Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

[I Am A Fish he/him]

Just now, Ghanderflaffle said:

They normally fall off as people get eliminated.

Still probably a good thing to have,

[Personification he/him]

Am I expected/allowed to vote in my own competition?

[Shard of Reading he/him]

Just now, Personification said:

Am I expected/allowed to vote in my own competition?

I believe you are.

[Mat he/him]

1 minute ago, Personification said:

Am I expected/allowed to vote in my own competition?

You can, but you can't vote for yourself  

[Personification he/him]

8 minutes ago, Shard of Reading said:

I believe you are.

 

7 minutes ago, Matrim's Dice said:

You can, but you can't vote for yourself  

OK, but like actually, which? @Ghanderflaffle?

[Shard of Reading he/him]

Just now, Personification said:

 

OK, but like actually, which? @Ghanderflaffle?

Actually if you read through the beginning of the thread people voted for themselves. So, I assume it hasn't changed.

[Personification he/him]

40 minutes ago, Shard of Reading said:

Actually if you read through the beginning of the thread people voted for themselves. So, I assume it hasn't changed.

Great. Thanks.

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

1 hour ago, Shard of Reading said:

I believe you are.

 

1 hour ago, Matrim's Dice said:

You can, but you can't vote for yourself  

 

59 minutes ago, Personification said:

 

OK, but like actually, which? @Ghanderflaffle?

 

58 minutes ago, Shard of Reading said:

Actually if you read through the beginning of the thread people voted for themselves. So, I assume it hasn't changed.

 

18 minutes ago, Personification said:

Great. Thanks.

I keep forgetting to say this at the beginning! You can vote, but not for yourself. Since I forgot to say it again, you can vote for yourself until next tournament.

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

By one vote, the winner is @Matrim's Dice! Nicely roasted @Personification.

 

The next battle is between @Channelknight Fadran as Pattern against @Fezzik as Bastille. Since people may not see this tonight, your roasts will be due the 18th, which is Sunday I believe. Good luck!

[Personification he/him]

Oh well.

Congratulations!

[Mat he/him]

1 minute ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

By one vote, the winner is @Matrim's Dice! Nicely roasted @Personification.

One vote  

Well done, @Personification! The WoB in yours inspired the WoB in mine  

[Personification he/him]

2 minutes ago, Matrim's Dice said:

One vote  

Well done, @Personification! The WoB in yours inspired the WoB in mine  

I thought they might have. In Gallant's defense, I'm pretty sure that what was said there doesn't apply to Ryshadium. On the other hand, Dawnshard also really has practically nothing to do with Derethil and the Wandersail.

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

@Channelknight Fadran @Fezzik due today!

[Channelknight Fadran]

Just now, Ghanderflaffle said:

@Channelknight Fadran @Fezzik due today!

You can say that whoever I was supposed to roast won, because I'm not willing to spoil Alcatraz for myself. My apologies.

[I Am A Fish he/him]

1 minute ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

@Channelknight Fadran @Fezzik due today!

Thought I saw my name in there.

May have had a small freakout...  

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

2 minutes ago, Channelknight Fadran said:

You can say that whoever I was supposed to roast won, because I'm not willing to spoil Alcatraz for myself. My apologies.

That's alright. @Fezzik wins then! 

The next pair up is @Condensation as Megan against @Archer as Alcatraz! Your roasts will be due the 21st, which is Wednesday. Good luck!

[Condensation she/her]

1 hour ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

That's alright. @Fezzik wins then! 

The next pair up is @Condensation as Megan against @Archer as Alcatraz! Your roasts will be due the 21st, which is Wednesday. Good luck!

You got it! I'll be back soon with my roast.

[Mat he/him]

1 hour ago, Channelknight Fadran said:

You can say that whoever I was supposed to roast won, because I'm not willing to spoil Alcatraz for myself. My apologies.

1. Good choice

2. You haven’t read Alcatraz yet?

[Channelknight Fadran]

27 minutes ago, Matrim's Dice said:

1. Good choice

2. You haven’t read Alcatraz yet?

No, Matrim, I have not.

[Fezzik]

So what you're saying is, the final might be Bastille v. Alcatraz? 

[Hen she/her]

Hey, don't give up on Spensa or Rock yet!!

[I Am A Fish he/him]

Rock will be: 

*Chefs kiss*

[Archer he/him]

I was going to write a Britney Spears parody called Oops! You Did It, Megan, but it didn't work out. So here's my freeform roast, which is chock full of Reckoners spoilers. 

Spoiler

*Alcatraz continues to run frantically around the tournament venue, looking for an exit. He accidentally bumps into an Earth woman, and his jaw drops.*

I’m sorry, I’m sorry again- oh. You’re Megan!

If you were better with a sword, I’d take you to dinner afterwards.

Not that you aren’t great! It’s just a Free Kingdoms mandate.

We don’t really like guns? But you still totally stun.

Do you like puns or not, because I think that you’re hot.

You’re really really cool, but I’m afraid we have to duel.

*Alcatraz takes a deep breath and recomposes himself. Trying to avoid attention, he begins to rap so no one will notice he is an intruder and try to eat him.*

I hear you’re good in a firefight, and comfy with the limelight.

The fights you’ve fought are harrowing, but lord knows you’re no pure heroine.

Your own powers corrupt you, so it’s not good you’re up to.

You could fill a whole landfill with the corpses you’ve killed.

Leaving behind a trail of ash, you’re garbage, Ms. Tarash.

You lost all your honor, dear, when you spied on the Reckoners.

If your weakness is fire, don’t look at your pants, lair.

You let David love you, then outta town you flew.

Put this in your death recording, you need to find better boarding.

It doesn’t show good judgement to live in a basement.

Through the metal wastes you romped, then moved to a swamp.

And the worst of your lows, who was your arch foe?

Not some dangerous creature, twas a grade school teacher.

I have flaws and meander, but at least I have standards.

Unlike you barbarians, I bravely battle librarians.

There’s no ambiguity, it doesn’t take Fortuity,

To see here you’re the loser, and an old man abuser.  

Read Alcatraz’s face, you are taking last place!

But I still think you’re pretty, sorry I insulted your city.

Okay, bye!

*Alcatraz begins trying to remove the grate on a nearby air vent so he can crawl his way to freedom.*

 

[Condensation she/her]

Here it is!

Spoiler

Megan places her hands on her hips and stares after Alcatraz. Glaring, she begins to speak in his general direction.

Smedry
A race of kings
You desecrate their name
They must be rolling in their graves
Let down

Your foes
Librarians
I could beat them in my sleep
Maybe that’s all you can handle
Doormat

How old?
You are a child
Pretending you fight well
You can’t defeat one enemy
I can

Shameful
You’re unworthy
You don’t deserve your name
And you don’t deserve your Talent
Breaking

Stumbling
Through all your woes
Barely getting away
And losing friends in the process
Loser

She smirks at him and turns away, no longer worried about his efforts to escape.

Edited October 21, 2020 by Condensation

[Ghanderflaffle she/her]

Here is the poll for @Condensation and @Archer! Open for 24 hours, as always. Heads up to @I Am A Fish and @Hentient, you two are next.