The Battle for the Sandwich

[aetherbound he/him]

Just now, Being of Cacophony said:

This wasn't bolded, and therefore wasn't canon! I check my sandwich for trackers, just in case. There aren't any. I also finish setting up the weapons.

I bolded it before you could post that, therefore it is canon

[Immortal Platypus]

1 minute ago, Aetherbound said:

I bolded it before you could post that, therefore it is canon

I quoted it before you posted it, thus it is not canon.

[aetherbound he/him]

I find your location using sandwich-sense, then I use a harmonium/trellium nuke to blow up your weapons, steal the sandwich and escape to mars. then I leave a clone of myself with a fake sandwich and go to my secure sandwich vault on detritus.

[Immortal Platypus]

4 minutes ago, Aetherbound said:

I find your location using sandwich-sense, then I use a harmonium/trellium nuke to blow up your weapons, steal the sandwich and escape to mars. then I leave a clone of myself with a fake sandwich and go to my secure sandwich vault on detritus.

I shoot down your nuke before it destroys my  weapons but I fake the explosion using my plot-convenient hologram projector. You took a decoy and are now trapped on Mars as I drained your ship of fuel except for the amount you'd need to get to Mars while you were looking for the sandwich. I put the sandwich in an aluminum vault.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

I decide to saunter in and steal the Sandwich. Nobody stops me, which is pretty cool I guess.

[Immortal Platypus]

Just now, Sequence said:

I decide to saunter in and steal the Sandwich. Nobody stops me, which is pretty cool I guess.

On your way out, you realize why. You went to Mars, where Aether is. You stole his decoy from his abandoned base. My weapons systems will deny entrance to anyone seeking a sandwich.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

Just now, Being of Cacophony said:

On your way out, you realize why. You went to Mars, where Aether is. You stole his decoy from his abandoned base. My weapons systems will deny entrance to anyone seeking a sandwich.

Ah! Silly me. I walk to Platypus's base. As I am not seeking a sandwich, I walk right in and take the Sandwich. I was simply seeking a snack. I then escape.

[Immortal Platypus]

Dang, I was hoping you wouldn't figure that out so fast  

My weapons search you on your way out. They are flawed and so don't sense the sandwich cause it's still in an aluminum vault. As you escape, my weapons shoot your remote controlling the dog though.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

I shrug and hop into my Super Crazy Teleporter™ and escape.

[Immortal Platypus]

The dog is happy that it is no longer controlled and is on my side. He teleports with you and steals the sandwich from you, then brings it to me.

[Edema Rue she/her]

At that moment, an ancient and angry being awoke. It was known as The Caterpillar, of the Lunch Guild.

It stole the sandwich.

[Immortal Platypus]

12 minutes ago, Edema Ruh said:

At that moment, an ancient and angry being awoke. It was known as The Caterpillar, of the Lunch Guild.

It stole the sandwich.

It was also dead and rotting. This made it rather intimidating. It was quite gentle usually though. I invited it to lunch to talk over plans of a potential alliance.

[Edema Rue she/her]

Just now, Being of Cacophony said:

It was also dead and rotting. This made it rather intimidating. It was quite gentle usually though. I invited it to lunch to talk over plans of a potential alliance.

It agreed...not happily, as it could no longer feel emotions, but amiably, at the very least. 

[Immortal Platypus]

16 minutes ago, Edema Ruh said:

It agreed...not happily, as it could no longer feel emotions, but amiably, at the very least. 

I proposed that we meet for lunch on page 90 and that we invite Nerdy. I would tell more details of our potential alliance then.

[The Stick]

I put blackbane in the aforementioned lunch and steal the Sandwich.  I moves to an undisclosed location with Stick to retire. I spoke Brandon's writing speed and write every Stormlight book and put them outside my base. Anyone trying to find me forgets about it to finish Stormlight.

[Immortal Platypus]

3 hours ago, The Stick said:

I put blackbane in the aforementioned lunch and steal the Sandwich.  I moves to an undisclosed location with Stick to retire. I spoke Brandon's writing speed and write every Stormlight book and put them outside my base. Anyone trying to find me forgets about it to finish Stormlight.

Unluckily for you, Platypi are illiterate if they choose to be! So I sneak in and take the Sandwich.

[The Stick]

Unfortunately for you, the decoy Sandwich you tried to take was in a massive steel room packed with Trellium-Harmonium explosives which blew you up.

Edited May 7, 2023 by The Stick

[Immortal Platypus]

1 minute ago, The Stick said:

Unfortunately for you, the decoy Sandwich you tried to take was in a massive steel room packed with Trellium-Harmonium explosives which blew you up.

This wasn't bold and wasn't canon. I escape from the explosive room, just in case, by swapping my location with the sandwich. It blows up, but is indestructible, so I go back and pick it up, leaving the identical decoy behind.

Edited May 7, 2023 by Being of Cacophony

[The Stick]

I curse you to be unable to touch the sandwich until you ascend to Adonalsium. I then take the Sandwich from your nerveless fingers.

[Immortal Platypus]

3 minutes ago, The Stick said:

I curse you to be unable to touch the sandwich until you ascend to Adonalsium. I then take the Sandwich from your nerveless fingers.

I slip on gloves and take The Sandwich from you.

[The Stick]

I then Soulcast you to quartz and your gloves to fire, so you drop the sandwich.

[Immortal Platypus]

2 minutes ago, The Stick said:

I then Soulcast you to quartz and your gloves to fire, so you drop the sandwich.

I am a highly Invested being so the Soulcasting doesn't actually work. My gloves are also highly Invested and drop from my hands to pick up the sandwich. They then return and slide back onto my hands.

[The Stick]

Sadly for you, I have a swarm of pet Larkins which eat the Investiture of you and your gloves. I repeat my Soulcasting, and in case you try to stop me, I use Stick to ascend to Adonalsium.

Edited May 7, 2023 by The Stick
Had to bold.

[Immortal Platypus]

14 minutes ago, The Stick said:

Sadly for you, I have a swarm of pet Larkins which eat the Investiture of you and your gloves. I repeat my Soulcasting, and in case you try to stop me, I use Stick to ascend to Adonalsium.

The joke, however, is on you. Your Larkins eat all your Investiture, killing you. I claim the sandwich from your shriveled corpse. 

[The Stick]

What you did not know is that I faked losing Investiture and the decoy sandwich you took was filled with gemstones which sucked away your Stormlight. Afterwards, I cursed you to become stupid unless you at the Sandwich.