ginger_reckoning

Happy Hanukkah!

It is a referenece to a funny scene in the stormlight archive

This is very helpful, thanks @Sarah B! Thank you (I will need them)

@Lecky Twigwelcome! Short storiessound awesome! Also, your icon made me lol

Overall this was an interesting chapter. I'm glad we finally got a follow up on the prologue, but the chapter was a bit dry in general. T gets rescued for...reasons and then proceeds to get lectured by a bunch of people and told she doesn't have a choice but help them overthrow the galaxy. I would say that this character is probably the most empathetic for me so far, but it feels like she just gets pushed around this whole time. Not a whole lot of character agency. We finally get some answers about the stuff, but its kind of info-dumpish. I think I would appreciate it more if it were more spread out, or presented in a more interested way. having one character literally just lecture it to another character is a bit dry in my opinion. And I don't really feel any emotional attachemnt to them wanting to overthrow these people at this point, so I don't even know if I want to root for them or not. but overall, I think that this character/arc is my favorite so far, so that is good. Alrighty, opening up the document now. I saw that this is the character from the prologue, so I am interested to see where this goes. Pg 1 “life was good” nice way to introduce that it’s the character from before “burning from the inside out” how is it doing this? Is it the stuff she is drinking? Ok, so she herself is not an orange person. “golden people flying somewhere” this is pretty vague. Are they flying in front of her, to the left, behind her? “That made her like it” nice little sentence right thar “Humans” should just be humans. No capitalization needed. Pg 2 “slowing them down” slowing them down how? By shooting them? By restraining or attacking them? By making the ground into sticky tar? “resting his head” ah, is this Q? “miniscule blonde hair” I don’t think miniscule is the best word here. Maybe “buzzed” or just “short” Pg 3 “small room” this sentence repeats the word “room” Pg 4 Is this the same Jeff that supplies Q? hmmm Ah, so she actually is one of the orange people. She is just in denial. Pg 5 “full MH” cool. I still have no idea what this is “how does that explain anything” Hgahjg! XD hahaha Hey cool! We’re finally getting some answers (after 10 chapters) Also btw who are these people A note: all of them have four letter, fairly standard names. Not very memorable imo Pg 6 “a female…something” like, how can she tell it’s female if it’s another species? Are you saying it shares secondary sexual characteristics with a human? Because to me, that just reminds me of either a cartoon with animals where they make sure you know which one’s the girl, or she is simply misgendering this alien. Though I guess she could just be reading the mind of this alien to know its female. If that’s the case, you should probably point it out. On another note, this alien has a very cool design Pg 7 all these names being thrown around and I’m not sure what any of them mean. Pg 8 so she doesn’t trust them to inject her, until she suddenly does. Pg 9 they are talking about the nutrional value of a sentient species? “galaxies dead” I’m guessing should be “galaxy’s dead” or galaxies’ dead. “stronger than average” should be stronger-than-average Pg 11 sorry, but why is she okay with an alien seeing her undress? Seems to me like that would be worse than someone of another sex but the same species seeing you change Pg 12 “similar to human” I guess that answers my question from before “now I’m gonna give you a little history” EXPOSITION TIME “who are trying to bring down” so now we know their motivation. And they just expect her to go with them just like that? Without question? She has mostly seemed pretty unphazed this whole time. Like she’s just been forced from one place to another. Pg 14 “I’m not going to mince words” how are they any better than the slavers then? She still doesn’t have a choice, even if her conditions are better. “what will revenge” I’m glad she is going through this thought process Glad to be getting answers about the sources. (their names remind me of the infinity stones) …but this is basically an info dump. Gets a little confusing

thanks @karamel! I have not heard of this term before, but wow, it's very fitting for this character! (especially with her connections to V-ism) very poetic also, tahnks for sharing possibly? I honestly don't know a ton about hairstyles, though admittedly that is probably something I should brush up on (pun intended)alright i'm looking it up and...naw that's not really what I had in mind, though it is close. well i mean "suit of armor" is as specific as it gets, so you can imagine a samurai if you want. It would be pretty cool, too. Thanks! Good points, and epic description of bangs good point technically, yes! he gets his powers from one of the Keepers, who are powerful spirits worshipped as gods in this region. the hand is a physical manifestation of it, so yeah. haHA! You might be happy to know that there is a google doc with backstories for all twelve of them Thank you!!! this is super helpful! Thanks for all the other grammar and stuff too!

Overall: The highlight of the sub was the BK/Az section for me. I really wish we could spend more time in his plots and things actually, because he seems to jsut be a lot more in control and know more things. That being said, I thought the change of setting was a good move, as it helps to freshen things up. I'm also glad that Ir is finally hooking up with J. Excited to see where that goes. But again, everything that Ir does seems to just lead up to Az's plots, and tht whole thing is the main point of this sub. It is almost like Ir is less of a main character in this part than Az is, imo. the second highlight for me was Ir and J's scene. Awkward, but believable and relatable. However, it didn't feel like there was much buildup. I'd love to see Ir dreading more, and just overall have more tension between Ir and J befrore they confess their love to each other. the imagery was great thorughout, as always. Alright, time for the roadtrip! Opening the document now Pg 1. This first sentence is a little run-on “the thought of J…” heh. Poor Ir. Ok, I’m not sure, but I think it might be better to do “–much too soon—” than “,much too soon,” since it is more of an interjection than a clause “deep mulberry” coming in clutch with the great color descriptions again Pg 2 “if she can let go of her ego” idk this dialogue sounds a bit old for a teenager to me I think “I love you” should be in quotations Pg 3 by this point, I think this scene is dragging “badger th” ok, so this is something I’ve been wondering for a while…did like,,,,,the badger,,,,,get really drunk one time and just let loose,,,,,,or something? Pg 4. I find it a little hard to believe that she’s never left the city. I guess she never had a reason to, but I still think she would at least visit a nearby town or something at some point. I’m enjoying the new settings Pg 5 Talk to him!!! Just friggin talk to him!!! (I think this is mainly frustrating to me because it reminds me of myself tho) “elegance and confidence” and his magic aura, too, right? Pg 6 “tears coming to her eyes…” she’s only been gone for like, two days??? it's in character, but all this mushiness about leaving is getting to be a bit much Pg 8 ah, they are delightfully awkward little couple. “Oh” oh indeed. “I’m not sorry” NICE Pg 9 “she standing shocked,” she stood shocked? Btw, I hope you know that this is how I imagined M during this scene: Pg 11 “how much had she ben missing” been missing “which one was the true” that is the question, isn’t it? “plastered smiles” Small detail, but I thought this town was actually excited to see them? I think use Az instead of BK is interesting. It implies that he still sees himself as being Az, despite the years of being BK. However, it does undermine Ir’s ability to see people’s given name rather than the name they most relate with, in my opinion. Though maybe that is what you are trying to move towards? Pg 15 “muscle definition” sounds a bit modern to me I’m liking this Az section so far Hey! He used the hypnosis again! I’m glad this is coming up again Ah, the mysterious crystal Pg 17 “charmed, I’m sure.” Heh I really liked this Az section, actually. I wish we could see more of him, because we just see so much more political stuff going on and more plot stuff in general. He is very much in control, and he knows what is going on.

thank you @Mandamon! On religion: So I live in Utah, and I will admit that the church scene is based off the couple of times I went to mormon church for friends. (and the conversations we had afterwards) I was kind of trying to lean into the Christianity thing to help make it a bit more familiar, because I thought the average western reader probably wouldn't know too much about monistic religions, but I guess I leaned into it too far. I'm guessing by your and kais' reactions that it's proooobably ok to go a little stranger? spoilered for mental health trigger warning: right, sorry, they are one of the pilots. I wrote a whole intorduction part for them, but scrapped it for this submission because I didn't like it and wanted to focus more on C. Btw, is it clear that they are flying using telekinesis? I don't think I ever specified it, but is it clear?

Thanks for the in-depth response @kais! That's good. She is supposed to be 20 while Gal is the 35 year old one. Noted. One question: this character (M) is actually anorexic, and so she is visibly skinnier than normal. Is there a better way to describe this casually as one woman would see another woman? So, actually i was going for cool The former. I *really* don't want to describe her bust, (the day I do that will be the day I describe an asian character as "almond-eyed") but also want to give a clue-in to her body type....but I will admit this sentence always seemd awkward to me. Is there a way around this? This is why I was so hesitant to cut the prologue, but I think in my next draft I will find ways for the MC's to encounter both of these before this moment. lol oh, totally agree with you there. This was mainly just a shorthand to me for "turns down his sexual advances because she is not interested in dating a man at this time".

I did not know there was a difference between the two. This is a useful tidbit, thanks! this is what I was imagining: Is there a better way to describe this? (actual question) ^^I like this a lot. This will probably end up in the next draft noted. (I don't, btw, as you can tell) yeah, it cuts back to A and S for a chapter. Nothing that effects this sub too much. First off: thanks! Second off, this is actually very surprising to me because I thought these chapters were the weaker of the two. I guess it really does help to get an outside perspective. Once again, thanks for all the grammar tips and other things!

Well I haven't read your other stuff (yet) so I guess I'll do the "New Reader" run-through Overall: In answer to your question, yeah I do think it is a little confusing. There were a lot of proper nouns and a lot of what I'm guessing was recap from the rest of the series, which made it a bit hard to follow. However, the premise itself seems interesting (talking trees? sentient planets? some kind of historical mystery in space? count me in) so if I saw this in a bookstore I would probably just go look for the first book. as I go: first paragraph: this is very dense "yesterday it had..." Oh ok cool! nice hook "tramp I'm wearing Shoes..." is there supposed to be a period between tramp and I'm? or I'm guessing this is the name of the tramp? Or is it a thought? a little confused here "S rolled up her" this whole paragraph just feels like summary. pg 2 "whiskey on his breath" nice line "X years of freedom" is this a roman numeral, or just a placeholder? "remained wisps of bipeds" were they once quadrupeds? could they become quadrupeds? the way this is worded is a bit confusing to me "eleven generation enslavement" oooo this is interesting (in a horrifying way) "s clicked her tongue" what? is this a code? "salamander legs" sounds yummy, in a weird futuristic way pg 3 "genetically-tinkered" oh pg 4 "hir" I'm guessing this is a specific pronoun and not a typo Once again, this page feels like a lot of summary/exposition. All interesting stuff, but it's a lot to take in. pg 6 "entire moon of k" why is this highlighted? pg 8 "I want to uncover" I don't know a lot about this character, but I do think this is a good hook for the rest of the story.

Here's the thread. Thanks again!

Of course! Hopefully I can get those out soon (Also, I greatly appreciate the zombie sailor moon XD)

Actually, if you go onto his website under FAQ's you can find an explanation on his outlingin process, plus an official outline that he used for Skyward. https://faq.brandonsanderson.com/knowledge-base/can-you-go-into-depth-about-outlining/ Hope this helps!

Oh, awesome! I'm actually still updating some of them (working on a pretty massive overhaul rn) but I will pm you the 6 or so chapters that I've subbed some time soon

cool and thanks

could i tentativtel y have a slot for monday? ...and if I did would it be okay if I did a little sequence breaking?

yes. They corner you in an alley, beat you up and say "you like men now" But then an hour later they're like "but also,,,,,,,,,maybe perhaps,,,,,,,,,,an women also,,,,,,,,,perhaps"

If odium were to appear to him as his father, though, to offer the arragnement...

So here's my thoughts (sorry if this is repeating anything, I didn't read the whole thread) Mr T. Chooses Gavinor as his champion Dalinar is unwilling to kill Gavinor (since he is baby) and Gavinor is physically unable to kill Dalinar (since he is baby) Therefore, the contest is a draw. There was nothing about the event of a draw in the contract, so if that occurs Mr T would no longer be bound. The contract is null. Mr T is free to leave Roshar and do his thing I think this will be the case because of that one death rattle about holding the knife to the childs throat. Also, Mr. T would have no interest in keeping Dalinar as an immortal slave, IMO, so he wouldn't care if he wins. He just wants to be free so he can "save everyone".

eh as someone who actually is 20 i feel like its basically the same as being a teen but with *responsibilities* ( spongebob hand rainbow) and debt So she feels about right to me

It literally has nothing to do with the story. I actually think it's an interesting story, and I want to see what you do with it. Its imaginative, and it's obvious you've put a lot of thought into the world building. But Its stuff like this^^^^ that makes me not want to do critiques anymore. It has nothing to do with the storyline. Sure, I dont particularly like q, but that's just my preference. IT IS ALL ABOUT YOUR REACTIONS THUS FAR. everytime someone has brought something up, you have tried to argue against that point. THE ABOVE POST IS ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THIS. I dont want to critique because I know you will just argue whatever points I bring up. It appears this is the general feeling of everyone on this forum at this point. You've already been lectured a lot about this, so I wont say much, but please please please please please just stop and think before you post to argue someone's points. We dont care if you've caved or not, or even if you implement any of the changes we suggest. That's all up to you. We do care when you try to argue with us because it makes us feel as if our time has been wasted. I think this story has a lot of promise. But I doubt you will see many people critiquing any of your work until your attitude changes. And no offense, but you subbed this in the creators corner, where you are friends with many of the people there. Im guessing this is where the other readers you are referencing are from. Thats a bit like trying to get critiques from your family. That's what makes it like an echo chamber. They will just repeat the things you already think about it. However if PROFESSIONAL EXPERTS repeat something, it's worth taking a look at. I will ignore your response if you quote this post to argue against it.

This was a fun chapter! I just have a couple of thoughts on this one: With the math: Lol, that was my reaction too. I tried doing the math in my head for like two seconds before just thinking "it's a lot". With the time skip: Whoah! Two and a half months?? I feel like this is a lot. What happened during those months? Sure, I'm glad to skip it if its all just practicing, but it seems a bit abrupt. I think just a little glimpse of her practicing her magic or music during that timeframe would be good. I liked the party scene. Very fun, with an almost frantic air to it. Makes me think that something bad is going to happen soon, though it is fun. I don't think I can imagine how a human and a griffin would dance together, let alone a large group of various animals in a group dance. That's kind of just a personal thing tho I liked the scene with Ir and J. Very awkward yet fun, like a middle-school crush. I think her running away was in character. This is a good set-up for her leaving, i think. Can't wait to see what trouble she gets into >:) I agree with all three of these.

(emperor palpatine voice) Excellent... well, you learn something new every day! Also, super intrigued by this, I like when fantasy takes place outside of magical england, so this makes me happy.

You are entitled to your opinion, but it's all about using respectful language. You can disagree with a point or give criticism without using derogatory language like "cringe". It also simply isn't useful, as it doesnt describe a particular problem that can be fixed.