Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[Darkness Ascendant]

...my Syls heh @Tristan. 

6 hours ago, Jondesu said:

Don't do it, man.  There's lots of people who care about you and would be hurt by you being gone.  I've been at that point before, and knowing that is what brought me back. It's not just an escape for you, though I completely understand that.  It's crushing for those that care about you.

To tell the truth no-one in real life would care, sure, my "friends" would probably be a little confused and rust, but honestly, they probably will know the reason why, being dicks to me all the time and all. Family would be confused and angry, they don't understand anything. *shrug. Only people who would genuinely care are all from this site. Well. I guess my mother would be heartbroken, but eh

6 hours ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Things do get better. Trust me, I was suicidal on and off for years, and now I'm on my own, and things are a thousand times better. It's not always easy, but it is good. If you don't stick around, you'll never know what good things you'll miss out on. You'll never get the thrill of striking out on your own, full of optimism and trepidation. You'll never get the satisfaction of looking at your first paycheck, knowing you earned it and it's yours. You'll never feel the joy of walking out with your first pet, feeling as though your heart will burst as he curls up in your arms, or when he wants to sleep as close to you as possible. You'll never discover another new song that makes you want to spread your arms and sing it to the wind. You'll never discover another new talent that makes you feel as though you've found your place in the world. You might not have to walk through the pain you're going through now, but you'll also never see the joy waiting on the other side. 

Storm you  Had to bring up the pet thing eh? 

*sigh all of that would seem so nice, but well, I always, on the rare instances that I have dreams, I get nightmares about the future, and bleargh, it don't look good. 
Thank you for that however, It means alot 

8 hours ago, Left said:

  Hide contents

I was suicidal several years ago. I had some severe acute depression, and a triggering event that made me terrified of going through anymore pain and really pushed me to the edge. I know that people intervening in your life and mental health is Crazy scary and anxiety causing and every kind of negative emotion, all at full throttle. All of the unkowns are scary, especially because people around us aren't perfect.
But, when my dad took me to some meetings and stuff, it Wasn't actually that bad. The person was very calm and kind and not only did I go back to my previous level of less risky depression, after a year I started getting far healthier. 

Every year I've gotten better and better, and I've found SO much in life to enjoy. 

I know that it's hard man, but just keep going. It gets better. 

 

The problem with the meetings is that well...my parents are doctors too, and anything that they say is going to have a higher regard than anything I say. And the way they are going on about the meetings is very daunting. Sincerely the best way to treat me is to leave me on my own and give me alot of space.

And well, dad's now attempting to stop me from accessing the shard as well as my mates on discord.

[A Budgie]

@Darkness Ascendant *hugs*
I'm sorry to hear all of that. Just...good luck I suppose.

[Pinnacle-Ferring]

19 hours ago, Silverblade5 said:

Ended up burning myself on a soldering iron today. The blistering is suggesting a 2nd degree burn. Strange thing is, about 5 seconds after losing contact with the iron, it didn't hurt that much.

Funny. That's exactly what my recent burn was like.

[Sunbird]

DA posted this on Discord last night:

I am still very worried.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

5 minutes ago, Sunbird said:

DA posted this on Discord last night:

I am still very worried.

I'd say it's time to get the police involved, or CPS at least.  

[Delightful]

56 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I'd say it's time to get the police involved, or CPS at least.  

@Darkness Ascendant if you need it  http://www.community.nsw.gov.au/preventing-child-abuse-and-neglect/resources-for-mandatory-reporters/how-to-make-a-report

(might be a good idea to nose around the website so at the very least you'll be armed with info and know what your worst-case fallback options are. )

do you have the kids help line? 

Edited April 9, 2017 by Delightful

[Delightful]

Pesach tomorrow. Lots of stress. Had a huge argument with my roommate who is just weird and blames her insecurities on me and I might post more about that if I have energy later but right now I feel shitty about aaalmost everything and I need hugs and assurances that I'm not a terrible selfish lazy person. 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

@Delightful You're not a terrible selfish lazy person. You're a person in a stressful situation who is having to deal with another person in a stressful situation, and this other person seems to handle the same stressful situation badly. You're fine. Pesach will start soon, and you'll be prepared to enjoy the holiday.  

[A Budgie]

@Delightful that sounds bad...*hugs*
And you're a good person! You're not selfish at all; just look at how you reacted to DA's message. A terrible, selfish lazy person wouldn't want to help. You're a good budgie. You're all good budgies.

[Sunbird]

1 hour ago, A Budgie said:

@Delightful that sounds bad...*hugs*
And you're a good person! You're not selfish at all; just look at how you reacted to DA's message. A terrible, selfish lazy person wouldn't want to help. You're a good budgie. You're all good budgies.

New favorite compliment: "You're a good budgie."

[Darkness Ascendant]

@Delightful Ditto everyone else, that response really warmed me up  You are definitely not selfish, or lazy and the mere fact you are here for me just shows how well, not terrible. At all.

*hugs* 

Yes you're a very good budgie.

(and none of you call the coppers ya hear me?)

 

[A Budgie]

I often call my friends good budgies, or bad budgies, or at one point medicorce budgies.
Or potatoes.

[Staphylococcus]

I came home from a histology lab, look like a first grader after an art class (because who wears gloves, right???) and I'm just sooo hungry because noone thought about giving us a lunch break!

Can I have a cookie instead of a hug? Or both? Or a pizza?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

I'm legit not feeling well. I started feeling bad yesterday, and now I'm feeling worse. Staying home is the best thing I can do for not just myself, but my coworkers.

I've worked for the library just over a year at this point, and this is the first sick day I've taken. I have more than enough sick leave to cover this one shift.

I'm going to stay home and recover, not go out and party. 

The manager I spoke to expressed no doubt that I was actually ill. 

So why do I feel so guilty? 

[The Sovereign]

7 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I'm legit not feeling well. I started feeling bad yesterday, and now I'm feeling worse. Staying home is the best thing I can do for not just myself, but my coworkers.

I've worked for the library just over a year at this point, and this is the first sick day I've taken. I have more than enough sick leave to cover this one shift.

I'm going to stay home and recover, not go out and party. 

The manager I spoke to expressed no doubt that I was actually ill. 

So why do I feel so guilty? 

You are preaching to the choir on this one, I have taken 3 sick days since 2012 (2 of which I was sick in the hospital for). Each time I feel terrible because I hate giving other people more work to do. Just always fall back on that staying home when you are actually sick is actually best for you and your coworkers.

[Claincy]

1 hour ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I'm legit not feeling well. I started feeling bad yesterday, and now I'm feeling worse. Staying home is the best thing I can do for not just myself, but my coworkers.

I've worked for the library just over a year at this point, and this is the first sick day I've taken. I have more than enough sick leave to cover this one shift.

I'm going to stay home and recover, not go out and party. 

The manager I spoke to expressed no doubt that I was actually ill. 

So why do I feel so guilty? 

Because you hate the idea of letting people down?

Which is a great trait so long as it doesn't prevent you from taking care of yourself or it makes you feel down on yourself. When you aren't up to working taking the day off is certainly the right move.

 

Unfortunately I haven't found that feeling of guilt leaving over time. I still feel like I'm letting people down when I'm not up to going in to work on a day, particularly when I have to postpone meetings as a result. (Incidentally, I had to do so today ) Fortunately for me my work hours are extremely flexible, most of my work I can do from home & the people I work with are very understanding and accepting of my health issues.

[Darkness Ascendant]

So it's my dad's birthday today.

and I'm expected to show up downstairs and wish him a good one... 

my soul is damned enough already

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

6 minutes ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

So it's my dad's birthday today.

and I'm expected to show up downstairs and wish him a good one... 

my soul is damned enough already

You could always get him this card. 

Spoiler

 

[Darkness Ascendant]

Just now, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

You could always get him this card. 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

I saw one that said. "You bring out the sarcasm in me"

[Darkness Ascendant]

I just had one of the worst days of my life. Woke up depressed af, only got to talk to you and some others for a short period of time like some sort of way to psyche myself up for the day. Then im forced to go downstairs and wish my dad a happy birthday and sit next to him and smile like everything is alright. All the while as everyone is laughing and taunting me. I don't even know who's side my mother is on now, in secret she tells me she doesn't like seeing me depressed and introverted but then in the same breath she'll agree with my father and say that they don't care about me >>. And my sisters are telling me to commit suicide and crap and going on about how I won't be missed and just being little pricks in general. And I hate myself for allowing my mother to hand-feed me some cake as everyone is laughing and crap. I go upstairs finally and just wallow in my misery, half-listening to the voices of my family as they discuss me in the living room. Demonising me and just *sigh. Then my mother comes upstairs and says I need to go downstairs and apologize to everyone, because of course *I'm at fault*. And I refuse to do so and then she sorta looks at me sadly like "that was your only way out kiddo, you chose the hard road". And then I just sit there for a couple more hours and then force myself to do something productive. I do some math crap for a while and just lose myself in the tediousness of it all, then I try to draw but everything looks crap to me and I just want to die. Finally I make myself go downstairs and eat something; I have never been feeling in the best of physical health lately, like, right now I feel all congested and mucousy and my throat is hoarse and raw, and I have a migraine and as per usual my thyroid was on and off. And as I'm trying to eat, I'm getting shamed by my family and called a fat rust and crap... so I go upstairs and woweee why not? I get back into a bad habit of mine...(when I was younger and I couldn't cope with anything I used to gnaw at the backs of my fingers and tear the skin off and crap). And we'll, my fingers were a bloody mess heh. Anyway, I feel strangely better then, so I read some Tolkien and write up more notes on my magic system and develop a system for SE. Then I try to draw some more and I do two self-portraits which I reckon look alright (save for the face on the second one...a lil off heh). And we'll, past half hour I've just been hugging my pillow trembling. Then mum got home just now and I can finally use her phone and talk with you all! Thank god.

*sigh 

sorry for the rant bleh

*dollhouse starts playing heh

Edited April 12, 2017 by Darkness Ascendant

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

35 minutes ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

I just had one of the worst days of my life. Woke up depressed af, only got to talk to you and some others for a short period of time like some sort of way to psyche myself up for the day. Then im forced to go downstairs and wish my dad a happy birthday and sit next to him and smile like everything is alright. All the while as everyone is laughing and taunting me. I don't even know who's side my mother is on now, in secret she tells me she doesn't like seeing me depressed and introverted but then in the same breath she'll agree with my father and say that they don't care about me >>. And my sisters are telling me to commit suicide and crap and going on about how I won't be missed and just being little pricks in general. And I hate myself for allowing my mother to hand-feed me some cake as everyone is laughing and crap. I go upstairs finally and just wallow in my misery, half-listening to the voices of my family as they discuss me in the living room. Demonising me and just *sigh. Then my mother comes upstairs and says I need to go downstairs and apologize to everyone, because of course *I'm at fault*. And I refuse to do so and then she sorta looks at me sadly like "that was your only way out kiddo, you chose the hard road". And then I just sit there for a couple more hours and then force myself to do something productive. I do some math crap for a while and just lose myself in the tediousness of it all, then I try to draw but everything looks crap to me and I just want to die. Finally I make myself go downstairs and eat something; I have never been feeling in the best of physical health lately, like, right now I feel all congested and mucousy and my throat is hoarse and raw, and I have a migraine and as per usual my thyroid was on and off. And as I'm trying to eat, I'm getting shamed by my family and called a fat rust and crap... so I go upstairs and woweee why not? I get back into a bad habit of mine...(when I was younger and I couldn't cope with anything I used to gnaw at the backs of my fingers and tear the skin off and crap). And we'll, my fingers were a bloody mess heh. Anyway, I feel strangely better then, so I read some Tolkien and write up more notes on my magic system and develop a system for SE. Then I try to draw some more and I do two self-portraits which I reckon look alright (save for the face on the second one...a lil off heh). And we'll, past half hour I've just been hugging my pillow trembling. Then mum got home just now and I can finally use her phone and talk with you all! Thank god.

*sigh 

sorry for the rant bleh

*dollhouse starts playing heh

That sounds awful.  *hugs*

If music would help, here's my go-to "the world sucks and I hate it" song (language warning):

Spoiler

 

 

[Darkness Ascendant]

@TwiLyghtSansSparklesI would if I could *sigh

and thank you

Edited April 12, 2017 by Darkness Ascendant

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Just now, Darkness Ascendant said:

@TwiLyghtSansSparklesI would if I could *sigh

Ah, no headphones? 

I'm almost tempted to tell you to just blare MCR at top volume, just to see how your dad reacts. But I know that'd make things worse, so…. *more hugs*

[Darkness Ascendant]

3 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Ah, no headphones? 

I'm almost tempted to tell you to just blare MCR at top volume, just to see how your dad reacts. But I know that'd make things worse, so…. *more hugs*

*chuckles 

that and yeah my dad hates music. 

Thanks *hugs back

[Jondesu]

Storms that sounds awful, DA.  Sorry, man, and hang in there.  It really does sound like a terrible situation, but you can break free of them. It'll just take time. At least you're very aware of what's going on and that it's wrong, which is a huge step towards escaping and avoiding becoming like that yourself.  You got this, man.