The Battle for the Sandwich

[Keteᛕ He/Him/His]

You're almost done making your sandwich when.... you spill some poetry juice on the turf. The precious, manicured turf.

You've angered @Through The Living Ketek again. 

Kaladist is summoned.

You will perish before dawn.

........and congrats! @Verdance, and anyone he associates with, such as FN.9, have been put through the following situation in the last 4.38 seconds. 

1- turned into primordial jelly

2- slapped in the face by a truck

3- vaporized

4-flushed down a toilet

5-mashed into little bits

6- eaten by a shark

7-cooked along with shark sushi

8-put in space with no spacesuit

9-thrown into the sun

10-swallowed by a black hole

11-banned

12-had their soul removed

Hope you enjoyed your stay!

(Kaladist gets 59 combat combo points)

(Kaladist has leveled up to level 534!)

[Verdance he/him]

4 minutes ago, Through The Living Ketek said:

You're almost done making your sandwich when.... you spill some poetry juice on the turf. The precious, manicured turf.

You've angered @Through The Living Ketek again. 

Kaladist is summoned.

You will perish before dawn.

........and congrats! @Verdance, and anyone he associates with, such as FN.9, have been put through the following situation in the last 4.38 seconds. 

1- turned into primordial jelly

2- slapped in the face by a truck

3- vaporized

4-flushed down a toilet

5-mashed into little bits

6- eaten by a shark

7-cooked along with shark sushi

8-put in space with no spacesuit

9-thrown into the sun

10-swallowed by a black hole

11-banned

12-had their soul removed

Hope you enjoyed your stay!

(Kaladist gets 59 combat combo points)

(Kaladist has leveled up to level 534!)

FN.9 never had a soul in the first place. Using his existence as a part Flaw, part Enuller being, he part undermines, part Enulls the Narration-adjacent attack on his being. 
——
@Verdance parries the attack with a scathing remark about temper tantrums and missing diss track ketek responses, then turns red and apologizes for his impoliteness. The point still stands.

Edited April 24 by Verdance

[Keteᛕ He/Him/His]

1 minute ago, Verdance said:

FN.9 never had a soul in the first place. Using his existence as a part Flaw, part Enuller being, he part undermines, part dodges the Narration-adjacent attack on his being. 
@Verdance parries the attack with a scathing remark about temper tantrums and missing diss track ketek responses, then turns red and apologizes for his impoliteness. 

Kaladist is merciless. He continues to hack at @Verdance's limbs, and FN.9 is placed in timeout.

[Verdance he/him]

Just now, Through The Living Ketek said:

Kaladist is merciless. He continues to hack at @Verdance's limbs, and FN.9 is placed in timeout.

@Verdance sprite-swipes out of the way like an overrated videogame skeleton, then disappears into the Authorsphere. FN.9 escapes timeout by asserting himself as an 19 year old semi-human, then infects Kaladist with destructive character flaws and cliched writing tropes. Kaladist as a character begins to collapse under the weight of a thousand critical Reddit users. “Behold,” FN.9 says. “The true power of a Subversion Flaw!”

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

I reappear

"GUESS WHOS BACK, BABY?"

[Verdance he/him]

37 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

I reappear

"GUESS WHOS BACK, BABY?"

FN.9 stares blankly. “Well, BftS Thread Text says ‘I’. My existence level seems to have been downgraded and most of my powers have been integrated into the [Star Stream] magic system, so I can’t read your Shard Account’s username. All that to say, no idea. Who’s back?”

Edited April 24 by Verdance
Yes, 9/10mmHB#2 is canonically this aware of the Shard in TLT

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

35 minutes ago, Verdance said:

FN.9 stares blankly. “Well, BftS Thread Text says ‘I’. My existence level seems to have been downgraded and most of my powers have been integrated into the [Star Stream] magic system, so I can’t read your Shard Account’s username. All that to say, no idea. Who’s back?”

I stare blankly at you.

"The name is Coder, Systems-Maker. Nice to meet you!"

[Verdance he/him]

Just now, CoderDrag0n8 said:

I stare blankly at you.

"The name is Coder, Systems-Maker. Nice to meet you!"

FN.9 attempts a smile. He is meaningful, but not practiced. “So. I’m supposed to believe this sudden compulsion to chase after… a Sandwich? Is my life’s purpose? You feel it too, right?”

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

Just now, Verdance said:

FN.9 attempts a smile. He is meaningful, but not practiced. “So. I’m supposed to believe this sudden compulsion to chase after… a Sandwich? Is my life’s purpose? You feel it too, right?”

"It's all just a system, ya see. But yes, I also desire to consume it." Coder says. "What can I say, I make systems and I like breaking them."

[Verdance he/him]

2 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

"It's all just a system, ya see. But yes, I also desire to consume it." Coder says. "What can I say, I make systems and I like breaking them."

FN.9 narrows his eyes. “Is that… northeast coast accent? Want to team up to obtain the Sandwich and become emperors of the Battle for the Sandwich?”

Edited April 24 by Verdance
Still sort of a villain :3

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

13 minutes ago, Verdance said:

FN.9 narrows his eyes. “Is that… northeast coast accent? Want to team up to obtain the Sandwich and become emperors of the Battle for the Sandwich?”

"eh. Sure why the heck not."

[Verdance he/him]

3 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

"eh. Sure why the heck not."

“Cool, cool.” He stares, then shuffles a bit. “What powers do you have? Mine involve narrative undermining, Narration-adjacent power suppression, and portal creation, and the occasional but difficult completedissolutionofacharacterintoflawedanddisorganizedcharacterattributes,” he says quickly. “Oh, also, I have a really cool necklace,” he says. The necklace is indeed cool, gold links with a long bone pendant.

Edited April 24 by Verdance

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

37 minutes ago, Verdance said:

“Cool, cool.” He stares, then shuffles a bit. “What powers do you have? Mine involve narrative undermining, Narration-adjacent power suppression, and portal creation, and the occasional but difficult completedissolutionofacharacterintoflawedanddisorganizedcharacterattributes,” he says quickly. “Oh, also, I have a really cool necklace,” he says. The necklace is indeed cool, gold links with a long bone pendant.

"Uhhh" Coder says, thinking, "All of them, I think. My powers mainly deal in systems and stories... Oh! With permission I can integrate someone, making me stronger and allowing them to momentarially transcend a specific boundry."

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

Clone shows up and wonders who even has the sandwich.

[Denissimo He/him]

I project my astral soul from my body at the precise moment I utter words of unimaginable eldritch possession. The sandwich enters the spaces of absurdity and the lost, and abstract land of mind-breaking recursivity and infinities. 
I take a detour to whisper to the clone, "I do." Before entering the spaces of absurdity and the lost, and go completely mad clutching the sandwich in a vice-like grip, drifting through the maddenning dimension in a vegetative state, yet with the joy that I at last have the sandwich.

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

14 minutes ago, Denissimo said:

I project my astral soul from my body at the precise moment I utter words of unimaginable eldritch possession. The sandwich enters the spaces of absurdity and the lost, and abstract land of mind-breaking recursivity and infinities. 
I take a detour to whisper to the clone, "I do." Before entering the spaces of absurdity and the lost, and go completely mad clutching the sandwich in a vice-like grip, drifting through the maddenning dimension in a vegetative state, yet with the joy that I at last have the sandwich.

Clone turns the vegetative state into a fruititative state and steals the sandwich.

[Verdance he/him]

55 minutes ago, KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren said:

Clone turns the vegetative state into a fruititative state and steals the sandwich.

FN.9 creates a Rift that appears right next to Clone, steals the sandwich, then leaves the applicable space of Battle For The Sandwich and appears somewhere insulated from the narration-adjacent abilities of BftS Authors. 

[Keteᛕ He/Him/His]

Kaldist teams up with Ketek and begin a rampage. Kaldist kills any enemies in sight, racking up skill points and levels, while Ketek slowly walks around, breaking his foes' brains with the power of poetry. @Through The Living Ketek waits in his 6th house as his avatars slowly win everything.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

7 hours ago, KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren said:

Clone shows up and wonders who even has the sandwich.

I did, actually.

I steal the Sandwich via hiring the Potato God.

I do now, too.

Edited April 24 by NerdSandwich

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

I am baffled. I kidnap a shark and regret my life decisions. 

[Keteᛕ He/Him/His]

10 minutes ago, Ink and Embers said:

I am baffled. I kidnap a shark and regret my life decisions. 

that is a mistake

The Shark you grabbed was my 3rd Avatar, Hacim. 

You are turned into cheese.

Hacim jumps into the ocean

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

Just now, Through The Living Ketek said:

that is a mistake

The Shark you grabbed was my 3rd Avatar, Hacim. 

You are turned into cheese.

Hacim jumps into the ocean

I understand even less than I did a minute ago.

I summon another pigeon of mine, Jeremy, who Soulcasts me back to a vaguely humanoid form.

[Denissimo He/him]

2 hours ago, KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren said:

Clone turns the vegetative state into a fruititative state and steals the sandwich.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Very clever. Oh frabjous wordplay, that was very very clever. This is harbinger of good things. Oh joyous frabjous frabjosity.
 

[Verdance he/him]

5 hours ago, Through The Living Ketek said:

Kaldist teams up with Ketek and begin a rampage. Kaldist kills any enemies in sight, racking up skill points and levels, while Ketek slowly walks around, breaking his foes' brains with the power of poetry. @Through The Living Ketek waits in his 6th house as his avatars slowly win everything.

@Through The Living Ketek’s 6th house is suddenly assaulted by a squadron of twelve Viltrumites. FN.9 covertly installs a device in the back of the house that confines your powers to a low level superpower inside of the Invincible magic system. Very quickly, it seems that @Through The Living Ketek is in serious danger.

Meanwhile, the Bald Dragon awakes from a thousand year slumber and goes off to slay a videogame character or perhaps a poet. He isn’t picky.

[Keteᛕ He/Him/His]

10 minutes ago, Verdance said:

@Through The Living Ketek’s 6th house is suddenly assaulted by a squadron of twelve Viltrumites. FN.9 covertly installs a device in the back of the house that confines your powers to a low level superpower inside of the Invincible magic system. Very quickly, it seems that @Through The Living Ketek is in serious danger.

Meanwhile, the Bald Dragon awakes from a thousand year slumber and goes off to slay a videogame character or perhaps a poet. He isn’t picky.

@Through The Living Ketek's 4th Avatar, Erffoj, saves @Through The Living Ketek while Hacim goes and turns the Bald Dragon into cheese.

Edited April 24 by Through The Living Ketek