Puns Puns Puns and More Puns

[Aon tEhe]

Have you ever seen a picture of Helen Keller's dad...? No? That's ok, neither has she.

 

Going vegetarian is a missed steak.

 

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

 

Three guys are in a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them. They toss one out, and the entire boat becomes one cigarette lighter.

 

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my Word.

Man, I can't how bad these puns are...

I'm sorry...

Edited November 14, 2016 by Aon tEhe
spelling

[Jondesu he/him]

Can a ninja throw a star?

Sure-he-can.

手裏剣

Edited November 17, 2016 by Jondesu

[Elenion he/him]

1 hour ago, Jondesu said:

Can a ninja throw a star?

Sure-he-can.

*groans* Now that one was just bad.

 

What do you call it when a ballerina falls into a lake?      A pirou-WET!

[Sunbird she/her]

Today in the library I passed a guy wearing a sweater patterned with # symbols and I had to stop myself from telling him he looked sharp today.

True story.

[Silverblade5 he/him]

In Juneau, Alaska, there's a library built on top of a parking garage. They call it higher learning.

[Zathoth]

4 hours ago, Ookla the Flighty said:

Today in the library I passed a guy wearing a sweater patterned with # symbols and I had to stop myself from telling him he looked sharp today.

True story.

Im not sure if Im more frustrated at the pun or that you didnt say it.

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

Harry held an oak wood wand

He almost died a few times

[Silverblade5 he/him]

You need to be thinking logically to be able to design a digital circuit. 

[Mestiv he/him]

1 hour ago, Silverblade5 said:

You need to be thinking logically to be able to design a digital circuit. 

That's a nerdy one, have an upvote ^^

[Silverblade5 he/him]

22 hours ago, Mestiv said:

That's a nerdy one, have an upvote ^^

While on the subject of nerdy jokes no one gets: 2B or Not 2B

[Sunbird she/her]

1 hour ago, Silverblade5 said:

While on the subject of nerdy jokes no one gets: 2B or Not 2B

If you're a prince of Denmark, Not 2B. If you're taking a bubble-sheet test, 2B.

[marsoupial they/them]

5 hours ago, Silverblade5 said:

While on the subject of nerdy jokes no one gets: 2B or Not 2B

Sherlock Holmlet

Something is afoul in the state of London, England

[Sunbird she/her]

One of my female friends got engaged to a guy with the last name Sherwood, and I said if they have a son, they should name him Forest so that in alphabetized lists, his entry will read "Sherwood, Forest."

[Straw he/him]

A Spanish magician said that he would disappear on the count of three, he said,"Ono, dos.." And disappeared without a tres.

[Sallin Zeras he/him]

Odium: I love you, Tanavast!

Honor: What? You're supposed to hate, Rayse

Odium: Oh my Adonalsium! That was Shardcasm, Tanavast!

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

What do you call someone who takes the shard of Odium? Raysed

I once did a theatrical performace using that pun. It was a play on words

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it

[Straw he/him]

My friend tried to cheat when we were bird watching so I told him that toucan play at that game.

[JUQ he/him]

How do we know tennis was played in the bible?
Joseph served in Pharaoh's court

I'll leave now.

[DarkJester]

X.x Seriously guys... All of the bad puns on this site have corrupted me. I am completely serious when I say this. The wind was blowing hard here today. My wife looked up and saw some birds flying, and she said to me, "I wander how they can fly into the wind so easily." It was at this point that I smirked, adjusted my glasses and said to her, "I don't know. I guess they're just... Sparrowdinamic!" Yeah... She hit me... I swear. You guys and your cookie puns have Ruined me...

[Assassin in Burgundy he/him]

How do you splinter a Shard? You ERayse them. 

[StrikerEZ he/him]

Two men walk into a bar. The first, one being a chemist, says, "I'll have some H20, please." The bartender gives him H2O. The second man, trying to act cool, says, "I'll have some H2O, too." The bartender gives him H2O as well, because he's not a murderous bartender that just so happens to have H2O2 handy. 

I wish I could do subscript, instead of having to write it out like that. 

Edited January 12, 2017 by StrikerEZ

[Sunbird she/her]

7 hours ago, DarkJester said:

X.x Seriously guys... All of the bad puns on this site have corrupted me. I am completely serious when I say this. The wind was blowing hard here today. My wife looked up and saw some birds flying, and she said to me, "I wander how they can fly into the wind so easily." It was at this point that I smirked, adjusted my glasses and said to her, "I don't know. I guess they're just... Sparrowdinamic!" Yeah... She hit me... I swear. You guys and your cookie puns have Ruined me...

XD As a bird enthusiast, I LOVE this pun. I'll have to share it with my birder friends!

[Exalted]

Just thought I'd leave these here... (There are plenty more, but I figured three was enough.)

[Sunbird she/her]

[A Budgie she/her]

So, the other day I came up with ten new puns and decided to try out these puns on my friends, to see if any of the puns got a laugh.
No pun in ten did. 

What did the door say when his baby girl was born?
You're my door-ter.

Okay, that's enough of that...