Rules for Surviving a Fantasy World

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

49 minutes ago, The Unknown Novel said:

483. If you encounter a grenade being if hand, which may be of the holiest of origins, First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.

I know this, and I haven't even watched the show.

[The Unknown Medallion he/him]

1 hour ago, EmulatonStromenkiin said:

I know this, and I haven't even watched the show.

You should. Just watched it recently, it's amazing. 

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

4 minutes ago, The Unknown Novel said:

You should. Just watched it recently, it's amazing. 

I've only seen clips of it.

[Enter a username]

I don’t know if this has been done before, but…

484. Always stay armed. You don’t necessarily have to have the newest/strongest/most modern weapon out there, but it’s (just shy of) always better to have a decent self-defense option than no self-defense option.

Edited June 10, 2022 by Enter a username
I missed a page

[Going_North_cal]

485. Learn everything you can about the worlds magic, if applicable. If applicable, also try to learn the magic.

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

486. there's always another secret, so keep looking.

[SymphonianBookworm she/her]

487. Having a sharp tongue means you're powerful.

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

I don't think this has been done

488. NEVER ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROPHECY MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS.

[Shining Silhouette he/him]

499. NEVER ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROPHECY MEMES WHAT YOU THINK IT MEMES

Spoiler

 

[SymphonianBookworm she/her]

On 6/21/2022 at 7:22 PM, Shining Silhouette said:

499. NEVER ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROPHECY MEMES WHAT YOU THINK IT MEMES

  Hide contents

 

HAHAHA- I literally can’t- :3

[HOID WANTS INSTANT NOODLES he/him]

500. It never is "just the wind" NEVER

[Enter a username]

On 6/21/2022 at 4:11 PM, The Wandering Wizard said:

488. NEVER ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROPHECY MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS.

On 6/21/2022 at 4:22 PM, Shining Silhouette said:

499. NEVER ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROPHECY MEMES WHAT YOU THINK IT MEMES

I think we skipped a few...

489. Never say, "I'll [do this thing] if it's the last thing I do!" Chances are, it will be.

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

490. Whatever legends or prophecies about the apocalypse there is in your world, assume they are entirely true, if maybe a bit distorted by time. Because not only they are but they will happen during your lifetime. So listen to the storyteller carefully, in case the legends tell the secret weakness of the soldiers of evil. You can also begin stockpiling food right now I guess. And listen everything that weird scarred guy in the village inn is saying about surviving in the wild. 

491. When you hear a noise behind you, don't turn around slowly. Either turn back quickly, ready to fight whatever it is, or run away as fast as you can.

[Going_North_cal]

492. Seek out and befriend the love interest. Because then it will actually be a love interest, and that will thicken the plot and boost morale and main character group strength.

[The Bookwyrm he/him]

493. If a group of mysterious travelers with entirely different backgrounds comes into your small town and you hear them talking about stuff that sounds serious but makes no sense, you might want to get out of there.

494. If you're one of the aforementioned travelers, you might want to try to avoid ruining normal people's lives on accident.

495. The best weapons are ones that don't exist until you summon them, then dissipate when you dismiss them. (Shardblades aren't the only ones...)

496. The moons of the world you live on can give an important glimpse into its history.

497. If there's a place no one can get into, chances are someone can and will get into it.

498. The less interesting things that happen where you live, the more likely it is that you will get to have a peaceful life without disturbance.

499. Cooperate with people who ask you too many questions about things in your world that seem normal to you. They want information, and you'll be very helpful to them.

(Some of these have probably been repeated.)

Edited August 20, 2022 by The Bookwyrm

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

18 hours ago, The Bookwyrm said:

498. The less interesting things that happen where you live, the more likely it is that you will get to have a peaceful life without disturbance.

498b. This doesn't applies if you live in the absolute least interesting place in the world. Because the protagonist is likely to be from your village, which will make the bad guys come and kill everyone (except the protagonist's best friends/relatives, who are take hostages and are sent in a torture room)

498c. Avoid big cities too, as they are prone to devastating events such as battles, sieges, occupation or Death Star test. Go to an unremarkable town, but not so unremarkable that it becomes remarkable.

[Quivil]

500. Always listen to crazy people, because sometimes only crazy people pay attention.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

501. Emotional warfare is more effective for taking down the hero than combat. Make sure to stop the villain from learning your deepest, darkest secrets.

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

501b. However, they inevitably will, so be prepared.

[Going_North_cal]

501c. Turn them around on the villain, make them connect to you. That'll rattle 'em up.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

502. If no one knows your name, RUN

• 502b. Make sure that everyone knows your name, but knows nothing about you. It prevents you from becoming a redshirt.

503. If you teach an unlikely prodigy something, make sure that you never see them again. This minimizes your chances of getting killed so that your former student can swear revenge over you.

• 503b. At least pull a Jasnah and fake your own death.
• 503c. If you do come into contact with your student again, help them with their quest, leave, and give them a letter and all of your assets.

.

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

504a. If you are the good guy, do not trust neither rely on the general population, even if they support you. No matter how just is your cause, those people can get brainwashed by the dark lord and turn their cloaks against you in no time.

504b. If you are the bad guy, do not trust neither rely on the general population, even if they support you. No matter how much you brainwashed them, those people can rally to the just cause of some hero and turn their cloaks against you in no time.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

505. The true power was within you all along! 

[The Unknown Medallion he/him]

On 8/20/2022 at 10:03 AM, The Bookwyrm said:

499. Cooperate with people who ask you too many questions about things in your world that seem normal to you. They want information, and you'll be very helpful to them.

499 is taken, so technically all the ones after should be one later and this should be 500.

[The Subsumer he/him]

Rule 506. Try to disassociate as much as possible, as your fatality chance is directly proportional to how many people know you.

Rule 507. If, in the process of following rule 53, someone approaches you wishing to be your apprentice, refuse them (see rule 21).

Rule 508. Try to have as boring a job as possible- be a cobbler or a cooper. 

Rule 509. If you find yourself unable to follow rule 55, have a traveling job such as a bard or storyteller.

Rule 510. Give as many potential protagonists quests as possible to ensure that that protagonist will never see you again.

Edited October 3, 2022 by The Subsumer
Maple Syrup and Waffles there were more responses than I thought