The Battle for the Sandwich

[Through the Living Questio he/him]

On 3/5/2024 at 6:39 PM, WhyEverNot_8 said:

I sneak up and take the sandwich then go sit under my bed, staring at the damp sandwich discontentedly, then hide it and hold a decoy one.

Using my custom keybind, I hit Ctrl+Caps+Y redo this action ^

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I use my magnet grab to pull the sandwich to myself, despite the fact that it has no iron in it. My magnet grab is just that cool.

[Soulbinder she/her]

I get Bill Nye to make you Consider the Following, and while you're considering I steal the sandwich.

Unrelated, but I love your signature NerdyAarakocra! 

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

Having decided that the Following isn't the sort of fandom I want to be in, I pursue you by shooting myself out of a giant cannon, ricocheting off of a blimp and landing in the perfect place to grab the sandwich.

I also like your signature. Carthage must be destroyed!

[Soulbinder she/her]

I activate my jetpack, keeping a tight hold on the sandwich.

15 minutes ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

I also like your signature. Carthage must be destroyed!

Indeed!

[Through the Living Questio he/him]

I throw one of my experimental grapple knife at you, dealing no damage but gaining good purchase. I throw the other into a nearby tree and lock the spools of rope so you can’t get away. I then reel you in and steal it back before grabbing it, wrapping it in deli paper, then selling it to a nearby citizen and telling them to keep it hidden. I then take a perfect decoy copy and hide it (badly)

Who else here doesn’t like Pliny the Younger?

[Lunamor she/her]

Said nearby citizen hands over the sandwich to me after I threaten to call the police because they’re pretty sure you just sold them something super illegal.

[RoyalBeeMage he/him]

disguised as the police I come up and confiscate the sandwich before arresting you. 

[Lunamor she/her]

You forget to read me my rights, so I get released and the sandwich is returned to me.

[Through the Living Questio he/him]

I take you to court for stealing my sandwich and sue you. How much do I sue you for? The sandwich. After the court case I put the sandwich in my pocket and go sit in some random room in the supreme court building

[Lunamor she/her]

The lawyer fees drive you into bankruptcy and you are forced to sell the sandwich to get out of debt, which I promptly buy.

[RoyalBeeMage he/him]

I bring you all back to court for all the war crimes that you have committed in this tread. With me as the judge!

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

Earlier in the thread you pretended to be a police officer, which is also illegal. I sue all of you and obtain the Sandwich.

[Lunamor she/her]

I use my army of ninjas to steal the sandwich.

[RoyalBeeMage he/him]

I was secretly one of your ninjas. I am the one who steals the sandwich!

[Lunamor she/her]

My ninjas outnumber you, and thus easily overpower you and take back the sandwich.

Edited March 24, 2024 by Lunamor

[Faerie Braids she/her]

However the ninjas could never outnumber the Seventeenth Swarm! A cavalry of giant praying mantises riding giant rhinoceros beetles attack the ninjas, stealing the sandwich and riding off into the sunset.

[Soulbinder she/her]

In the sunset they meet the Gi-Ants from the Picnic Planet, who beam the sandwich up to their spaceship.

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

I use a fishing pole to pull the Sandwich out of the UFO's pull as you are pulled into it. I pole vault away.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

I intercept your pole vaulting whilst you are going over the North Pole by hiring a Pole (Polish person) to show you a political poll, distracting you so that I can parachute down from a zeppelin and attack you with my glaive (a type of polearm), stealing the sandwich in the process.

[Soulbinder she/her]

Unfortunately, you don't have the pull to hire a Pole to show Glass the poll, so instead of having a distraction to steal the sandwich your parachuting and wordplay becomes the distraction I need to steal the sandwich.

[Lunamor she/her]

I reverse the direction of your toilet paper rolls and steal the sandwich while you frantically run to fix them.

[Through the living jeff he/him(straight)]

I roll some paper towels in Luna’s  path, causing you to trip. I steal the sandwich out of your hands, and run away cackling.

[Soulbinder she/her]

I return riding a Roomba and wielding a giant baguette. I whack TwinSouls with the baguette and ride away on my Roomba with the sandwich, cackling in triumph.

[The Clarinetist he/him]

I run into Soulbinder, knocking the sandwich out of your hands, and apologize thoroughly, switching the sandwich with a decoy and continuing my run as if nothing ever happened.

Edited March 29, 2024 by The Clarinetist
I forgot the bold