Puns Puns Puns and More Puns

[Sunbird she/her]

@Darkness_ Doctor12/Silence told it to me.

[+Slowswift]

I once startled a man so thoroughly, he immediately ceased all hillbilly tendencies.

In other words, I scared the hick out of him.

[Sunbird she/her]

It's not often you find a good yodeling pun.

[Sunbird she/her]

Is it considered a necro if the thread has only been dead for a month?

Anyway... A coworker told me this excellent pun today, so of course I had to memefy it.

[Truthweaver she/her]

I had a good joke about fog once, but I forgot to tell it. I guess you could say it was a mist opportunity.

[Caesura she/her]

Stumbled onto this yesterday.

[A Budgie she/her]

Used a whole bunch in a story I wrote recently...

What did one detective say to the other when they were going to investigate a concert?
Maybe this will give us some performanswers!
(sounds better aloud)

Let's not beet around the bush.
Beetween you and me...
This is all rather corncerning.
These all took such shallot of time to come up with.

[Draginon he/him]

Did you hear about the goat farm that got school funding for all the kids they have?

[Ellard he/him]

This thread gets my...

[Elenion he/him]

(You have to have a rather specific background to get this one)

Admiral Ackbar walks into a club. The DJ drops a sick beat and somebody says, "I'm loving this dubstep." Admiral Ackbar says, "This isn't a dubstep, it's a trap!"

[Draginon he/him]

What does the train operator wear to a formal event?

A railroad tie!

[Ink he/him]

I would tell a joke about amnesia, but i forgot it.

Why do skeletons like puns? They find them humerus.

What do you call a bird who threatens all the other birds? A scarecrow.

Why did the smart dumb man go to college? He was an Oxfordmoron

okay sorry some of these are really bad, but i tried.

[Sunbird she/her]

Oh storms, @Quell, the Oxfordmoron is brilliant!

[Robinski he/him]

Cruel and unusual punishment.

[Mistspren she/her]

I’d tell a noble gas joke but all the good ones argon.

Never mind, I’ve got one, what happens if you punch helium? Nothing. It’s unreactive.

[Robinski he/him]

3 hours ago, Mistspren said:

I’d tell a noble gas joke but all the good ones argon.

Where do serial punners get sent? State punitentiary.

 

[Mistspren she/her]

A scientist was planning to break the laws of physics. His assistant advised him not to because the coppers can always Cu.

[MistbornAlpaca he/him]

I used to be addicted to the Hokey-Pokey, but I turned myself around 

I was addicted to soap, but now I'm clean 

 

[Silverblade5 he/him]

23 hours ago, Mistspren said:

I’d tell a noble gas joke but all the good ones argon.

Never mind, I’ve got one, what happens if you punch helium? Nothing. It’s unreactive.

A person has an illnesses. The doc couldn't helium and he couldn't curium so they had to barium in the krypton. 

[AonEne he/him]

Nale must be a NINja to do what he does in Roshar. 

[ThirdGen]

Did you hear the Invisible Man was a chainsmoker?

He walked into a bar and the bartender said "Why the lung face?"

[GeneralHZRD he/him]

In honor of Avengers: Infinity War coming out, I have created this. Don't worry, this contains no spoilers.

I'm really excited about seeing this movie, it's going to be a really groot movie, I’m really interested to see how they manage to cram that many characters in one movie, it’s something to marvel at. I really hope they don’t kill Spider-Man, you know, the guy who can Wakanda walls. Though I don’t care if he gets injured and needs a doctor. Strange that there doesn’t seem to be much Hawkeye in the trailers, guess he had to bow out. I’m also hoping that they keep the romance to a Loki level. It’s a good thing most of them aren’t married yet though because it would be bad if there were too many widows. Some of those actors are huge and jacked man. Can you imagine how much work it takes to get that hulked up, after all the working out they’re probably really Thor. What I’m really saying is that I hope it lives up to the director's vision.

[Kidpen he/him]

1 hour ago, TheVillageIdiot said:

In honor of Avengers: Infinity War coming out, I have created this. Don't worry, this contains no spoilers.

I'm really excited about seeing this movie, it's going to be a really groot movie, I’m really interested to see how they manage to cram that many characters in one movie, it’s something to marvel at. I really hope they don’t kill Spider-Man, you know, the guy who can Wakanda walls. Though I don’t care if he gets injured and needs a doctor. Strange that there doesn’t seem to be much Hawkeye in the trailers, guess he had to bow out. I’m also hoping that they keep the romance to a Loki level. It’s a good thing most of them aren’t married yet though because it would be bad if there were too many widows. Some of those actors are huge and jacked man. Can you imagine how much work it takes to get that hulked up, after all the working out they’re probably really Thor. What I’m really saying is that I hope it lives up to the director's vision.

Jeez...

That was fantastic.

[Sunbird she/her]

Yes, a group of pelicans is really called a pod.

[GeneralHZRD he/him]

So I once heard of this guy who got married in prison. Unfortunately, nobody showed up to the party afterward. I guess he had a poor cell reception.

Sorry... not sorry.