Puns Puns Puns and More Puns

[Nashan’Elin he/him]

I read a bunch of these to my friends today...

They thought they were pun-derful!

[WizzyLizzy she/her]

I have found my people.

 

so lately they've been coming out with glass coffins. The future of them remains to be seen.

 

Draw line on the floor.

lift that line.

now you have yourself a pickup line

 

Everytime I say a pun all my friends groan. So that happens every 10 minutes on average.

Edited January 31, 2017 by WizzyLizzy

[Jondesu he/him]

I can cut down a tree just by looking at it.

It's true! I saw it with my own eyes.

[Caesura she/her]

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending. 

 

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean.

[Exalted]

1 hour ago, Caesura said:

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending. 

I heard a five-minute-long buildup once into "a Khondiss-ending khan dissenting condor-sending condescending con descending", except I'm not doing it justice because it was about twice as long as that.

It was amazing. And terrible. But amazing.

[Sunbird she/her]

You guys want some seriously groan-worthy puns with super complicated buildups? Check out the comic strip Pearls Before Swine.

Spoiler

 

 

[A Budgie she/her]

39 minutes ago, Sunbird said:

You guys want some seriously groan-worthy puns with super complicated buildups? Check out the comic strip Pearls Before Swine.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

My math teach did a similar joke the other day when calling the role...there's a boy in our class called 'argen' (actually slightly different, but that's how the teacher pronounced it) and he told him 'not to cry for him.'

[Sunbird she/her]

I confess that I didn't make this, but it made me laugh, so here:

A play on this meme:

Spoiler

 

[Clockwork he/him]

You could say David Charleston has epic research

Or some visual puns (spoilered for size):

 

I guess I'm just gimping along with these.

Edited February 25, 2017 by Clockwork
Photos failed to load correctly.

[StrikerEZ he/him]

@Clockwork

Those first two are funny, but I don't get the last one. It's probably really obvious, but it's late and I'm tired.

[Clockwork he/him]

The last one is hard. Few people get it.

[Sunbird she/her]

@Clockwork Please explain the third one? The first one was easy and I think I've figured out the second one, but the last still has me baffled...

In other news, I started cackling like a madwoman when I saw this:

[☫Kelsier☫ he/him]

I have nine pet dogs…

But I hope to have TenSoon!

 

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

2 minutes ago, ☫Kelsier☫ said:

I have nine pet dogs…

But I hope to have TenSoon!

 

Ah, that was amazing!

[Sunbird she/her]

I have discovered an itch to make Gordon Ramsay memes... So here are two:

Spoiler

 

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

2 minutes ago, Sunbird said:

I have discovered an itch to make Gordon Ramsay memes... So here are two:

  Hide contents

 

They were so bad I accidentally down-voted them  

Last one's a rare medium well done.

[☫Kelsier☫ he/him]

One does not simply

Lie in bed for 'Five Mins'

or

One does not simply

eat 'one' chip

[Elenion he/him]

 On the topic of Gordon Ramsay memes, I saw one one time that said,

 You sent up so much smoke that Rohan is riding to our aid!

[Clockwork he/him]

On 3/6/2017 at 1:36 AM, Sunbird said:

@Clockwork Please explain the third one? The first one was easy and I think I've figured out the second one, but the last still has me baffled...

A catfish

Clockwork

and a...

Fur-row

[Silverblade5 he/him]

This joke isn't current. I'm resisting its potential to induct a reaction from me. It's used all it's capacity.

[+Extesian he/him]

4 hours ago, Clockwork said:

 

  Hide contents

A catfish

Clockwork

and a...

Fur-row

 

 

I way overthought the third one. I was trying to connect row 16, hair and 'is hard' to make s'hard 16 rows-hair (Shard 16 is on Roshar).

And @Silverblade5, that was pretty exciting. I'm alternating between being direct or charging you with reckless use of an electronic medium. OHMygod Watt have you done.

Edited March 9, 2017 by Extesian

[Silverblade5 he/him]

@ExtesianI have forced the forum to become energized, and sodered a logical chain of events.

[+Extesian he/him]

5 minutes ago, Silverblade5 said:

@ExtesianI have forced the forum to become energized, and sodered a logical chain of events.

I-on to you. I was positive I'd be reVolted but instead I'm impressed with your ability to take a static forum and rAmp it up to something with more potential.

[Silverblade5 he/him]

Just now, Extesian said:

I-on to you. I was positive I'd be reVolted but instead I'm impressed with your ability to take a static forum and rAmp it up to something with more potential.

Indeed. Charging this forum has been endlessly amusing. I am proud to have conducted this. I had no idea it had the potential to go this farrad

[Exalted]

3 hours ago, Silverblade5 said:

Indeed. Charging this forum has been endlessly amusing. I am proud to have conducted this. I had no idea it had the potential to go this farrad

Behold, the power of electricity jokes. They're a real joule of the pun world. (Yes, I know joules are work, not power, but I couldn't resist it.)

Edited March 9, 2017 by Exalted Dungeon Master