Snakenaps

Heh heh heh

Dulse heard his student snap behind him. Again. "You are in a crabby mood today!" he exclaimed, turning around with his chalk held up as if it were a trident. "You will learn, or I will make you into chowder!" Chionoecetes snapped a pencil between its considerable claws, its small crab eyes cold as the ocean with hatred. (Unconventional mentor? Let's try unconventional student.) (I'll go now)

I recently read Going Postal and loved it. It's a wacky but weirdly heartwarming book. I also recently enjoyed his Monterous Regiment and am currently reading the (non-Discworld) Bromeliad Trilogy.

@spitefulmage Welcome! We need some more short stories in this group! I recently finished Terry Pratchett's Going Postal and Monstrous Regiment. I love his work. They're humorous but surprisingly deep. And always so inventive!

I've been rather quiet here lately, wrapped up in life, but if anyone wants to do a trade for Draft Four of my current work for something of your own (whether that be now or in the future), hit me up. Even if you can only read the first four chapters, anything helps.

First of all...I'm not dead! I've just been super busy with work, my own draft, and overwhelming myself with obligations. Second...I finally finished Draft Four of Name of the King. FINALLY. Hilariously, I don't even know how many people are still around from the dumpster fire that was Draft Three. Third... After many months of waiting, I used @shatteredsmooth's plagiarism checker from February to compare my first and fourth drafts. 33% of the book is the same, and according to my Cut Text folder, I have "deleted" 106 of scenes, equal to 103,053 words, since I began Draft Two. And just like Shatteredsmooth, this isn't keeping track of the massive plot changes that have occurred since Draft One. Thought it might be interesting for some of you. Time to work on other literary ideas for a month or so...then it is time to start Draft Five!

I haven't actually watched the show. My grandmother introduced them to me and now I own every single book.

Kitchen Confidential and other books by Anthony Bourdain - Raw, humorous, and incredible. A journey about food, the world, and humanity with no-holds-barred. Hard warning on language and content, though. The Apprentice: My Life in the Kitchen by Jacques Pepin - A sweet, fascinating autobiography by a chef who has seen it and done it all. Consider the Fork by Bee Wilson - A peek into the history, psychology, and science into how we cook and why. James Herriot's books - Stories from a British veterinarian from the 1930-1950's, just as technology was replacing the draft horse. As You Wish by Cary Elwes and Joe Layden - How The Princess Bride was filmed. Absolutely hilarious. Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living by Nick Offerman - Part autobiography, part philosophy on wood and steak. Marley and Me, as well as The Longest Trip Home by John Grogan - Marley and Me is about Grogan's experience with a ADHD Labrador, the other his biography growing up. I second Robinski's recommendation for Stephen King's On Writing.

I have never even heard of this but now I want to play them.

If you had asked me four years ago if I would have been able to handle it, I would have said no. There are days where I still feel like that. But it is amazing what you can do when challenged. I plan to leave education, but not because of the kids. I will miss their smiles and lightbulb moments and art and just watching kids be kids before adulthood squashes the carefree from them. They say that you never know the difference you make in a kid's life, but kids don't realize the differences they make in yours. If you think you might want to teach grade school...volunteer! It's a great way to get your feet wet without costing you a college education. I did 136 hours before I got my credential.

um, you have piqued my interest. Your wish is my command. @sniperfrog maybe I can provide you with some inspiration. Keep in mind, I've only taught for about three years. Imagine what stories a teacher of 20-30 years can tell. Demon Boy: Six years old, first grade. During my student teaching, I had this kid who was a complete sweetheart when he was okay. But when he wasn't? He made the other kids pee themselves in fear and forced us to evacuate the class. Punched my co-teacher and threatened to kill the school psychologist and the principal. Nearly stabbed me with a pencil but caught his emotions last second. Would become, in his words, "demon possessed" when his emotions got too high. Threw chairs and desks, would become convinced he was in a video game. His mother had him when he was 15 and constantly missed his meetings, leaving his grandfather to pick up the slack. School was able to intervene and got him in a special program for the emotionally disturbed. From what I hear, he's back in general education and is doing great. Stabby Girl and Her Brother: Both kids were born addicted, were being cared for by their grandmother. Both kids were angels when they were okay. When they weren't? Well, it was tough. Stabby Girl was in third grade. Stabby Girl started out with throwing things around the classroom and threatening to drink the essential oils for the humidifier (she didn't want me to go to lunch). Escalated to when I was taking out new pencils from the shelf and giving them to her. Something...went wrong. Triggered her. Next thing I know, I have a brand new sharp pencil coming at me. Caught her wrist, looked into her eyes and realized she was seeing red, not me. She escaped my grasp, went after other students. I evacuated the classroom. Ironically, I would later trust her with a butter knife to carve soap with. I became her favorite sub and the only one that was allowed anywhere remotely near her. The reason she liked me? Because of how well I treated her brother. Her younger brother attended first grade...kinda. He mostly played with Play-do in front of the guinea pig or slept. Trying to get him to do anything was like trying to herd cats. His worst day was non-violent, but he ran away from the classroom nine times in one day. I got very good at calling the office that day. He was very frustrating to teach, but I liked him as a kid. He was very loving. Couch Boy: Second grade. Disappeared. Luckily, one of the kids saw him hide under the couch. I would slowly build up a relationship with him over the course of several months of subbing so that he didn't hide under the couch every time he felt frightened. Test Boy: Had an 8th grader who didn't take kindly to teachers, let alone subs. I told him that if he spoke during the test one more time, I'd take it away. He then learned I meant what I said. I obviously didn't give him the test back, even though he begged all day. He would later get in a fist fight with another kid during PE (luckily the school psychologist was right there when this broke out in front of me). I also got him in major trouble when he was "joking" around with a small boy and saying...things that are not appropriate for this server. He later gave me less grief when I discovered he wanted to travel and gave him a bunch of resources and advice. Savage: First grade, always wore a hat that said "Savage". Parents died and he wasn't handling the grief well. Unlike Stabby Girl, her brother, Demon Boy, or Couch Boy...this kid was always in control of his emotions. Little twinkle in his eye. He was vindictive and smart, which was very dangerous. Would repeatedly run away and my poor, wonderful principal would have to chase him around. Came to the realization that if he broke enough rules and acted out enough, school would send him home. Pushed down two of my kids, tried to get the others in trouble, cut up his shirt, spun around in the teacher's chair, yelled over me, tried to say the most hurtful things he could come up with towards me (jokes on him, he was in class so little that I don't think he knew my name, let alone anything that could hurt my feelings). One day, he came in, looked around, and said, "I won't be here long." He was right. His behavior got him sent home...again. I hope they are able to get him the help he desperately needs. Of course, these are my rough kids, but I could write a book about the wonderful kids I have had.

I actually had to come to the comments to figure out what order everyone read these in XD The Last Stand: At such short of a scene, I wasn't able to come to any hard and fast conclusions because by the time I start figuring out what is going on, it is over. FK's Escape: I'm not invested in this because there's no emotions and just action. Like, why should I care if the prisoners hang or not? T's not trying to save his mother or sister or something. I'm not even sure if they are good guys or bad guys. HM's Exile: They're supposed to be five? If I hadn't read your email and had kept with the assumption that they were seven, they still don't talk like children. As someone who teaches six-year-olds, this is how conversations tend to go: Me: "Does anyone have any questions about this worksheet? Yes, Joe?" Joe: "We're going to the park this weekend and ummm I'm going to bring my dog and my dog really like hamburgers and once this time...have you ever played Zelda? I really like the camel-My dog's name is Patches. What are we doing?" One of my favorite kids starts off everything with "But, actually" no matter what he is going to say. "But, actually, Teacher, I need to pee." Little kids ramble, they tend to switch topics midway, they are rarely focused on the same conversation you are, and they constantly use "ums" and such. It's adorable, often hard to understand, and becomes really obnoxious fast if you're trying to get things done. Don't forget that half the time they're staring at something way more interesting than you and mumble. Also, kids are not so good with grief. I have a six year old who recently lost his parents and he is terrorizing my class. They don't have the words to explain their feelings, so they lash out, destroy things, push other kids, yell at you, flat out run away, etc. If you want some more traumatic kid stories, I got plenty. Demon Boy, Stabby Girl, Stabby Girl's Runaway Brother, Couch Boy, my current kiddo...yeah...I got stories I can tell. Overall: I'm overall confused, despite the fact that your writing is fine. These feel like samples from different chapters. Were you thinking about putting all three together to make a three-section prologue? Which I would not recommend. Or were you trying to figure out which one works best as a prologue? In which case, I vote HM's Exile, because that one is the only one that appears to have information that would be prevalent to the rest of the work. Which, frankly, you can probably shuffle in this information elsewhere. What are your goals and do you have a summary of your manuscript, like a back cover, so I can figure out more what you are aiming for? I feel rather in the dark, and that ties my hands.

Huh. You know, I never thought about that. I always thought: 1) Introduce a lively restaurant 2) Blow restaurant up I never thought...combine them. Always thought I had to start at one or the other. Huh. Hmmm. Well, that's something I got to try out.

Perfect! Yup, just send them my way when you are ready.