Moonsilver

Hey y'all, this is chapter 1 of the first draft of my first fantasy novel, Dreams of Devils. It's rough so let me know where it's in need of polishing. Questions: 1. What do you think of Nimos? Is he a character you can ride with? 2. Does the world-building get info-dumpy at any point? 3. Is there anything you feel the chapter is lacking?

Omg, I just saw that y'all said to go ahead and post this week on Monday Oopsie. I figured I was posting this Monday, so if I can, I'll still go ahead and do that.

Thanks

Hey, can I submit Monday as well? Without getting too much into it, we had a family emergency earlier this week that turned into a loss and I've been out of town settling some family affairs. I figured I'd just wait to submit until the next Monday.

Apologies, I got held up at work and had a bit of a crazy day. I will email the chapter and get a topic up by this evening.

1) Any boring bits or bits that don’t make sense? Most of chapter 7 where C is concerned with getting good grades and ignoring everything else was somewhat frustrating and boring to me. V was making some cogent points, that I wanted C to address, but she just tried to ignore them and focus on homework. I think that C spends way too long to realize that GM tricked her and that getting good grades isn't going to do anything. 2) Do C and V’s character arcs track? As it is, I don't see much of an arc between the two of them, particularly V. He feels like he's been absent a lot lately, and quite a bit more passive than when he was introduced. There's has been more with C, but at the same time, she has frustratingly maintained her dense naivety. 3) Does the info about the WS in chapter 8 feel satisfying? Was it too easy to guess, or did it come out of nowhere? Are you interested in the mysteries still to be uncovered? It wasn't particularly satisfying, since I had figured that out many chapters ago. It was very easy to guess. I am interested to see what's going on with the WS, but the intrigue is starting to sour. I want some more meat about the WS. I want to know about the plane. I want to know what the deal is with C, was she created in the WS? I want more juicy WS bits. As I go- (Chapter 7) pg 1 - It seemed like "Consumption and Conservation" was going to be an important book, but from how C describes it, it's about rich people arguing about money and getting married. This may be a red herring from C's POV, as it feels like it might be actually about the town of C. I also find it interesting that Consumption and Conservation both start with "Con", as does the protagonist/town name. I still feel like the book is important, and possibly about the town and its people. Especially when we get the line, "the book's approach to responsibility." We've already seen the word "responsibility" used in reference to the WS. pg 2 - Her brain wants to focus on how much she misses MD. Does she really? They didn't seem to have a close connection, and she's only had him for a couple of days. Perhaps it's because she was his creator. - "Instead of building up and up until it spills over, the buzzing energy inside her seems to have vanished." I still want to know what the deal is with this. Is it magic, is it a metaphor for a mental health problem, is it a physical ailment? - It feels like C is ignoring all the interesting questions that have been posed lately, and is instead trying to drag reader down the path of boredom she has selected for herself in her quest to become good at schoolwork, even though she knows that GM was lying about the grades thing. pg 3 - "I have completed an aerial circuit of the town." Just now? Isn't the town quite small? I feel like V did this the first day he was there. What has he been doing with his time if he's just now completed an aerial circuit of the town? - "And your house is at the origin-that is, the dead centre-of the circle!" Mmhmm, around the house with the stove, which is definitely cursed. Makes sense. - "Are you still working on that essay? This is getting silly." Agreed, V. Very much agreed. We saw through GM from the beginning. Why is C still committed to getting good grades? - "We still haven't finished investigating the plane!" Yassssss. We need to get back to that, please. I want to know what's going on with that so badly. pg 4 - "...on a single-minded mission to do whatever it is that teachers do in the staff room." I feel like I've already read this line from you much earlier in the novel. pg 5 - "She sees a nasty bully, laughing at other people's trust." Geez, finally C. Been waiting so long for C to realize this about GM. You can only be so naive until it begins to cross over into stupidity. And we know that C isn't stupid. pg 6 - "A hungry, smouldering elephant in the room." This is an excellent line. I love it. pg 7 - "So MD can't understand most language, other than his name, but he can recognize the phrase, "WS?" Chapter 8 pg 1 - "This jumper is a metaphor, isn't it?" Haha, I love this. pg 2 - "If you keep trying to find out more, you will not be permitted to live in town any longer." Oh wow. What would they do, just exile her? - "I think the WS can burn anything. Not just objects, but concepts too...You don't gain or lose anything, but it all gets shuffled around." Hmm interesting that C has figured out this much. pg 3 - "It can't quite burn anything." Wow. Mr Sta folded rather quickly. - "Since before before." Haha, this is amusing, but also intriguing. - "...and to clean up or take care of any unwanted products." Is he talking about V or MD, or is he possibly talking about C? Hmm.

I really like this, where the car is able to sympathize with the man, despite the radically different POV. I'm glad you like this idea, I think it's a fun manageable way for us to practice writing throughout our busy lives and to find some enjoyment in a small project that we can complete quickly.

Everything is better with David Tennant, he's like ice cream

Kate Reading and Michael Kramer right?

Are y'all doing an audiobook?

Can I have a slot for next Monday please?

Wow, congratulations y'all! That's so cool.

This week's writing prompt: Write a scene from the perspective of an inanimate object that has magically been given sentience.

"You let grandfather pick my swimming instructor?" Andyn's voice went up in pitch with each successive word. The lanky, mop-headed youth peeled his tunic off in one quick motion and hurled it backward into the King's face, as he strode through the castle halls. King Ondyn followed and caught the tunic, folding it into a neat square without missing a beat. "What's wrong with my father?" he mocked, failing to disguise the amusement in his voice. Andyn stopped in front of the door that led to the pools and turned around, holding up a hand between them that he clenched into a fist and shook. "This isn't funny, father. I can tell when you're trying not to laugh. You know perfectly well what's wrong with grandfather. He hired an assassin to kill me on my birthday!" The king let out a strained chuckle, coughing to cover it up. "It wouldn't have been a killing blow, just a little lesson in the dangers of complacency." Andyn stared at his father. The muscles in his jaw bunched. "Sometimes I think you're just as bad as him." The king help up a hand. "Hey now, no need to get nasty. I'd estimate that I'm about half as bad, actually." The prince turned and pushed heavily on the door. It creaked as it swung open on rusted hinges. "It's just swimming, right? How bad can it be?" A shining, suckered tentacle snaked around Andyn's waist and yanked him into the pool in the center of the room. His shout of surprise was transformed into a dull gurgling. King Ondwyn crossed his arms and grinned as he watched the prince wrestle with the creature in the pool, periodically snarling curses in his direction. "You're just going to tire yourself out like that," he called in a calm voice. "Use your legs, Andyn, swim with your legs. Attaboy!"

Haha! Yes, I love it!