The Official Thread of Relationships

[Delightful]

I met her on a horror forum and she loves Don't hug me I'm scared so this would probably backfire on me.

Why not just....talk to her? *le gasp*.

I mean sure girls can be scary, but if she likes you, you gotta be doing something right.

Or is the issue that you're not interested?

*insert maniacal evil laugh*

[Zathoth]

Why not just....talk to her? *le gasp*.

I mean sure girls can be scary, but if she likes you, you gotta be doing something right.

Or is the issue that you're not interested?

*insert maniacal evil laugh*

 

We already did talk. You female creatures dont scare me. Of course Im not interested, the problem is just really my general paranoia because these things dont go over well. No matter how rational she is about it at the moment there is always the risk of some weird emotion flipping on and annoying things happening. And then I lost another friend to the annoying plague that is love...

 

Ok, fine, Im worrying about nothing.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

The date has come and gone, and was a success! (Possibly because we were both anxious and rambling incoherently )

[Mestiv he/him]

The date has come and gone, and was a success! (Possibly because we were both anxious and rambling incoherently )

Sounds like a fine date ^^ Congratulations!

[jaimeleecee she/her]

I just need to vent about this.. The fact that my dude has no interest in Brandon or the Cosmere definitely bothers me sometimes... I get so enthusiastic about things and I want to share them with him and he looks at me like I'm crazy and then tries to cover it up with a supportive, "that's so awesome for you!" gahhh 

 

It's not like hes completely uninterested in this stuff, hes just not really a reader.  We are nerds together when it comes to things like Star Wars, LOTR, GoT, Marvel stuff and some video games (very few however, hes not a gamer like me).  But when it comes to 3 of my favorites, Dr. Who, Star Trek, and all things Brandon I am utterly alone (aside from here at the shard, thank you all for existing, you might be saving my relationship).

 

At the same time, he is a musician and an artist (woodworking, furniture design.. it truly is an art) and I cannot relate to these things at all.  I like music of course, so I am always supportive I go to all his shows and encourage everything he does.  I try and take a genuine interest in all the things he loves even if it is not my own interest (asking questions, getting him to talk about things, trying to understand it better).  I guess its deeper than him not liking the exact same stuff as me, what bothers me is the fact that he doesn't really seem to care to try and understand like I do.  

 

And believe me I'm not so shallow as to only care about our mutual interests.  We have been together for 3.5 years, were friends for 2 years before that.  We have a house and a dog.. by no means do I really feel that this is ruining our relationship it just gets me down every once in a while, when I feel like he can't truly understand me. Aha the root of the problem at last, catharsis at it's finest!  

 

Thanks for letting me rant about this, don't judge me too hard 

[Kaymyth she/her]

I just need to vent about this.. The fact that my dude has no interest in Brandon or the Cosmere definitely bothers me sometimes... I get so enthusiastic about things and I want to share them with him and he looks at me like I'm crazy and then tries to cover it up with a supportive, "that's so awesome for you!" gahhh 

 

It's not like hes completely uninterested in this stuff, hes just not really a reader.  We are nerds together when it comes to things like Star Wars, LOTR, GoT, Marvel stuff and some video games (very few however, hes not a gamer like me).  But when it comes to 3 of my favorites, Dr. Who, Star Trek, and all things Brandon I am utterly alone (aside from here at the shard, thank you all for existing, you might be saving my relationship).

 

At the same time, he is a musician and an artist (woodworking, furniture design.. it truly is an art) and I cannot relate to these things at all.  I like music of course, so I am always supportive I go to all his shows and encourage everything he does.  I try and take a genuine interest in all the things he loves even if it is not my own interest (asking questions, getting him to talk about things, trying to understand it better).  I guess its deeper than him not liking the exact same stuff as me, what bothers me is the fact that he doesn't really seem to care to try and understand like I do.  

 

And believe me I'm not so shallow as to only care about our mutual interests.  We have been together for 3.5 years, were friends for 2 years before that.  We have a house and a dog.. by no means do I really feel that this is ruining our relationship it just gets me down every once in a while, when I feel like he can't truly understand me. Aha the root of the problem at last, catharsis at it's finest!  

 

Thanks for letting me rant about this, don't judge me too hard 

 

My husband is also not a reader*, so he really doesn't "get" the fandom.  He knows I enjoy it, and he's supportive of it and my mad rushing around to various conventions, but it's just not his thing.  And that's OK; it doesn't have to be his thing.  He's gone to a couple of cons with me, and he didn't really like them.  (And I've gone to a couple of Toastmasters things with him, and don't really have any interest in them.)

 

I think there comes a point in a relationship where you don't really have to try and poke your nose into everything your partner does.  It's nice that you try to grok his things that aren't yours, but it's not something that you are obligated to do past a certain point.  In return, expecting him to put forth a lot of energy into grokking our fandom is maybe a bit overboard in the expectation department.  Do your thing.  Let him do his thing.  You still have lots of things to do together, but remember that it's actually healthy for the two of you to have interests that you don't share.

 

 

*He actually used to be a reader when he was younger.  It's not that he lost interest in books; he has eye "floaters" that give him a lot of trouble when it comes to trying to focus on black text over a white background. 

[ParadoxicalZen he/him]

Happily/sadly a single Pringle, although given the travelling scenario, that's probably a good thing

[jaimeleecee she/her]

My husband is also not a reader*, so he really doesn't "get" the fandom. He knows I enjoy it, and he's supportive of it and my mad rushing around to various conventions, but it's just not his thing. And that's OK; it doesn't have to be his thing. He's gone to a couple of cons with me, and he didn't really like them. (And I've gone to a couple of Toastmasters things with him, and don't really have any interest in them.)

I think there comes a point in a relationship where you don't really have to try and poke your nose into everything your partner does. It's nice that you try to grok his things that aren't yours, but it's not something that you are obligated to do past a certain point. In return, expecting him to put forth a lot of energy into grokking our fandom is maybe a bit overboard in the expectation department. Do your thing. Let him do his thing. You still have lots of things to do together, but remember that it's actually healthy for the two of you to have interests that you don't share.

*He actually used to be a reader when he was younger. It's not that he lost interest in books; he has eye "floaters" that give him a lot of trouble when it comes to trying to focus on black text over a white background.

Yeah you're definitely right... I know we don't need to have all the same interests and I'm definitely okay with having my own things while he has his (our relationship has always kind of been that way). I think what gets me is what I was starting to say towards the end, that I just feel invalidated by him and not caring about my interests is just one thing that I can pick at without looking at the deeper issue, because it's easier to pick at things on the surface that don't mean as much than address the real issue, amiright? I think sometimes I just need to vent about what's frustrating me, realize what I'm actually upset about and find a way to dismiss it as irrational or something that can be addressed in a rational way. (I'm a therapist, and sometimes I need to vent to keep myself sane and actually practice what I preach

[Delightful]

Isn't that a rather large goal for a single day? Is there someone in particular you're interested in?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I gave myself one goal for today: get a date.

Fail. Even without the "girls are so straight everywhere," they're so busy! Don't mean to be an entitled jerk, but Sigh. Sometimes I feel like I'll never get a girlfriend...

 

You're still a teenager, right? 

 

Heh, I'm 26 and have only dated a handful of times. Most of those dates happened when I was in college or grad school. 

 

Seriously, being single when you're a teen is no big deal. I'd actually say it's better in some ways, because it lets you figure out who you are and what you want out of life and dating. Then again, dating is fun, and it's not like dating as a teen is bad. There are pros and cons. 

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is: Take things as they come. If you find a girlfriend tomorrow, great! If you don't, great! Just don't rush things. If there's a spark there, give it time to develop naturally and gradually, and enjoy the process. Getting there is half the fun.  

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Teen, yeah, just kinda feeling the lonely virgin burn... 

 

Broke up with my STUPID boyfriend who would rarely even talk to me, so... le sigh. Someone. Someday. 

 

Again, 26. Alone. Currently in my apartment with my dog sleeping next to me, wondering if it's too late to go to the kitchen and eat cookie dough. The last person I texted was my sister. And really, I like it. I don't have to worry about anyone but myself, and at this point in my life, there are a lot of questions I feel like I should answer—just for myself—before I can commit to a relationship. In the meantime, I'm learning all sorts of things that I could only learn alone. How to use TV Tropes as a writing tool. What makes me a good employee. How to cook, and cook well, for only myself. Could I learn these things if I were in a relationship? I'm sure I could. But having all this time to myself takes some of the pressure to learn quickly so as to carve out time for a significant other off my shoulders. I'm able to learn what "being myself" means, and I know that if and when I do find myself in a relationship, I'll feel more comfortable in my own skin around that significant other. 

 

Don't take that voice in your head saying you need to find someone SOON too seriously. That voice is a drama queen. You have plenty of time to find someone, and while you're waiting, you can find yourself.  

[Mistrunner]

Teen, yeah, just kinda feeling the lonely virgin burn... 

 

Broke up with my STUPID boyfriend who would rarely even talk to me, so... le sigh. Someone. Someday. 

If I recall correctly, you're younger than me. I've never had a boyfriend, and I'm fine. I don't even have friends, and I'm fine!

 

Just fine!

 

*runs off to cry in a corner*

 

 

(In any case, I've never seen the appeal of being in that kind of a relationship at my age (AKA Not Very Old). I've seen too much drama.)

Edited June 5, 2016 by Mistrunner

[Silverblade5 he/him]

If I recall correctly, you're younger than me. I've never had a boyfriend, and I'm fine. I don't even have friends, and I'm fine!

Just fine!

*runs off to cry in a corner*

I'm not your friend? :

*Cries*

Edited June 5, 2016 by Silverblade5

[Mistrunner]

I'm not your friend? :eek:

Of course you are! I was referring to real life, that scary, strange place where people try to talk to me.

[ParadoxicalZen he/him]

I find humans to be really unstimulating and exhausting sometimes so I'd much rather I didn't have the added aggro of making plans for 2, although it does get a lonely

[Delightful]

Yeah, it's not so much the emotions as the whole...

straight people keep acting like they're sleeping with each other 24/7

much jealous.

EDIT: oh, and two of my crushes, a boy and a girl, are going out with each other. OUCH.

Most likely, everyone is feeling insecure and acting like they are but aren't actually.

And ouch. I'm sorry.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Yeah, it's not so much the emotions as the whole... 

 

straight people keep acting like they're sleeping with each other 24/7

 

much jealous. 

EDIT: oh, and two of my crushes, a boy and a girl, are going out with each other. OUCH. 

 

I see your crushes dating each other and raise you watching every single one of my teenage crushes get married before I even had a serious relationship. Most of the time, love just stinks. 

 

 

I know that's not comforting, and honestly, the only words of comfort I have are that as you get older, dating gets less awkward. Oh, and dating sites aren't as lame as people make them out to be. You can actually meet some great people that way. I mean, I did wind up going on a date with a guy who studied dirt for a living, BUT HE WAS REALLY SWEET. Not my type, but really sweet. 

 

You'll find someone eventually. Don't stress too much.  

 

Most likely, everyone is feeling insecure and acting like they are but aren't actually.

And ouch. I'm sorry.

 

Yeah, everyone is just bluffing their way through life, pretending to be confident when they're not. But as you get older, something magical happens. You stop walking into a room and wondering if any of those people like you, and you start walking in and wondering if you like any of them. It does wonders for your confidence. 

[Delightful]

Yeah, everyone is just bluffing their way through life, pretending to be confident when they're not. But as you get older, something magical happens. You stop walking into a room and wondering if any of those people like you, and you start walking in and wondering if you like any of them. It does wonders for your confidence.

So when I was really little I thought all my friends knew how to tell the time and I didn't, so I asked my mother to show me (too bad FOMO hadn't been invented yet ) A year or two later we were learning how to tell time in math class and I suddenly realised that no one else knew what they were doing.

This pattern repeats itself. A lot.

[Zathoth]

I raise you both your best friend and another friend falling in love and completely ignoring you for it. And then lose half your friends over the drama that followed (Which to be fair was partly my own fault)... and thats how I got rid of my depression XD It makes no sense.  Kelsier helped...

 

Teen, yeah, just kinda feeling the lonely virgin burn... 

 

Broke up with my STUPID boyfriend who would rarely even talk to me, so... le sigh. Someone. Someday. 

Ah, that feeling, I know that feeling all too well... good news is it gets easier to ignore, most of the time, bad news is it gets more annoying when you cant ignore it.

 

Combine that with my extreme commitment issues and XD

 

Im really not sure how that is going to help anyone, I figure we are just trading anecdotes.

[Guest]

straight people keep acting like they're sleeping with each other 24/7

 

Oh gee that is pure lie: anyone who tells you this is probably lying. People always lie about their intimate life: they lie about how old they were the first time, they lie about their "performances" and they certainly lie about how often they are doing it. It gives them a sense of self-worth or something, but truly never believe anyone who blank faced tell you this: there is a fair chance they are... lying.

 

In the case of teenagers, pretending to be overly active in their intimate life is a way to make themselves appears more "magnificent", more "appealing" and it gives them a sense of "normality" because everyone of those stupid magazines are telling them what they should have been doing at what age (all lies, BTW). 

 

Sadly, there is one thing to be said about those who love to brag too often: they have no self-confidence, they need you to look-up to them and say "WOW" to feel good about themselves.

 

So huh, just ignore them, but a part of me do feel sorry about them... Needing others to feel good about yourself is a sad position to be in, it tends to unravel through adult age because adults won't buy all the crap.

[Kaymyth she/her]

Teen, yeah, just kinda feeling the lonely virgin burn... 

 

Broke up with my STUPID boyfriend who would rarely even talk to me, so... le sigh. Someone. Someday. 

 

Heh.  I saved myself for college.  (College makes all the difference, I tells ya.)

 

If I recall correctly, you're younger than me. I've never had a boyfriend, and I'm fine. I don't even have friends, and I'm fine!

 

Just fine!

 

*runs off to cry in a corner*

 

 

(In any case, I've never seen the appeal of being in that kind of a relationship at my age (AKA Not Very Old). I've seen too much drama.)

 

Silly Mistrunner.  You have a ton of friends!  Just because we haven't met you in RL doesn't mean we aren't real.

 

Yeah, it's not so much the emotions as the whole... 

 

straight people keep acting like they're sleeping with each other 24/7

 

much jealous. 

EDIT: oh, and two of my crushes, a boy and a girl, are going out with each other. OUCH. 

 

It's wishful thinking.  Or...well I suppose there might be some folks out there really getting that much, but most of them are lying liars who lie.

 

I didn't even meet my husband until I was 31.  He and I both stumbled through a lot of relationships, good and bad, before we finally found each other.  Don't worry, you've got PLENTY of dating to do and lots of time to do it in.

[Jo and the Bush all/any]

Something I noticed while in a High School relationship, is that they often aren't real. People of that age, (Myself included at the time) romanticize the concept of Romance and love. The vast majority of couples I knew were in love with the concept of being in love. They liked the prestige that came from being in a relationship. They didn't love their boy/girlfriend as much as they loved the fact that they had one.

 

Honestly, High School relationships aren't something I recommend. Dating is fun and good, but i don't recommend getting in serious committed relationships in high school

 

And for the virgin thing, What's wrong with being a virgin? I'm one, and 98% of the people I knew in high school were virgins as well. I only knew of two person who weren't, and they were freaked out about it and didn't like talking about it. They were embarrassed that they had lost their virginity with eachother so soon. The people who do brag about having sex were insecure, and only did so because they thought that everyone else had done it. Plus, it's often illegal. The age of consent in Oregon is 18. I don't know where you live, but there's about a 1 in 5 chance that's the people who are bragging about having sex have also broken the law of consent, depending on their age.

 

TL;DR High School Relationships, whether Social, Emotional, or Physical, are a can of worms I don't recommend opening. Wait until College.

[Guest]

Something I noticed while in a High School relationship, is that they often aren't real. People of that age, (Myself included at the time) romanticize the concept of Romance and love. The vast majority of couples I knew were in love with the concept of being in love. They liked the prestige that came from being in a relationship. They didn't love their boy/girlfriend as much as they loved the fact that they had one.

 

Honestly, High School relationships aren't something I recommend. Dating is fun and good, but i don't recommend getting in serious committed relationships in high school

 

And for the virgin thing, What's wrong with being a virgin? I'm one, and 98% of the people I knew in high school were virgins as well. I only knew of two person who weren't, and they were freaked out about it and didn't like talking about it. They were embarrassed that they had lost their virginity with eachother so soon. The people who do brag about having sex were insecure, and only did so because they thought that everyone else had done it. Plus, it's often illegal. The age of consent in Oregon is 18. I don't know where you live, but there's about a 1 in 5 chance that's the people who are bragging about having sex have also broken the law of consent, depending on their age.

 

TL;DR High School Relationships, whether Social, Emotional, or Physical, are a can of worms I don't recommend opening. Wait until College.

 

Oh I absolutely agree: most people that age love the fact they are in a relationship more than they truly love their partner. There is something to be said about those who can proudly state at least, they, have a boyfriend/girlfriend. It is part of the ritual of being accepted: you need to confirm to what other perceives as the normality, you need to state you are "one of the gang". It is a powerful motivator for many, including myself.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin, in fact, it is preferable to wait until the late teens, early twenties to discover intimacy, but our society puts a lot of pressure onto this "first time". It has gotten to the point where many teenagers/young adults will lie when asked about their first time, either they will lie about having actually done it or they will lie about how old they were which gives everyone the idea if you haven't done it by the time you are 16, you are abnormal. This being said, most people aren't going to brag about their first time and when asked, a lot would say they wished they had waited. Reversely, as you move within your twenties, being a virgin tend to make people more insecure due to their lack of experienced versus their peers even if a lot of people still are inexperienced at that age. In my personal experience, guys tend to feel more insecure about this than girls as they feel they need to be the one who "performs". I'd say the first time is worst for guys than girls: much more pressure.

 

Over here, it certainly isn't illegal to have intimate relationship prior to 18 years of age. The law only states your partner has to be within a given number of years from you, hence it is called pedophilia. For instance, if you are 13, you can't have a relationship with a 16 years old: this is illegal. Above 16 years old though, you can basically do whatever you want unless your partner is within a situation of authority with respect to yourself. For example, a teacher with his student: this would be illegal even if the student is considered old enough to be agreeing. However, a 15 years old and a 16 years old can be sexually active, together, if they both agree to it, still according to the law.

[Zathoth]

I think it is less a case of there being anything wrong with it and more your libido coming along and punching you in the face, which is mildly annoying.

[Mestiv he/him]

So, why try for high school romance at all?

 

For fun? For the physical part? Because despite knowing those statistics, you may hope that your relationship will last? And also, because even if a relationship breaks up, in most cases, it shouldn't be considered a waste of time. It's an important experience, teaching you how to communicate etc. This experience may help you build a more stable and happy relationship later, when you're older. There are many reasons for dating and being in relationship But, if you don't feel like it, there are absolutely as many reasons not to be in a relationship Both ways are valid in my opinion.

I'm happy that I dated in high school, some of my fondest memories come from it. It was painful sometimes, but after all I think it was worth it.