The Battle for the Sandwich

[Unintelligenius he/him]

40 minutes ago, NerdSandwich said:

Instead of running very fast, I simply teleport to you, steal the Sandwich, and teleport away.

You obviously didn't learn your lesson, so this time I hit you on the head with two rulers. Then I chain you to a ruler. That ruler being Queen Elizabeth. That Queen Elizabeth being the ship. I then drive the ship through downtown New York, with you chained to the back.

[Verdance he/him]

Queen Elizabeth III returns from a successful tour of The Longest Thread, and begins performing Sleep Token’s “Vore” as loudly as possible along with the rest of the band. while you are all distracted by the hideous display, I steal the Sandwich.

You didnt think i forgot such a stupid RP character, did you?

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

Trout swoops in and challenges Elizabeth III's claim to the throne. While everyone is distracted, the Maw 6 shows up and eats the sandwich. The Sandwich, being indestructible, remains intact inside the Maw 6's Event Horizon.

[Verdance he/him]

4 minutes ago, KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren said:

Trout swoops in and challenges Elizabeth III's claim to the throne. While everyone is distracted, the Maw 6 shows up and eats the sandwich. The Sandwich, being indestructible, remains intact inside the Maw 6's Event Horizon.

Elizabeth III is a rotting corpse and head vocalist of a metal band, but accepts Trout’s challenge to a battle of the bands. Winner gets the Sandwich, which she is not distracted enough to lose.

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

9 minutes ago, Verdance said:

Elizabeth III is a rotting corpse and head vocalist of a metal band, but accepts Trout’s challenge to a battle of the bands. Winner gets the Sandwich, which she is not distracted enough to lose.

Trout agrees. He is on vocals, The Maw 6 has the drums, Clone has the glockenspiel, Sentient Chull Person has the trumpet, and Unnamed has the guitar.

Edited April 30 by KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I make a baritone saxophone fly, distracting everyone. I steal the Sandwich, completely disregarding the contest.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

16 hours ago, NerdSandwich said:

I make a baritone saxophone fly, distracting everyone. I steal the Sandwich, completely disregarding the contest.

I fly over, catch the baritone saxophone, cast a transformation spell on it to turn it into bagpipes, and begin playing them. Everyone is so wowed by my performance that the whole world stands and applauds and gives me tons of money. I use said money to hire a SEAL team to steal the Sandwich for me. They come back to me with the Sandwich in hand.

[Through The Living Ketek He/Him/His]

Kaladist infiltrates your SEAL team, turns them into actual seals, hunts them, and takes the Sandwich 

[Unintelligenius he/him]

I also turn into a seal and then hunt you down. I grab the Sandwich in my mouth, hop in the ocean, and swim off at a gazillion miles an hour.

[Through The Living Ketek He/Him/His]

Hacim the aluminium cheese shark bites off your head, and swims off with the Sandwich 

Edited May 1 by Through The Living Ketek

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I seal the universe shut after taking the Sandwich and going to a different, isolated universe.

 

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

12 hours ago, NerdSandwich said:

I seal the universe shut after taking the Sandwich and going to a different, isolated universe.

 

I open the universe, stick my head in, and hand you the parcel you forgot was being delivered. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I open the parcel, bracing myself.

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

It's an elephant. We had to fold it in half to fit it in the package. There still wasn't enough space so we put it in the void for transport. You are now being attacked by a black hole. Thank you for shopping at ^[^*"&'%@^#^$_">: and we hope you have a nice day. 

[Through The Living Ketek He/Him/His]

On 5/2/2026 at 11:33 AM, Ink and Embers said:

It's an elephant. We had to fold it in half to fit it in the package. There still wasn't enough space so we put it in the void for transport. You are now being attacked by a black hole. Thank you for shopping at ^[^*"&'%@^#^$_">: and we hope you have a nice day. 

I had a nice day. I give you a cookie.

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

On 5/4/2026 at 2:00 PM, Through The Living Ketek said:

I had a nice day. I give you a cookie.

WAIT HOLD ON A MINUTE YOU'RE KALADIST 

You didn't even change your username, just your pfp 

I'm an idiot

I appreciatively eat the cookie, offering you a FRUIT SALAD! before they go out of stock

[Through The Living Ketek He/Him/His]

9 minutes ago, Ink and Embers said:

WAIT HOLD ON A MINUTE YOU'RE KALADIST 

You didn't even change your username, just your pfp 

I'm an idiot

I appreciatively eat the cookie, offering you a FRUIT SALAD! before they go out of stock

Not Kaladist, that's my avatar.

I'm through the living ketek.

I spiked your cookie, I steal you powers- and your flowers.

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

9 minutes ago, Through The Living Ketek said:

Not Kaladist, that's my avatar.

I'm through the living ketek.

I spiked your cookie, I steal you powers- and your flowers.

Wha- okay. Okay - what? When did I have flowers?

I am utterly unsurprised by the power theft via cookie and have already called the police for it. The flowers, I was not expecting. 

[Through The Living Ketek He/Him/His]

My police police forces polices police police policies, and the police's policies police police into police jail. 

[Conure1243 He/Him]

My brain just broke.

[Through The Living Ketek He/Him/His]

Yay!

Edited May 5 by Through The Living Ketek

[Unintelligenius he/him]

On 5/1/2026 at 10:02 AM, NerdSandwich said:

I seal the universe shut after taking the Sandwich and going to a different, isolated universe.

 

I grab a pair of scissors and cut the universe open, and then swim through space to the different, isolated universe. I then cut my way in, find you, and grab the Sandwich.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I am happy that I had the Sandwich so long, but now I am mad. I spawn a hippo on your head and steal the Sandwich.

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

I politely explain the concept of existentialism to the hippo, who is so confused it vaporises, freeing Unintelligenius 

[Unintelligenius he/him]

2 hours ago, Ink and Embers said:

I politely explain the concept of existentialism to the hippo, who is so confused it vaporises, freeing Unintelligenius 

I thank you but then am interrupted by a stampede of elephants. I jump onto one of their backs and ride over to @NerdSandwich. Then I grab the Sandwich ride off at the speed of light.