Soulbinder

MacGyver can build a bomb out of paper clips, rubber bands, and soda cans. Chuck Norris can build a bomb out of MacGyver.

Jump

Chuck Norris caught all the Pokemon from a landline.

You're so ineloquent that you make David's metaphors look like exquisite literary masterpieces.

Screw autocorrect, that's the SECOND TIME!! and myself for aforementioned reasons I comply, apologizing.

Have a couch that may or may not be inhabited by Scottish people! I have a questionable pastry.

I walk back in days later after finally expunging the glittery menace from my eyes, highly embarrassed to have said 'Mark Robert' instead of 'Mark Rober' as intended. I curse autocorrect, myself for not double checking my typing, and Lunar for unleashing the horror that is glitter.

Granted. N.o.w. t.h.e.y. u..s....e.. t.o.o... .m..a..n....y. p.e..r..i..o..d.s.... I wish for a teddy bear grenade.

Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the 13th. The next day he won the lottery.

When a zombie bites Chuck Norris, the zombie is transformed into another Chuck Norris.

I get Mark Robert to engineer me a Sandwich-Grabber and take the sandwich for myself, accidentally dislodging a snail in the process

Gargantuan

Awkward Avoidance Viking clobbers you on the back of the head and takes the sandwich for himself.

In sign language, a roundhouse kick to the face is how you say 'Chuck Norris'.

WHY in the WORLD did you give BILL CIPHER NIGHTBLOOD?! "The crabs staged a revolution and carried off the cake as spoils of war."

While you're busy crafting your sandwich, I steal the sandwich back using an invisibility cloak.

Thank you!

Gets a kandra. Inserts a pineapple.

Receives a terrible movie that makes a lot of people very upset. Inserts a holy hand grenade.

Every time I open "the Battle for the Sandwich" and see the poll this is what I think

No. What was the last book you read?

The cave belongs to a raccoon who jumps out of the shadows, snatches the sandwich, and runs off into the sunset.

Astonishing

When the Apollo 11 landed on the moon, Chuck Norris showed them where to park the vehicle.