The Battle for the Sandwich

[Immortal Platypus]

Back in my conveniently placed pit, I laugh. I never regret not using my inside voice and so I gave a fake to Nerdy. I dig a tunnel away. 

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

My trained moles steal the sandwich and give it to me while you dig.

[Immortal Platypus]

My trained hawks kill your moles and take the sandwich from you, taking it back to me.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

My trained wooden barrels roll down a hill, and as barrels do, smash into you and cause you to fall unconscious. I befriend your trained hawks and we walk/fly off into the sunset, forever searching for the perfect place to eat the Sandwich. Afterall, such a perfect Sandwich could only be eaten in an equally perfect place, right?

The End.

[Immortal Platypus]

2 hours ago, Sequence said:

My trained wooden barrels roll down a hill, and as barrels do, smash into you and cause you to fall unconscious. I befriend your trained hawks and we walk/fly off into the sunset, forever searching for the perfect place to eat the Sandwich. Afterall, such a perfect Sandwich could only be eaten in an equally perfect place, right?

The End.

PS: I am very impressed you managed to train barrels. I come to congratulate you, and while I am there, I am simply unable to not take the sandwich. I leave you with $15 to buy a new one.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

1 hour ago, Being of Cacophony said:

PS: I am very impressed you managed to train barrels. I come to congratulate you, and while I am there, I am simply unable to not take the sandwich. I leave you with $15 to buy a new one.

Well darnit. Thanks though. I head to subway with my barrels on a leash and buy a sandwich. It simply cannot compare to the alluring scent of the Sandwich, so I resume my quest to steal it once and for all. Starting with hiring a very beefy and intimidating person to hunt down Platypus and ask him nicely for the Sandwich.

[Immortal Platypus]

44 minutes ago, Sequence said:

Well darnit. Thanks though. I head to subway with my barrels on a leash and buy a sandwich. It simply cannot compare to the alluring scent of the Sandwich, so I resume my quest to steal it once and for all. Starting with hiring a very beefy and intimidating person to hunt down Platypus and ask him nicely for the Sandwich.

I had been expecting this, however, so I got more platypi on my side. When the hired hand found me, my platypi army kindly asked him to go back and stop Sequence from hiring any more people. Unable to resist the cuteness of my army, he agrees.

[Just_a_Fan he/him]

i reboot this mess.

I take a fishing pole and hook the sandwich out of your hand, then reel it towards me.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

On 4/20/2023 at 3:41 PM, Being of Cacophony said:

I had been expecting this, however, so I got more platypi on my side. When the hired hand found me, my platypi army kindly asked him to go back and stop Sequence from hiring any more people. Unable to resist the cuteness of my army, he agrees.

I point out the incorrect pluralization of 'platypus' and take the sandwich using the power of grammar.

[AltonicKeys he/him]

"Quick, what's the plural of 'octopus'?" There are three, but I said "The". You are confused as to whether to name them all or just one, and I take the sandwich using the power of my hand.

[Immortal Platypus]

2 hours ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

I point out the incorrect pluralization of 'platypus' and take the sandwich using the power of grammar.

I point out that both Platypi and platypuses are correct, but then realize Keys has the sandwich. I walk over, and quickly ignore his questions. I take the sandwich using my ankle barbs.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I wonder how someone can grab a sandwich with ankle barbs.

I then use one of those sticky rubber hand thingies to grab the sandwich.

[Immortal Platypus]

I'm a platypus. Of course I have ankle barbs.

I use a sticky foot to take it back.

[Just_a_Fan he/him]

I take a fishing pole and hook the sandwich out of your hand, then reel it towards me. again.

[Immortal Platypus]

I cut the line and pick up the sandwich, taking the hook out, just in case.

[The Bookwyrm he/him]

Bookwyrm switched the thread back to third person as he scoured the edges of the universe.

No, not for the sandwich, you narrow minded person. He's full right now. He just had some soup. He doesn't need a sandwich.

[Immortal Platypus]

I don't like third person because it confuses people. So I switch it back

[aetherbound he/him]

You will have switched the thread to second person future past tense, you will then have given the sandwich to Aetherbound who will have hidden it in a magic bank that will have been completely unaffiliated with harry potter, meanwhile Ætherbound, a legally distinct and unimportant bystander, will have been watching from inside a nearby time traveling jimmy johns.

Edited April 30, 2023 by Aetherbound

[Immortal Platypus]

Unfortunately, this was not bold and therefore not canon. Then, seizing the opportunity, I ban second person future past sense.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

We will have used first person plural future perfect tense and we will have given NerdyAarakocra the sandwich.

[Immortal Platypus]

3 hours ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

We will have used first person plural future perfect tense and we will have given NerdyAarakocra the sandwich.

I don't like this plan, so I veto it before it can happen. Present tense!

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

As users of first person plural, we will have had a supermajority and will have overridden your veto.

 

Join us.... join us............

[Immortal Platypus]

58 minutes ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

As users of first person plural, we will have had a supermajority and will have overridden your veto.

 

Join us.... join us............

I refuse to join you and veto your right to an override. This nullifies your abilities and now my veto power reigns supreme. It cannot be taken down by anything.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

We will have pointed out that absolutely nullifying everything will have violated the rules and we will have thrown you out of power. And we will also have taken the sandwich.

[Immortal Platypus]

11 minutes ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

We will have pointed out that absolutely nullifying everything will have violated the rules and we will have thrown you out of power. And we will also have taken the sandwich.

I point out that it is only impenetrable because you keep announcing your plans to me so I fix it before it gets ruined. Therefore, it doesn't violate the rules, you just ought to stop telling me the plans. I take the sandwich back.