Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

[DramaQueen she/he/neopronouns]

8 hours ago, Channelknight Fadran said:

Scud... I won by default. Ark, this is all your fault.

Spoiler

I can't even count the number of times my opponent probably should have won by default.

Spoiler

Spoiler

 

 

 

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

15 hours ago, DramaQueen said:

  Reveal hidden contents

I can't even count the number of times my opponent probably should have won by default.

  Hide contents

  Hide contents

 

 

 

Spoiler

Good thing I’m generous.  

Anyways, poll results are in! The winner is, by a last-minute vote, @Fezzik! Thanks for playing @Gears, the keteks were great. This means that later on @Fezzik will go against @Channelknight Fadran. You can write your roasts whenever, but please don’t post them until I call for your battle. It'll be at least a week and a half.

The next duels are @Condensation as Megan against @turtle as Sylphrena and @Archer as Alcatraz against @float as Sigzil. Your roasts will be due October 3rd, which I believe is Saturday. Good luck!

[Turtle they/them]

can anyone give me a copper mind page link for megan?

[Channelknight Fadran]

2 minutes ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

  Reveal hidden contents

Good thing I’m generous.  

Anyways, poll results are in! The winner is, by a last-minute vote, @Fezzik! Thanks for playing @Gears, the keteks were great. This means that later on @Fezzik will go against @Channelknight Fadran. You can write your roasts whenever, but please don’t post them until I call for your battle. It'll be at least a week and a half.

The next duels are @Condensation as Megan against @turtle as Sylphrena and @Archer as Alcatraz against @float as Sigzil. Your roasts will be due October 3rd, which I believe is Saturday. Good luck!

Who's Fezzik again?

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

Just now, Channelknight Fadran said:

Who's Fezzik again?

Fezzik is playing as Bastille for this one.

[Shard of Reading he/him]

Just now, turtle said:

can anyone give me a copper mind page link for megan?

You are so going to spoil reckoners for yourself.

https://coppermind.net/wiki/Megan_Tarash

Here's David's as well as that might be helpful.

https://coppermind.net/wiki/David_Charleston

[Turtle they/them]

welp.

I dont feel like cramming reckoners, so now I'll become spoiled.

Edit: Actually, I might just cram reckoners.

Edited September 30, 2020 by turtle

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

22 minutes ago, turtle said:

welp.

I dont feel like cramming reckoners, so now I'll become spoiled.

Edit: Actually, I might just cram reckoners.

It's a good series to cram.

[Turtle they/them]

Just now, Ghanderflaffle said:

It's a good series to cram.

welp. time to convince my mom to buy me another book.

 

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

Or 3.

[Turtle they/them]

48% through steelheart!

[Shard of Reading he/him]

13 minutes ago, turtle said:

48% through steelheart!

*Applause* That was fast.

[Turtle they/them]

Thanks! I happen to be a fast reader, there was no way I could have re read SA in time for oath bringer otherwise. 

[Condensation she/her]

Shoot, I have to roast storming Syl.

Crem.

[Turtle they/them]

Thats mostly why I chose her. Though Megan is going to be hard to do too.

[Archer he/him]

The air above the stage door fizzles, then splits into a purplish portal opening. Alcatraz Smedry, holding a carton of milk and wearing a pair of black and white tinted glasses poofs through it, into the arena of assembled roasters. He looks around for a moment, then takes a gulp of his drink and begins to hurriedly back out of the room. Spying Sigzil through his spectacular speckled spectacles, he sings silly slant rhymes at him as he slides away:

Spoiler

Alien dudes, stay still, ‘kay. I just wanted some milk.

But you should be wary, because I do carry

Unlike most of my ilk, in this pocket of silk,

A rhyming dictionary!* And also some dairy!

 

I don’t know why I’m here. I didn’t volunteer.

The Cowjuicer Lens is strong, yeah, but something’s gone wrong.

I’d like to disappear, but I’m starting to fear,

I have to play along and come up with a song.

 

So while I fix the moo glasses I’ll tell you

That you face Alcatraz, the teen king with pizzazz.

I rule Mokia, it’s true, but there’s more that I do.

I am known for my sass and my talent with glass.

 

I’ve been to unmapped shores, to libraries’ top floors,

Been killed by books almost, made my dad not a ghost,

Used my skill to stop wars, and talked with dinosaurs.

But I’m not here to boast, let’s get on with the roast!

 

I know you, Sigzil, you’re that guy with the quill.

You’ve got the scribe looks, but you’re in what, three books?

I got five paying bills, I'm a rich corporate shill. 

You’re the bookie for crooks, bridge-pawns poking at rooks.

 

You hung out with Hoid and yet couldn’t avoid

Being made 'to a slave bound for a desert grave.

If not by Kal employed, you would have been destroyed

Expected, from a knave, that was a close shave.

 

A worldhopper’s ringer, you’re a worldsinger,

So you carry a tune better than bridges. Soon

I’ll be done with the zingers, but my words will still linger

As your OCD brain dwells on this line that doesn’t rhyme.

 

Hey, before I say ciao, may I just scoff at thou?

Even with my Talent paused I could break down your flaws.

With that head tattoo now, you can’t furrow your brow,

So just clench your jaws as I bow for applause.

 

*By the way, can anyone think of a better rhyme for Bastille than that whale food krill? Asking for a friend. Shut up. There are plenty of reasons to own a rhyming dictionary besides romantic po- shut up, okay? This is hard enough already.

Maybe window sill?   

Alcatraz then turns and begins making a noble and dignified sprint for the nearest exit. 

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

9 hours ago, Archer said:

The Cowjuicer Lens

Hahaha, funny stuff. Funny stuff.

9 hours ago, Archer said:

By the way, can anyone think of a better rhyme for Bastille than that whale food krill?

Last meal, Fast deal, Chloroplast teal, Avast Eel!!, uhh there are probably others.

[Condensation she/her]

Okay, so how long is this supposed to be? Because aah.

[Mat he/him]

7 minutes ago, Condensation said:

Okay, so how long is this supposed to be? Because aah.

Doesn't matter. Some are longer, some are shorter. Mine was long cause it was a song parity, but basically everyone else's wasn't that long...  

9 minutes ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

Hahaha, funny stuff. Funny stuff.

Last meal, Fast deal, Chloroplast teal, Avast Eel!!, uhh there are probably others.

Hmm, I'd rhyme Bastille with 'fill' and 'drill' as opposed to 'meal' and 'deal'. Interesting to see how pronunciations go.   

Edited October 2, 2020 by Matrim's Dice

[Condensation she/her]

*parody

Okay, good.

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

@Condensation @float @turtle you’ve got one more day to post your roasts!

[Turtle they/them]

ahhhhhhh I'm trying haikus are hard! Especially roasting Megan after cramming calamity.

[Shard of Reading he/him]

10 minutes ago, turtle said:

ahhhhhhh I'm trying haikus are hard! Especially roasting Megan after cramming calamity.

I personally did not worry about rhyming (Mainly because that's what I think lift would do) and because this is syl I think you could do the same thing. But it's up to you

[Turtle they/them]

I'm specifically trying not to rhyme and do around 5-7-5 syllable structure. 

[float]

whoops i thought it was due at the end of saturday