Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

[Condensation she/her]

Oh wait, we have to make a rap?

Oh shoot I'm dead

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

5 minutes ago, Condensation said:

Oh wait, we have to make a rap?

Oh shoot I'm dead

Just write it like a poem. You can go look at past raps for examples.

[Condensation she/her]

Okay, I suppose. I'm alright with poems.

[Mat he/him]

Just now, Condensation said:

Okay, I suppose. I'm alright with poems.

This time around I'm planning on doing song parodies, actually. No idea how much easier/harder that'll be, though.

[Condensation she/her]

Sounds like it'll be harder, actually.

[Turtle they/them]

I’d be cool with that. Also, it’s 7:18 so I need to do this tomorrow morning ish and not now.

[Fezzik]

If people are okay with it, in addition to silence's grandmother, I can roast as Bastille.

[I Am A Fish he/him]

3 minutes ago, Fezzik said:

If people are okay with it, in addition to silence's grandmother, I can roast as Bastille.

*Laughs in horneater*

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

Alright, that's about enough. So, does anyone other than @Fezzik want to be two people?

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

Hey @Ghanderflaffle, I stutter as I vote yes, essentially saying yes 4 more times, does that work?

Edited September 20, 2020 by hoiditthroughthegrapevine

[Archer he/him]

Your stuttered vote accidentally becomes a veto and nixes all opposition to the proposal. Problem sooooolved!

I say go for it, Ghanderflaffle. 

Edit: additional proposal if you're doing an extended ladder tournament with 8 matchups at the start: figure out the matchups in advance and ballpark the times when they'll occur. Then PM everyone the date you think they'll start on. That way they wouldn't know their opponent, but would be sure to be active on the day they're needed. It could avoid inactivity problems ruining the setup. 

Edited September 20, 2020 by Archer

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

17 minutes ago, Archer said:

Your stuttered vote accidentally becomes a veto and nixes all opposition to the proposal. Problem sooooolved!

I say go for it, Ghanderflaffle. 

Edit: additional proposal if you're doing an extended ladder tournament with 8 matchups at the start: figure out the matchups in advance and ballpark the times when they'll occur. Then PM everyone the date you think they'll start on. That way they wouldn't know their opponent, but would be sure to be active on the day they're needed. It could avoid inactivity problems ruining the setup. 

Thanks for the tip. 

Alright, sounds like we will have 15 players, but @Fezzik will play as Silence's Grandmother and Bastille. I’ll get everything set up in the morning.

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

If no one else joins I say let Fezzik be two people.

Hey @Toaster Retribution, there's one more spot open in the cosmere/non-cosmere roast tournament, want to sign up?

[I Am A Fish he/him]

When will this be happening?

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

1 hour ago, I Used To Be A Fish said:

When will this be happening?

Today! 

Here we go! This'll be a little different from last time, I want to experiment some. Each battle will still consist of four people, but only 2 of those people will be roasting each other at a time, so it's a bunch of little duels, but 2 duels will run at a time. So for the first one we have @Matrim's Dice as Fleet against @Shard of Reading as Lift. The second one will be @Fezzik as Silence's Grandmother against @Personification as Gallant. Both of these will go at the same time, but you are each only roasting one person, so Matrim and Shard will roast each other, Fezzik and Personification will roast each other, and it will all happen at the same time. Make sense? If not, ask your questions. Your roasts will be due Wednesday the 23 at the end of the day.

To everyone else (and Fezzik again) I will PM you about when you will be roasting so you can be available that day. (Thanks Archer for the suggestion) This does mean that I can only give a day or two for extra time instead of several days like last tournament.

Edited September 20, 2020 by Ghanderflaffle

[Mat he/him]

19 minutes ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

So for the first one we have @Matrim's Dice as Fleet against @Shard of Reading as Lift.

I gotta roast Lift? Oh boy. Good thing I just reread Edgedancer... and I'm gonna try song parody.

Edited September 20, 2020 by Matrim's Dice

[Shard of Reading he/him]

@Matrim's Dice I will do a song parody as well. You get slow ride.

[Mat he/him]

Just now, Shard of Reading said:

@Matrim's Dice I will do a song parody as well. You get slow ride.

I'm doing Hall of Fame. 

[Shard of Reading he/him]

20 hours ago, Matrim's Dice said:

I'm doing Hall of Fame. 

O.K. on second thought there is almost no material in slow ride. I'm just writing my own roast.

This is also surprisingly fun.

[Mat he/him]

Just now, Shard of Reading said:

O.K. on second thought there is almost no material in slow ride. I'm just writing my own roast.

This is also surprisingly fun.

Bet it was just too hard to roast Fleet with a song titled 'Slow Ride'  

[Shard of Reading he/him]

2 minutes ago, Matrim's Dice said:

Bet it was just too hard to roast Fleet with a song titled 'Slow Ride'  

Ha. No. There is almost no words, so I can't get all of the material in that I wanted to put in.

[Personification he/him]

Yeah, I was also going to do a song, but then I couldn't think of one that would fit the tone and style right, so I will just be using a fairly basic rhyme scheme and loose meter. I do intend to eventually get a song version.

[Mat he/him]

My song is going great  

[Shard of Reading he/him]

Just now, Matrim's Dice said:

My song is going great  

I'm about 1/3 of the way done. 

[Mat he/him]

@Shard of Reading, @Ghanderflaffle

Presenting:

Streets of Shame 

A Lift roasting song parody of Hall of Fame  

Originally by The Script 

I recommend that you listen to the song before and/or during your read of the roast  

Hall of Fame (link)

Actual lyrics:

Spoiler

Yeah, you could be the greatest
You can be the best
You can be the King Kong banging on your chest

 

You could beat the world
You could beat the war
You could talk to God, go banging on his door

You can throw your hands up

You can beat the clock
You can move a mountain
You can break rocks
You can be a master
Don't wait for luck
Dedicate yourself and you can find yourself

 

Standing in the hall of fame
And the world's gonna know your name
'Cause you burn with the brightest flame
And the world's gonna know your name
And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame

 

You could go the distance
You could run the mile
You could walk straight through hell with a smile

 

You could be the hero
You could get the gold
Breaking all the records that thought, never could be broke

 

Do it for your people
Do it for your pride
How you ever gonna know if you never even try?

 

Do it for your country
Do it for you name
'Cause there's gonna be a day, When your'e,

 

Standing in the hall of fame
And the world's gonna know your name
'Cause you burn with the brightest flame
And the world's gonna know your name
And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame

 

Be a champion, be a champion, be a champion, be a champion

 

On the walls of the hall of fame

 

Be students, be teachers
Be politicians, be preachers

 

Be believers, be leaders
Be astronauts Be champions
Be truth seekers

 

Be students, be teachers
Be politicians, be preachers (be preachers)

 

Be believers, be leaders
Be astronauts, be champions

 

Standing in the hall of fame
And the world's gonna know your name
'Cause you burn with the brightest flame
And the world's gonna know your name
And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame

 

You could be the greatest, you can be the best
(You can be a champion)You can be the King Kong banging on your chest

You could beat the world (you can be a champion)
You could beat the war (you can be a champion)
You could talk to God, go banging on his door (you can be a champion)

 

You can throw your hands up 
You can beat the clock (you can be a champion)
You can move a mountain 
You can break rocks (you can be a champion)

 

You can be a master 
Don't wait for luck (you can be a champion)
Dedicate yourself and you can find yourself 
Standing in the hall of fame (you can be a champion)

Streets of Shame Parody:

Spoiler

Yeah, you seem like the greatest 
You think you’re the best 
You think that your humor doesn’t need a rest 

You slide around the world 
Avoiding the big war 
Chasing Nin-son-God, ‘n following his course 

You think it’s justified 
To steal lighteyed slop 
“It aint hurting no one” 
-Reasoning flop 
You’re a storming pain in 
(My) Head and my heart 
Examine yourself and you will find yourself 

Sliding through the streets of shame 
You mock the Radiant name 
Giving Wyndle all the blame 
And the fandom reveres your name 
But you should hang around in the streets of shame 

I can go the distance 
I ran a long while 
I defied the Stormwall running with a smile  

I’m a story hero 
Blazing ‘cross the sand 
Up and down the mountain range and through the rocky land 

I did it for the people 
You steal for your pride 
Would you really steal, if it would claim someone’s life? 

You don’t take for the money 
Or even for your name 
Maybe there could be a day, when you're not  

Sliding through the streets of shame 
You mock the Radiant name 
Giving Wyndle all the blame 
And the fandom reveres your name 
But you should hang around in the streets of shame 

Be a Radiant, be a Radiant, You’re not Radiant, be a Radiant 

(Slidin) Up and down through the streets of shame 

Be Shallan, be Jasnah 
Be Kala-din, be Sy-l 

Be Renarin, be Pattern 
Be Navani Be Adolin 
Be Dal-i-nar 

Be Wyndle, be Gaw-x 
Be an Edgedancer, be Bridge Four (be Bridge Fo-our) 

Be Radiant, be anything 
That you’re not, You’re nothing 

Sliding through the streets of shame 
You mock the Radiant name 
Giving Wyndle all the blame 
Yet the fandom reveres your name 
But you should hang around in the streets of shame 

I’ll address the people: All Lift does is jest 
(Be a Radiant) Mocks Wyndle while he tries to bring out her best 
Named her spren the Void (Be a Radiant) 
Ruined Hauka’s job (You’re not Radiant) 
Messed with Magic Old, we learned that from a WoB (Be a Radiant) 

She's just a Reshi child (You like food too much) 
Powerful or not 
She shouldn't be allowed to (Why you like food so much) 
Run without stop 

I’m a different story (Be an Edgedancer) 
A force to trust  
Evaluate yourself and you will find yourself (You’re no Edgedancer) 
Sliding through the streets of shame  

Take that, Lift!  

Edited September 22, 2020 by Matrim's Dice