Ouch mate, definitely not the first person to find Shallan annoying though.
I personally don't mind the jokes all that much. But yeah, she's had a fair few questionable moments: there's the boots things, which I have no idea why so many people find funny, and the "thanks for comparing women to peasants, Adolin" moment, which... better not to get me started on that. Whoo there's a lot to unpack there. There's some older threads on here that you might enjoy.
But, imo, there's enough to sympathize with in her character. The recognition of her own trauma but also feeling like she isn't that traumatized, trying to be blasé about it.
She's also not a weak character, she's been trying to find her own agency from when we met her. So I don't think she spends all her time moping and crying. I've seen that complaint about Kaladin, which is a bit unfair but it makes sense to feel that way about his character but I don't think this quite applies to Shallan.
I especially liked her in WoK, where she was like a point of light in Kaladin's dark tale and whatever was happening with the Kholins that I wasn't interested in. WoR was a bit meh, lots of people had problem with her regression there. For me, the problem was mainly the possible romance aspect in the story between her and Kaladin, which I did not like at all. OB was good enough, she had some cool moments there. I liked her in RoW, and hey, you might too (and before anyone says that could be a spoiler, she's literally on the cover of the book!)