ginger_reckoning

Honestly, a valid concern considering the fact that its...ya know...the next SA book Congrats, that was fast! I've been tempted to binge, but im intentionally trying to slow myself down to savor it. I only read three chapters today, which has been a feat of self-control (But if I don't, my poor GPA is going to suffer...)

Ok, gotta say, I've been liking where the chapters have been going lately, and this week did not disappoint. The scene with the guillotine is one of the most impactful so far. However, there were a few little things that distracted me from the overall impact. pg 10: "G, with heavy hooves,..." I Thiiiiink might flow better with "G crossed the stage with heavy hooves. The sentence was just a little clunky. pg 11: "the iron, weighted" I think it flows better as "weighted iron blade" "R, help her look away" the way this is phrased is almost like the narrator is asking R to help her. I think if it was "R, help me look away" as an italicized thought, it would work better. "like gunshot" gunshots, since she takes more than one step. I think I'm with @Mandamon on a couple of points. I think it would be nice to have Ir questioning BK more throughout the whole book, and wondering why she is really there. I also do think that the ram probably had very little chance of actually succeeding. Also, I got excited that maybe she would eavesdrop on some juicy stuff on the end of the first chapter, but then it was just some conspiracy theories. A little sad about that. And, for a little retroactive thought on the last sub: I think that if you were to have them find S's husband after the scene with the ram, it would work better. Then, you have some tension of "Will they find him? is he ok?" while she's on the job and Ir can be worrying about him before getting attacked. Then she goes home, sees that he's alright, gets happy but then her ribs hurt, etc etc He also wouldn't be gone for too long, and is still present for the guillotine scene. Anyway that's my thoughts on the matter.

Let's just say that NaNoWriMo is not the only reason I'm taking this month off

I saw on Google today that this week is Transgender Awareness week! So to all of the lovely transgender people on this site, we see you and we love you. Have an awesome week!

Welcome to Reading Excuses! It's always super exciting to have a new person submitting their stuff. Alright, opening it up now, excited to see what you have in store! Pg. 1 Ok, first line makes me feel as if the narrator is probably crazy. Its an interesting way to open, not sure what to think yet. Pg.1 lots of short and simple sentences, but this seems to reinforce the whole crazy narrator thing. Pg.1 is this mars? Pg. 2, top: so…cannibals? Is she not one of the orange people? Pg 2 “How do I know…” The long list of questions seems a little cliché to me, and the last tow in particular seem a little out of place. Like, borderline humorous, which doesn’t seem to be the tone you’re going for here. I’m also not sure if anyone would question their own ability to think, unless they were some sort of philosopher. Pg 2 “and stained orange…” and was stained orange Pg. 3 ah, so its some kind of mind control Overall this prologue was a little disturbing (not necessarily a bad thing) and a little confusing. The prose itself is clear, and the established mood was good. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here, but that seems to be the point of this passage. Chapter 1 Pg 4. Not huge, but “listening” has an aspect of paying attention. Ignoring someone seems to be more of “hearing” than “listening” Just general note here, the writing itself is good. I can clearly tell what is going on. Pg. 4 “increase the weight” Gravity itself doesn’t have weight. Maybe replace the word “weight” with something like “pull” Also, if he’s breaking in from the outside of the ship, there would be a strong rush of air outwards as the inside of the ship depressurized. So he would probably be pushed out, not sucked in. Unless his g boots are just super, super strong I guess. I don’t know how those work. Pg 5, top: air would be sucked out immediately. How is he wearing a hat in space? Heheh Jeff Pg 5: MRG, ah these are the guys from the prologue. They made a mirage. Pg 6: “started having their guns…” this phrasing seems weird to me. Pg 7 Ok, this guy seems rude. Pg 7 Ok, I already like this scene with M more than with Q. There’s a lot more tension to it. Pg 8: “starred in horror” stared Pg 8 why did they wait to use the SH Pg 8 how can you be a legend if no one knows about you? I’m guessing just a legend specifically in the criminal world Pg 9 so is insufferable bastard an actual title? Pg 10 “gratefulness” -->gratitude Pg 10 “Yeah, not that…” this is my favortie piece of dialogue so far Pg 10 So he’s addicted to drugs, but there are no ill side effects? Pg 11 D’s name stands out, since everyone else has normal names Pg 13 That was a cool moment. Pg 14 Eh I’m still not a huge fan of this guy Pg 14 Again, how is he keeping his hat on in the first place? Pg 15 “organic garbage” ooooh is he a robot or something? Pg 16 M is overall just a more interesting character to me Pg 18 ok, this makes a little more sense why they would wait to use the SH. Also, is it her own mother she has to talk to? Or the mother of all SH? Or the leader of the group? Can’t wait to get some answers to these questions! So, my overall thoughts on this piece: it is well written and easy to understand, which is a huge plus. I can tell you have developed a style already, which is good. I wasn't super engaged with what was going on, however, and I just didn't really like the MC all that much. Though, the way he is framed, that could be the point. He did seem very nonchalant, which seems to be what you were going for, but just having him waltz in and do everything right isn't really all that engaging to me. However, there is definitely a very strong sense of character, so that is good. I could take or leave the prologue. It seems kind of like a Doctor Who stinger where they reveal someone getting eaten by the alien but you don't see the alien until halfway through the episode. Well written, but it seems like we won't be coming back to this setting for a while.

So, I feel as if my approach to things is a little different than most people, but you might find it helpful. I am very visually-inclined, so a lot of my worldbuilding and character building happens through little thumbnail sketches or drawings. It also helps me when describing a character or place to have a little visual reminder as to what I'm describing. That being said, I also usually write up a sequence of bullet points of things that I want to accomplish in the book, and put sub-points under those as to how I'll need to do that. (It's a little trick I stole off of Brandon, actually. He has a post about it on his official website.) That being said, I usually tend to "go off script" for parts, and then adjust to that.

When Adonalsium got put together and said "Hoid's true plan is to--" and then got shattered again was just a classic troll move.

Ahem, this is a thread for FAKE spoilers, thank you very much

You can do what you want, but you could always wait for a week to see how others do it

Yeah, I know, I can't believe I'm saying this, but poor Lezian. All he wanted to do was enjoy some chouta and instant noodles.

((Personally I kind of like NOTK as a title) )

I know, its so hard now that there are thousands of personas to keep track of. I don't find it surprising that Adolin didn't notice (the sleepless can become VERY specialized after all) but I did think that it was interesting that she wouldn't even notice when two of her own hordelings went off and just shanked Taravangian like that! Especially right after he bonded that inkspren! And the fact that a portion of her hordelings got stuck in the past in "Urithirtwo" only makes me more worried about more personas emerging. Though I am rather fond of her new Chouta saleswoman persona. She gets along surprisingly well with Lezian and Leshwi! They make quite the family, now that Adolin divorced her and married Maya the radiant instead. (Which I was not a fan of, just FYI)

Uhhhh I think in most situations when people talk about masochism it isn't in a sexual sense. Just someone who hurts themselves. But that could just be my interpretation

Nice to meet you @Aspiring Writer! I totally get what you mean by not having the time to read/write everything you want to! It's mega frustrating. I'm excited to check out your stuff!

Yep, really Brandon hit us again with that resurrection trope. Which is sad, since Elhokar's death was pretty impactful in the first place, but it will be interesting to see how he interacts with people now that he's basically a radiant spren bonded to his son

I know! It seems so obvious now: "The Rhythm of War"....of course it would end in a dance battle. I can't believe I didn't see it earlier

I loved that part. So cool that such a minor subplot would play out in such a big way. I wonder what's gonna happen in book 5, though, with all the fused surrendered already...

Oh, I loved that one! I thought it was kind of out of nowhere that he hooked up with Rysn tho

I can see why Brandon was so excited about the epilogue on this one. Wit's free-style rap was pretty epic.

Hard magic is cool But give soft magic a chance Mr. Sanderson!

Overall, another strong chapter. I liked the intimacy we see between Ir and J, and his backstory that we fully see for the first time. There were a couple sentences that were a little hard to read (some wordings and a couple of run-ons) "The emptiness of the palace..." a very poetic and moody sentence, I actually liked it a lot, but I'm not sure what it means. "..who had ented the room within days" makes it seem like he can't tell people who have entered within those days, as opposed to people who have entered on different days Pg. 3 I think "unasked for" might be hyphenated Pg. 3, eyyy its W. (Also, I just remembered that Ir doesn't know them by W.) Pg. 3 "pandering to me, lying..." I think it might flow better if its "Or lying to me" there are a couple other instances, but those are some that pointed out to me the most oof brutal about his dad The other part of the chapter is also good, and I liked how she was proactive with her sister but its also INCREDIBLY frustrating to me that she spent all that money and then they just...find him. If it were me, I'd be very relieved to have my brother-in-law back of course, but I do think I would feel at least a little bit annoyed at having just spent hundreds of dollars for nothing. The environmental and character descriptions are very convincing in these parts. Nice little anti-war sentiment to cap it off.

I think I agree with @Mandamon that I liked the original chapter one better as chapter one. This chapter is good, but seems very "chapter 2" to me, if that makes sense. I can't go back and not have read the original chapter one, but it seems like if I was just picking up here for the first time, it wouldn't be as clear. Personally, I think that if you were to make another pass on the original chapter one, it could be a really strong first chapter. (I would suggest seriously trimming the training scene or cutting it altogether, and cutting the story-telling part, since the prologue basically gives the same information.) Without that first chapter, I just don't really care about V or his dad or his friends. On another note, there are a lot of spots where it says something along the lines of "Character A gave ____" such as "V gave a smile" or "O gave a spit" or something like that. I would suggest rewriting most of those to use stronger language because it is a little awkward to read. For instance, you could simply say that "V smiled" or "O spat" or something like that. I'm not exactly sure why he trusts this assassin lady. She doesn't seem that trustworthy. I get this is the start of the journey, getting him moving, but I see no reason why he would believe this lady who just came in and killed somebody. Just my thoughts. The action was good, and fast-paced, and I liked the emotion of V. (Especially since he seemed very macho in the first chapter--seems like he got humbled a bit here, and i liked how you described him wetting himself without really saying it.) The prologue was a bit confusing, and gave off very similar energies to the prelude to TWOK, but neither of those are necessarily a bad thing. I'm interested to learn more about the F Knights and what exactly makes the Blades so special.

I like that we see some more of why PS is such a bad thing! And it's interesting that it seems like being "dull" is a genetic thing, rather than a choice, which I assumed. Do they know about viruses in this universe? Because viruses are not alive and not tech... I'm a little confused about some aesthetic things: What are the surroundings like? What do Sa species look like? What is the central commons where they meet Ar like? Do they wear clothes at all? Reading it, I felt a bit detached from what was going on because everything seems to be "floating" if that makes sense. But that could just be me. I agree that this is a better introduction for Ar. I also like the little details about the other forms and the varying mental strengths. Good stuff!

Sorry, I don' have very in-depth notes on this one, as I'm trying to get this done while I have a little time. But my thoughts on this: These have been some of my favorite chapters so far! It's cool to see everything start to go to hell, and to me this is the part of the book where things start to get really interesting. All the wheels start picking up speed and such The beginning fight scene was a little confusing. I wasn't really sure where they were or what was going on. I do like that we finally get a S viewpoint, tho Ok, I'm conflicted about Wa's viewpoint here. I like the side we get to see of him, and all the analyzing, but I agree that this will probably have more punch if we first see him being ruthless and powerful, and then later see his softer, calculating side. It's cool that his main power is illusions though, as with warlike characters they usually have warlike powers, and spies and jesters/pranksters have illusion powers. So this is cool subversion. Yep. Wo's viewpoint is the highlight of this chapter for me. I love how flippant they are. And it seems that Wa might end up being the Starscream? Intrigue This second S viewpoint is a good wrap to this chapter, though having both--separated by two differnet viewpoints--makes it a bit confusing as to the chronology. Personally, I would suggest having all the S stuff in one piece. Maybe we can see Bk and his minions planning their whatever, then W attacks and S freaks out. But that's just my presumptous take on it.