The Official Thread of Relationships

[Mestiv he/him]

How do you do that? o.O When I was a teenager I wished I had problems with girls like that  

[Delightful]

Sorry to be going around trying to stomp on balloons but.....y'all sure they're interested in you romantically? 

My advice would be to just chill, and if you get asked out say "hey im so flattered but I'm not dating yet". 

[ShadowLord_Lith he/him]

Thanks for the advice, yes the are romantically interested. One told me to my face the other gave me a note, so...

 

also, @Mestiv, my dad gave me the answer to your question earlier today, it depends on your age though.

Edited September 21, 2016 by ShadowLord_Lith

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Delightful gives good advice and you should take it. 

This from someone who is still struggling to abandon the "ignore it and hope it goes away" strategy with someone in a neighboring apartment, so seriously. Take Delightful's advice. 

Edited September 21, 2016 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[ShadowLord_Lith he/him]

Yes ma'am.

[Mestiv he/him]

16 minutes ago, ShadowLord_Lith said:

also, @Mestiv, my dad gave me the answer to your question earlier today, it depends on your age though.

I'm almost 27 now and I'd love to hear what's your dad's opinion on that

[Delightful]

17 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Delightful gives good advice and you should take it. 

This from someone who is still struggling to abandon the "ignore it and hope it goes away" strategy with someone in a neighboring apartment, so seriously. Take Delightful's advice. 

Thanks Twi  

[marsoupial they/them]

1 hour ago, ShadowLord_Lith said:

Your honestly a freshman? Your posts make you seem so much older. What country/state/province is your school in?

I live in Tennessee, which is difficult when you're a liberal teenaged male trying to procure a boyfriend.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

It should be noted that the whole "I don't want to go out, but I don't want to hurt their feelings" is pretty much wanting to have one's cake and eat it too. You just have to accept that a lot of times, it's not possible to do both at the same time. All you can do is act on your desire and follow Delightful's advice so that you aren't a jerk while doing so.

[ParadoxicalZen he/him]

All these folks trying to fight off the attention and here's me, eating a family bag of crispy m&ms actually wanting attention. jealous indeedy. What is your secret?! 

[marsoupial they/them]

11 minutes ago, AnanasSpren said:

All these folks trying to fight off the attention and here's me, eating a family bag of crispy m&ms actually wanting attention. jealous indeedy. What is your secret?! 

I wear vests

[Delightful]

1 hour ago, bleeder said:

I wear vests

From the two pictures provided, you do dress pretty shnazzy.*

 

 

 

*is that a word everyone uses? Is it a half Yiddish thing you've never heard of or normalish English? 

[marsoupial they/them]

3 minutes ago, Delightful said:

From the two pictures provided, you do dress pretty shnazzy.*

 

 

 

*is that a word everyone uses? Is it a half Yiddish thing you've never heard of or normalish English? 

Omit the h. "Snazzy" is a word people use, yes.

[ShadowLord_Lith he/him]

@Mestiv My dad believes that, especially in the last decade or so, girls have started thinking that love is physical and they want to experience this physical emotion, he believes it's gotten worse over the last decade or so. As such, today if your physical with a girl( let her cry in your shoulder, or hug her, etc...) she thinks you like her in that way. But that's my dad.

@AnanasSpren, I just try to be nice, and I try to be what I want to be. I do random things, like holding glue upside down or asking why a mackerel can be holy. They like who I am, and I like them. Try to be yourself, that is what they admire as far as I know.

& @Orlion Determined, you completely right, I still want them as friends, and I don't want to hurt them, but I also don't want to date yet. I suppose that in some cases that is too much to ask for, thanks for the help though!

@Delightful, thanks for your advice, I'll take it, if you don't mind.

Edited September 21, 2016 by ShadowLord_Lith
Forgetfullness

[Delightful]

28 minutes ago, bleeder said:

Omit the h. "Snazzy" is a word people use, yes.

Hmm so maybe it's a friend silliness? Either way, as long as you understand me we're all cool   

3 minutes ago, ShadowLord_Lith said:

@Mestiv My dad believes that, especially in the last decade or so, girls have started thinking that love is physical and they want to experience this physical emotion, he believes it's gotten worse over the last decade or so. As such, today if your physical with a girl( let her cry in your shoulder, or hug her, etc...) she thinks you like her in that way

@Delightful, thanks for your advice, I'll take it, if you don't mind.

A) I mean technically every emotion is physical because of brain chemicals and happiness is physically relaxing while anger makes you tense up....not sure what exactly your dads talking about though. 

b ) actually I gave advice for the express purpose of it being ignored. I'm gonna be super offended if you value what I have to say now.  

[Oversleep]

20 minutes ago, Delightful said:

A) I mean technically every emotion is physical because of brain chemicals and happiness is physically relaxing while anger makes you tense up....not sure what exactly your dads talking about though.

Well, yeah, but what about Cognitive and Spiritual Aspect of it?

[Delightful]

21 minutes ago, Oversleep said:

Well, yeah, but what about Cognitive and Spiritual Aspect of it?

I don't want to know what mental illness looks like in Shadesmar  

better call Syl to protect me with her tiny glowing sword.  

[little wilson she/her]

50 minutes ago, ShadowLord_Lith said:

& @Orlion Determined, you completely right, I still want them as friends, and I don't want to hurt them, but I also don't want to date yet. I suppose that in some cases that is too much to ask for, thanks for the help though!

Well, letting them down and still being friends with them are not mutually exclusive. They can be, but it's all about how you go about it. I'm pretty sure that what Orlion is talking about is that you shouldn't expect that you should be able to reject them (since that's essentially what this is) and not hurt them. But not all hurt is bad. When I was in 8th grade, I liked two guys who were friends of mine. The first one let me down very lightly: after school one day when it just happened to be the two of us around, he told me that he didn't want to date right then, and that it wasn't anything about me; he liked me as a friend. He gave me a hug after that. The second one handled it much worse: we were walking home from school with another friend when he said that he didn't like me at all (he added that emphasis on it when he said it), and after that he was pretty cold towards me. Both guys rejected me. Both rejections did hurt. But the one that stuck with me was the second one.

I've a wealth of experience with rejection. I have a number of bad examples (like the guy who flirted with me for a while before finally telling me straight up that he didn't like me, had never liked me, and that I was an idiot for not seeing the signs earlier) and a very few good examples. The good examples are people who I will gladly continue to associate with. The bad ones? Not so much.

Rejection is just a fact of life. But there are ways to do it well and there are ways to do it poorly. You've got a much better shot at continuing your friendship with a person when you do it well.

[Mistrunner]

10 hours ago, AnanasSpren said:

All these folks trying to fight off the attention and here's me, eating a family bag of crispy m&ms actually wanting attention. jealous indeedy. What is your secret?! 

Mistrunner's Handy Guide to Finding a Prospective Match:

1. Wear a spoon at all times! Whether it's in your hair, your shirt pocket, or just behind your ear, it's sure to make a bold statement.
2. Whenever someone looks like they might want to start a conversation with you, panic and start reading a book!
3. Run screaming from all and any human interaction!
4. Sit on the couch and eat corn chips!
5. Disregard everything Mistrunner says, she's crazy

[Delightful]

32 minutes ago, Mistrunner said:

Mistrunner's Handy Guide to Finding a Prospective Match:

1. Wear a spoon at all times! Whether it's in your hair, your shirt pocket, or just behind your ear, it's sure to make a bold statement.
2. Whenever someone looks like they might want to start a conversation with you, panic and start reading a book!
3. Run screaming from all and any human interaction!
4. Sit on the couch and eat corn chips!
5. Disregard everything Mistrunner says, she's crazy

But she's the fun kind of crazy!  

Just please don't use that spoon for food. 

Reminds me i heard once of people using their glasses to stir coffee  

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

41 minutes ago, Delightful said:

But she's the fun kind of crazy!  

Just please don't use that spoon for food. 

Reminds me i heard once of people using their glasses to stir coffee  

Ewww. 

Twidad worked with a lady who used the backs of her earrings to pick her teeth.  

[ParadoxicalZen he/him]

15 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Ewww. 

Twidad worked with a lady who used the backs of her earrings to pick her teeth.  

And then there are some times I'm glad I do not attract attention o.O cause that is gross. 

And @Mistrunner, that's not crazy, that's style!

@ShadowLord_Lith I already do that xD its why I have a plethora of female friends but very few of them I would pursue anything further with (that and we share no mutual inclinations toward each other) its a quite amusing scenario actually

[Delightful]

5 hours ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Ewww. 

Twidad worked with a lady who used the backs of her earrings to pick her teeth.  

Oh dear lord. Wouldn't the earrings be too flexible to be any good at that anyway? Surely teeth are stronger and would just break the jewellery?

I have used the back of an earring to eject an apple simcard. That was handy.

[marsoupial they/them]

Ok, so, legit personal story that leads up to a problem in the vein of @ShadowLord_Lith's problem:

Spoiler

Last year, as an eighth grader, most people did not like or associate with me. Probably because, plain and simple, I was kind of a dick to everyone. It's not that I thought everyone else was stupid, I just thought I was smarter than everyone (which was not true). I've never been one to hang around the "popular" crowd, but last year I practically turned my nose up at them. I had friends, but only one or two close. I kept to my own little group of people. I was one of those people. 

This year, I don't know what changed, but I just sorta... chilled. I stopped wearing suit coats to school, it looks pretentious if you're wearing a suit coat when it's still warm out. I stopped being so caught up in myself, and somehow became a bit more extroverted. Apparently, smiling/asking "How are you?"/talking to/holding the door on the way in for strangers makes them like you. I have a group of 6 close friends that I hang out with daily. And not only that, but I have a similar problem to ShadowLord (Yes, this was all lead-up; it's like I'm writing an essay)

Hopefully, some of the people reading this know of the Sad Masochid problem. Well, the girl that introduced me to him? She likes me. And 3 of her friends like me. And my best friend's girlfriend used to like me (Don't know if she still does or not...awkward). And this girl in chorus (whom I do not know) likes me and keep staring at me. And there's this guy in theatre arts who used to like me and I didn't like him back and he said it was OK but he didn't mean it and I still feel bad about it every time I see him.

I've never actually had people show any interest in me at all, so this is new and scary. Any help or advice or wise words of comfort? 

 

Edited September 22, 2016 by bleeder

[Delightful]

1 hour ago, bleeder said:

Ok, so, legit personal story that leads up to a problem in the vein of @ShadowLord_Lith's problem:

  Hide contents

Last year, as an eighth grader, most people did not like or associate with me. Probably because, plain and simple, I was kind of a dick to everyone. It's not that I thought everyone else was stupid, I just thought I was smarter than everyone (which was not true). I've never been one to hang around the "popular" crowd, but last year I practically turned my nose up at them. I had friends, but only one or two close. I kept to my own little group of people. I was one of those people. 

This year, I don't know what changed, but I just sorta... chilled. I stopped wearing suit coats to school, it looks pretentious if you're wearing a suit coat when it's still warm out. I stopped being so caught up in myself, and somehow became a bit more extroverted. Apparently, smiling/asking "How are you?"/talking to/holding the door on the way in for strangers makes them like you. I have a group of 6 close friends that I hang out with daily. And not only that, but I have a similar problem to ShadowLord (Yes, this was all lead-up; it's like I'm writing an essay)

Hopefully, some of the people reading this know of the Sad Masochid problem. Well, the girl that introduced me to him? She likes me. And 3 of her friends like me. And my best friend's girlfriend used to like me (Don't know if she still does or not...awkward). And this girl in chorus (whom I do not know) likes me and keep staring at me. And there's this guy in theatre arts who used to like me and I didn't like him back and he said it was OK but he didn't mean it and I still feel bad about it every time I see him.

I've never actually had people show any interest in me at all, so this is new and scary. Any help or advice or wise words of comfort? 

 

I'm just impressed at the wearing a suit jacket to high school thing. That's a wee bit crazy. 

Some advice that works well in moderation: it's not your business what anyone else thinks of you. Do your own thing. Hang out with the people you want to, be polite and respectful to everyone else, if they're all secretly crushing on you that's not your problem.