Soulbinder

Chuck Norris can kill an army of millions with two shots. And the first one is a warning shot.

Never tried it. Maybe, I guess? Sounds kinda gross, but who knows? What's your favorite non-Sanderson book?

Chuck Norris once caught fire. Luckily, disaster was averted as the fire remembered to stop, drop, and roll away.

"Never gonna give goat up, never gonna let goat down, never gonna run around or desert goat, never gonna make goat cry, never gonna say goat bye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt goat." -you all know what that's from

Have a tiny crab that wants hugs. I have a wooden rabbit that may or may not contain medieval knights.

Chuck Norris once passed six kidney stones. They were later collected by Thanos and put on a gauntlet.

I come surfing in on a wave of cabbages and grab the sandwich. In the distance, you hear an indignant cry of, "MY CABBAGES!!!"

Chuck Norris is the only person who can win a chess game without making any moves.

Chuck Norris can bake a cake in the freezer

Hey, do you know what happened to my truck of swords and sharp things? "So that's why the ceiling's a boat."

When Chuck Norris goes to the Nowhere, the delvers hide from him

Furcifer! Fur! Ego tuam valde vitupero, quod tu es perfidus!

Have some listening devices! Don't, uh, ask where I got them. And if you have to don't do it out loud. I have a bowling ball made out of cheese.

Chuck Norris' blood type is AK-47

Chuck Norris can stare at the sun and the sun looks away

Have a stuffed animal cat. Her name is Muffins. I have a stuffed animal collection.

Chuck Norris killed time in his spare time.

I use my years of being a Latin student to summon an eldritch entity to warp the sandwich into my hands

While learning CPR Chuck Norris brought the dummy back to life.

I call my fellow theater kids to arms to retrieve the sandwich!

Granted, but now you can't walk without being injured. I wish for my nose to stop itching.

There's no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.

Have a bag of some Lucky Charms cereal. I have a rubber duck with anger issues.

Granted. You now have a small magical creature living with you who bakes and fixes stuff. He also steals all of your left socks and occasionally abuses your credit card. I wish for a ball of fluffy yarn.

Have a brand new kazoo! I have a mob of people who hate my kazoo music