The Official Thread of Relationships

[+Slowswift]

15 hours ago, Mailliw73 said:

This girl go to our school?

Yup.

[Asperity he/him]

On 6/20/2016 at 10:32 PM, Kaymyth said:

RE:  crushes

They can fade, they can mutate.  They can be fun to indulge your imagination in, even if you have no intention of following through on anything.  Mostly these days, I take them as a spark of, "Hey, this is a really cool person.  Hang with them and be one of the cool kids!"

Crushes, and infatuation in general, are strange. They can spark up with little-to-no impetus, and dissipate with the same amount of reason involved in its creation. Age seems to not be as much of a factor either.

[little wilson she/her]

1 hour ago, Kythis said:

Age seems to not be as much of a factor either.

I don't really agree with that, though I'm sure there are exceptions. When I was a teenager, I had a lot of "crushes". I'm pretty sure at any given time, I liked at least 5-6 guys. These were crushes that I couldn't control. I liked one guy on and off for about 6 years. And I didn't even want to like him for most of that time, but I had no control over it. Fast forward 11 years and I have far more control over that then I did as a teenager. I'm still single, but I no longer have to worry about not being able to control who I like or liking someone really shortly after I meet them for no good reason. It's tempered, due to maturity and me coming to understand myself better. This is very much an age-related thing, though there are no doubt exceptions to it. But I think generally people are more able to control their feelings towards others as they get older.

[Asperity he/him]

22 minutes ago, little wilson said:

I don't really agree with that, though I'm sure there are exceptions. When I was a teenager, I had a lot of "crushes". I'm pretty sure at any given time, I liked at least 5-6 guys. These were crushes that I couldn't control. I liked one guy on and off for about 6 years. And I didn't even want to like him for most of that time, but I had no control over it. Fast forward 11 years and I have far more control over that then I did as a teenager. I'm still single, but I no longer have to worry about not being able to control who I like or liking someone really shortly after I meet them for no good reason. It's tempered, due to maturity and me coming to understand myself better. This is very much an age-related thing, though there are no doubt exceptions to it. But I think generally people are more able to control their feelings towards others as they get older.

I meant moreso as in the forming of a crush itself, sorry. I used to think that crushes were a teenage thing, restrained to the likes of a typical youthful mind. Then last year, at 25, I crushed hard for several months on a friend that I had met maybe two months previously and had little interaction with. And of course, woke up one day and it was gone, just like that.

[Delightful]

19 hours ago, Kythis said:

Crushes, and infatuation in general, are strange. They can spark up with little-to-no impetus, and dissipate with the same amount of reason involved in its creation. Age seems to not be as much of a factor either.

I read that differently.....

Lets just say when I was about 13 I had a crush on a guy I didn't know , in his late twenties. (Artist celebrity type and no I won't tell who :P)

I didn't even admit it to myself until years later. It's actually kind of embarrassing. I don't know why I'm telling you this. XD

[MrMistborn he/him]

Oh damnation.. Reading through my old posts and found one on this thread from when I was first into it all... Now I feel sad

I was so happy back then. If only I had known that I'd be so happy only for everything to go to rust. It was so good but then of course disaster struck (though it wasn't 7 years since my previous). Stupid old short tempered opinionated pre- big life event im not going to mention for easy to grasp reasons max. I still sometimes scream at myself for what I did even though it was months ago. Lesson to you all- if you ever say things to someone that literally make them feel like less of a human being, like I did, you need to take a long hard look at yourself and make some changes. 

I just hope I've made enough to never have that happen to me, or a future relationship  ever again

 

[Delightful]

57 minutes ago, MrMistborn said:

Oh damnation.. Reading through my old posts and found one on this thread from when I was first into it all... Now I feel sad

I was so happy back then. If only I had known that I'd be so happy only for everything to go to rust. It was so good but then of course disaster struck (though it wasn't 7 years since my previous). Stupid old short tempered opinionated pre- big life event im not going to mention for easy to grasp reasons max. I still sometimes scream at myself for what I did even though it was months ago. Lesson to you all- if you ever say things to someone that literally make them feel like less of a human being, like I did, you need to take a long hard look at yourself and make some changes. 

I just hope I've made enough to never have that happen to me, or a future relationship  ever again

 

Sounds like you did take that long hard look, and you're a different person now. Which is awesome. self-improvement is the bomb diggity. 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

So, general question: If you kiss someone, are there supposed to be sparks or fireworks or whatever makes people on movies and TV enjoy kissing so much? If they aren't there, are you just not attracted to that person? Noodly One, my lack of experience here is embarrassing. 

[Mestiv he/him]

@TwiLyghtSansSparkles You might have been just too nervous to enjoy the kiss or you might be out of practice. It's been almost 7 years since last time I kissed someone for the first time, so I'm not an expert, but I guess if you at least enjoyed the thing, then it was good enough  IMO it's much more important how you feel with someone when you talk to them or look at them, than when you kiss. Kissing can be practiced, but feelings can't.

[MrMistborn he/him]

27 minutes ago, Delightful said:

Sounds like you did take that long hard look, and you're a different person now. Which is awesome. self-improvement is the bomb diggity. 

Thank you . Now I got the warm fuzzies

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

18 minutes ago, Mestiv said:

@TwiLyghtSansSparkles You might have been just too nervous to enjoy the kiss or you might be out of practice. It's been almost 7 years since last time I kissed someone for the first time, so I'm not an expert, but I guess if you at least enjoyed the thing, then it was good enough  IMO it's much more important how you feel with someone when you talk to them or look at them, than when you kiss. Kissing can be practiced, but feelings can't.

That may be the problem. Maybe this is petty of me, but he doesn't read much. Except for Dan Brown. Kind of a turn-off for me. 

[Delightful]

30 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

That may be the problem. Maybe this is petty of me, but he doesn't read much. Except for Dan Brown. Kind of a turn-off for me. 

If he's not gonna get down on one knee and propose with a chimichanga, what can I say, the deals off . 

 

[Orlion Blight he/him]

Kissing is weird, it's usually the hugs that I can distinguish "something". 

And I've been told I'm a good kisser at several disparate occasions, so that whole practice confuzzles me even more. I don't know what I'm doing!

[Kaymyth she/her]

3 hours ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

That may be the problem. Maybe this is petty of me, but he doesn't read much. Except for Dan Brown. Kind of a turn-off for me. 

Oh, the Sanderson conversion potential...

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

1 minute ago, Kaymyth said:

Oh, the Sanderson conversion potential...

I've mentioned it a few times, but he doesn't seem interested. :/

[Delightful]

2 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

Oh, the Sanderson conversion potential...

You're thinking it could work as a gateway drug?

ninjad! 

@TwiLyghtSansSparkles I guess the question is, is it a turn-off, or is it a total deal breaker? 

If you don't feel anything for him you don't owe him your time. You don't owe him anything. 

If you think it could work, give it some more time, see how it goes. 

Edited July 11, 2016 by Delightful

[Kaymyth she/her]

1 minute ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I've mentioned it a few times, but he doesn't seem interested. :/

Aww.

If it makes you feel any better, James isn't a reader, either, and he's still worthy of being my spouse.  (Mind you, he DOES have a medical excuse.  Stupid eyeball floaters.)

1 minute ago, Delightful said:

You're thinking it could work as a gateway drug?

I don't see why not.

[Delightful]

Just now, Kaymyth said:

I don't see why not.

I like the way you think

[Zathoth]

While feminine deviousness always amuses me... you've been going out with this guy for a couple weeks and you are already thinking about ways to change him?

Abort mission I say. That path leads nowhere good.

Yes I am sadly speaking from experience. I'm not proud of myself.

Or you can make him read Mistborn

[Erunion he/him]

17 hours ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

So, general question: If you kiss someone, are there supposed to be sparks or fireworks or whatever makes people on movies and TV enjoy kissing so much? If they aren't there, are you just not attracted to that person? Noodly One, my lack of experience here is embarrassing. 

Been single for the better part of a year, so this is from memory, but when I was in a relationship we kissed a LOT. 

Generally, kissing is supposed to be fun. But no magic sparks, fireworks or etc. You definitely feel something when you're kissing someone you're in love with, but it's not magic sparks, and there's a distinct lack of fireworks (sadly).

Don't get me wrong though, kissing someone, especially someone you're deeply in love with, is special. It's hard to explain, but it just feels right, and lovely, and oh so close. Less fireworks, more warm fuzzies. At least that's my experience. 

The scientist in me says that the lips have an INCREDIBLE number of nerve endings and are extremely sensitive, so that's definitely a factor. The romantic in me says that it's a physical manifestation of the drawing together of two souls, that it shows love, closeness, and helps to develop connection. 

 

 

The Sanderson geek in me wonders how kissing someone you love in the Cosmere affects your Connection and your Spiritweb....

Edited July 12, 2016 by Erunion
Corrections needed to be made.

[Delightful]

12 hours ago, Morzathoth said:

While feminine deviousness always amuses me... you've been going out with this guy for a couple weeks and you are already thinking about ways to change him?

Abort mission I say. That path leads nowhere good.

Yes I am sadly speaking from experience. I'm not proud of myself.

Or you can make him read Mistborn

Feminine deviousness? 

[Elenion he/him]

21 hours ago, Delightful said:

Feminine deviousness? 

That planning that a woman does when she doesn't like something about her man but doesn't want to tell him straight out, so she engineers some plan or other in an attempt to change him.

[Zathoth]

Spoilers: It doesn't work.

[Delightful]

2 hours ago, Elenion said:

That planning that a woman does when she doesn't like something about her man but doesn't want to tell him straight out, so she engineers some plan or other in an attempt to change him.

I don't like stereotyping; I do get the impression that this is sometimes just guys not hearing the subtext of what she's saying. 

[Mestiv he/him]

9 minutes ago, Delightful said:

I don't like stereotyping; I do get the impression that this is sometimes just guys not hearing the subtext of what she's saying. 

Subtext is like ultrasound. It is there but we don't hear it it has wrong frequency for our ears