The Official Thread of Relationships

[Silverblade5 he/him]

So, I'm not as single as I thought I was. We talked, and identified our main problems [ primary one being I didn't make her a big enough priority ( primary evidence being she's always the one to text first)] Eventually, she decided she'd continue tolerating me, and I made a plan to make her a bigger priority. We're still together 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

22 minutes ago, Silverblade5 said:

So, I'm not as single as I thought I was. We talked, and identified our main problems [ primary one being I didn't make her a big enough priority ( primary evidence being she's always the one to text first)] Eventually, she decided she'd continue tolerating me, and I made a plan to make her a bigger priority. We're still together 

Tolerating you? If that's not a joke (and it could be; it's hard to tell humor online sometimes) then that's not a good sign. 

Also, just my opinion here, but I don't think you never texting first is necessarily evidence that you're not making her a priority. If one party doesn't text first, it could be because of shyness, or nerves, or a fear of saying something wrong, or a desire to make sure they aren't interrupting their partner at work. 

[Shqueeves]

24 minutes ago, Silverblade5 said:

So, I'm not as single as I thought I was. We talked, and identified our main problems [ primary one being I didn't make her a big enough priority ( primary evidence being she's always the one to text first)] Eventually, she decided she'd continue tolerating me, and I made a plan to make her a bigger priority. We're still together 

That's great! 

On 1/14/2017 at 10:47 PM, Assassin in Burgundy said:

If this were a fantasy novel, I'd say wait for your brother to be killed by an assassin with magical powers while you're away, then later find out that she wanted you, causing a massive amount of gossip at the warcamps I mean school, which is only overshadowed by the fact that your friend left you for dead somewhere. 

On second thought, maybe that isn't the best idea. Are there other social groups at school? If your friend group is the robotics team, then join something else. That'll just naturally build friendships. 

That's not the best idea

On 1/15/2017 at 0:58 AM, Erunion said:

@Shqueeves - find other hobbies/activities is a good start.

When getting to know someone, a 'hi! I'm so and so, what's your name?' Followed by a brief chat on what they do/etc. Add in a 'what are your hobbies/what do you do for fun' and see if there's any overlap with yours. If yes, expand on that and try to make a connection. 

I realize now that I didn't fully explain the situation at my school. At this school, we have cliques up the wazoo. It is nigh impossible to get to know someone who you have no mutual friends with. And as for finding other hobbies, also really hard; I'm at school until 2:20 (14:20) and then at robotics until 5. The rest of the day is spent doing homework/housework.

[Silverblade5 he/him]

5 hours ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Tolerating you? If that's not a joke (and it could be; it's hard to tell humor online sometimes) then that's not a good sign. 

Also, just my opinion here, but I don't think you never texting first is necessarily evidence that you're not making her a priority. If one party doesn't text first, it could be because of shyness, or nerves, or a fear of saying something wrong, or a desire to make sure they aren't interrupting their partner at work. 

It was a joke. It's  shortened for "tolerating how slow I am at picking up on things". Joke on my behalf, not hers. Self deprecating humor. Sorry I didn't communicate that better.

Edited January 18, 2017 by Silverblade5

[Erunion he/him]

18 hours ago, Silverblade5 said:

It was a joke. It's  shortened for "tolerating how slow I am at picking up on things". Joke on my behalf, not hers. Self deprecating humor. Sorry I didn't communicate that better.

That is much, much better. 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I felt like I had to say this, so I'll say it here, this being a relationships thread and all. 

I'm done being angry Twimom and Twidad. 

Maybe that's not the right way to put it. I know that there is still plenty of things they've done that made me angry, and that they'll probably do more fury-inducing things. I haven't forgotten those. I'm not naively pretending those things never happened. When I see them again, I know I'll need to protect myself from their manipulations, and I'm using my time away from them to come up with strategies for that. 

But I'm done hating them. I'm not going to dwell on the things they did to me. 

That isn't to say that being angry with them was entirely a bad thing. Anger allows us to see that some things are unfair, and that's what it did for me. You guys, everyone who helped me through the Twimom Saga, were instrumental in that. You allowed me to be angry. You let me vent. You responded to my rants with "Wow, your parents are toxic" instead of "Forgive and forget, that'll make you happy." I was caught in their spell at the time, a relentless spell of self-loathing and low confidence, and having a place where I was allowed to be angry, with people who supported me through my anger, was in large part what broke that spell. 

But I don't need that anger anymore. I'm on my own. I've gained more confidence than I thought possible. I don't quite yet know who TwiLyghtSansSparkles is, but I'm learning, and I know that Twimom and Twidad can't interfere with that. 

So I'm setting it aside. I'm moving on. I won't be making jabs at my parents anymore, and if I do, please call me on it. Because I don't want to be bitter at them. I want to be me, and if I continually tie my identity to being my parents' moral superior—which is what I've come to see I was doing—then I won't ever become my own person. And I know I won't like the person I'll become. 

So, please hold me accountable on this. You can do it in a silly way—something like "Won't somebody please think of the pugs??"—or a serious way—"Remember what you said in this post I'm linking you to now?"—but if you catch me hating on my parents, stop me. 

I let Anger out, I let him have his say, and now he's done his job. It's time to get back to normal, whatever normal may be.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

Contempt is a wonderful thing. It allows the disapproval of anger with the detachment of the realization that they are worth less than spit.

And the fun thing is, if you do contempt right, they will never know! Mwahaha!

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

9 minutes ago, Orlion Determined said:

Contempt is a wonderful thing. It allows the disapproval of anger with the detachment of the realization that they are worth less than spit.

And the fun thing is, if you do contempt right, they will never know! Mwahaha!

I didn't like what it was doing to me, though. Nurturing contempt was turning me into a contemptuous person, which isn't something I want to be. That's why I'm letting go: simple self-preservation. 

[marsoupial they/them]

Good on you, Twi. 

[Orlion Blight he/him]

22 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I didn't like what it was doing to me, though. Nurturing contempt was turning me into a contemptuous person, which isn't something I want to be. That's why I'm letting go: simple self-preservation. 

Not at all, you were nurturing hatred. Contempt requires no nurturing, for it cares not. (Sorry for the poor wording on this sentence, I am getting mind numbed at work)

One could say another word for contempt is enlightenment (particularly in the Buddhist sense). In my conception of contempt, if it's done right, there's no hate or degradation. You don't think yourself better or hate because it has no bearing on you.

Edited January 20, 2017 by Orlion Determined

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

7 minutes ago, Orlion Determined said:

Not at all, you were nurturing hatred. Contempt requires no nurturing, for it cares not. (Sorry for the poor wording on this sentence, I am getting mind numbed at work)

One could say another word for contempt is enlightenment (particularly in the Buddhist sense). In my conception of contempt, if it's done right, there's no hate or degradation. You don't think yourself better or hate because it has no bearing on you.

I'll have to familiarize myself with that definition; I was working from the "synonym for hatred" one. 

[Orlion Blight he/him]

47 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I'll have to familiarize myself with that definition; I was working from the "synonym for hatred" one. 

To be certain, contempt can very easily lead to be scornful of people. So I'll watch for hate and scorn of people from you

[ThirdGen]

@TwiLyghtSansSparkles Welcome to life.

[Delightful]

On 20 January 2017 at 4:57 PM, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I felt like I had to say this, so I'll say it here, this being a relationships thread and all. 

I'm done being angry Twimom and Twidad. 

Maybe that's not the right way to put it. I know that there is still plenty of things they've done that made me angry, and that they'll probably do more fury-inducing things. I haven't forgotten those. I'm not naively pretending those things never happened. When I see them again, I know I'll need to protect myself from their manipulations, and I'm using my time away from them to come up with strategies for that. 

But I'm done hating them. I'm not going to dwell on the things they did to me. 

That isn't to say that being angry with them was entirely a bad thing. Anger allows us to see that some things are unfair, and that's what it did for me. You guys, everyone who helped me through the Twimom Saga, were instrumental in that. You allowed me to be angry. You let me vent. You responded to my rants with "Wow, your parents are toxic" instead of "Forgive and forget, that'll make you happy." I was caught in their spell at the time, a relentless spell of self-loathing and low confidence, and having a place where I was allowed to be angry, with people who supported me through my anger, was in large part what broke that spell. 

But I don't need that anger anymore. I'm on my own. I've gained more confidence than I thought possible. I don't quite yet know who TwiLyghtSansSparkles is, but I'm learning, and I know that Twimom and Twidad can't interfere with that. 

So I'm setting it aside. I'm moving on. I won't be making jabs at my parents anymore, and if I do, please call me on it. Because I don't want to be bitter at them. I want to be me, and if I continually tie my identity to being my parents' moral superior—which is what I've come to see I was doing—then I won't ever become my own person. And I know I won't like the person I'll become. 

So, please hold me accountable on this. You can do it in a silly way—something like "Won't somebody please think of the pugs??"—or a serious way—"Remember what you said in this post I'm linking you to now?"—but if you catch me hating on my parents, stop me. 

I let Anger out, I let him have his say, and now he's done his job. It's time to get back to normal, whatever normal may be.

I'm so proud of you Twi. I'll keep an eye out to help you along for sure. I'm wishing you luck and strength!  

[Erunion he/him]

@TwiLyghtSansSparkles - Good for you. Holding on to anger, bitterness and resentment will eat a hole in your life and chip away at your personality. Defining yourself by them is even worse. 

Moving on, and moving past, is extremely healthy. Forgiveness is even better (but should never be entered into lightly or without caution, especially if the offender hasn't repented). 
Good for you.

[Ookla the Absent]

@TwiLyghtSansSparkles These the same issues you were talking about last time I was on here? 'cause if so, that was a saga of epic proportions... glad you chose to not be mad though.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

2 hours ago, Gargoyle said:

@TwiLyghtSansSparkles These the same issues you were talking about last time I was on here? 'cause if so, that was a saga of epic proportions... glad you chose to not be mad though.

Yep, same saga. 

[Erunion he/him]

@TwiLyghtSansSparkles - in light of a recent announcement, I'll add this. 
It's good that you're releasing your bitterness against your parents. 
Bitterness leads to anger. 
Anger leads to hate,

Hate... Leads to suffering. 

[Shqueeves]

To quote Tindwyl "No teenage girl is stable."

Why are girls so gosh-darn confusing? 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

38 minutes ago, Shqueeves said:

To quote Tindwyl "No teenage girl is stable."

Why are girls so gosh-darn confusing? 

Because the monster called Puberty is going full-on Joker on their brains—blow up a hospital here, threaten a newspaper reporter there, burn a pile of cash just for funsies. It takes them a while to adjust, but when they do, they'll be the hero you need.   

[Orlion Blight he/him]

1 hour ago, Shqueeves said:

To quote Tindwyl "No teenage girl is stable."

Why are girls so gosh-darn confusing? 

 

[Arraenae]

To be fair, teenage boys can also be confusing. Plus, it might not help in a relationship when you want something (ex: to go with someone to prom) and you've been told for a great deal of your life to be passive, be quiet, let the man take the lead, etc. Or maybe they thought it was as obvious as Awakening a sign with glittery letters to wave in your face, when in actuality the sign was waved so vigorously you couldn't read what it said.

[Shqueeves]

10 minutes ago, Arraenae said:

To be fair, teenage boys can also be confusing. Plus, it might not help in a relationship when you want something (ex: to go with someone to prom) and you've been told for a great deal of your life to be passive, be quiet, let the man take the lead, etc. Or maybe they thought it was as obvious as Awakening a sign with glittery letters to wave in your face, when in actuality the sign was waved so vigorously you couldn't read what it said.

The thing with teenage boys is that we're not the brightest. We don't understand subtlety. The best way to inform one is just to say it. Otherwise, we tend not to get the message. We are simple creatures. And, we (or at the very least, I) find it to be refreshing when a girl asks us out

[Arraenae]

Heh, that's good to know. I'll keep that in mind.

[Shqueeves]

7 minutes ago, Arraenae said:

Heh, that's good to know. I'll keep that in mind.

Glad I could help