind the pain.

Without them, there is no reason to keep pushing through the hopelessness.

Without love, all of life loses its luster.

Without care, I have no reason to make the tears stop flowing.

Without them, I have no reason to keep loving you.

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

But the truth is,

Without them,

You are the only thing I remember how to love.

When they weren’t there to hold me,

You swept up the broken remnants of my heart,

And you put me back together,

And you let me rest within your embrace.

Through the beauty of the art. 

For you are more than a family.

You are more than a team.

You are more than a home.

You are the theatre.

You are the place where the world falls away,

And the place where they fall away, too.

You are the place where there are no myths.

You are the place where it is possible to be anything.

You are the place where reality becomes irrelevant, becomes second to the show, to the performance, where it matters not who cares and who doesn’t. 

You are the place that can heal me without ever giving me more than you give anyone else.

You are the place where it’s all just pretend.

And I live for the pretense.

I live for the fake.

I live for the lies.

I live…

I live for them.

But they aren’t here.

And you are.

They forgot me.

And you can’t forget anyone.

I want them.

I want them.

I want them.

But they don’t want me.

And maybe you don’t either,

But you tied me to your wall

And I’m tired of trying to break free.

And maybe there’s somewhere better…

But I can’t leave the life you give to my dying heart.

I can’t leave you.

I can only love you,

And hope that someday you

And them

Will love me too.

Rue

Loki Season 2 episode 6.

Glorious Purpose.

Oh my storming gosh.

Blood and bloody ashes.

What a messy season.

But that was one heck of a finale. 

the first five episodes didn't deserve such a phenomenal episode to top it off. The first half was bad imo, four was fine, five was pretty good.

If you've stopped watching the show because some of the episodes didn't hit you right, just go watch it till the end. Please. It's worth it.

Day 14 complete. 

Let's talk about my book. (Yeah, I know, It's probably unhealthy how much I love talking about myself.) So... these chapters are also pretty weak. I wish I could share the end of my book with you, but the beginnings are rough for me. I think I did a fair job of establishing plot, character, and setting, but overall I think I could have executed this a lot better. 

The idea though, was mostly that I'm tired of the orphan who hates his life being recruited by secret organizations of wizards, and wondered what it'd be like if one of those generic secret organizations kidnapped a spoiled rich kid instead. They're showing him all these amazing things with magic and he's like "yeah, but I also kinda just wanna go home. Warm baths were nice."

That's how I get my ideas. I see an overdone trope that annoys me, and I'm like, "That could be interesting if they just did the exact opposite...

Anyway, I don't actually have lots to say, only that sometime next year after doing some revisions I will want proofreaders. (I was hoping to get this by dragonsteel, but like, I'm doing NaNoWriMo and not failing school instead.) Basically if you'd be interested in reading more of my story let me know and I'll put you on the list. I'll mail as many of you that want it a free hardcover copy of my book (signed for the memes) or digital files that can be sent to kindle or read as PDF documents (like Brandon Sanderson's secret projects.) The physical copies are fire though, and I know it's weird to give me your shipping address but to be fair it's not like you all haven't given your shipping address to other websites that your order stuff from, so I can't be that much less trustworthy then them. And if you want to meet me, I'll be at dragonsteel. Still, I need proofreaders, so I'll say this again at the end of the year, but if you're interested I want your help. I'll even credit you in the acknowledgments. Think how cool that will be once I'm rich and famous.

Oh yeah, speaking of which, I'm going to dragonsteel. I will be wearing a blue suit (for the style) and you never know if a lemon shirt may also be present. Come say hi and be like "Hold up, you're a child!" It'll be funny I promise. I'm really excited. 

Alrighty bye guys.

Today's W Count: 2183

Total W Count: 19,975

Day 14 complete. 

Let's talk about my book. (Yeah, I know, It's probably unhealthy how much I love talking about myself.) So... these chapters are also pretty weak. I wish I could share the end of my book with you, but the beginnings are rough for me. I think I did a fair job of establishing plot, character, and setting, but overall I think I could have executed this a lot better. 

The idea though, was mostly that I'm tired of the orphan who hates his life being recruited by secret organizations of wizards, and wondered what it'd be like if one of those generic secret organizations kidnapped a spoiled rich kid instead. They're showing him all these amazing things with magic and he's like "yeah, but I also kinda just wanna go home. Warm baths were nice."

That's how I get my ideas. I see an overdone trope that annoys me, and I'm like, "That could be interesting if they just did the exact opposite...

Anyway, I don't actually have lots to say, only that sometime next year after doing some revisions I will want proofreaders. (I was hoping to get this by dragonsteel, but like, I'm doing NaNoWriMo and not failing school instead.) Basically if you'd be interested in reading more of my story let me know and I'll put you on the list. I'll mail as many of you that want it a free hardcover copy of my book (signed for the memes) or digital files that can be sent to kindle or read as PDF documents (like Brandon Sanderson's secret projects.) The physical copies are fire though, and I know it's weird to give me your shipping address but to be fair it's not like you all haven't given your shipping address to other websites that your order stuff from, so I can't be that much less trustworthy then them. And if you want to meet me, I'll be at dragonsteel. Still, I need proofreaders, so I'll say this again at the end of the year, but if you're interested I want your help. I'll even credit you in the acknowledgments. Think how cool that will be once I'm rich and famous.

Oh yeah, speaking of which, I'm going to dragonsteel. I will be wearing a blue suit (for the style) and you never know if a lemon shirt may also be present. Come say hi and be like "Hold up, you're a child!" It'll be funny I promise. I'm really excited. 

Alrighty bye guys.

Today's W Count: 2183

Total W Count: 19,975

NaNoWriMo day 12 Status: I'm still here. I haven't given up yet.

I love how my story is coming along. Yes I'm a little slower than I hoped to be, but that's never been a problem in the past. If you wait until the last minute, it only takes a minute. I have a feeling I'll be able to catch up when I need to.

Also I meant to say this when I was talking about tragic love songs, but I have a few recommendations if any of you need music recommendations. First of all the new beatles song "Now and Then" is amazing.  I know it technically was released with AI software fixing corrupted files or something (not a story I did much research on, so please correct me if you know how it worked, because it sounds really interesting) but I love that freaking song. Also, the love theme from St. Elmo's Fire is amazing, please go listen. And my favorite song of all time is of course "Ghosts (how can I move on)" by muse. Then "Open Arms" by journey is also amazing if you like less tragic love songs. But that's just what I've been listening to lately while I write. (and a bunch of other songs that I wish I had time to mention)  

Also I ran another half marathon yesterday so that was fun. I know it's a pretty regular occurrence for me, but I'm still impressed with myself. 

That's all I've got for today's SU, see you guys tomorrow.

Today's W Count: 2328

Total W Count: 15,456

Took a break from writing today in favor of my mental health, if I get too exhausted in the coming days my writing will just get worse, so I'm forcing myself to recognize that a few much more efficient hours of work tomorrow will go farther than anything I could do tonight.

Still feel like the month is going great, I built in a break day or two knowing this might happen. 

My advice to all of you: If I can take a day once in a while, you can too. Get some sleep.

No Ws today

Okay, it's technically past midnight, but I got my writing done so it's fine.

NaNoWriMo day 4 was so fun. I got to write a whole fight scene, which I sometimes hate, but this one was fun. 

I need your guys' help though. I'm on a quest to find as many tragic love songs as possible for my new playlist full of tragic love songs (because those make me so happy for some reason) so if ANY of you have recommendations for tragic love songs I swear I'll listen to them. The more tragic, the better! 

I also love tragic romances as a book genre, those make me happy too. A part of me wishes Yumi and the Nightmare Painter had been one of those, but I understand that it was a brilliant decision (see my Yumi essay to see why) but even though I don't have time to read I would also love if you guys let me know what books have tragic romances. I can't be the only one who likes those, even if I am an outlier.  

That's really all I have to say today, thanks for reading my updates! It really makes me feel special every time I see comments or likes, so I really appreciate you guys. Good luck with your writing or any other pursuit you happen to be pursuing!

Today's W Count: 2267

Total W Count: 8727

Okay, it's technically past midnight, but I got my writing done so it's fine.

NaNoWriMo day 4 was so fun. I got to write a whole fight scene, which I sometimes hate, but this one was fun. 

I need your guys' help though. I'm on a quest to find as many tragic love songs as possible for my new playlist full of tragic love songs (because those make me so happy for some reason) so if ANY of you have recommendations for tragic love songs I swear I'll listen to them. The more tragic, the better! 

I also love tragic romances as a book genre, those make me happy too. A part of me wishes Yumi and the Nightmare Painter had been one of those, but I understand that it was a brilliant decision (see my Yumi essay to see why) but even though I don't have time to read I would also love if you guys let me know what books have tragic romances. I can't be the only one who likes those, even if I am an outlier.  

That's really all I have to say today, thanks for reading my updates! It really makes me feel special every time I see comments or likes, so I really appreciate you guys. Good luck with your writing or any other pursuit you happen to be pursuing!

Today's W Count: 2267

Total W Count: 8727

Yay, another day done. Today's word count was the highest yet, and I was also relatively quick today with only two ish hours instead of three. 

The trouble with writing fast is that you get worried that everything you're writing is nonsense. I'm sure you writers can relate. I have to write something, so I kind of just put anything. At least once I finish this I'll have something I can edit, so there's always that. I do happen to have the greatest editor, and also an insanely good cover artist. (Why do I have a cover artist? Well, let's just say it's complicated.)

I finished earlier today, so let's talk about the prologue that I posted a couple days ago (which you should read below if you haven't. Not because it's good, but because it's just fun to see the styles of other authors.)

That prologue is modeled after the first chapter of one of the first mysteries I ever read, the book that made me fall in love with the mystery genre. It's a book called "The Westing Game" which I highly recommend for any age. Something about the first chapter of that book sparks intrigue in a way that many mysteries don't right off the bat. Like my prologue, it introduces a cast of relevant characters, and provides relevant information to the mystery, before you even know what the mystery is.

It's worth noting, that I hate writing beginnings. They're definitely my weakness as a writer, but I think I can handle endings a lot better. I love writing endings. And so you just read what is probably the worst part of my book. 

The book (which I will just call "SoC" for legal purposes, and because I like pretending my book is important enough to keep secret) is a genre of fantasy that I personally haven't seen before. It's a murder mystery in a fantasy world. I'm kind of tired of the classic questing that characters do so often in fantasies, and so I wanted to go a completely different direction with this story. You'll have to tell me how well I did, setting up the vibe that I wanted my book to have, and I always welcome advice from you good writers who take the time to read my status updates, because obviously I'm still terrible at starting a book well. I speculate the first few chapters of the book are even worse than what you just read, but it's possible I'll post a few of those here too at some point, let me know if you'd be interested.

Anyway, as always, I love you all, enjoy the remainder of your day.

Today's W Count: 2174

Total W Count: 6460

As I am writing this, it is (slightly after) Midnight on November 1st 2023. Which means it is time for my official NaNoWrMO to begin. As many of you probably will, I'm going to be posting status updates every now and then (likely every day, so sorry) about my daily word count, and current progress. 50,000 words is my current goal, although if I hit 65,000 I would finish my current novel (NoC) which would be a huge accomplishment. So let me know if any of you are going to be doing anything similar, I would love to try for a discussion every few days about stuff. I don't like Reddit (for obvious reasons) so that's why I'm doing this here instead of on the r/sanderson subreddit. I would love it if y'all would let me know if I beat our guy Brandon Sanderson!

Oh yeah, and I just hit my 200th post, so yay. It's kinda weird because I don't post here much considering (there are people with well over 2000 posts who've only been here half a year) but I try to make every post something that's relatively important, not just doing random things. But still, I love being on here, and I hope one day to be recognized and known on the shard despite my low post and rep count.

Now I know it's not my AMA, but I'm going to give all my loyal followers and status update readers some free wisdom to begin the month.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow the site will be updated.

Tomorrow is the day that I wage war on my novel and force it to be good.

The urge to tinker endlessly on one chapter is just so high rn... but I know that it will be better if I actually finish the storming thing.

I wroted a thing

I swear. I enjoy the subjects I'm being taught in school, I want to enjoy it.

I just don't enjoy the pace it's being thrown at me at all. Like, I would enjoy it if I had two weeks to get one week done. That would be the dream. I would get so much done. So much more efficiently. 

*sigh*

Friends! romans countrymen

I need writing prompts!! Please I'm begging you all! Tomorrow is a day, and I want to make something of it and I NEED WRITING PROMPTS!

Also, my shardiversary is in like 2 days and as soon as it arrives imma pop off the shard for a week  so that's fun.

Mkay that's all right now, thanks people.

Friends! romans countrymen

I need writing prompts!! Please I'm begging you all! Tomorrow is a day, and I want to make something of it and I NEED WRITING PROMPTS!

Also, my shardiversary is in like 2 days and as soon as it arrives imma pop off the shard for a week  so that's fun.

Mkay that's all right now, thanks people.