The Official Thread of Relationships

[Silverblade5 he/him]

The friend that I've been posting recently asked if I wanted to go out today. I said yes.

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

8 hours ago, Silverblade5 said:

The friend that I've been posting recently asked if I wanted to go out today. I said yes.

Huzzah! We're all happy for you two.

[marsoupial they/them]

3 hours ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

Huzzah! We're all happy for you two.

Agreed!

[marsoupial they/them]

1 hour ago, Cognizantastic said:

I just had an hour-long conversation about the intricacies of meme culture with the girl I've mentioned before. 

"I'm so into meme culture. I honestly love memes."

— Her

Goddamnation is she cute.

Need me a freak like that.

[The Honor Spren she/her]

I've been seriously considering emailing the guy I had a crush on back in Florida and telling him how I felt/still sort of feel. 

But would that be creepy? He never actually gave me his email. I just ended up with it when we both helped plan our stake's youth conference. And I he might have thought I was annoying? I mean, he would ask me to dance at most of the youth dances, but I still have been told by other people that I can be annoying and he might have seen me that way, but was being nice. Plus he was the kind of guy who asked someone to dance every slow song. Also he's 3 years older than me. 

I really need to get over him . . .

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

7 minutes ago, The Honor Spren said:

I've been seriously considering emailing the guy I had a crush on back in Florida and telling him how I felt/still sort of feel. 

But would that be creepy? He never actually gave me his email. I just ended up with it when we both helped plan our stake's youth conference. And I he might have thought I was annoying? I mean, he would ask me to dance at most of the youth dances, but I still have been told by other people that I can be annoying and he might have seen me that way, but was being nice. Plus he was the kind of guy who asked someone to dance every slow song. Also he's 3 years older than me. 

I really need to get over him . . .

If he knows you have his email, then it's up to you. If he doesn't know you have it, don't email him. 

So far as the actual question goes….my gut says go for it, what do you have to lose? 

[marsoupial they/them]

8 hours ago, The Honor Spren said:

I've been seriously considering emailing the guy I had a crush on back in Florida and telling him how I felt/still sort of feel. 

But would that be creepy? He never actually gave me his email. I just ended up with it when we both helped plan our stake's youth conference. And I he might have thought I was annoying? I mean, he would ask me to dance at most of the youth dances, but I still have been told by other people that I can be annoying and he might have seen me that way, but was being nice. Plus he was the kind of guy who asked someone to dance every slow song. Also he's 3 years older than me. 

I really need to get over him . . .

Would you two be in close contact? Like, would it be a long-distance sort of deal?

[The Honor Spren she/her]

2 hours ago, bleeder said:

Would you two be in close contact? Like, would it be a long-distance sort of deal?

I'm pretty sure it would just be a "hey, I had a huge crush on you, do what you want with that information" type thing.

10 hours ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

If he knows you have his email, then it's up to you. If he doesn't know you have it, don't email him. 

So far as the actual question goes….my gut says go for it, what do you have to lose? 

I have no idea if he knows I have it. We were just part of a group email and now it's on my contacts.

[Delightful]

3 minutes ago, The Honor Spren said:

I'm pretty sure it would just be a "hey, I had a huge crush on you, do what you want with that information" type thing.

I have no idea if he knows I have it. We were just part of a group email and now it's on my contacts.

You could start by explaining that? Doesn't sound at all like he finds you annoying. Doesn't mean he feels the same Wayne* you do; I don't know but doesn't sound like he dislikes you. Do a pro/con list?

*thanks autocorrect. 

[Silverblade5 he/him]

For dates, I was wondering: Random theater movie, or house Netflix binge?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

31 minutes ago, Silverblade5 said:

For dates, I was wondering: Random theater movie, or house Netflix binge?

Well, the phrase "Netflix and chill" has gotten kind of a shady reputation, so random theater movie might be better. Especially if it's your first date. 

[The Honor Spren she/her]

12 hours ago, Delightful said:

You could start by explaining that? Doesn't sound at all like he finds you annoying. Doesn't mean he feels the same Wayne* you do; I don't know but doesn't sound like he dislikes you. Do a pro/con list?

*thanks autocorrect. 

I did it.  

Sweet Stormfather, what have I done? But I guess I don't have anything to lose anyway. I'll tell you guys if he responds. 

[Delightful]

49 minutes ago, The Honor Spren said:

I did it.  

Sweet Stormfather, what have I done? But I guess I don't have anything to lose anyway. I'll tell you guys if he responds. 

Yay for bravery!!!! 

[Erunion he/him]

So I have a strange, kind of awkward situation. 

I volunteer at a bible camp in the summer as a cabin counselor for senior teens (ages 16-19). It is, in general, awesome. Last year I gave the history of middle earth to one of my campers, and since this is me giving the history of middle earth the tale lasted for around 3 days. On the first day, a girl camper joined in the listening to my story telling (we also had other interactions throughout the camp, as we were on the same team for the events). At the time I was concerned that she was crushing on me, but as I had a girlfriend at the time (and could bring it up) it wasn't a big deal.

This year, when I went back to camp, it quickly became apparent that this girl (who is now 18 and just graduated high school/started university) has a HUGE crush on me. She was finding excuses to talk to me, and then standing close to me in lines, started finding excuses to touch me, that kind of thing. This is obviously a problem, because irrespective of our age gap (I'm 23) I was in a position of authority and it would be completely inappropriate to engage with a girl who is partly under my authority.
At the time, I went to her counselor and to my supervisor and let them know what was going on; the counselor agreed to talk to her about appropriate behaviour and run interference if she ever tried to get too close/etc. However, I was asked not to cut the girl off completely as she was having an emotionally difficult time at home, and I was a friend to her and provided some degree of stability/etc. (And I do get along with her quite well, and consider her a friend).

Since camp, she's been away at a university (away from the region where I am, her family/etc.) 
She's been contacting me through Facebook, and I've chatted with her (again, I consider her a friend, and enjoy geeking out with her - trying to get her interested in Sanderson's books/etc.), but I don't initiate contact and I try to keep things from getting to personal. 
The problem is this; she's back in town for a week and would like to meet up and talk in person. I don't think meeting up with her 1 on 1 would be appropriate, for two reasons. Firstly, because of the age gap/the fact that in all of our interactions in person I've been in a position of authority. Secondly, I am not interested in her romantically and do not want her to fall in love with me, nor do I want to lead her on under false pretenses or with a false expectation. 

(Just for clarification, she is pretty, interesting, and we have many shared interests. However, I am not interested in her romantically for two reasons; firstly and primarily because I have mentally put her in a box - she is both 5 years younger than me and when we were interacting I was in a position of authority: any romantic inclinations would be completely inappropriate so I intentionally and actively do not think of any campers in that way when I am a camp counselor. Secondly, even were it not for that, I am romantically interested in someone else at this time - and even there I am not planning on doing anything about it in the near future as I am far too busy with my last year of University).

I don't think we should meet up, and I want to let her know that, but I also don't want to crush her emotionally or make her feel extremely awkward. Not sure how I can do that, and make it clear that I'm not interested in her romantically, without hurting her and making it seem that I'm not interested in her in a platonic manner. 
In the meantime, I told her I'm extremely busy with school (which is true) and that I likely wouldn't be able to meet up for that reason. While true, and while I could leave it at that, I'm concerned that it's a little dishonest and is merely passing the problem on to the next time she's in town. 

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

Meet with her next time, but make sure to make it clear you want to be just friends.

If she respects you, she will accept it.

Edited November 8, 2016 by Darkness Ascendant

[Magestar he/him]

I think, personally, it's best not to let it sit.  You'll probably have to deal with it eventually, and it's probably not healthy for her to see you that way.  Given time, it will probably go away, but I think that you, as an authority figure, and a person 5 years older, should probably tell her, in a kind way, that the relationship won't work, and why.

You can deal with it however you want, but leaving it hanging is probably not best for her, IMO.

[marsoupial they/them]

9 hours ago, Silverblade5 said:

For dates, I was wondering: Random theater movie, or house Netflix binge?

Movie. 

My first actual date was Star Wars VII, and that's pretty hard to top as a first date.

[Magestar he/him]

Just now, bleeder said:

My first actual date was Star Wars VII, and that's pretty hard to top as a first date.

I would also say movie.

Just not a horror movie.

Never bring a date to a horror movie.  

[marsoupial they/them]

Just now, Magestar said:

I would also say movie.

Just not a horror movie.

Never bring a date to a horror movie.  

Or Inferno. The book was better.

[Delightful]

I've heard to specifically take a date to a scary movie so they'll grab your hand O_o. 

@Erunion I think letting her know how you feel is important, and long term healthier for both of you.   The question of how exactly to do that is hard. Sounds like "I'm always here for you as a friend/(mentor?) but not romantically" is a good way to go given her family history. Brainstorming here, "it's not that you're unattractive or you're not heaps of fun to be around, you're a great friend, but I want us to stay just that. Good friends. Ok?"

type thing? 

Like maybe if you go into I'm much older and authority it might sound like you're making excuses? Or is that just the influence of bad teen romances I can't un-read talking here. 

[Zathoth]

3 hours ago, Magestar said:

I would also say movie.

Just not a horror movie.

Never bring a date to a horror movie.  

Unless, of course, they are into that.

[marsoupial they/them]

40 minutes ago, Cognizantastic said:

Her: Dude, I love the Nintendo Wii menu music.

Me: *sends video of people dancing ridiculously to it*

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Her: That was annoyingly funny. I hated myself for laughing.

She also listens to the Pikachu theme song, as I discovered when we were sharing music.

CAN SHE GET ANY CUTER?

Yesterday I learned the Mii Channel music on guitar. 

It'll rusting stick in your head.

Edited November 8, 2016 by bleeder

[Erunion he/him]

On 2016-11-08 at 6:09 AM, Delightful said:

I've heard to specifically take a date to a scary movie so they'll grab your hand O_o. 

@Erunion I think letting her know how you feel is important, and long term healthier for both of you.   The question of how exactly to do that is hard. Sounds like "I'm always here for you as a friend/(mentor?) but not romantically" is a good way to go given her family history. Brainstorming here, "it's not that you're unattractive or you're not heaps of fun to be around, you're a great friend, but I want us to stay just that. Good friends. Ok?"

type thing? 

Like maybe if you go into I'm much older and authority it might sound like you're making excuses? Or is that just the influence of bad teen romances I can't un-read talking here. 

 

Ended up with a three pronged attack, but in a super relaxed tone and with smileys. Mentioned that meeting up would seem too much like a date (and that camp counsellors dating campers after camp is super sketchy), made a joke, mentioned how I wouldn't want the girl I'm interested in to think I'm dating someone else (made a reference to said girl so that she would know it was someone I'd known for a while - AKA clearly not her), and then talked about how (as she knows I'm super busy, which I am) I wouldn't be able to commit the 1-2 hours to really chat about books/etc. that she deserved. 

 

Hopefully she understands, and isn't too hurt or broken hearted :/

Really, I'm hoping and praying that this is a passing crush and that she hasn't really fallen for me. Cuz I know how heartbreak feels, and it is the absolute worst. 

Far, far worse than any physical pain I've ever had to deal with  

[ParadoxicalZen he/him]

I question sometimes if i even feel 'love'

I mean, I have the desire for a relationship yet I also chafe at the idea and want to run a mile. My attention span is incredibly short so any company I do keep I usually tire of but I still want the company. I can talk to girls/women easily but struggle immensely to be seen in a romantic manner or as anything more than a brother/close friend (which is fine, as I regard most of my female friends similarly) but it gets a little grating and tiresome after a while. I guess...I just hate feeling lonely even though I know I'm not alone

Or maybe I'm just over thinking and my head needs a little shrinking and I'm just not cut out for basic human interactions

Edited November 13, 2016 by AnanasSpren

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

On 13/11/2016 at 1:03 PM, AnanasSpren said:

I guess...I just hate feeling lonely even though I know I'm not alone

Or maybe I'm just over thinking and my head needs a little shrinking and I'm just not cut out for basic human interactions

I hate feeling lonely when I know I'm not alone, at least in my head.