The Battle for the Sandwich

[Immortal Platypus]

14 minutes ago, The Stick said:

What you did not know is that I faked losing Investiture and the decoy sandwich you took was filled with gemstones which sucked away your Stormlight. Afterwards, I cursed you to become stupid unless you at the Sandwich.

What you didn't know is that I was not only Invested with Stormlight, I had other Investiture as well! I quickly stab you with Nightblood and my army of Leechers do the rest. Your Investiture is drained from the Nicrosil-enhanced Leechers and Nightblood. I am the only Invested being and your attempt at a curse doesn't work as my Investiture counters it. I take the sandwich from your shriveled-up corpse, then say to you that you could be alive if you gave up Adonalsium. 

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

I walk up on your left side and tap your right shoulder. As you turn around in confusion, I grab the Sandwich and sink into the floor.

[The Stick]

Sadly for you, I had massive Nircosilminds strapped to me so the leechers and Nightblood have no effect. My curse works regardless, I do not want to give spoilers, but if you have read Tress, you know I am right. You then realize that you are actually a despicable person and stab yourself with Nightblood.

[Immortal Platypus]

8 hours ago, The Stick said:

Sadly for you, I had massive Nircosilminds strapped to me so the leechers and Nightblood have no effect. My curse works regardless, I do not want to give spoilers, but if you have read Tress, you know I am right. You then realize that you are actually a despicable person and stab yourself with Nightblood.

Foolishly, you assumed that I hadn't read Tress. I am immune to the curse as I am far more experienced than you at such things and blocked you with my powers. Unfortunately for you, I already knew that I was a despicable person, but I have strong will so I don't stab myself.

8 hours ago, Sequence said:

I walk up on your left side and tap your right shoulder. As you turn around in confusion, I grab the Sandwich and sink into the floor.

Seeing you sink through the floor, I activate my anti-Investiture fabrial and the sandwich surfaces while your are almost crushed by the floor.

[aetherbound he/him]

16 hours ago, Being of Cacophony said:

Seeing you sink through the floor, I activate my anti-Investiture fabrial and the sandwich surfaces while your are almost crushed by the floor.

I fire a blue portal at the floor under the sandwich, teleporting it to Aperture Science before putting the orange portal on the moon. I quickly escape in my rocket powered sandwich shop as everyone is sucked through the portal.

[Immortal Platypus]

2 hours ago, Aetherbound said:

I fire a blue portal at the floor under the sandwich, teleporting it to Aperture Science before putting the orange portal on the moon. I quickly escape in my rocket powered sandwich shop as everyone is sucked through the portal.

I am too heavy to be pulled through such a simple thing as a portal and the world's governments shoot your sandwich shop down as it seemed to be a threat. I teleport to the moon, take the sandwich and teleport to  [REDACTED].

[The Stick]

Sadly for you, I happen to have a cult of people with Invested metal weapons that were waiting for you at [Redacted] and we completely shredded your Investiture. As all three aspects of you are destroyed, I take the Sandwich and teleport to an undisclosed location.

[Immortal Platypus]

1 minute ago, The Stick said:

Sadly for you, I happen to have a cult of people with Invested metal weapons that were waiting for you at [Redacted] and we completely shredded your Investiture. As all three aspects of you are destroyed, I take the Sandwich and teleport to an undisclosed location.

This wasn't bolded and wasn't canon. I briefly wonder when people will stop making that mistake.

[The Stick]

Sadly for you, I happen to have a cult of people with Invested metal weapons that were waiting for you at [Redacted] and we completely shredded your Investiture. As all three aspects of you are destroyed, I take the Sandwich and teleport to an undisclosed location.

I canonized it.

[Immortal Platypus]

2 hours ago, The Stick said:

Sadly for you, I happen to have a cult of people with Invested metal weapons that were waiting for you at [Redacted] and we completely shredded your Investiture. As all three aspects of you are destroyed, I take the Sandwich and teleport to an undisclosed location.

I canonized it.

Luckily, your people waited at [Redacted] where my decoy clone was. I arrived safely at [REDACTED] and left, moving secretly to an area known by no others.

You did. Fortunately, I had a plan  

[aetherbound he/him]

On 5/9/2023 at 4:26 PM, Being of Cacophony said:

I am too heavy to be pulled through such a simple thing as a portal and the world's governments shoot your sandwich shop down as it seemed to be a threat. I teleport to the moon, take the sandwich and teleport to  [REDACTED].

However, you did not understand what I did, the sandwich was at aperture, I sent the sandwich through a portal, then changed the destination after the sandwich was safely through. I now escape the burning remains of my sandwich shop on a dragon, destroying all who stand in my way. I arrive at aperture and convince GLaDOS to give me the sandwich in exchange for a cat, a box, some poison, and some uranium. I also tell GLaDOS that some potential test subjects may be coming.I  leave a clone of myself with a clone sandwich before taking the real sandwich to my submarine that looks like a submarine sandwich, turning on the cloaking device, and going to atlantis. 

[Immortal Platypus]

4 minutes ago, Aetherbound said:

However, you did not understand what I did, the sandwich was at aperture, I sent the sandwich through a portal, then changed the destination after the sandwich was safely through. I now escape the burning remains of my sandwich shop on a dragon, destroying all who stand in my way. I arrive at aperture and convince GLaDOS to give me the sandwich in exchange for a cat, a box, some poison, and some uranium. I also tell GLaDOS that some potential test subjects may be coming.I  leave a clone of myself with a clone sandwich before taking the real sandwich to my submarine that looks like a submarine sandwich, turning on the cloaking device, and going to atlantis. 

What you didn't realize is that the sandwich was never with you. I went to a different location than you did, so I still had the sandwich. I also point out that I am the lord of white text, and almost always know where it is. I am in a different area and your sandwich is a decoy

[Just_a_Fan he/him]

I pick up the sandwich. somehow. and true polymorph it into a flareon.

then teleport to tlt, bringing the sandwich/flareon with me.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

As the post above is not bold, it's not canon. Remember people! Bold = canon! I go to Platypus's so-called "different area" and ask him nicely for the Sandwich. before he can respond, I hit him in the face (gently) with a chloroform rag (because Hollywood) and he passes out. I take the Sandwich, leave a bone for Platypus's robot dog, and leave.

[Immortal Platypus]

30 minutes ago, Sequence said:

As the post above is not bold, it's not canon. Remember people! Bold = canon! I go to Platypus's so-called "different area" and ask him nicely for the Sandwich. before he can respond, I hit him in the face (gently) with a chloroform rag (because Hollywood) and he passes out. I take the Sandwich, leave a bone for Platypus's robot dog, and leave.

I wake up and sit up groggily. I wonder why the chloroform was needed as I would have given it to Sequence anyway. They asked nicely! I appreciate the gesture of leaving my dog a bone enough that I don't decide to pursue you immediately. I give you a one day head start, which will be nullified if the sandwich changes possessions. 

[Just_a_Fan he/him]

I pick up the sandwich. somehow. and true polymorph it into a flareon.

 

then teleport to tlt, bringing the sandwich/flareon with me

[Immortal Platypus]

6 minutes ago, Just_a_Fan_YT said:

I pick up the sandwich. somehow. and true polymorph it into a flareon.

 

then teleport to tlt, bringing the sandwich/flareon with me

This failed as the sandwich cannot leave the thread and it cannot be turned into a flareon. 

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

I sent Platypus and apology letter and a gift certificate to a restaurant that serves the second best sandwich in existence. As you can see, I am quite confident that nobody will find me in the HD1 galaxy... shoot! I've given myself away! Oh well. It's an entire galaxy and it's over 33.4 Billion light years away.

[Immortal Platypus]

2 hours ago, Sequence said:

I sent Platypus and apology letter and a gift certificate to a restaurant that serves the second best sandwich in existence. As you can see, I am quite confident that nobody will find me in the HD1 galaxy... shoot! I've given myself away! Oh well. It's an entire galaxy and it's over 33.4 Billion light years away.

I visit the restaurant while I wait for the next two hours to pass so I can steal the sandwich without breaking my word. The sandwich is good, excellent some would say, but I still want The Sandwich. I'm touched by the apology letter too. I start my transport to Sequence so I can steal the sandwich back.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

Even teleportation takes a while to go that far (I hope) so in the meantime I start building a rocket that travels faster than light.

Edited May 12, 2023 by Sequence

[Immortal Platypus]

As it has been at least one day, I arrive next to you. I hand you a wrench as you ask for one, then put the tools next to you, take the sandwich, and leave, making sure to leave a note behind apologizing for taking the sandwich without saying hi.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

I (softly) knock you unconscious with an aluminum baseball bat, and the clone of me that was working on the ship poofed into dust. I catch you before you hit the ground and tuck you into a sleeping bag. I wave farewell and walk off into the wilderness of the empty planet.

[Immortal Platypus]

43 minutes ago, Sequence said:

I (softly) knock you unconscious with an aluminum baseball bat, and the clone of me that was working on the ship poofed into dust. I catch you before you hit the ground and tuck you into a sleeping bag. I wave farewell and walk off into the wilderness of the empty planet.

Waking up, I roll over and go back to sleep. Then I wake up again! The horror! I get up as my stomach rumbles. I pick up the sandwich that you forgot to grab from the ground, and prepare to take a bite when...

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

As I realize i didn't grab the Sandwich (I'm so dumb...) I walk back and kick it out of your hands.

Edited May 16, 2023 by Sequence
to dropkick something, one must drop it first...

[Immortal Platypus]

14 minutes ago, Sequence said:

As I realize i didn't grab the Sandwich (I'm so dumb...) I walk back and kick it out of your hands.

Enraged by the loss of my breakfast (?), I jump on you and start pummeling you. When I realize it's you, I quickly apologize and get off. I fetch the sandwich and offer you some berries I found on the way.