I haven't read the first part of this story, so my comments might be a little off, just FYI.
So first line, I instantly get the impression that J is sort of a noble, and that he also knows to fight/use a spear.
"I couldn't have done it, obviously, because I'm here." This phrasing feels a little clunky, maybe "I obviously couldn't have done it, I'm right here." Just a suggestion.
"...extra security on auction nights, which meant that it was just thugs that were threatening him. It was hard to threaten him with that." Also a little clunky, maybe something like "...extra security on auction night, but they were just thugs." At least for me, 'just thugs' gets the message across that they're not very threatening.
I don't quite understand what Lord E means in his first line of dialogue. "hold him there." Is he talking to the mercenaries?
I'm liking the story, but the dialogue just isn't working for me. It's just a little clunky. I think it just needs some trimming and consolidating.
"I expected better from someone of your caliber." So J is a sort of high-born nobleman?
End of first page. The pacing is great so far, thumbs up.
Imperial spy. I was right, and you did a great job conveying he was something of that nature in the very first line.
"black-and-blue-eyed spy" this feels like a little bit of a long description for the start of an action scene. Also I'm a little confused as to who that is, but I'm almost positive that's just because I haven't read the first part of the story.
With the confusion of who's moving aside (Just from me not having read the first part of the story) the blocking here is a little confusing, but I think it just needs more description. I think you should just think, and maybe go through the motions yourself, of the action. If he was going to grab the spear, why not just grab it in the first place and maybe spin so the guard couldn't get him? Instead of giving the guard time to react while he raised it up with crossed arms, then completely switched his hand position, grabbed it and pulled? I don't know, maybe it's just me.
Just one more note on the action here, "sending the guard into him" makes it sound like he's pushing the guard away, maybe it should be "pulling the guard into him."
Wait? One of the guards has a spear at J's throat? I'm confused. Was the black and blue eyed spy J? This is again probably just because I haven't read the first part.
Ok, so J was the one attacking, but what do you mean by one of their own having a spear at J's throat?
"non-moving guard" feels a little bit unwieldy. Maybe 'motionless?' or 'limp?'
What era are we in? There are spears and mercenaries, but also smoke grenades? I get the feeling of a renaissance-ish time period, so maybe you should come up with a different term for a smoke grenade.
Wow, you really did a great job of communicating who J was in that first line. My first impression of him was 'nobleman not afraid of a fight' and with the mention of actual nobles here on pg. 3, that fits perfectly.
Couple simple spelling errors on pg. 4, such as using 'action' instead of 'auction' and "you aren't supposed to do that," instead of, "you aren't supposed to know that."
Not exactly sure what Akrun's position is, but I assume you explained that in the first part.
Another little spelling error, you used "...the ancient lessers of history." I assume you meant lessons
"...slamming one of Lord E's personal guards in the throat, point-first." Based on the 'point-first' I would guess this attacker has a knife? Or is he doing it with his bare hands? Might want to clarify that.
Oh ok, the guard recovered, so it obviously wasn't a knife, maybe take out the 'point-first'
This action scene was very good and easy to follow, good blocking and description.
Great dialogue toward the end of pg. 8!
Pg. 9 "His fingers slipped, and the scholar fell." A little hard to tell who's slipping and falling. You've already established that the scholar is climbing, so maybe "His fingers slipped, and he fell."
Pg. 9 The dialogue gets pretty clunky again, but I think you've done a great job keeping the characters voices distinct and consistent.
Pg. 10 Extra-dimensional? I would guess something about this was mentioned in the first part, but if it wasn't, you might want to consider adding something about it, so that it isn't so jarring to readers. It caught me off guard and I suddenly found myself examining the whole story., looking for anything supernatural. It would be better to have that as the lens through which it is read to begin with.
Overall I liked the story! I don't think you need to worry about any of the things you mentioned. The pacing was great, and viewpoint switching wasn't a problem for me! The biggest issue I had was the dialogue. All of it except for the end of pg. 8 was very clunky and hard to follow. I'm not going to tell you how to fix it because I have no clue, but it just wasn't working for me. Other than that, just try for a little more clarity in general. Other than that it was great! Keep it up!