Puns Puns Puns and More Puns

[Khyrindor he/him]

As I suspected, someone's been adding dirt to my garden. The plot thickens...

[Caesura she/her]

[Jondesu he/him]

Unbidden, this pops into my mind:

Make like a Herdazian and be gon!

[Sunbird she/her]

I know our resident math enthusiasts @Chaos and @Darkness_ will enjoy this.

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

Ha, I enjoyed it. But on another tangent.

ME? A MATH ENTHUSIAST? GO STUFF YOURSELF @Sunchicken 

[Sunbird she/her]

2 minutes ago, Darkness_ said:

Ha, I enjoyed it. But on another tangent.

ME? A MATH ENTHUSIAST? GO STUFF YOURSELF @Sunchicken 

Hey, all's I know is you were offering to help someone with their Calc homework in another thread or the Discord.

Also, stuffing myself may result in a turducken. o.0

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

4 minutes ago, Sunchicken said:

Hey, all's I know is you were offering to help someone with their Calc homework in another thread or the Discord.

Also, stuffing myself may result in a turducken. o.0

I had no idea it was Calc homework.

@SteeldancerBTW don't ask me for help on Calc.

And a turducken would make a good turban.

[GeneralHZRD he/him]

Don't play poker with a master of origami, they're always folding.

Someone once showed me a whiteboard, it's remarkable.

I'm going to start a business selling prosthetic tails, it'll be a retail store.

I was fishing once and making fish puns at the same time, I felt like I was floundering.

I think that last pun fell flat. (Yay for obscure fishing puns!)

Last one, this is a long one...

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears: 
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... 
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. 
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... 
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him. 
FASTER... FASTER... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.... 
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping. 
clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... 
on his heels, as the terrified man runs. 
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. 
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. 
Bumping and clapping toward him. 
The man screams and reaches for something, anything...
All he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the coffin ...
...and...just like that,
...the coffin stops.

[The Invested Beard]

[Shqueeves]

On 10/24/2017 at 0:47 AM, Sunchicken said:

I know our resident math enthusiasts @Chaos and @Darkness_ will enjoy this.

This is beautiful.

[Draginon he/him]

Here's one that my mom thought was actually funny. Two of her tires needed to get repaired. One got nailed, the other screwed. In other words she has a hooker car ... I'll see myself out.

[thegatorgirl00 she/her]

I'm taking accounting this year. It really is accrual class. 

[The Invested Beard]

2 hours ago, thegatorgirl00 said:

I'm taking accounting this year. It really is accrual class. 

Figures.

[Sunbird she/her]

May I introduce... KYLO WREN:

[Sunbird she/her]

I hope it's okay for me to double post since it's been almost a week since there was any activity in this thread...

Someone posted this in one of my Facebook groups:

An English landlady was dating 2 of her tenants, both of them playwrights. She could not determine which of them to marry; so she decided to let fate decide. She baked 5 of her famous flat wheatcakes but put poison in one of them. She would marry the survivor. However, the two playwrights twisted fate when they split the last one, the poisoned one, between them.... The police arrested her for killing two bards with one scone.

[Guest]

How does Odium like his meat? Braized.

I'll take my leave now.

[+Extesian he/him]

11 minutes ago, SLNC said:

How does Odium like his meat? Braized.

I'll take my leave now.

How does shallan like her meat?

Mraized.

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, Extesian said:

How does shallan like her meat?

Mraized.

Phrasing...

[The Invested Beard]

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, 'First offender?' She says, 'No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!

[Draginon he/him]

Because of all his lounging Lightsong shall henceforth be known as Heavysong.

[Allomancy she/her]

If you take off a mask then you have defaced yourself.

[Sunbird she/her]

Got this one from a friend.

Q: What do you call a small, quick bird that makes clothes for other birds?

A: A Tailor Swift!

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

On 29/11/2017 at 5:03 PM, Ookla the Ornithophilic said:

Got this one from a friend.

Q: What do you call a small, quick bird that makes clothes for other birds?

A: A Tailor Swift!

I know where you got that  

[Mulk he/him]

I took my oldest son with me to get a buffalo burger. You get your choice of cheese and toppings, so I asked him what kind of cheese he wanted. (sidebar - he's autistic and doesn't always like to speak for himself or place his own order) He said he wanted cheddar, cause it's cheddar that way.

I grinned like I was the one who made the pun. Yep, this is my son.  He's know for them at his high school.  It's hilarious and awesome.

[Silverblade5 he/him]

35 minutes ago, Ookla the Mulkfather said:

I took my oldest son with me to get a buffalo burger. You get your choice of cheese and toppings, so I asked him what kind of cheese he wanted. (sidebar - he's autistic and doesn't always like to speak for himself or place his own order) He said he wanted cheddar, cause it's cheddar that way.

I grinned like I was the one who made the pun. Yep, this is my son.  He's know for them at his high school.  It's hilarious and awesome.

Cheddar make it better !