Nightwatcher Boon/Bane (Game)

[Shard of Reading he/him]

@Hoiditthroughthegrapevine your boons and banes are absolute art. They are, in my opinion, the best part of this thread.

You get your pancake maker, and you can print images on the pancakes. Everything about the images and the pancake maker themselves, are perfect but the pancakes spontaneously combust when syrup is poured on them, so you have to enjoy them without any of that heavenly tree sap. Also, the pancakes are super dry.

I wish for the ability to decide that I want to just sleep in for the morning and there would be no consequences. 

[The Unknown Medallion he/him]

1 hour ago, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

Granted! Anytime you want to read any book, you simply form a mental command "I want to read ________" (insert name of book in the blank) and a leather-bound, tastefully designed, handsomely illustrated hard cover collectible edition of that book appears in your hand, even if the book you wish to read has yet to be written. 

Due to the fact that your boon is two pronged, your bane is likewise two part. 

The first part of your bane is that your eyeballs are rotated 180 degrees, and you can only see with great effort by turning your eyes and looking at things with your peripheral vision. 

The second and far more insidious part of your bane is that if the book you wish to read hasn't been written yet, then it is written by an AI codenamed Mission Ragged Xanth (MRX) that was programmed through machine learning by being fed the collected works of Horatio Alger, Piers Anthony and L. Ron Hubbard. All books written by MRX that are a continuation of a series unfortunately become Canon. Inevitably books written by MRX have a down and out orphan helped onto the path of moral rectitude by a kindly man of the world, an extremely annoying side character that has cringe inducing dialog, and conflicts that are largely solved by the skillful application of Dianetics.

(I know Gak beat me to the punch, but I fell asleep last night before I could post it, and MRX is pretty sweet) 

...I'll take Gak's bane.

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

7 hours ago, Shard of Reading said:

 your boons and banes are absolute art. They are, in my opinion, the best part of this thread

Aww, thanks! 

7 hours ago, Shard of Reading said:

I wish for the ability to decide that I want to just sleep in for the morning and there would be no consequences. 

Granted. 

Unfortunately the only way the Nightwatcher could grant you this boon is by breaking the linkages between all causes and all effects. You now can sleep in the morning for as long as you want without the negative consequences that you would have previously expected, but simple things that you used to do with predictable results now behave erratically and appear to be completely random. Like if you throw a ball in the air, instead of the ball coming back down (like the effect you would expect) it might instead turn into a dolphin. Or when you brush your teeth, instead of having clean pearly whites when you are finished you might sometimes have fingers where your teeth used to be. Or if you save your money in the bank, instead of accruing interest on your savings it might cause you to start yodeling uncontrolably. 

Here's the silver lining bit, the chain of causation is broken for only you, and like Gak, you start a YouTube channel where your subscribers send in suggestions for what they want you to attempt, and you post videos of the surprising results. Your channel is so popular that needless to say you can barely control your yodeling. 

I wish for a brown paper bag that looks just like a normal lunch bag, but when it is opened I can speak from it so that it sounds like my voice is coming from inside the bag. 

Edited January 12, 2021 by Hoiditthroughthegrapevine

[Eluvianii he/him]

Granted. You get a brown paper bag and not only can you speak through it while it's open, you also can eat from it, though bear in mind that as long as it's open, you can only speak/eat through the bag. Additionally, you get a full set of magic bags with similar functions. A bag of hearing, a bag of smelling, a bag of seeing, and weirdly, a bag of touching. The same rules apply to them as the bag of speaking, though the small problem is that they seem to be resistant to any form of marking, so labeling them becomes impossible, and each morning they reappear in a random place of your house each. This does mean it's impossible for you to lose them so there's that. 

I wish for a broomstick that can travel through time and space. 

[Condensation she/her]

Granted. It's a very slippery broomstick. Y'know, easy to fall off of, leaving you stranded in time and space.

I wish for a better orange Sharpie.

[Shard of Reading he/him]

18 hours ago, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

Unfortunately the only way the Nightwatcher could grant you this boon is by breaking the linkages between all causes and all effects. You now can sleep in the morning for as long as you want without the negative consequences that you would have previously expected, but simple things that you used to do with predictable results now behave erratically and appear to be completely random. Like if you throw a ball in the air, instead of the ball coming back down (like the effect you would expect) it might instead turn into a dolphin. Or when you brush your teeth, instead of having clean pearly whites when you are finished you might sometimes have fingers where your teeth used to be. Or if you save your money in the bank, instead of accruing interest on your savings it might cause you to start yodeling uncontrolably. 

Improbability drive? Is that you?

13 hours ago, Condensation said:

I wish for a better orange Sharpie.

Granted your orange sharpie is now much better. Your green sharpie on the other hand...

Edited January 12, 2021 by Shard of Reading

[Condensation she/her]

4 hours ago, Shard of Reading said:

Improbability drive? Is that you?

Granted your orange sharpie is now much better. Your green sharpie on the other hand...

Do you have a wish?

I have more than one green sharpie. The only orange marker I have is a highlighter. So that's why I asked for an orange Sharpie.

[Shard of Reading he/him]

10 minutes ago, Condensation said:

Do you have a wish?

Yeah... I know how to make a wish.

I want chickens.

[The Unknown Medallion he/him]

Just now, Shard of Reading said:

Yeah... I know how to make a wish.

I want chickens.

You get chickens, everyone you know is now a chicken, and when you meet new people, they become chickens.

I wish for the ability to control the weather. 

[Gak he/him]

granted, you can make it rain, and you can it rain harder, but you can only undo the effects of it by telling your deepest secret to someone who doesn't know it

i want more chickens

[Shob the Voidbringer]

granted, 10 chickens fall from the sky, and 100 hours after they come, they turn into sized up emu's that want to kill you for taking them out of paradise, and they have an internal compass pointing them towards you. if you kill them, you're free from the terror. to make it possible for you to survive, the police are willing to help once they turn into emu's.

i wish for gak to get an awesome tree fort against the emu's

[Gak he/him]

granted, but the tree fort is on fire

i wish shob would give me a bane refund

[Shob the Voidbringer]

granted, you lose the previous bane, and have a new bane. for the next 5 days you can only eat things you absolutely hate.

i wish for a really nice blanket. (i gave up on a non-screw-upable wish)

[Gak he/him]

granted, you lose your blanket and get a new blanket that is incredibly soft and covered in complements, but it has a curse that makes it so that you can't sleep using it

i wish for someone else to make a wish.

[The Unknown Medallion he/him]

On 1/15/2021 at 10:38 AM, Gak said:

granted, you lose your blanket and get a new blanket that is incredibly soft and covered in complements, but it has a curse that makes it so that you can't sleep using it

i wish for someone else to make a wish.

Granted, your bane is that their wish is the same thing and their bane is the same as well going on into infinity. 

My wish is for the sun set later.

[Honorless he/him]

15 hours ago, The Unknown Order said:

My wish is for the sun set later.

Granted, you get a full set of suns from some stellar system, needless to say, you're atomized.

I wish for the ability to turn wine into water (yes, you read that in the correct order the first time.)

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

On 1/17/2021 at 6:45 AM, Honorless said:

I wish for the ability to turn wine into water (yes, you read that in the correct order the first time.)

Granted! 

This ability, long dreamt of by the abstemious and the tea-totaling, is now yours; you can turn wines of any vintage into clear, cool, refreshingly tasteless water. The Nightwatcher has thrown in a couple of extra freebies with your asked for boon. You can turn many loaves of bread into a single loaf, you can turn vast multitudes of fish into a single fish, and you can walk under water. 

Your bane is that you believe that you are the new messiah and you are compelled by this delusion to walk the earth and tell strangers anachronistic parables involving oxen, scythes, wheat threshing and oddly enough e-cigarettes. 

I wish I could draw/paint in my dreams and then take that artwork out of the dream into the waking world.

[+Doomstick he/him]

Granted, your bane is that you must use the oxford comma for the rest of your life.

 

I wish for my hat to be lucky!

[Shard of Reading he/him]

Granted. You now have a lucky hat, but you are now on Wayne's hit list.

I wish I could be a random type of misting, and whenever I try to burn a metal, it changes.

[Darth Woodrack he/him]

Granted, you know switch between an aluminum gnat and a nicrosil gnat everyone you burn a metal. Your bane is that you are deathly allergic to all metals.

I wish to be a fullborn.

[Voidspawn he/him]

I ask for no curses to befall me.

[NameIess]

52 minutes ago, Darth Woodrack said:

I wish to be a fullborn.

Granted. You are now a fullborn. You are reborn every week in a room full of explosives.

46 minutes ago, Voidspawn said:

I ask for no curses to befall me.

Okay. You have asked. You shall not receive. Your bane is that you get three thousand puppies that you must care for.

I wish for awesome yoyo skills.

[Voidspawn he/him]

Just now, Nameless said:

I wish for awesome yoyo skills.

Every yoyo burns your hand, making it hot enough to set the yoyo on fire

[Darth Woodrack he/him]

3 minutes ago, Nameless said:

I wish for awesome yoyo skills.

Granted. You are amazing at yo-yos. Your bane is that you are terrified of string.

I wish to become a bond smith of night watcher.

Due to you failing to wish voidspawn, I’m gonna bypass this.

Edited January 19, 2021 by Darth Woodrack

[Gak he/him]

granted, but they are really creepy and are always watching you.

i wish for minecraft squids