The Battle for the Sandwich

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

I call the police. 

[Szeth Pancakes he/they]

I call the police on you calling the police.

[Immortal Platypus]

I wonder why people think the police exist here.

[The Paradoxical Phenomenon he/him]

I am a police officer.

I arrest the current holder of the Sandwich, and take it.

[Immortal Platypus]

1 hour ago, TheAlpha929 said:

I am a police officer.

I arrest the current holder of the Sandwich, and take it.

As I helped to make the current legal system, I am aware of the rules. I stop my arrest and you are forced to give my property at the time of my arrest (including the sandwich) back to me.

[The Paradoxical Phenomenon he/him]

1 hour ago, Being of Cacophony said:

As I helped to make the current legal system, I am aware of the rules. I stop my arrest and you are forced to give my property at the time of my arrest (including the sandwich) back to me.

I try to give you 5 bucks?

[Immortal Platypus]

I'm confused, but politely decline.

[Edema Rue she/her]

The desecrated corpse of the Caterpillar materializes inside the sandwich and complains loudly that it is hungry and would like to eat lunch already, so would everyone please hurry it up and get to page 90? It then disappears.

[Immortal Platypus]

I call across the street to @NerdyAarakocra who is there for some reason.

"Hey Nerdy, the Caterpillar wants lunch! You wanna meet at the third best restaurant in town on page 90?"

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

"Sounds like a plan! Let me just finish wrangling this psychedelic moth with the head of an Arabian sand boa and I'll be right there!"

[Immortal Platypus]

That sounded like a struggle, so I walk across the street to watch and help if needed.

[Szeth Pancakes he/they]

While you’re watching, I pickpocket the sandwich.

[Immortal Platypus]

I spin and blast lightning into the air. The lighting attracts to the lightning rod that I slipped into your back pocket. You fall unconscious and I pick up the sandwich.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

I walk up behind you and do that one spy movie thing where I tap that one nerve in your neck and you fall unconscious. I cackle mischievously and run off with the Sandwich.

[Szeth Pancakes he/they]

I astrally project and go after Sequence, using emotional Allomancy to get them to return the sandwich to my unconscious body.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

Ah, but you see, I'm secretly a robotic AI construct! Emotional allomancy doesn't work on me! 

...

Or does it?

Self-aware AI under the influence of Allomancy has not been tested yet.

For my own personal benefit, I decide that it doesn't. I hop into a SpaceX Starship and fly away.

[Szeth Pancakes he/they]

I kill Elon Musk in his sleep. Without him, SpaceX falls apart, and your starship returns to Earth to be scrapped. While you’re distracted by that, I steal the sandwich from you and take up residence on top of Mount Everest.

[Immortal Platypus]

2 hours ago, Szeth_Pancakes said:

I kill Elon Musk in his sleep. Without him, SpaceX falls apart, and your starship returns to Earth to be scrapped. While you’re distracted by that, I steal the sandwich from you and take up residence on top of Mount Everest.

I steal the sandwich as I ride past on the cow that jumped over Mount Everest (he's the cousin to the cow that jumped over the moon).

[aetherbound he/him]

I tell the cow that the sandwich contains roast beef, he takes it from you and buries it. I use a minecraft pickaxe to dig it back up before taking it to a magic sandwich cleaner.

[Immortal Platypus]

2 hours ago, Aetherbound said:

I tell the cow that the sandwich contains roast beef, he takes it from you and buries it. I use a minecraft pickaxe to dig it back up before taking it to a magic sandwich cleaner.

I explain to the cow that the sandwich is exactly what kind of sandwich and mine does not have beef. You picked up a replica that the cow hid and I escaped with the real one.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

Unfortunately for you, I was waiting at your place of escape. I (nicely) handcuff you to a light post and steal the Sandwich.

[aetherbound he/him]

However, I was hiding inside the light post(it's a very big light post), I come out and steal the sandwich. I then stuff both of you inside the light post and lock it.

[Immortal Platypus]

I wonder how long it's gonna take to get to get to page 90. Then I break Sequence and I out using my lockpicks. I steal the sandwich, unlock my handcuffs, and gently attach Sequence to the light post.

[The Stick]

I, being the considerate person I am would never take your personal property by force. I greet you cordially and serve you a 1948 French wine and filet mignon. You graciously accept the meal and begin to eat. It is only after you eat it that you drop dead from the poison and I ram Nightblood into you a few hundred times. I then ask the Nightwatcher for the boon of being unkillable and unfindable on this thread. I am also granted the boon of nobody being able to resurrect except for me. I am bonded to the Nightwatcher so she gives me the bane of being unable to eat tyrannosaurus meat. They are all dead, so the boon is useless, but I never tell her. I then flee to my fortress.

Edited May 20, 2023 by The Stick

[Immortal Platypus]

Your boon is useless because you only got one bane, breaking the rules of the Nightwatcher. I come back to life, as I was never truly dead, just pretending. I follow you to your fortress and take the sandwich.