The Battle for the Sandwich

[Sequence]

As I lose my job as a judge, I vow revenge against Nerdy... in the form of sending a cordially written complaint to their office. THAT CONTAINED A BOMB! I take the unharmed Sandwich from the wreckage and escape the scene.

[NerdyAarakocra]

I reply with another cordial complaint letter. Although it contains no bomb, Sequence is distracted by attempting to dispose of it safely for me to slip in and steal the sandwich.

[AltonicKeys]

I throw a comically large stick tied to another large stick at you, knocking you out cold. I take the sandwich.

[Sequence]

I has secretly placed a tracker on the Sandwich while it was in my possession, so I followed you back to your place of residence and launched a massive mechanized assault, which included tanks, armored fighting vehicles, and troops to operate them.

[AltonicKeys]

You forget a warrant, and lack a probable cause, so you leave to file the paperwork.
By the time you return, I am long gone.

[Sequence]

I sigh, abandoning the paperwork and packing up my army. I then hatch a plan involving airplanes with metal claw arms.

[Immortal Platypus]

1 hour ago, Sequence said:

Unfortunately, I am a corrupt judge and pay someone to sue both of you over the Sandwich and in the end I rule that the Sandwich be turned over to the court for... investigation.

1 hour ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

But I am the investigator! I recognize this scandal for what it is and publish an exposè. I get to keep the sandwich in the tumult that follows.

But these are based on impossible things! I built an anti-suing device earlier! I keep the sandwich after the past gets re-written because of my logic.

[Sequence]

Ah but you see, your anti-suing device had only applied to people who knew how anti-suing devices worked. As Keys and I are utterly clueless on this matter, the Sandwich is immediately returned to Keys. Immediately after, it is stolen by a tiny Douglas DC-3 with a mechanical grabbing arm on the tail.

[Immortal Platypus]

Luckily I have the remote control to the grabbing arm and it throws it to me. I break out of prison with the sandwich and escape the cops.

[NerdyAarakocra]

However, you were never in prison! This causes A Wrinkle In Time A wrinkle in the timeline, and I use this to steal the sandwich.

[Immortal Platypus]

wait. yes I was... Sequence and I had a whole conversation while I was there! 

Remembering this caused the wrinkle in the timeline to fix, but only after I took the sandwich back.

[NerdyAarakocra]

I am confused with all of these weird timeline shenanigans, but then I realize something: Time Travel was disabled early in the thread! While Platypus is preparing to make an argument that states that he has the sandwich, I steal it and put it in Undisclosed Location, NO.

[Immortal Platypus]

but... but I never time-traveled, only messed with the timeline  

But Platypus expected this and was waiting in Undisclosed Location, NO. Thus he takes the sandwich and escapes.

[NerdyAarakocra]

However, I was one step ahead of Platypus and waited in the location where he escaped to so that I could reclaim the sandwich, which I did.

I then wondered why Platypus didn't notice the fact that he was walking right behind me.

[Immortal Platypus]

Platypus was confused at this as well. Then he realized why. Accomplishing his secret goal, he moves away subtly.

[AltonicKeys]

this entire page is just sando mando the brando

Platypus moves too subtly. Not even Platypus knew he was moving. Into a conveniently placed open manhole.

[NameIess]

I ignore subtlety and attack the current sandwich holder with a Shardblade.

[Immortal Platypus]

Platypus lets it glance of his Shardplate and starts running.

[NerdyAarakocra]

However, as the current Sandwichbearer, I block with a half-shard and begin... T-posing?

[Immortal Platypus]

But you thought you were the sandwich bearer but I was the real Sandwichbearer. The actual person to swing the Blade against you was... @Sequence? But why?

(I took it back when I accomplished my secret goal.)

[NerdyAarakocra]

"AHA! But you never specified what your secret goal was, giving me the benefit of the doubt! Therefore, I still have the sandwich!"

[Sequence]

I paused. Why am I swinging a sword at Nerdy?? I glared at Platypus.

[Immortal Platypus]

1 hour ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

"AHA! But you never specified what your secret goal was, giving me the benefit of the doubt! Therefore, I still have the sandwich!"

I didn't! But the benefit of the doubt is not invincible!!! I can prove mine happened. I wrote it down in a google doc!

"My secret goal was to take the sandwich"

therefore, I retain the sandwich.

[NerdyAarakocra]

"You never specified that, and it's too late now! The most logical assumption was that you were setting something up to claim the sandwich later." Still holding the sandwich which you don't retain, I fall into a manhole and make the minecraft hurt noise.

[Immortal Platypus]

in the the confusion caused by the hurt noise when he fell into water cancelling the fall damage, i take the sandwich while Nerdy has to fend of an alligator.