Just-A-Stick

One year...

So much can happen in a year.

When I joined this community, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was shy, scared, nervous, and had no idea what I was doing. But this, and you all have been with me the whole way through this crazy, terrifying year.

      Since November 1st, 2023, I have struggled with Depression especially, and anxiety. I sit here now, alive, after 2 suicide attempts, several hospital visits, countless poems, stories, tears, therapy sessions, and well over 167 self-harm scars (lost count), and moments when pain was so strong it threatened to crush me. I've cried more tears, hidden more thoughts and feelings, and worn more sweatshirts this past year than I care to admit. I've walked through Hell, and I'm not a monster. I'm not an angel either, but that's okay. I feel different. Not just because of 3 diagnoses and 4-5 different meds. Not just because I almost died. I'm different because I'm starting to live again.

My very first friends on here, were @The Wandering Wizard, @Edema Rue, @SmilingPanda19, and a few others. I want to thank each and every one of my shardbuddies for sticking with me. Here's a lil something about each of you:

@Silver Phantom- You're always so happy, and upbeat. I love your passion for detail in painting the minifigs, and all my interactions with you have made me smile.

@The Sibling- I don't know how often you're active anymore, but the thing that I remember the most about you was that meme you made me way back when. It made me feel so special, that someone would chat with me in literally the middle of the night my time, procrastinate homework with me, and laugh. I still have that meme saved on my phone. Thank you.

@SmilingPanda19- Ohhhh where to start... I love you. You were one of the first people to  stick up for me when I didn't know the rules or what I was doing. I have never regretted that PM I sent you. Not once. I love you so much and you're such a good friend. Words are just words, and there are none for how much I love you. (platonic ofc)

@Edema Rue- Though you're not very active anymore, I still remember the goofy talks and the energy, the writing... you commented on my poems a lot, and are such an older sister person to me. I wove oo.

@Aeoryi- This is your reminder that you're not forgotten, okay? I loved roleplaying with you, even if we almost never interact anymore, I still enjoyed it. 

@shortcake- My goofy lil muffin who's gorgeous and will always be the person I look at as the goofy ball of fun in the friend group. Even if you're older than me, I'll still see you as the kind of person who I'd give piggyback rides and braid your hair.  

@InfiniteInsanity- We don't talk much on the shard anymore, but you're awesome. You're beautiful and special and an amazing kind of chaotic. I've loved roleplaying with you.

@Thaidakar the Ghostblood- Where to start? Well... storm you for getting yourself banned. But thank you for taking care of my child when I'm not there. Thank you for laughing, listening, and providing sage words way beyond your years. Thank you for being an older brother.

@Ancient Elantrian- Elan... (I'm speaking to all of you) I've enjoyed being your friend. You're goofy and upbeat and chaotic and amazing. I can't think of you and your antics without smiling. Thank you for being so friendly and improving the atmosphere on the shard.

@Canada Lover- We haven't talked for a while, but I love your enthusiasm for life. And Merp 

@The Wandering Wizard- Wizzy... you're the one who taught me what an older brother is supposed to be like. Thank you for the hugs and the talks. Thank you for being so amazing. I love you so much. You and your poems have made such an impact on me. You will always be my older brother. Thank you.

@Lotus Blossom- You've always been fun to roleplay with, and have random conversations with. You're an awesome human, and a light.

@The Paradoxical Phenomenon/ @Cataclysm- I'm sorry that things are so hard for you. I hope you find peace if you haven't already.

@Part Of The Narrative and @Radiant_Sunflower_10- You guys are my best friends. I love you ever so much more than I have words, and thank you for letting me drag you into this crazy online forum.

@Ati16- We don't have a ton of interactions, but you're an awesome person. Don't forget that.

@Roosif- My lil sibling-child. You're so awesome and I'm so happy you came back. Here's a shark: 

@The Aspiring Archivist- You're so cool and mature... thank you for checking on me and talking and offering me advice. You're just a nice person.

@Weaver of Lies- Another of my older brothers... I know we don't talk as much as we used to, but I love you. You are one of my brothers. Thank you for answering the endless questions about everything from mountains to mental things, to writing... You're such a good writer.

@Kajsa- Yes, it took me well over 10 months to learn how to pronounce your username. (Kay-SHja) But you're an amazing person! You're gorgeous and great at writing and SO GOOD at art and makeup things and I love your SUs and you're funny and chaotic and I was be as cool as you someday. (P.S.. stop cheating on Haly!)

@The Halcyon Girl- I have almost no interaction with you actually oN the shard  but the texts and email chaos and the goofy memes! I love you and YOU. ARE. GORGEOUS. I wanna come eat your popcorn sometime.  (P.S. stop cheating on Kajsa!)

@Immortal Platypus- You're such a goofy guy and by far my favorite platypus who just lost the game.  

@Little j- Thank you for letting me make your awesome pfp and for being such a cool guy.

@Wit is the best- (Someone summon him pleaaaase I'm not a smart enough person ) Wit, you're awesome. I've had a bunch of great interactions and you're a cool person. Yes, Greek letters are now the bane of my existence, but it's an awesome strategy to keep you from losing the game. (until now *cackles*)

@Shardwatcher01- Sup? How're the questions going? You're a car nerd and goofy and I've had some goofy interactions. 

@Faerie Braids- You're a really cool person, and the reason I actually looked up what a semicolon means. Thank you for making the world a better place.

@Pineap-spider- I'll always remember how you were in the group that signed my card. Thank you for being a great, kind, awesome person. 

@The Bookwyrm- I have to options here... one is to cause you great pain with my skibidi rizzin' looksmaxing and mogging skilz, and 2, to compliment your love for outer space and talk about how cool a person you are and your love for good grammar and punctuation and neatness. I'm undecided, so you're an alpha with impeccable taste. 

@Mat- I don't really know you, but you were my 28th shardbuddie, and you're a nice person.

@strmblsd- You're a cool guy and I've loved all our interactions. Thank you for talking and listening. Never forget how important you are to so many.

@WhyEverNot_8- You're a really coo, goofy guy. I consider you a brother, and encourager, and someone who helps make this forum as goofy and fun as it is. You're a young'n yet, and I'm glad to be your friend. 

@Through The Living Glass- You are such a fun, brilliant, chaotic, kind person and my life wouldn't be the same without you. Thank you for joining the shard. Thank you for being you. Thank you for all the interaction and the mentions in this thread. I love you (platonically) and think you're just SO awesome.  You have that contagious energy the world needs more of.

@Block- You're a cool person and a great person to be in a cult* with.  
(* just look through here and you'll understand)

@Wierdo- An awesome adopted child, a goofy lil guy, a funny ginger. *lots of hugs*

@Vyzkel- You're super cool and I've enjoyed having you around. You lost the game.  

And finally, to my unofficial sharbuddie, my relationship with who goes deep, @The Isochronism- Tomorrow is going to be beautiful.

To end... I'm still alive. I'm still holding on. Trying my best to thrive and notice the little things. Every flower, cloud, smile... I try to smile at everyone, now. I don't shrink down and hide anymore. I look people in the eyes, shake their hand firmly, smile wide... I'm learning to be a light.

I am scared... And that is okay.

Courage is walking through fear;

not in it.

I just have to keep walking, eyes towards Heaven, living in His love, thriving, helping, serving.

My deeds are my monuments. People will remember me by what I do. 

Live like it's your last day. Live for the small moments, notice the details, love people. Maybe, they just need a smile today.

I am going to change the world.

~ Stick