The Battle for the Sandwich

[Edema Rue she/her]

“MMMMMMmmmmMMMm!! MMM MMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMVJRKFKE!”

[Through the Living Elan He/Him]

…

I stand there confused and bring the sandwich towards my mouth.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

I snatch the sandwich from your hands and toss it to @AltonicKeys

[-Redacted- he/him]

I catch the sandwich in midair and start a speed bubble so I can eat it 

Edited August 15, 2023 by The Great Hat of Wayne

[Through the Living Elan He/Him]

I tap an unkeyed zinc metalmind, which gives me mental speed, allowing me to process your speed bubble. I then use speed bubbles of my own to break into yours and steal the sandwich, and leave a snail in your hands so you could eat that instead.

Edited August 15, 2023 by Ancient Elantrian

[StormlightConcerto]

As Ancient Elantrian’s long-lost older sibling, I retain my rights to older sibling power of possession and hypnotize you into giving me the sandwich. You’re also in timeout for 3 minutes. So sad.

[Edema Rue she/her]

“Mmmmmmf!! MMMMMMMMFFFF!!” While you’re distracted taunting your sibling, I steal the sandwich and proceed to fail to eat it, as my mouth it still superglued shut.

[-Redacted- he/him]

I realize that with little clout in this thread the sandwich is too holy to be held in my hands and I de-canonize my previous catch and leave it to others to take the sandwich until I become a respected forum member. I then make it my mission to help bring the sandwich to whomever deserves it the most.

Edited August 15, 2023 by [Redacted]

[Through the Living Elan He/Him]

I use my stolen de-superglueinator to remove the superglue on Edema Ruh, because after all this muffled talking I want to hear what he is saying. I also take the sandwich while he is stunned by the inator’s blast.

[-Redacted- he/him]

I grow angry with the Ancient Elantrian's conduct and take a bite of a sandwich to show him I mean business while I slyly sneak the sandwich from his hands and back to Edema Ruh (Ancient Elantrian can't tell the difference between a sandwich and the Sandwich). 

Edited August 15, 2023 by [Redacted]

[Through the Living Elan He/Him]

I gasp at [Redacted]’s biting a sandwich, then put on my The Sandwich Detecting glasses, using them to confirm where the sandwich is. I then realize he has the sandwich, and take advantage of his poor sense of everything and replace the sandwich with a grand piano on his way to Edema Ruh.

Edited August 15, 2023 by Ancient Elantrian

[-Redacted- he/him]

I realize that Edema Ruh may not want my help and sit down to comtemplate the meaning of the Sandwich.

[aetherbound he/him]

9 minutes ago, [Redacted] said:

I realize that with little clout in this thread the sandwich is too holy to be held in my hands and I de-canonize my previous catch and leave it to others to take the sandwich until I become a respected forum member. I then make it my mission to help bring the sandwich to whoever deserves it the most.

I agree with redacted and grab the sandwich from elantrian using a midnight essence in the shape of a whitespine which drops it at my feet. I determine that the best way to find the chosen sandwich person(I'm still working on the name) is through a series of three trials. Trial 1: the trial of knowledge starts when I throw the sandwich into guess that cosmere character, the first person to guess a cosmere character correctly and post on this thread, gains the sandwich.

[-Redacted- he/him]

I thank Aetherbound for the support and join the quest to find the Chosen Sandwich Person.

[Through the Living Elan He/Him]

5 minutes ago, Aetherbound said:

Trial 1: the trial of knowledge starts when I throw the sandwich into guess that cosmere character, the first person to guess a cosmere character correctly and post on this thread, gains the sandwich.

I stand there confused and ask Aetherbound where I should guess this cosmere character.

Is there a guess the cosmere character forum? Or are we doing a 20 questions type thing on this thread?

@Aetherbound

[aetherbound he/him]

https://www.17thshard.com/forum/topic/68281-guess-that-cosmere-character-forum-edition/?page=496

[Edema Rue she/her]

I, the chosen sandwich person, look down on the mortals and laugh. I pocket the sandwich and invite @NerdyAarakocra and @Being of Cacophony to a lunch, since it’s been some time. 

[Through the Living Elan He/Him]

I proclaim myself a temporary guard of the sandwich and cut open your pocket, removing the sandwich and returning it the the organization to find the Chosen Sandwich person. I also accuse you of blasphemy in taking the name chosen sandwich person for yourself.

Edited August 15, 2023 by Ancient Elantrian

[Edema Rue she/her]

Luckily, your post was not bolded, and therefore not canon, and so your actions are invalid and can never be repeated.

[aetherbound he/him]

9 hours ago, Edema Ruh said:

I, the chosen sandwich person, look down on the mortals and laugh. I pocket the sandwich and invite @NerdyAarakocra and @Being of Cacophony to a lunch, since it’s been some time. 

I wonder how you pocketed the sandwich when it was in a different thread

[Edema Rue she/her]

“Foolish children. The true sandwich can never leave its home, this thread. Though it travels through space and time and every which way, it will always stay safely on the Battlefield of The Sandwich.”

[-Redacted- he/him]

I consider your proposition that you are in fact the chosen sandwich person™️. I decide to settle the dispute via a challenge. I also point out that the organization of the chosen sandwich person™️ finders does not need to have the sandwich to maintain it's objective.

Edited August 15, 2023 by [Redacted]

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

Hearing that Platypus has invited me for lunch, I offer to host at my new restaurant.

[Edema Rue she/her]

I am slightly insulted, as I’m not Platypus, or even a platypus, (I remain, in fact, an undead caterpillar) but only slightly, and generously accept.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

I stand on a parapet, holding the Sandwich, which I had acquired with the Mysterious Sandwich Summoner™; glorious indeed.