The Official Thread of Relationships

[Kaymyth she/her]

This looks like a nice thread to come to for anti-relationship advice.

 

There's a girl at school who likes me. Really likes me. We're good friends, but I don't want to be in a relationship. I've already sat down with her, and explained that I didn't want to be in a relationship. She seemed to accept that. (This was two weeks ago) But she didn't really change her actions towards me. And then today she asked me to go to prom with her 'just as friends.'

 

So, I'm looking for advice on how to get her to stop chasing me, without ruining our friendship. Any advice?

 

The problem with having a crush on a friend and admitting to said crush, and then being gently rejected, is that you're still around that crush all the time.  It's hard to flip that switch into the "off" position with the person being there all the time; it's confusing and upsetting and generally kind of a rough deal.  Add to that the fact that you are in high school and all of the hormones are SET TO FULL BLAST and it is nigh-impossible to detach oneself from the emotions of the crush.

 

The only thing that breaks this, I'm afraid, is distance.  It's not her fault; she's probably trying her best to separate out the gooshy feelings from the friendship ones.  And it's not your fault, because you've been totally honest with her.  It's one of those things that sucks rancid chull balls, but wishing it away won't make it so.

[Jo and the Bush all/any]

The problem with having a crush on a friend and admitting to said crush, and then being gently rejected, is that you're still around that crush all the time. It's hard to flip that switch into the "off" position with the person being there all the time; it's confusing and upsetting and generally kind of a rough deal. Add to that the fact that you are in high school and all of the hormones are SET TO FULL BLAST and it is nigh-impossible to detach oneself from the emotions of the crush.

The only thing that breaks this, I'm afraid, is distance. It's not her fault; she's probably trying her best to separate out the gooshy feelings from the friendship ones. And it's not your fault, because you've been totally honest with her. It's one of those things that sucks rancid chull balls, but wishing it away won't make it so.

Yeah, I was worried that would be the only way to do it. Thanks anyway.

[Kaymyth she/her]

Yeah, I was worried that would be the only way to do it. Thanks anyway.

 

:/

 

You could always say, "Storm it, I'm less than two months off from graduation.  Let's have some fun prom hijinks!"

[Jo and the Bush all/any]

You could always say, "Storm it, I'm less than two months off from graduation.  Let's have some fun prom hijinks!"

I'm not quite certain what kind of hijinks you're encouraging, but I'mma gonna say no. I'm not that type of guy.

[Kaymyth she/her]

I'm not quite certain what kind of hijinks you're encouraging, but I'mma gonna say no. I'm not that type of guy.

Go to prom. Dance. Fart in public to convince her you're not dating material. You know, the usual stuff.

Edit waaaay after the fact: dating, not daring. Stupid typing monkey.

Edited April 8, 2016 by Kaymyth

[Silverblade5 he/him]

Yeah, I was worried that would be the only way to do it. Thanks anyway.

My advice: Tolerate her, and keep doing what you normally do. Meanwhile, try to play matchmaker for her and some other guy.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

Probably the best thing you could do is not dance around the issue. When asked to go to the prom as friends, you could respond with something like "why are you doing this to yourself?" If you value her friendship, let her know but tell her that going to prom with her is not conducive to maintaining a friendship.

I mean, that isn't what prom is for! The whole event screams "teenage romance".

Reactions may vary, but it probably helps to be clear in the long run.

[Left he/him]

So I was in a similar situation to Joe's last year. Except I played the role of the girl. I made it clear to my friend that I was crushing on her, and she didn't respond very well. We were pretty distant for a few months. Then...I don't know how, we came back together. I'd changed some things in my life and she'd worked through some things in hers. Now we're each others best friend. I am still crushing on her, but our relationship is focused on being friends, so it works fine.
I guess I'm just adding this to say that there is some hope for being able to be friends again if things go south between you and her Joe.

[Jo and the Bush all/any]

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement!

[Kaymyth she/her]

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement!

 

I must admit that I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to parse an 18-year-old being with it enough to actually say, "I don't want to be in a relationship."  That anyone can sort through the mass of hormones and emotions that are blowing up inside them at that age and act on logic instead completely boggles my mind.

 

What I'm saying is, I was a total idiot when I was a teenager. 

Edited April 8, 2016 by Kaymyth

[Jo and the Bush all/any]

I was in a relationship for a year and a half, and learned all about how emotions and Hormones work. I have no desire to get back into that for a couple years. Unless the perfect human comes along and seems interested.

[Kaymyth she/her]

I was in a relationship for a year and a half, and learned all about how emotions and Hormones work. I have no desire to get back into that for a couple years. Unless the perfect human comes along and seems interested.

 

Again, you are more self-assured and in control of yourself than any thirtysomething would ever expect a teenager to be. 

[Zathoth]

I was best friends with the perfect woman for 5 years.

 

Even then it wasnt worth the the annoyance once she decided she wasnt a lesbian anymore. So she fell for another friend of mine and decided I wasnt an interesting person anymore.

 

This romance thing is weird.

 

What was the point of that?... oh right! Even if the perfect person comes along they may not be worth it anyway. That was a mildly related anecdote.

[Lindel he/him]

So I was in a similar situation to Joe's last year. Except I played the role of the girl. I made it clear to my friend that I was crushing on her, and she didn't respond very well. We were pretty distant for a few months. Then...I don't know how, we came back together. I'd changed some things in my life and she'd worked through some things in hers. Now we're each others best friend. I am still crushing on her, but our relationship is focused on being friends, so it works fine.

I guess I'm just adding this to say that there is some hope for being able to be friends again if things go south between you and her Joe.

I'm in this exact situation right now. I'm pretty sure we're on the verge of becoming distant, and she's about to graduate, so I'm not even sure if we'll stay in contact at all. I really want to stay friends, but I keep finding myself acting embarrassingly awkward and stupid around her, even more so now that I've admitted my crush and been rejected. My brain just seems to shut down when I'm around her, despite knowing that my behavior is probably undermining everything I'm working toward. I'm afraid I'm gonna screw up our friendship beyond repair, which is the last thing I want to have happen. You seem to have made it work, any advice based on your experience? 

[Left he/him]

I'm in this exact situation right now. I'm pretty sure we're on the verge of becoming distant, and she's about to graduate, so I'm not even sure if we'll stay in contact at all. I really want to stay friends, but I keep finding myself acting embarrassingly awkward and stupid around her, even more so now that I've admitted my crush and been rejected. My brain just seems to shut down when I'm around her, despite knowing that my behavior is probably undermining everything I'm working toward. I'm afraid I'm gonna screw up our friendship beyond repair, which is the last thing I want to have happen. You seem to have made it work, any advice based on your experience?

For the first several months I remember dropping any ideas of trying to be anything more than friends. I really loved this person and so I decided that a relationship, even if only based on friendship, was far more important to me than my own pride or anything else. So I really had to change my behavior, really work to just be the best FRIEND I could be. She then had times when she really needed a friend, and not really anything but a friend, so I think that really let us restart our relationship. Because for about six weeks, it was pretty darn distant.

Don't be pushy about being friends, I didn't try to force contact between us just because I missed her, I tried to let the circumstances flow and be as nice and stuff as possible when we were together. Doing that kept it from being awkward for her, which would probably have made her want to pull away.

Yours is different obviously since y'all are different people and she's graduating and all that, so hopefully at least part of my stuff is helpful.

[Lindel he/him]

Thanks for the advice, that helps a lot! I don't have a lot of time before the end of the school year, but I'll try to do what I can in the time that I've got, and I'll just have to see what happens. I want to make sure I don't come off as clingy and possessive, so I want to make sure she can see that I'm interacting with other people as well, but I don't want to overdue that and make it seem like I'm ignoring her. I'm probably overthinking it...

[Left he/him]

Thanks for the advice, that helps a lot! I don't have a lot of time before the end of the school year, but I'll try to do what I can in the time that I've got, and I'll just have to see what happens. I want to make sure I don't come off as clingy and possessive, so I want to make sure she can see that I'm interacting with other people as well, but I don't want to overdue that and make it seem like I'm ignoring her. I'm probably overthinking it...

I think your one step away from overthinking it, which means right now you're right in the right spot! Good luck, hope it goes well.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

I seem to have somehow arranged a date for myself. Excuse me while I hyperventilate into a paper bag.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I seem to have somehow arranged a date for myself. Excuse me while I hyperventilate into a paper bag.

 

Congratulations! 

 

….

 

Should I get a doctor? For the hyperventilating thing?  

[Orlion Blight he/him]

Congratulations!

….

Should I get a doctor? For the hyperventilating thing?

Shouldn't be necessary. If I faint, my cat will administer the smelling salts.

Or leave me unconscious. Cats are notoriously traitorous when it strikes their fancy.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Shouldn't be necessary. If I faint, my cat will administer the smelling salts.

Or leave me unconscious. Cats are notoriously traitorous when it strikes their fancy.

 

Which reminds me of something. 

 

 

 

Conclusion: If your cat is Mister Whiskers, do not let him be your Patronus.

Edited May 23, 2016 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Orlion Blight he/him]

Which reminds me of something.

Conclusion: If your cat is Mister Whiskers, do not let him be your Patronus.

Heh, which in turn reminds me of the following:

[Zathoth]

Meanwhile my eldritch charms seems to have attracted another american woman... Im not quite sure how to handle this, but hopefully she'll get over it.

 

ITS LIKE THE FIFTH STORMING TIME AND I STILL DONT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT DX

 

Oh yeah and she is 17, which makes it slightly worse than all those other times.

 

No reason Im telling you this, just thought you would want to laugh at me.

[Mistrunner]

Meanwhile my eldritch charms seems to have attracted another american woman... Im not quite sure how to handle this, but hopefully she'll get over it.

ITS LIKE THE FIFTH STORMING TIME AND I STILL DONT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT DX

Oh yeah and she is 17, which makes it slightly worse than all those other times.

No reason Im telling you this, just thought you would want to laugh at me.

Ooh, ooh, I've got this.

Step 1: Throw weasels and other assorted rodents in a circular fashion. This creates a 'weasel wall' she will be unlikely to attempt crossing. This also adds to an aura of insanity, thus lowering the chances of her remaining attracted to you.

Step 2: Grin madly and quote unstable, murderous book & movie characters. I suggest Zane from Mistborn and the Joker from Batman as good starting points.

Step 3: Begin yodeling loudly whilst brandishing a large weapon- preferably an Uruk-Hai scimitar.

Step 4: Remain single for the rest of your life.

Step 5: ???

Step : Profit!

You're welcome.

[Zathoth]

Ooh, ooh, I've got this.

Step 1: Throw weasels and other assorted rodents in a circular fashion. This creates a 'weasel wall' she will be unlikely to attempt crossing. This also adds to an aura of insanity, thus lowering the chances of her remaining attracted to you.

Step 2: Grin madly and quote unstable, murderous book & movie characters. I suggest Zane from Mistborn and the Joker from Batman as good starting points.

Step 3: Begin yodeling loudly whilst brandishing a large weapon- preferably an Uruk-Hai scimitar.

Step 4: Remain single for the rest of your life.

Step 5: ???

Step : Profit!You're welcome.

I met her on a horror forum and she loves Don't hug me I'm scared so this would probably backfire on me.